Aug 31 2009Alessandra Ambrosio redefines MILF and other news
- Demi Moore claims she's never had plastic surgery. Right. And I've never paid a hooker to dress up like Abe Lincoln Catwoman. [PopEater]
- Hayden Panettiere is still alive. Midgety. [Lainey Gossip]
- Hilary Duff is pulling diva shit on the set of Gossip Girl. Someone should let Hilary know who's doing who who a favor in this situation. Then let Leighton Meester know I'm hung like a Sherman tank. Do that first. [Celebslam]
- Robert Pattinson allows Premiere magazine to photograph his brooding. [PopSugar]
- Audrina Patridge is leaving The Hills to pursue her film career which will be going nowhere until someone writes Wonk-Tits: The Movie. [Wonderwall]
- Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minillo are back together which is probably the greatest thing to happen to Nick's penis since Joe Simpson stopped sleeping in their bed. [The Blemish]
Continue Reading "Alessandra Ambrosio redefines MILF and other news"
Aug 25 2009Hilary Duff is a Gossip Girl and other news
- Chris Brown is not allowed to contact Rihanna for five years. Which gives him plenty of time to have sexual reorientation surgery and become a man. [Just Jared]
- Ryan Gosling is dating Kat Dennings? But she wasn't in The Notebook... [Lainey Gossip]
- Sean Connery turned 79 today and pretty much every woman I know would still do him. Someone should build him a statue. [PopEater]
- Jessica Biel is the "most dangerous woman" on the Internet. Is it because I'd stab my grandmother just to feel the breeze of Jessica's ass? That's gotta be it. [Wonderwall]
- Katherine Heigl knows how to get a discount. Why do I suddenly want to be a furniture salesman? [Celebslam]
- Lindsay Lohan's neighbors are tired of the plague she's beset upon them. Which I assume means Samantha Ronson's penis. [The Blemish]
- Shia LaBeouf bags another co-star which is basically futile after sleeping with Megan Fox. Unless he likes to cry during sex, then high five! [PopSugar]
- Paula Abdul has landed a job hosting the revamped VH1 Divas. Now she'll have even more of an excuse when she finds out Miley Cyrus is slated to perform. Gin will never taste so delicious. [ICYDK]
Continue Reading "Hilary Duff is a Gossip Girl and other news"
Jul 1 2009Kevin Jonas gets to touch a vagina soon!
- Kevin Jonas is engaged to his girlfriend of two years, and holy shit, is that an eternity of dry-humping. A lesser man would've shot himself. (Read: This guy.) [Pink is the New Blog]
- Gwyneth Paltrow's mouth continues to be a never-ending stream of smarm. [PopSugar]
- Lindsay Lohan calls Justin Timberlake's clothing line a "Macy's brand" and "gross" on Twitter which would almost be an insult if Lindsay could afford to shop at Macy's and wasn't, well, Lindsay. [Lainey Gossip]
- Karen Mulder of Victoria's Secret fame was arrested for making "vicious" phone calls to her plastic surgeon. Because insulting the man who holds a knife over your unconscious body is always smart. Well played. [Celebslam]
- Hilary Duff is joining the cast of Gossip Girls. Great. Now who's going to play Meghan McCain in the Lifetime original movie Sarah Palin Fucked Me Out of My Own Room at the White House? [Just Jared]
- Mandy Moore on the cover of Women's Health looks absolutely nothing like Mandy Moore. Unless she's a 35-year-old housewife now. Then maybe. [I'm Not Obsessed]
Jul 1 2009Meghan McCain wants to be played by Hilary Duff
Meghan McCain is hard at work on a book about her life, complete with a chapter on Sarah Palin, and already knows who she wants to play her in the movie: Hilary Duff. I guess Megan wants to see more women with linebacker shoulders in film. Who knows? NY Daily News reports:
"I want Hilary Duff to play me. I think she's really hot - hotter than me - but I'd still want her to play me," Sen. John McCain's daughter confided to us at the Trevor Project's summer gala on Monday night at Capitale.
But the young Republican isn't dead set on Duff. "Really, I'd take anyone who's blond," she joked, adding that one actor in particular would certainly be welcome to join the cast. "Bradley Cooper is so hot," McCain swooned. "If he can be in it, he will. I'm obsessed with [his film] 'The Hangover!'"
Why is Meghan McCain just standing around dream-casting Bradley Cooper in a pretend movie? I'm pretty sure she has enough money to buy him into white slavery at her mansion. Oh, sure, we can all act like it doesn't happen in this country, but trust me, it does. And if it doesn't, then how come I gave a guy in an alley a whole bunch of money for Leighton Meester? And, more importantly, why am I just now noticing the receipt he gave me is actually a tin can? I rest my case.
Meghan McCain goes "Pro Sex" on Colbert Report After the Jump
Continue Reading "Meghan McCain wants to be played by Hilary Duff"
Jun 24 2009Hilary Duff in a bikini
Here's Hilary Duff on vacation in Hawaii yesterday, and maybe it's just the shoulders, but I have to ask, when did she stop caring? I'm not saying Hilary looks bad, but when Britney Spears looks more toned than you, that's usually a sign to hit the gym. Or start FedEx-ing her Big Macs so you look better by comparison. Either one.
Scope Out (24) Pics of Hilary After the Jump
Jan 25 2009Hilary Duff in a bikini
These are shots of Hilary Duff in the Bahamas with her hockey player boyfriend Mike Comrie, who's actually the only person on vacation in these photos. Hilary is just continuing her daily routine of doing jackshit but in a different location. Seriously, what does Hilary Duff even do these days? I'd be impressed if you told me she bagged her own groceries at the supermarket the other week. Or at least said "plastic" then took a nap in the checkout lane.
Dec 15 2008Sharon Osbourne attacks Charm School contestant (And other chicanery)
Nuggets of journalistic gold:
- Megan Hauserman (above) is pressing charges against Sharon Osbourne after being attacked during the Rock of Love: Charm School reunion last night. Somebody in VH1's marketing department just got a raise. [TMZ]
- Hilary Duff and Mandy Moore tried to duck out of a cancer benefit early by slipping out the back door of Kitson. Only thing is there is no back door which ended in FAIL and everybody laughing at them. I love happy endings. [Page Six]
- Kate Winslet regrets not being at the deathbed of her former lover who she "relucantly" let end the relationship once he got bone cancer. She now wishes she stuck it out because "he was gone very quickly." Hindsight's always 20/20 - particularly when you're the most horrible person in the world. [The Sun]
- Christina Hendricks, the insanely hot Joan from Mad Men, is engaged. First person to point out she was also on Firefly still lives with their mom - which technically was just me. Dammit. [People]
Continue Reading "Sharon Osbourne attacks Charm School contestant (And other chicanery)"
Oct 30 2008Hilary Duff apparently wants you to touch her
Hilary Duff, who I forgot even existed, just released her new video on MySpace and surprise! She's trying to shed her Disney image by being the sexy bad girl. Originality strikes again, folks. While I give Hilary points for humping a lawn statute (No joke.), how many times am I going to see a former child-star caressing her pushed-up breasts to sell CDs? The answer: Not enough.
NOTE: Jamie Lynn Spears, do NOT do a sexy bad girl video in a few years while you're pregnant with your third (or possibly fifth) child. I know the idea sounds great on paper/the KFC napkin you doodled on with a drumstick, but it's not. That said, should you and Casey Alridge miraculously figure out how a condom or birth control pills work (mouth not the ear), then by all means, PROCEED.
