Oct 16 2009Halle Berry makes me want to strangle a mountain ox (Suck it, Megan Fox)
Here's Halle Berry and Gabriel Aubry at the 6th Annual Keep a Child Alive Ball in New York last night, and nothing helps a child stay alive more than knowing a blogger is getting laid by an Oscar-winning actress. No, really, I've crunched the numbers and it's better than taking the little scamps to Olive Garden for never-ending pasta. You can't fight the math.
Scope Out (16) Pics of Halle Berry After the Jump
Continue Reading "Halle Berry makes me want to strangle a mountain ox (Suck it, Megan Fox)"
Sep 20 2009Halle Berry is hot and other news
- Jon Gosselin's "sex appeal" is explained with absolutely no mention of a penis wrapped in hundred dollar bills being presented on the back of an ATV. So take it with a grain of salt. [PopEater]
- Gwyneth Paltrow returns to tell the unwashed masses how to live their pitiful peasant lives. [Lainey Gossip]
- Kristen Bell, Kristin Davis and Malin Ackerman pose for the cover of Self. Man, I would've loved to have been a fly on all those breasts. Bzzzz! [Just Jared]
- Robert Pattinson broods in the rain. [PopSugar]
- Lindsay Lohan can sleep easier. Police arrested one of the three burglars who stole a wall safe from her home. They're still looking for two other women which everyone knows was really Lindsay so coked up she appeared to be standing in two places at once in surveillance footage. You heard it here first. [Celebslam]
- January Jones wants to keep her vagina private. [Wonderwall]
- Jay-Z defends Kanye West on BBC Radio. [Socialite Life]
Scope Out (12) Pics of Halle After the Jump
Aug 10 2009Kim Kardsashian is blonde and other news
- Kathy Griffin brought Levi Johnston as her date to the Teen Choice Awards. Was this an object lesson for the kids about cougars' old age making them infertile so you don't even have to bother with a condom? Because that's what I picked up. [PopEater]
- Halle Berry is pregnant again? But how?! We haven't made love since that time I wrote the words "Halle" on a bagel. [A Socialite's Life]
- Ashley Greene was caught making out with Chace Crawford this morning. Was that before or after she leaked nude pictures of herself? [Lainey Gossip]
- Natasha Henstridge is making me reconsider women over 30. (But 35's the cut off. Seriously.) [Celebslam]
- Milo Ventimiglia shirtless. In case you're into that sort of thing. (Read: The bare chest of a midget fucker.) [Just Jared]
- Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt keep the sparks alive. Until later that night when they realize that wasn't a lumpy pillow it was Maddox the whole time. "Ha ha! We need to start giving these kids away." [PopSugar]
- Dane Cook booed at the Teen Choice Awards. Wow. I suddenly don't fear the future anymore. It's going to be okay! [The Blemish]
Jul 8 2009Halle Berry's boyfriend is making me look bad
Halle Berry and boyfriend Gabriel Aubry took their baby Nahla on vacation to Miami this week where Gabriel decided to strut his six-pack abs all over the place. So, what? You think you're better than me because you're insanely beautiful and bed Halle Berry on a daily basis? Yeah, well, last night I drank beer out of a can while watching Internet porn and sobbing alone in my room. Who's the cool guy now? SWISH!
EDIT: After rereading my comments, I realize I made a mistake here. Which is why I'd like to apologize to Gabriel because no one deserves to be smoked like that. Friends?
Scope Out (16) Pics of Halle & Gabriel After the Jump
Continue Reading "Halle Berry's boyfriend is making me look bad"
Jul 2 2009Hayden Panettiere is single
- Hayden Panettiere and Steve Jones are no longer a couple. Turns out he's a womanizer, and she can not only see through keyholes but fit through them and say "Hey, why are you sleeping with that hooker?" [The Blemish]
- Khloe Kardashian might pose for Playboy. Hey, they're doing lame no-nudity shoots now, so Yeti porn is the next logical step. [Celebslam]
- Halle Berry and Gabriel Aubry's looks defy all logic and reason. But not gravity. Because they're lazy. [Lainey Gossip]
- Angelina Jolie earned more money than Jennifer Aniston last year. And also has sex with Brad Pitt. In case she forgot. [Just Jared]
- Gisele Bundchen is like a baby bump-covering ninja. Wouldn't it be hot if her nipples shot throwing stars? At Tom Brady's face, I mean. [PopSugar]
- Rihanna's in trouble with the NYC Health Department for tattooing three people without a license last night at a tattoo parlor. I wonder who tipped them off.... [ICYDK]
Jun 2 2009Halle Berry sexually assaults Jamie Foxx
Thanks to the news-suck that is the MTV Movie Awards, I completely missed the Spike TV Guys Choice Awards on Saturday where Halle Berry mauled Jamie Foxx's face after presenting her the "Decade of Hotness" award. Not only that, she went in for the crotch grab thus permitting Jamie to get a handful of Halle-ass. Personally, I would've gone for the Immediate Sex on the Podium maneuver, but I was bitten by a radioactive spider which removed all sense of decorum. Ladies?
Scope Out (12) Pics of Halle After the Jump
Apr 29 2009Scarlett Johansson has 'Best Celebrity Breasts'
In probably the most prestigious competition conceived by man, Scarlett Johansson has been declared the owner of the "Best Celebrity Breasts" by Access Hollywood. Here's how others ranked in cleavagey fortitude:
1. Scarlett Johansson
2. Salma Hayek
3. Halle Berry
4. Jessica Simpson
5. Jennifer Love Hewitt
At this time, I'd like to sincerely thank Scarlett's breasts for getting me through The Spirit. If not for her ample bosom, I would've removed both my eyes instead of one. Also, I look pretty bitchin' with an eye patch.
Continue Reading "Scarlett Johansson has 'Best Celebrity Breasts'"
Dec 19 2008Halle Berry knows how to win Oscars
Here's a scantily-clad Halle Berry filming her new movie Frankie and Alice in Vancouver, and scope out the synopsis for this movie from Variety:
Story follows a young woman struggling with multiple personality disorder and torn between who she is and a racist Caucasian alter-personality that preys upon her mind.
So, think the boob-flashing of Swordfish meets that time your cousin brought his new black girlfriend to Thanksgiving dinner, and your grandfather said "Hey, look a colored person!" Which you silently laughed at in your head, while out loud saying "Alright, who stole his meds again?"
They should use that on the poster.
NOTE: Pics link to NSFW versions that are not screen grabs from Rocks: The Whitney Houston Story.
