Nov 19 2009Hayden Panettiere fellating a machine gun
Here's Hayden Panettiere posing for Tyler Shields new book "The Dirty Side of Glamour," and the headline covers pretty much everything you need to know here. In related news, Charlton Heston's corpse just came.
Video of Hayden Getting Drenched with Champagne After the Jump
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Nov 16 2009Hayden Panettiere has bangs. STOP EVERYTHING.
In case you haven't received your government-issued telegraph informing you of the news yet, Hayden Panettiere has bangs now. However many pots of gold she offered her publicist it seems to be worth it considering this is seriously the most pervasive celebrity item of the day. So here's Hayden trying to save the whales last night by offering what I can only assume is rear-entry midget sex. I'll take two, please. Because sea lions mermen whales truly are the delicate flowers of the ocean. (Is cuddling mandatory?)
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Nov 4 2009Hayden Panettiere in Swedish Elle and other news
- Gwyneth Paltrow flirts with death by skipping a Madonna-sanctioned function. [Lainey Gossip]
- Chantelle Houghton is important. Trust me. [Drunken Stepfather: Site is NSFW]
- Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban are apparently into freaky shit. [Just Jared]
- Joanna Krupa defends Playboy. [PopEater]
- Hugh Jackman has a dire penis emergency. [Celebslam]
- Natalie Portman does V Magazine which sadly does not include lizard people. [PopSugar]
- Heidi Klum will host - but not walk - at this year's Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. [The Blemish]
- Josh Duhamel is fucking everyone! [Socialite Life]
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Oct 9 2009Hayden Panettiere kissing Madeline Zima
Since exactly five people watch Heroes now, NBC made the wise decision to have Hayden Panettiere's character become a lesbian and kiss hot chicks such as Californication's Madeline Zima. Above is the promo still for Monday's episode that's making the rounds and, frankly, why wasn't this the premise for the entire series from Day One? If I were a producer on this show my very first note would be "Instead of a bunch of intricate plots involving superpowers, why don't we just make the chick in the cheerleader outfit make out with other chicks in every episode? Ali Larter can help, too." Tell me that's not a better plot than Heroes. Oh, wow, some guy's a human bomb. Is he a lesbian kissing another lesbian? I win.
NOTE: Took the liberty of adding shots from Madeline's FHM shoot because I'm full of good ideas today.
Oct 2 2009Hayden Panettiere wears short shorts and other news
- David Letterman's mistress was apparently a regular on sketches. [PopEater]
- Katy Perry and Russell Brand might be having weird, Britishy sex. [Lainey Gossip]
- Rihanna wears more crazy shit in Paris. [Drunken Stepfather: Site is NSFW]
- Ashlee Simpson is getting tired of Pete Wentz. It's a good thing she didn't have his baby. Oh, wait. [Celebslam]
- Lauren Conrad won't be acting in the movie adaptation of her book. She only memorized lines for The Hills. [PopSugar]
- Beyonce is Billboard's Woman of the Year. [Just Jared]
- Lindsay Lohan might have a twin. [The Blemish]
- Heidi Montag co-hosted The View today and somehow didn't open a portal of dumb consuming us all. Your guess is as good as mine. [Socialite Life]
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Sep 25 2009Hayden Panettiere & Kevin Connolly make elf love
Jeremy Piven must be jealous as shit somewhere because Entourage's Kevin Connolly reportedly showed up with Hayden Panettiere as his date for a post-Emmys party, according to Betty Confidential:
The 35-year-old Entourage star spent the evening with the 20-year-old Heroes starlet. Hayden certainly likes her men older. She dated Heroes co-star, Milo Ventigmilia, 32, for nearly two years and has recently been linked to business mogul (and Lindsay Lohan ex) Harry Morton, 28.
"Hayden spent her entire evening at the Entourage table talking to Kevin. They were there to hang out together and stayed for hours until well after midnight. Kevin only left Hayden's side towards the end of the night when he wanted to chat with someone at another table."
Meanwhile, Harry Morton, who has been out of town, was bragging to friends about dating Hayden. One pal says, "He still thought he was dating her last week and told friends all about her. Harry was bragging about getting her to do anything he wants."
And that, my friends, is the Catch-22 of bragging about midget anal. Once you tell somebody, POOF! It's gone. Curse their tiny magic!
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Sep 24 2009Britney Spears' nipples and other news
- Randy Quaid's wife puts up a fight while the two get arrested in Texas this afternoon. [PopEater]
- Don Draper will shoot your ass up. [Lainey Gossip]
- Megan Fox on the cover of Nylon magazine. Warning: Does NOT contain cleavage. [Just Jared]
- Kid Rock goes back to pretending he's a hip-hop artist again. [PopSugar]
- Amber Heard at the premiere of Zombieland. [Celebslam]
- Cameron Diaz is into firemen. [Drunken Stepfater: Site is NSFW]
- Milo Ventimiglia found a replacement for Hayden Panettiere. [Socialite Life]
- Nicole Richie promises not to look like Gollum again. Seriously this time. [ICYDK]
Sep 21 2009Mila Kunis > Hayden Panettiere
It must've been unbelievably awkward last night for Hayden Panettiere to arrive at the Emmys and see my current obsession Mila Kunis looking better in pretty much every way possible. But, to Hayden's credit, she handled herself with exemplary midget poise and grace. Although my sources/hidden camera tell me she got shitfaced afterward and woke up next to Smurfette. Or maybe that only happened in my head - twice. And again now: Touch her toadstools!
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