Jan 30 2009Elisha Cuthbert uses body doubles
Sad news, everybody. Elisha Cuthbert uses body doubles for her nude scenes. Although, I shouldn't judge, I use one in the bedroom. (Ladies?) Seen here posing for the latest issue of Complex, Elisha talks about picking out naked chicks that best exemplify her body of work:
You don’t do nudity but instead employ body doubles. What’s the process in selecting someone?
Elisha Cuthbert: I’ve only had to do it twice. To be honest, it was really quick and pretty basic. I saw three girls and chose one out of the three. It wasn’t a long, drawn-out process. It’s not looking for someone [with] the perfect breasts. Nothing to do with that, really. I think it’s trying to find someone that looks natural, someone that looks good.
You mean someone who acts natural in front of a camera or someone, y’know, natural?
Elisha Cuthbert: You never see their face, right?
Anyone else imagining Elisha Cuthbert examining three topless girls' breasts? Uh, yeah, me neither. I was just sitting here thinking about how much I love to marry and respect women first before getting intimate. Which, obviously, explains why I have no pants on. A ha ha ha don't look at me.
Thanks to Joe who once doubled for Hugh Jackman - until the cops showed up.
Dec 14 2008Elisha Cuthbert's ex Sean Avery kicked off NHL team
After receiving a six-game suspension for publicly calling Elisha Cuthbert "sloppy seconds," Sean Avery is now officially kicked off the Dallas Stars, according to ESPN:
"All parties said there is a clear understanding that a return to the Stars is not in the best interest of either the hockey club or Avery," the team said in a news release.
Details of his departure still must be worked out. He could be traded, sent to the minors or bought out next summer. The club said it will work with Avery to try making this an amicable divorce.
However, there's no telling when Avery will even be ready to play again. He is at an undisclosed location seeking treatment through a program set up by the NHL players association. When he was suspended, Avery told the Stars he needed help dealing with anger issues.
Damn. Apparently, Elisha Cuthbert has some crazy pull over the NHL - or maybe her vagina does, eh? High five!
UPDATE: I've just been kicked out of the NHL. Great. Now how am I supposed to shoot a winning slap shot and gain the lusty approval of a lonely Sarah Palin whose husband is away on business because he doesn't appreciate her new jugs? Curse you, Cuthbert, you dream killer!
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Dec 4 2008The Superficial News
Dusted off an old feature today just for the hell of it. Think of it like a delicious pizza with all your favorite toppings - provided you enjoy the taste of Amy Winehouse slathered in Aniston sauce. Bon appetit:
- Britney Spears' cousin Alli Sims says Britney isn't fit to tour. But still fit to buy her a car; how 'bout it? [NY Daily News]
- Blake Fielder-Civil makes love to Amy Winehouse in her hospital bed before being carted back to jail. Wins coveted "Most Effective Way to Make a Passionate Prison Shower More Enjoyable Award." [The Sun]
- Sean Avery apologizes for calling Elisha Cuthbert "sloppy seconds." Says she's more like a "beautifully recycled flower - that you can have sex with." [People]
- Jennifer Aniston admits to wanting a baby and "longs" for motherhood. Somewhere, John Mayer is performing the world's first guitar string vasectomy. [EW]
Dec 3 2008Elisha Cuthbert's ex suspended from hockey for calling her 'sloppy seconds'
Sean Avery of the Dallas Stars has been suspended indefinitely from the National Hockey League after publicly referring to Elisha Cuthbert as "sloppy seconds." She's currently dating Dion Phaneuf of the Calgary Flames. While talking to reporters yesterday, Sean made the following off-hand remarks, according to Us Magazine:
"I am really happy to be back in Calgary, I love Canada," he said. "I just want to comment on how it's become like a common thing in the NHL for guys to fall in love with my sloppy seconds. I don't know what that's about. Enjoy the game tonight."
After the National Hockey League suspended him for "inappropriate public comments," Avery -- who served as an intern at Vogue this past year -- now has to meet with Commissioner Gary Bettman, who will determine any additional penalty.
"I completely support the league's decision to suspend Sean Avery," Stars owner Tom Hicks said in a statement. "Had the league not have suspended him, the Dallas Stars would have. This organization will not tolerate such behavior, especially from a member of our hockey team. We hold our team to a higher standard and will continue to do so."
So, apparently hockey is a gentleman's sport now? Huh. I must be confused by all the punching and knocking out of teeth. Interesting. If that's the case, why not make the players wear tuxes and top hats? You know, keep things classy. Then, if your teammate makes unsavory comments about a former lover, you can slap them in the face with your gloves and demand satisfaction. Which is also why everybody gets a pistol. Hear, hear!
Thanks to Ryan who's been known to seduce a young lady or two with the simple twist of his monocle.
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May 9 2008Elisha Cuthbert's last day in a bikini (Promised myself I wouldn't cry...)
These are the last shots of Elisha Cuthbert's Hawaiian getaway with her hockey player boyfriend Puck Puckerton. I was getting used to enjoying Elisha in a bikini at the end of every day. It was sort of magical, you know? Like seeing the Aurora Borealis. Or, no, wait, that's bush league. I got it: A really awesome chicken wing shaped like Abe Lincoln that you try to tip a stripper with. Swish! Count it! Northern Lights, you just got served.
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May 8 2008Elisha Cuthbert is like heaven in a bikini - with boobs, and did I mention a bikini?
Elisha Cuthbert continues her Hawaiian vacation with her boyfriend Guy I Hate Because He's Not Me. As I've learned from you, astute readers, Elisha is Canadian. Does that mean she's ineligible for the Congressional Medal of Honor? Because I'm pretty sure she deserves one, if not two. In fact, because I'm a patriot, I'd be willing to pin them on her chest. It'd be a laborious task, without question, but one I'd treat with honor and respect because dammit, do I love them stars and stripes. And, also, boobs. Don't forget boobs.
May 6 2008Elisha Cuthbert brings nougaty bikini-ness to your boring ol' Tuesday
I love the stars of 24 and their heroic, undying dedication to patriotism. You've got Jack Bauer himself Kiefer Sutherland who singlehandedly keeps the good people at Jack Daniels in business. Then you've got his TV daughter Elisha Cuthbert who graces us with some soft-on-the-eyes bikini goodness. You don't get more American than this. Unless they were both eating apple pies and punching a Native American in the nose. If that were the case, we'd be obligated to stand up and salute our monitors. U.S.A.!
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Jan 31 2008Paris Hilton makes out with Elisha Cuthbert
Thanks to Britney Spears this piece of gossip was buried underneath reports of laxative and motorcades. I smell conspiracy. Apparently Paris Hilton was spotted making out with Elisha Cuthbert at Tenjune in New York. Us Magazine reports:
Hilton was there for a birthday party and was seen dancing on banquets. "It's Paris," says the source. "She loves putting on a show."
First off, two girls kissing! Woo-hoo! Okay, now that the formalities are out of the way, I’m a little disappointed there’re no pictures of these two making out. Not counting the ones in my mind. Except I swapped Paris with Hayden Panettiere and, also, the two aren’t making out in a nightclub as much as a Jacuzzi full of applesauce. So basically I'm imaging they're on a second date. Or, in my case, a first date. Watch out!
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