Nov 11 2009Josh Duhamel shirtless plus Fergie talking about his giant penis
Seen here poolside in Atlanta over the weekend, Josh Duhamel apparently is "well-endowed," according to Fergie's interview with The Advocate. I'm not quite sure how the mechanics of that would work, but I'm guessing they do a lot of Spaceballs re-enacting in the bedroom.
FERGIE: I see your Schwartz is as big as mine.
JOSH: .... I really wish you never saw me murder that hooker.
FERGIE: Ha, I don't. EN GARDE!
Continue Reading "Josh Duhamel shirtless plus Fergie talking about his giant penis"
Jul 20 2009Fergie has a penis. It's official.
And that's a cock. Well, folks, there's not really much to say at this point except for "I told you so" followed by a slew of questions regarding the legality of Fergie and Josh's marriage in a post-Prop 8 California. That said, someone should probably check on Carrie Prejean and make sure she doesn't come after these two with a wooden stake. Just to be safe.
Thanks to Meg and Lorenz who understand everything I say is infallible gospel truth. Except for that time I said I banged a unicorn. (It was a pegasus.)
Jun 25 2009Josh Duhamel wishes he punched Perez Hilton
Josh Duhamel stopped by Jimmy Kimmel Live! last night and, since he's married to Fergie, the conversation obviously turned towards Sunday's incident involving Perez Hilton and the Black Eyed Peas:
On the situation in general:
"I try not to get into it especially now because I don't think he deserves that much. He's got more press than he deserves from this whole thing."
On Perez Hilton:
"He goes a little below the belt, and when you poke somebody in the chest enough and when you call them enough names, I think it's good to get your nose bloody."
On who he wishes threw the punch:
"I kind of wish it was me."
Just so I don't look like a hypocrite, I'd like to state for the record that if Josh Duhamel ever punched me in the face, I had it coming for all those times I pointed out his wife's penis. That said, I know he wouldn't do it just like I could never punch him. It's against the Beautiful Man Code we swore to uphold. With sexy.
Continue Reading "Josh Duhamel wishes he punched Perez Hilton"
Jun 15 2009Kanye West's new Louis Vuitton ad has to feel awkward
- Paris Hilton's reality show My New BFF is up for a Teen Choice Award. -- We're never going to live like Star Trek are we? Sonofabitch... [PopSugar]
- Chris Brown brought a Rihanna lookalike to last night's NBA finals game. Kudos to that young lady who could've saved herself the effort and dressed up like a punching bag. [Lainey Gossip]
- Lindsay Lohan is pregnant! -- In her upcoming made-for-TV movie. Ha ha, I really shouldn't joke like that. Everyone still alive? [Pink is the New Blog]
- Courteney Cox is not aging well. Or Brad Pitt knocked her up. Whichever scenario you prefer. [Celebslam]
- Ryan Kwanten (True Blood's Jason Stackhouse) is on the cover of Muscle & Fitness and does yoga. Balls in your court, Pattinson. [Just Jared]
- Fergie proves that million of dollars can buy you awesome girl parts. [ICYDK]
NOTE: Pic links to NSFW version, and thanks to Rachel who came to the right place after seeing a naked woman's ass. I'll take it from here.
Continue Reading "Kanye West's new Louis Vuitton ad has to feel awkward"
Jun 12 2009Carrie Prejean gets pissy on Today
- Carrie Prejean's leaked e-mails between Miss California director Keith Lewis prove she was a massive pain in the ass - with fake breasts, so let's forgive her! Sorry, reflex action. [The Blemish]
- Rihanna and Chris Brown coincidentally attended the Lakers game last night but sat separately. Which means they're fucking! Get Anderson Cooper! [PopSugar]
- Nicole Richie has somehow gone legitimate. I wonder what was dragging her down before. Hmm... [Lainey Gossip]
- Sarah Palin and David Letterman are having some sort of tiff which only further proves Republicans have no sense of humor. (Ironically, not counting John McCain choosing Sarah for his running mate. Hilarious!) [Just Jared]
- Fergie should consider wearing a mask. Nothing fancy. Just one that doesn't make me wonder what she called herself when she had a penis. -- It was Chuck, wasn't it? She looks like a Chuck. [I'm Not Obsessed]
- Kelly Clarkson is a whole lot of woman. Three of them, by my estimate. [Celebslam]
May 22 2009Jon & Kate Plus Televised Marriage Counseling
- Jon & Kate Gosselin are letting TLC tape their marriage counseling sessions. You know what they should tape? The child support hearings. Mostly because I've always wanted to see the look of a man forced to pay $1 million/month and wear a court-ordered condom for the rest of his life. [Jezebel]
- Miranda Kerr in a bikini. Or at least part of her and Orlando Bloom, so we'll call it a draw. [The Blemish]
- Robert Pattinson's kiss went for $25,000 at the AmFAR benefit in Cannes. Dammit, Tom Cruise, that money was for the Children's E-meter Center! [Lainey Gossip]
- Fergie forgets to remove her Matrix tube. Must've been in a hurry to make out with chicks. With her penis. [Just Jared]
- Spencer Pratt just found out he has low blood platelets. That's fatal, right? Say "yes." [ICYDK]
- George Clooney sunbathing. Surprisingly absent? 500 topless cocktail waitresses. I looked up to you, man! [PopSugar]
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May 19 2009Anna Faris, will you marry me? (Or just do naked stuff.)
- Anna Faris accidentally sent a sexually explicit text to a child during a routine "Sex Text Wednesday" with her boyfriend. And it's official, I must kill this man in battle and take Anna as my bride. There's really no other option at this point. [I'm Not Obsessed]
- Christian Bale keeps getting asked about the leaked rant on the set of Terminator: Salvation, yet no one is getting headbutted. You've changed, man. You've changed. [Lainey Gossip]
- Mario Lopez threw the first pitch of last night's Dodger's game. I could go for the obvious joke here and say he throws like a woman, but why delude ourselves? It's more like a gay man. [Pink is the New Blog]
- Jon & Kate Gosselin will talk about their marital woes on the season premiere of their show. Then make their children wear top hats and tap dance because once you stop exploiting, you just can't stop! [Just Jared]
- Fergie admits to being bisexual and having had sex with women. Wait, shouldn't that be heterosexual. You know, because of the penis? [Celebslam]
Apr 28 2009Julia Roberts is capable of profanity
- Julia Roberts swears! And even more shockingly, is alive. Holy shit! [PopSugar]
- Fergie's shoe line includes heels named after The Jonas Brothers? So are you not allowed to wear them until you're married? I don't get it. [MTV Buzzworthy]
- Courtney Love is opening up a lingerie store. Want to make your husband impotent? Your prayers have been answered. [ICYDK]
- Hugh Jackman isn't fucking with swine flu and has canceled the Mexican leg of his Wolverine promotional tour. Fortunately, he waited for Heidi and Spencer to get down there before saying "Ha, you're joking right? Pull the plug." [Videogum]
- Gisele Bundchen takes her baby out to play. Even though it came of Bridget Moynahan's vagina. Mere technicality. [Jezebel]
- Keira Knightley insists she eats. In fact, she loves food so much she'll marry it right here then have food children. -- I've gone too far, haven't I? [Best Week Ever]
- Suri Cruise bolts from Tom Cruise. Katie Holmes, you should take notes. [Allie is Wired]
