Apr 23 2009Jessica Biel is nothing more than a pawn
In case you guys haven't heard the most pressing news of the day, Justin Timberlake totally kissed Jessica Biel at the Lakers game the other night. No, really, Jenny Slater told me in science class and I wrote it on my Trapper Keeper. OK! Magazine reports:
On last night's Jimmy Kimmel Live!, JT admits his reasoning behind his huge display of PDA at the Lakers game Tuesday night was more about pride than romance.
"I have to clarify that one. We're not that much of exhibitionists in front of 18,000 people," he says. "They do the 'kiss me' cam, and they were playing Sonny and Cher's "I Got You Babe," and we were watching all these kind of elderly people kiss, and it got kind of weird there for awhile, I'm not gonna lie; but it was endearing. And then they cut to Dustin Hoffman and his wife, and he planted an open-mouth kiss on her and it was kind of award-winning in its own way. And then they cut to us and I was not to be outdone. So, yeah. So I mounted my girlfriend in front of 18,000 people."
Oh, I get it. You mount Jessica Biel to show off in front of a basketball stadium full of people, not for romantic reasons like you're bombed out on Budweiser and it's your birthday. See, ladies? All the money in the world can't teach you how to love. Which is exactly why I let you pay when we go out on dates. I'm broke because I care. *tear*
Video after the jump.
Mar 8 2009Sarah Silverman ditches Jimmy Kimmel. For real this time.
Sarah Silverman has made a conscious decision to stop crying after sex and broke things off with Jimmy Kimmel, according to Us Magazine:
"Sarah initiated the split this time," the source tells Us. "He's bummed."
This breakup happened within the last two weeks.
"He's really blue -- very down," another source tells Us. "Seems like it's over for good this time. He's sad because he just bought a new place and now has nobody to share it with."
No one can be entirely shocked by this news. I mean, ladies, look at Jimmy Kimmel. Would you let this man have sex with you? No, of course not. Now, guys, look at Sarah Silverman. Would you have sex with her? Yes, of course you would. Because let's face it, we'd probably put our penis in an electrical outlet if the thought ever occurred to us. .... *ZAP*
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Oct 7 2008Sarah Silverman & Jimmy Kimmel realize they can't do any better
Sarah Silverman and Jimmy Kimmel have reunited after getting chased out of their respective villages with torches, People reports:
"They're taking it slow," says a source. "They're on the road back to being together again."
The comedians, who ended their five-year relationship in July, have recently been spotted on dates on both coasts.
So, to paraphrase: Two people started having really hairy sex again.
Jul 14 2008Sarah Silverman decides five years of pity sex is enough for Jimmy Kimmel
Sarah Silverman and Jimmy Kimmel have officially split, according to Vanity Fair.com:
Kimmel’s rep Lewis Kay and Silverman’s rep Amy Zvi both confirmed that Jimmy and Sarah are no longer dating and issued a joint statement that “Jimmy and Sarah have and will have no further comment.”
The two dated for roughly five years in a situation that left many wondering "Is Jimmy Kimmel really that funny off-camera or does his penis double as an espresso maker?" The world may never know.
UPDATE: It opens a portal to Narnia. I can't really get into how I found out, but you should probably know The Geekologie Writer will be MIA for a couple of days...
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Feb 26 2008Ben Affleck and Jimmy Kimmel have intercourse
During his post-Oscars show, Jimmy Kimmel aired his rebuttal to Sarah Silverman's hilarious video "I'm Fucking Matt Damon." What you're about to see is the star-studded video for "I'm Fucking Ben Affleck." And, seriously, this thing has everybody: Brad Pitt, Harrison Ford, Robin Williams, McLovin and classically-trained Josh Groban belting out the chorus which for some reason cracked my shit up. It also unfortunately has Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz, so my apologies. Anyway, enjoy.
Feb 1 2008Sarah Silverman and Matt Damon have intercourse
Here's a surprisingly hilarious clip Sarah Silverman made for last night's episode of Jimmy Kimmel. It's by far the funniest thing I've seen Matt Damon do. Or Sarah Silverman for that matter. Though, I gotta admit, I hope it's just a joke because Jimmy and Sarah seem like such a nice gay couple. You know, because they're both dudes.
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