Aug 12 2009Gary Coleman must be broke as shit and other news
- Chris Brown is truly suffering for beating the shit out of Rihanna. I mean, he went to the club last night without an entourage. I thought we were done torturing as a nation? [Got your back, Lainey.]
- Heidi Montag still hasn't told her dad she's posing in Playboy so she can maintain her "Christian values." My brain just folded in on itself after typing that sentence. I drool now. [Socialite Life]
- Jack Nicholson's decrepit body has sex with women. Yet somehow I find this less improbable than Jon Gosselin's neverending poon train. [Celebslam]
- Alessandra Ambrosio licking an ice cream cone. There is a God. [The Blemish]
- Gwyneth Paltrow's cooking videos are like "watching paint dry," according to Real Housewives of New York star Bethenny Frankel. Which is ironic considering that show is like watching middle-aged women's vaginas dry. Too real? [Just Jared]
- Shia LaBeouf's masturbation problem is solved! [PopSugar]
- Criss Angel is still alive despite Internet rumors to the contrary and this voodoo doll I told Britney Spears was a hot dog. [PopEater]
Thanks to Katrina for the photo submission except now I'm hungry for French fries with a side of sadness sauce.
Jul 2 2009Gary Coleman has a shitty life
Gary Coleman's 23-year-old bride Shannon Price decided it was time for an old-fashioned midget smackdown and was arrested for domestic violence last night. TMZ reports:
According to the sheriff's website, Shannon Price was booked for the two misdemeanors at 8:32 PM and then released on $1,205 bond.
Cops tell us Shannon allegedly broke household items belonging to Gary and that he was not physically harmed.
I love how the police are obviously covering for him because it sucks enough that he's Gary Coleman, so why let everybody know his wife used him as a human kickball until he bounced into the cordless phone and dialed 911 while careening off the oven? Give the poor man-ball some privacy.
May 1 2008Gary Coleman and wife on Divorce Court
Gary Coleman's episode of Divorce Court aired today (video after the jump) and there's nothing like seeing a giant redhead describe the child-like antics of Arnold Drummond. For those of you who missed Monday's post, here's how Gary's wife Shannon describes his temper:
"If he doesn't get his way, he throws a temper tantrum like a five-year-old does. He like stomps the floor and yells, 'Meehhhh,' and starts throwing stuff around. He bashes his head in the wall, too."
You know who else likes to headbutt? Amy Winehouse. I hear she's getting a divorce, too. Maybe Amy and Gary can work some rebound magic which, according to legend, will unleash Armageddon. Woo-hoo! Bring on some Four Horsemen, baby!
UPDATE: Okay, my Wii started working again so I'm no longer bored. Can I, uh, get a rain check on that Apocalypse? There's gotta be a reset button somewhere like the Pope's butt crack or something. I dunno go way. Mario Karting. Turtle shells are cool!
Apr 28 2008Gary Coleman divorcing only woman that willingly had sexual intercourse with him (Smooth!)
This news hit late Friday but, as you already know, I mentally check out around noon on Wednesday: Anyhow, Gary Coleman and his 22-year-old bride Shannon Price are already on the outs. The couple will appear on an upcoming episode of Divorce Court set to air later this week, according to the AP:
"If he doesn't get his way, he throws a temper tantrum like a five-year-old does," Price says, according to a transcript of the show provided to The Associated Press. "He like stomps the floor and yells, 'Meehhhh,' and starts throwing stuff around. He bashes his head in the wall, too."
Okay, I don't know about you guys, but that sounds FREAKING AWESOME! Ha ha, seriously, I want to adopt Gary Coleman. Who do I call to make that happen? Sally Strothers? Oprah? Or is this more Madonna's bag?
Mar 25 2008Gary Coleman and the missus on Tyra Banks
Gary Coleman and his bride took their carnival act onto The Tyra Banks Show yesterday where conveniently comedian Steve Harvey was co-hosting. Tyra quizzed the new Mrs. Coleman about being with Gary, his virginal status and their age difference: she's 22, he's 40. You start to get the impression this chick just wants a whole bunch of attention. I'm, of course, talking about Tyra. For those of you who can't watch the video, around the six minute mark she eats Gary Coleman then flies off-stage wearing a jetpack. True story.
Thanks to Trendy for the clip who knows what you're talking 'bout, Willis.
Feb 13 2008Gary Coleman gets hitched, also rides bronco
Gary Coleman secretly wed a woman 18 years younger than him. The 40-year-old cowboy(?) married 22-year-old Shannon Price of Utah. Gary finally lost his virginity and claims to have found the woman with the right amount of looks and intelligence. Now he has someone to throw things at. Awww. Page Six reports:
Price said height wasn't a consideration because, "He was 10 feet tall to me because he was sweet." Still, the relationship isn't without its problems. "He lets his anger conquer him sometimes," Price admitted. "He throws things around, and sometimes he throws it in my direction."
I don't see what the big problem is. Gary Coleman likes to throw shit. Sheesh, wear kneepads. Or do that move where you put your hand on his head and he frantically bats at the air. That's the cornerstone to a good marriage. Or midget wrangling. Same thing. Now where's my little Oompa Loompa bride? Hey, get out of the cookie jar! You know I hate footprints on my Chips Ahoy, woman.
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