Nov 27 2008Liz Hurley Is Feeling Punchy
Liz Hurley: She's hot, she's British, she's totally violent. Hugh Grant's ex returned to her London home yesterday, her Louis Vuitton suitcase smartly accessorized by a set of skinned, bloody knuckles. Which is sexy and everything, but I've talked to her over and over again about her possessive streak. I'm flattered that you feel the need to defend my honor, Liz, but you really should have heard Kate Beckinsale out about her proposed three-way before decking her. It's really not that bad of an idea, especially with Christmas coming up. Think about it, and I'll totally stop hounding you about getting me a puppy this year, I promise.
Oct 17 2008Elizabeth Hurley needs to be more considerate with her cleavage
Elizabeth Hurley rocked the monster cleavage last night at a breast cancer awareness event in London because apparently she's a giant bitch. I mean, Jesus. That's like showing up pantsless to Lance Armstrong's house and making your testicles sing "One" by Three Dog Night. Sure, it's adorable at first, but it'll only end with you getting dragged behind his bike until you link his charity on your site. On that note, LIVE STRONG, everybody!
Video for "One" after the jump because why not?
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Apr 22 2008Elizabeth Hurley is nautically hot, hearts Photoshop
Elizabeth Hurley is featured in the new ad campaign for Mango swimwear (above.) At 42, Liz is practically the hottest MILF this side of MILF Lake in the town of MILF-FORD. Of course, her secret is admitted use of digital wizardry and I couldn't care less. Just keep doing those bikini shoots, Liz, even though you hate them more than dentistry, Madonna, and whatever else you English people hate. (The Welsh?) The Daily Mail reports:
"It's unbearable and I bring it all on myself. I've got nobody else to blame." But, she revealed, she now relies on "nice photographers" and a little digital enhancement.
"I like a certain amount of retouching like anybody," she admitted.
Okay, so Liz Hurley gets down with the Photoshop. As long as she keeps things believable, who cares? It's not like Optimus Prime is coming out of her stomach which, wow, is probably the most erotic idea I've ever had in my life. Wait, what if she was also holding a bottle of Mrs. Butterworth's holy crap I need some alone time. Uh, and now a word from our sponsors!
Thanks to Erin whose love of bikinis rivals that of my own - which is why she's currently locked in my basement. You can say I've "buried" the competition. Ha, ha, I kid. She's totally safe. I threw some moldy bread down there yesterday.
Continue Reading "Elizabeth Hurley is nautically hot, hearts Photoshop"
Nov 15 2007Elizabeth Hurley is classically cleavagey
Elizabeth Hurley attended the Grey Goose Vodka and Elton John AIDS Foundation Launch Party last night. Wait, somebody threw a party that had two things I love in the same room: Hot old chicks and booze? Thanks for the invitation, Elton John. No, really, I didn’t want to donate this ridiculously huge check to your cause anyway. Okay, so maybe at your last event my check bounced and I shoved half the open bar in my tux. I still maintain that no one can prove I “goosed” Sharon Stone’s ass. Despite a videotape of me doing so and yelling “Goose-monster!” That tape was doctored. My pecs are way bigger and everyone knows I’m a boob man. (Note to self: Remove all Kim Kardashian posts. Proceed to laugh manically while rubbing hands together. Also, we’re out of Pop Tarts.)
Oct 29 2007Elizabeth Hurley wears a bikini (No, it’s not 1999)
Elizabeth Hurley hit the Seychelles this weekend with her new husband Indian playboy Arun Nayar. She also brought her old husband Hugh Grant. Sounds like a great vacation. I bet she made Hugh Grant sleep at the foot of their bed. You know, to let him see what he’s missing by dating young, nubile actresses that haven’t been cruelly ravaged by the effects of time. The crazy fool.
Oct 12 2007Elizabeth Hurley hates breast cancer...shocking!
Elizabeth Hurley turned on some pink lights at London's Selfridges yesterday to signify her support of Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Because, you know, nothing says I hate breast cancer like turning on some pink lights. And can you imagine if she didn't turn those pink lights on? My God, people might get confused and think she loved breast cancer. That she, you know, throws parties in her basement dedicated to how awesome breast cancer is. Whew, it's a good thing she got those lights on!
NOTE: Yeah, I'm stretching here, but nothing is going on today and I wanted an excuse to post these pictures of Elizabeth Hurley. Desperate situations call for desperate actions! Did I mention I just drank a cup of my own urine? Hydration is the name of the game, my friend.
