Oct 5 2009Jessica Biel films 'The A-Team' and other news
- Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise go for a run. Because a couple who jogs together stays together as long as someone keeps batteries in the shock collar. [Lainey Gossip]
- Rihanna thinks she's Lady GaGa now. [Drunken Stepfather: Site is NSFW]
- Lady GaGa thinks she's Rihanna now. Are we in a bad 80s movie? [PopEater]
- Nicole Richie gets rear-ended by a paparazzo. [Just Jared]
- Simon Cowell apparently throws a bitching party. [Celebslam]
- George Clooney demonstrates how he catches cocktail waitress in the wild. [PopSugar]
- Mo'Nique admits she'd eat an Oscar if she won one. [The Blemish]
- Dita Von Teese probably never wants to see another WonderBra again. Or Marilyn Manson's penis covered in white make-up if we're making a list. [Socialite Life]
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Oct 1 2009Jessica Biel got dumped
Here's an emaciated Jessica Biel returning to Vancouver today to film The A-Team, and she totally got dumped by Justin Timberlake. I can tell by the way she's trying to smile at the paparazzi instead of her usual response of punching through their car window and knocking their heads together. Poor thing.
Sep 30 2009Madonna eats our lowly mortal food and other news
- Dustin Diamond reads an excerpt from his tell-all book involving Mario Lopez's sexual conquests - with women. Nice try, Screech. [PopEater]
- Jessica Biel really did get dumped by Justin Timberlake: A convincing argument. [Lainey Gossip]
- Denise Richards: I'd still hit it. I don't care if she talks about Charlie Sheen's fear of breastfeeding the whole time, I'd do it. That needed to be said. [Drunken Stepfather: Site is NSFW]
- Katie Holmes should be using this time for something more useful than taking Suri shopping. Like, oh I dunno, fleeing the goddamn country and adopting a new alias. Kids love that shit. [PopSugar]
- Jon Hamm in Muppet form. [Just Jared]
- Jessica Alba finds acting work in the third Fockers movie. -- Why did that sentence feel like an oxymoron? [The Blemish]
- Kate Gosselin on slowing down the divorce: "Fuuuuuuuuuuck that." Okay, maybe not her exact words, but it's what she was thinking while stuffing her children in brown sacks with dollar signs on them. [Socialite Life]
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Sep 30 2009Jessica Biel & Justin Timberlake don't look broken up
Reports are coming in that Justin Timberlake kicked Jessica Biel to the curb (Possibly for Rihanna according to Star.), but here's the two of them together last night after a romantic dinner. Then again, this could just be the always awkward "Please stop nailing dead bats to my door" dinner that inevitably ended in sex because Jessica Biel's ass was sculpted by cherubs on a magic cloud of assy goodness. It's in the Bible.
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Sep 28 2009Dita Von Teese for Wonderbra and other news
- Jessica Biel needs to stop losing weight before there's irreparable ass damage. I'll notify the UN. [Lainey Gossip]
- Janet Jackson's bosom: We don't talk about it enough. [Drunken Stepfather: Site is NSFW]
- Lindsay Lohan might be on Celebrity Big Brother. Somebody needs to get Spencer Pratt on there then tell Lindsay he's hiding uncut Colombian snow in his aorta. Or not and kiss an Emmy goodbye. It's your call. [Celebslam]
- Leonardo DiCaprio carries around dogs now. Why not? [PopSugar]
- Kristin Cavallari deserves more than Lauren Conrad. [JustJared]
- Claire Danes and Hugh Dancy got married. Whee. [PopEater]
- Jenny Slate won't get fired from SNL for dropping the F-bomb which was less offensive than Megan Fox's "acting." [The Blemish]
- Ryan Reynolds and Scarlett Johansson pout about being famous. [Socialite Life]
- Pamela Anderson denies she's broke which is actually true. Unless her vagina stopped working, then maybe. [Celebitchy]
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Aug 25 2009Hilary Duff is a Gossip Girl and other news
- Chris Brown is not allowed to contact Rihanna for five years. Which gives him plenty of time to have sexual reorientation surgery and become a man. [Just Jared]
- Ryan Gosling is dating Kat Dennings? But she wasn't in The Notebook... [Lainey Gossip]
- Sean Connery turned 79 today and pretty much every woman I know would still do him. Someone should build him a statue. [PopEater]
- Jessica Biel is the "most dangerous woman" on the Internet. Is it because I'd stab my grandmother just to feel the breeze of Jessica's ass? That's gotta be it. [Wonderwall]
- Katherine Heigl knows how to get a discount. Why do I suddenly want to be a furniture salesman? [Celebslam]
- Lindsay Lohan's neighbors are tired of the plague she's beset upon them. Which I assume means Samantha Ronson's penis. [The Blemish]
- Shia LaBeouf bags another co-star which is basically futile after sleeping with Megan Fox. Unless he likes to cry during sex, then high five! [PopSugar]
- Paula Abdul has landed a job hosting the revamped VH1 Divas. Now she'll have even more of an excuse when she finds out Miley Cyrus is slated to perform. Gin will never taste so delicious. [ICYDK]
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Jul 3 2009Justin Timberlake is tired of Jessica Biel
Justin Timberlake is growing tired of Jessica Biel's ass despite the scientific fact it was carved by Zeus himself out of awesome and "Goddamn!" NY Daily News reports:
"Things don't look good for them right now -- they've hit a really rocky spot," confides a source close to Timberlake, who adds that serious problems began back in February during a boys' trip to Las Vegas.
"Justin had to leave dinner once because Jessica was calling him incessantly. They got into a huge screaming match over the phone about how she's always 'checking up' on him. She's extremely needy and is always keeping tabs on him." The insider isn't the only one who thinks Biel is a bother. "All his friends think she's really annoying," added the source. "She's always trying to be one of the guys. She and Justin have no chemistry."
And if things went badly between JT and Biel the last time the singer went away for a weekend with the boys, they're surely no better now.
"Justin is partying in London right now," said the insider. "Jessica wanted to go with him, but he wasn't having it. He just wanted to get away with the guys. He needed his space from her."
I'd hate to see these two break up, so since I'm a nice guy, I volunteer to keep Jessica company while Justin's away. That said, I should probably point out I'm a nudist, so if she gets turned on by seeing me eat a waffle and stuff happens, it's not my fault. A man's gotta eat.
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Jun 4 2009Jessica Biel gets dolled up for Letterman
Jessica Biel stopped by Letterman Wednesday and, let's be honest for a minute, anyone who isn't staring directly at those legs should be declared legally dead. No, really, notify your next of kin if you're reading this because, congratulations, you're in Purgatory: Now with WiFi.
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