Aug 12 2009Gary Coleman must be broke as shit and other news
- Chris Brown is truly suffering for beating the shit out of Rihanna. I mean, he went to the club last night without an entourage. I thought we were done torturing as a nation? [Got your back, Lainey.]
- Heidi Montag still hasn't told her dad she's posing in Playboy so she can maintain her "Christian values." My brain just folded in on itself after typing that sentence. I drool now. [Socialite Life]
- Jack Nicholson's decrepit body has sex with women. Yet somehow I find this less improbable than Jon Gosselin's neverending poon train. [Celebslam]
- Alessandra Ambrosio licking an ice cream cone. There is a God. [The Blemish]
- Gwyneth Paltrow's cooking videos are like "watching paint dry," according to Real Housewives of New York star Bethenny Frankel. Which is ironic considering that show is like watching middle-aged women's vaginas dry. Too real? [Just Jared]
- Shia LaBeouf's masturbation problem is solved! [PopSugar]
- Criss Angel is still alive despite Internet rumors to the contrary and this voodoo doll I told Britney Spears was a hot dog. [PopEater]
Thanks to Katrina for the photo submission except now I'm hungry for French fries with a side of sadness sauce.
Mar 16 2009Lindsay Lohan's warrant not exactly warranted?
Lindsay Lohan's arrest warrant seems to be the result of a misunderstanding and will be resolved quickly today, according to TMZ:
Here's why an arrest warrant was issued. Lindsay was in an alcohol ed program for more than a year and was in full compliance with her probation. Sources say not too long ago she decided to switch programs. She either was late or missed one of the classes at the new program -- she says because the paparazzi made it impossible for her to show up on schedule. So the program director sounded the alarm last week to the court. And that's why the judge issued a warrant.
And just to show how awesome she's doing, I included pics of Lindsay trashed outside of Jack Nicholson's house Saturday night. Is fellating a 70-year-old actor one of the 12 Steps? If so, sorry, liver. Hope you like gin.
Continue Reading "Lindsay Lohan's warrant not exactly warranted?"
Mar 15 2009Lindsay Lohan's Shitty Weekend
Lindsay Lohan's weekend went to hell in a lesbian basket Friday when it was reported Beverly Hill police have issued a warrant for her arrest. Details are fuzzy, but it regards her compliance with enrolling in education classes as part of her 2007 DUI conviction. Obviously, this didn't sit too well with Samantha Ronson and the two got into a heated brawl Saturday morning that ended with Lindsay breaking a window. Also, Lindsay partying with Jack Nicholson until four in the morning might've had something to do with it. Not even joking. People reports:
Around 1:45 a.m., Lohan showed up outside actor Nicholson's house on Mulholland Drive. Witnesses say the actress, accompanied by pals, buzzed the intercom numerous times and grew agitated, asking for "Jack" to open the gate.
The group was eventually let in, and Lohan remained inside until a bodyguard picked her up about 4:30 a.m. (Representatives for Nicholson could not immediately be reached for comment.)
Lohan's bodyguard then brought her to Sam Ronson's house, where Ronson showed up at around 11:30 a.m. Later in the day, a loud disturbance was heard at the house, including the sound of a breaking window. Police cars arrived at the house shortly afterward.
Somewhere between Lindsay partying with Jack and turning into the Firecrotch Hulk, she took the time to contact Perez Hilton and completely deny there's a warrant out for her arrest. And by deny, I mean lie her face off:
In an exclusive statement to PerezHilton.com, Lindsay says, "This warrant for my arrest is completely fabricated and its a horrendous lie. This will make me loose every single deal that I have right now. Its horrible."
The Beverly Hills Police Department then issued a public statement confirming there is indeed a warrant out for Lindsay. Whoops! And, like any good Lindsay story, her father chimed in to E! News to blame Samantha Ronson for the whole thing:
"I love Lindsay. I've been telling everyone this relationship with Sam (Ronson) is toxic," the elder Lohan tells E! News. "Hopefully this is a wakeup call for her because we all really want her to get her life better."
Lohan, who has had a on-off relationship with Lindsay, says he supports her unconditionally.
"I'm here for her 100 percent," he said. "But nothing is going to get better with Sam Ronson in her life."
I think the most important lesson people can take away from Lindsay's debacle is that Jack Nicholson has game none of us can ever comprehend. Seriously, he could die, and I guarantee there'd be naked chicks laying on top of his grave. Some of you might say, "Well, isn't the real lesson here about the dangers of alcohol abuse." To which I say, "No. It's definitely Jack Nicholson: Robotic Pussyhound from the Future."
Write that down.
Jan 23 2008Jack Nicholson asked to autograph Joker photo
Jack Nicholson walked out of the Wolseley Restaurant in London last night when paparazzi informed him of the death of Heath Ledger. They told him it was a drug overdose which prompted Jack to say “That’s awful. I warned him.” Then somebody shoved a Joker photo in his face for him to sign. Who could pull off such incredible levels of douche-ness? I mean besides Ashton Kutcher, Criss Angel (Were necklaces found at the scene?), Carson Daly, Adnan Ghalib, Andy Dick, my ex-girlfriend (She thought Clooney was a good Batman. How could we stay together after that?), Sam Lufti, Dick Cheney, Ryan Seacrest, the real Joker (I know you’re out there!), Billy Bush from Access Hollywood, Jimmy Fallon…. Anyone I’m leaving out?
Continue Reading "Jack Nicholson asked to autograph Joker photo"
Aug 6 2007Jack Nicholson has a secret handicapped son
According to Page Six, Jack Nicholson is known around Hollywood for sleeping around and getting random women pregnant, but now he's denying claims that he may be the father of an illegitimate handicapped son that he tried to keep a secret. "Five Easy Decades" is an unauthorized biography about Jack and says:
"There are two other possibles whom those closest to Jack whisper about, including one young man who lives with handicaps brought on by his actress mother's drug abuse ... These are among the closely held secrets he has generally succeeded in keeping from his fans."
Nicholson's lawyer is denying the claims, clarifying that Jack has four illegitimate kids, not five. And if you're wondering why he has so many kids with different mothers running around, Jack once said:
"I'm interested in sex. I'm preoccupied with sex. I love it," he once gushed, according to the book. He also panned condoms, saying using them was like wearing a "warm garbage bag."
If you're looking for a role model, this is it right here. Not using condoms because they feel like wearing a "warm garbage bag"? Man, this guy should speak at schools.
