Mar 2 2009Calista Flockhart has never seen Star Wars
Despite the fact she's engaged to freaking Han Solo, Calista Flockhart has never seen any of the Star Wars movies, according to WENN:
The couple, who became engaged on 1 April 2007, have been dating since 2002. And Flockhart, who was still a child at the time the original film debuted in 1977, blames her rural upbringing for never seeing the sci-fi franchise that made her fiance a cult hero.
The 44-year-old actress says, "I was never starstruck (by him). I have not seen Star Wars, isn't that amazing... I'm sure it is (good). It's weird that I haven't seen it. We lived in a small town and the movie theatre was an hour away. And I was 12 - the perfect age to see it."
However, in all fairness, Harrison Ford doesn't even know Calista Flockhart's an actress. But then again, who does?
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Oct 29 2008Steven Spielberg directs Tom Cruise and an effin' gaggle of celebs in a horribly meta "Get out the Vote" video
Tom Cruise, Will Smith, Justin Timberlake, Scarlett Johannson, Ryan Reynolds, Harrison Ford, Borat, Shia LaBeouf, Tobey MaDumbFace and a shitload of celebrities got together for a follow-up to the "Five Friends" video encouraging people to vote. Jesus, these things have sequels now? At least they got Spielberg to direct. Or, more like, FUCK they got Spielberg to direct. Thanks for the CGI gophers in Indy 4, asshole!
I don't know about you guys, but this was definitely the last straw for me. I am so ready for this election to be over before Ashton Kutcher tells me to vote one more time, and I strangle him with a Kaballah bracelet. I honestly can't wait to wake up on November 5th and learn our next president is... George Bush! Who will undoubtedly declare martial law and proclaim himself "Galactic Umpire" while Natalie Portman gives effortless birth to Luke Skywalker and Princess Leia. You heard it here first.
May 21 2008Harrison Ford and the Raiders of His Freakin' Chest Hair
Because I'm so awesome, I just now caught wind of the Harrison Ford PSA where he waxes his chest to stop deforestation. No foolin', video after the jump. Since we're on the subject of Captain Solo himself, I'm increasingly excited to check out the new Indiana Jones flick. George Lucas revisiting a classic franchise? How do you mess that up? In the meantime, I need to start bronzing my abs. You know, to, uh, save the penguins. Yeah, those things. Eggbins.
Continue Reading "Harrison Ford and the Raiders of His Freakin' Chest Hair"
Apr 29 2008Harrison Ford & Carrie Fisher had drunken space sex
Han Solo and Princess Leia knocked space boots - for real! Apparently, Harrison Ford got a hold of Carrie Fisher's cinnamon buns and gave her a bit of The Force during the making of the first Star Wars film. Here's what Carrie revealed on an upcoming British TV special, according to The Sun:
"I went on the film saying ‘I’m going to have an affair’, like it was a kiwi, an exotic fruit — because I’d never had one!" She adds: "I had a crush on Harrison for sure. Harrison is great fun when he’s had a few drinks."
Shaking her head and saying: "I’m going to get in so much trouble," she adds: "Once I left the room and came back and he was in the closet not wearing a lot of clothes."
For all you Star Wars geeks out there, this means that Harrison and Carrie had what grown-ups call "a special hug." You see, when a man loves a woman, or drinks enough gin, he feels the urge to put his penis into her vagina. Okay, I lost you didn't I? Um, alright, got it: The man wants to put his "lightsaber" into a woman's "Sarlacc pit." But, don't worry; there're no tentacles or giant teeth. Well, sometimes. That's where the gin comes in handy...
Thanks to veggi for the tip. May the Schwartz be with you!
Jun 22 2007Harrison Ford is Indiana Jones
This is the first shot of Harrison Ford back in costume for the new Indiana Jones movie coming out in 2008. I was gonna make a joke about the movie being about him yelling at kids to stay off his lawn, but he looks amazingly good for a 64-year-old. When I'm 64 I'll be lucky if I'm not a giant bag of ash.
Apr 18 2007Harrison Ford and Calista Flockhart are engaged
Harrison Ford has reportedly asked Calista Flockhart to marry him after five years together. And if you have your doubts, the story gets even more suspicious considering he allegedly proposed on April Fool's Day.
Flockhart, who is more than 20 years younger than Ford, apparently took some convincing that it wasn't a joke, but is said to be thrilled at the prospect of a wedding.
I didn't even know these two were still together. I always thought their relationship was just some publicity stunt gone horribly wrong. Oh well, sucks for Calista. Indiana Jones is cool and all, but she might as well be marrying her grandfather. Or, you know, a giant bag filled with dust.
Jul 24 2006Calista Flockhart is looking weird
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This is what happens when you don't work for five years and let Harrison Ford date you. Who needs makeup when you're going out with a 60-year-old. Looking even remotely attractive risks giving him a heart attack. Or maybe having his arm break off in a cloud of dust.
More of Calista looking peculiar after the jump.
Feb 10 2006Calista Flockhart might be Gollum
In case you've ever entertained thoughts of dating Harrison Ford, let this be a lesson to you all. If I didn't tell you that this thing used to be Calista Flockhart I know you wouldn't have guessed it. Instead, you probably would have left some comments asking why I was posting pictures of strange sewer creatures. And then I'd make up some terrible lie about starting a sewer creature fan club, but eventually you'd find out it was actually Calista Flockhart and we'd have a big fight because I lied to you, and trust is the only thing we have in this world, baby.
As unhealthy as she looked as a stick, it was still way more appealing than this. A plate of monkey feces is more appealing than this.
