Nov 2 2009Famous People in Costumes
Because everyone knows Hollywood is a godless bordello of Sodomites, it's no surprise the stars came out to celebrate Halloween/pay homage to Satan for their careers. So here's a gathering of costumed celebs In no particular order:
Jessica Lowndes as God Willing, the Future Referee of My Pants.
Mariah Carey as A Victoria's Secret Angel with Elephantitis.
Jessica Alba as Dora the Explorer: For Daddies. (WTF?)
Gwen Stefani as Gavin Rossdale's Cowpoke.
Khloe Kardashian as Catwoman with Self-Esteem Issues.
AnnaLynne McCord as Batgirl Who Still Gets Asked "Wait. They remade 90210?"
Bai Ling as... Bai Ling? I don't even know.
Brooke Shields as Flapper Mom with Tom Cruise Punching Action.
Christina Aguilera as the Cheapest Celebrity Mom Ever. (You're rich, lady!)
Heidi Klum as a Woman Who Just Gave Birth Hiding Her Body in Shame Underneath the World's Most Elaborate Bird Costume.
HAIL SATAN!
Scope Out (40) Pics of Costumed Celebs After the Jump
Oct 1 2009Gwen Stefani likes small children to see her bra at the park and other news
- Jude Law's dramatic reading of Lady GaGa's "Poker Face." [PopEater]
- Gwyneth Paltrow gives investment advice to the peasants. Splendid. [Lainey Gossip]
- La Toya Jackson looks like Michael Jackson with breast implants. Where was she during Jesus Juice time? That's what I'm saying. [Drunken Stepfather: Site is NSFW]
- Kristin Cavallari says Brody Jenner was "very vanilla" in bed. I would've assumed he was more Cookies n' Douche. [Celebslam]
- Reese Witherspoon's chin is getting out of hand. Look, she almost stabbed Paul Rudd! Then who's going to star in every Judd Apatow movie? [PopSugar]
- Rachel Bilson wears jorts. [Just Jared]
- Rose McGowan has ditched Robert Rodriguez. Awesome, now somebody with breasts can play Barbarella as God intended it. [WonderWall]
- Leighton Meester, Blake Lively hasn't made me forget about you. Completely. For the most part. [ICYDK]
Scope Out (16) Pics of Gwen After the Jump
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Sep 21 2009Gwen Stefani's bra and other news
- Kelly Clarkson loves her giant ass. [PopEater]
- Lindsay Lohan keeps mixing coke with Twitter. [Lainey Gossip]
- Leelee Sobieski is pregnant and exactly two people care about this. One of whom will be maneuvering through a birth canal. [Just Jared]
- Sarah Jessica Parker and the twins she didn't have to birth ease her biological son into the fine art of purchasing children. [PopSugar]
- Drew Carey just wants to be remembered, dammit. He was on Cheers, right? [Celebslam]
- Viggo Mortenson sounds like a badass dad or a hippie if you enjoy bombing shit for Jebus. [Wonderwall]
- Kevin Federline couldn't care less if you make fun of his weight. Unless of course your words close down KFC, then the shit is ON! [The Blemish]
- Michael Jackson appears in a new clip from This is It and, surprise, he looks exactly like the Joker from Batman. I know, what are the odds? [Celebitchy]
Scope Out (12) Pics of Gwen After the Jump
Sep 10 2009Kathy Griffin as Kate Gosselin and other news
- Dannielynn Birkhead is freaking THREE already. It seems like only yesterday she literally fell out of Anna Nicole Smith. [OK! Magazine]
- Gwen Stefani at NY Fashion Week. [Lainey Gossip]
- Penelope Cruz is either not pregnant anymore or wants her unborn child to have the mental wherewithal of Britney Spears. [Just Jared]
- Mickey Rourke is banging a model 30 years younger than him. God bless America. [PopEater]
- Felicity Huffman was mistaken for Madonna. So somebody found Felicity's corpse? I'm confused. [Celebslam]
- Sarah Jessica Parker dressing like she's in the 80s < Sarah Jessica Parker when it actually was the 80s. Robert Downey, Jr. knows what's up. (Or not because coke is delicious.) [The Blemish]
- Jessica Szohr should be the poster child to help find a cure for butterface. Seriously, amazing body, and then my dad's face after it fell asleep in a tanning bed. [Socialite Life]
Aug 17 2009Tyra Banks joins a flash mob and other news
- Jesus Luz earns his paycheck at Madonna's 51st birthday dinner. [Splash News]
- Jessica Simpson is NOT replacing Paula Abdul. Is it because she can't read? That's discrimination! [PopEater]
- Gwyneth Paltrow used to be in on the jokes. Now she's the ass end. [Lainey Gossip]
- Tom Cruise's white sneakers: A revealing look. [Celebslam]
- Michael Vick is now blogging his apology. Jesus Christ. The man has to play for the shitass Eagles now. Hasn't he suffered enough? (Note: I'm being facetious. About the suffering enough part.) [Just Jared]
- Gwen Stefani is a recent mother of two yet I don't suspect her of hiding fried chicken in her purse. Just throwing that out there. [PopSugar]
- Mark Wahlberg's lungs are made of vaginas. [The Blemish]
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May 1 2009Gwen Stefani as you remember her
Gwen Stefani returned to her roots and performed with No Doubt this morning on The Today Show. Man, these bring back memories of my youth, and each one ends exactly the same: Me getting smacked with a Bible because no one knew how to knock in my family. Which reminds me, guess who's not blind, suckers!
Video after the jump.
Oct 30 2008Gwen Stefani unveils baby Zuma online
Gwen Stefani posted the first "official" photo of her new baby Zuma Nesta Rock Rossdale on her website. The maneuver is presumably in retaliation to being caught by the paparazzi at the Beverly Hills library yesterday. Cute baby though. Kind of reminds me of myself at that age. Shit, it reminds me of myself at this age. Mostly because I stayed up all night again playing Halo in a diaper so I wouldn't have to use the bathroom. PEW PEW PEW!
Oct 27 2008Gwen Stefani, I'd Keep My Bacon Costume On For You: An Open Letter
Dear Gwen "Over Easy" Stefani,
I'd keep my bacon costume on for you.
I wouldn't check out the window for the paparazzi then take my bacon costume off leaving my wife to look like a lowly sunny-side-up while I maintain my rockstar cool image. No way. Not this guy.
With my bacon costume still on (for you), I'd proudly put my arm around you and say "Hey, don't we sizzle?" Then we'd laugh and tell people "Breakfast is the most important meal of the day." A ha ha ha! (Though, in all seriousness, it is.)
So, the next time Gavin Rossdale comes home all ripped and sweaty from working out, and he's holding a fistful of record label cash then says "Hello" in that British accent of his that causes women to instantly self-lubricate, just remember: That guy on the Internet said he'd keep his bacon costume on for you.
Let's make love in an English Muffin,
The Superficial Writer
P.S. Just so we're completely honest up front, there have been other breakfast items before you: Some donuts, a grapefruit and, one time, that guy from the Quaker Oats box. He had a powdered wig on!
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