Jan 24 2008Eddie Murphy wanted to bring his mom on honeymoon
Tracey Edmonds split from Eddie Murphy before the two legally married because he wanted to bring his mother on their honeymoon. He’s also a bit of an asshole. I mean, an alleged asshole. Page Six reports:
That was kind of the last straw," said a friend of the beautiful bride. "She was happy to sign a prenup - she has her own money. She was very accommodating. But then it was like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Eddie became very controlling and they got into a huge fight. He started screaming at her and grabbed her. She was scared."
So, when Eddie Murphy isn’t roughing up the ladies, he wants his mom to hear him have sex on his honeymoon. I don’t want to say Eddie Murphy is the pinnacle of mental health, but, seriously, he seems well-adjusted. I bet he walks down the street and pushes old people into traffic. You know, because he’s deep like that.
Continue Reading "Eddie Murphy wanted to bring his mom on honeymoon"
Jan 17 2008Eddie Murphy and Tracey Edmonds split after two weeks
Eddie Murphy and Tracey Edmonds were “married” in a private wedding on the island of Bora Bora on New Year’s Day. However to make the marriage legal, the couple needed a ceremony performed in the U.S. They decided to pass and are now “just friends” according to a statement issued to Reuters:
"After much consideration and discussion, we have jointly decided that we will forego having a legal ceremony as it is not necessary to define our relationship further," the statement said.
"While the recent symbolic union in Bora Bora was representative of our deep love, friendship and respect that we have for one another on a spiritual level, we have decided to remain friends," it added.
That’s amazing. It’s a marriage that ends after the honeymoon and isn’t legally recognized by the United States. Seriously, they should offer these on cruise ships. Or, at the very least, the strip club by the bus station. I’d love to marry a stripper for a short amount of time that won’t cost me alimony. I’d treat her good though. I’ll even make her a pillow by stuffing dollar bills and beer bottles in a trash bag. You know, so she’ll feel at home.
Continue Reading "Eddie Murphy and Tracey Edmonds split after two weeks"
Aug 10 2007Scary Spice has reasonable demands
Eddie Murphy's people are claiming that Scary Spice, Melanie Brown, demanded a $9 million mansion from him and that's what started their feud. Scary Spice went on Larry King Live last night and when Larry King asked her about it, she never actually denied it. TMZ reports:
Scary also revealed that she and Eddie tattooed their names on each other -- and claimed that the ink proves that they were, "very much in love and wanted to have a family together" adding, "You don't tattoo somebody's name on your body if it's brief and unimportant, let's put it that way."
The Mirror also reveals that Scary Spice's new husband, Stephen Belafonte, used to beat up his wife and cheat on all his girlfriends. Like a lot. And I don't know much about relationships, but I think beating up your wife and cheating on her is maybe the best foundation for a healthy marriage. As is chaining her to the kitchen and using her breasts as a table. But that's just my opinion. I'm a hopeless romantic.
Jun 22 2007Eddie Murphy is officially the father
A rep for Scary Spice aka Melanie Brown has confirmed that a DNA test shows Eddie Murphy is officially the father of her 2-month-old daughter. A source close to Brown says, "He's the baby's father, it's official. The baby is undoubtedly, 110 percent his. There was no doubt in people's minds anyways, least of all hers. It wasn't a surprise to her. She knew all along."
Well sucks for Eddie. Not only does he officially have a daughter he doesn't want, but the entire world now knows he had sex with this thing. Pictures could surface of him making out with a horse and it'd be less shameful.
May 2 2007Scary Spice taking Eddie Murphy to court
Scary Spice Melanie Brown says she's taking Eddie Murphy to court to force him to take a paternity test. She tells People:
"He's not doing a DNA test and he's not signing the birth certificate. So it's going to have to go to court so he can be forced to do it, which is strange since he was the one asking for it."
I'd refuse a DNA test too if it proved I had sex with this thing. If there was a way to get another woman pregnant by making out with your own mom, I'd rather admit to that than to having sex with Scary Spice.
Apr 3 2007Scary Spice gives birth
Melanie Brown gave birth to a baby girl early this morning, though no name has been picked out yet and she's just being referred to as Baby Brown. And because Scary Spice is a slut, she's still not sure who the father is. She claims Eddie Murphy is the father, but Murphy said on a Dutch TV show last December:
"I don't know whose child that is until it comes out and has a blood test. You shouldn't jump to conclusions, sir."
If I was Eddie I'd be denying I was the father too, just so nobody thought I ever had sex with Scary Spice. It'd be like getting caught having sex with a moose. Or admit to masturbating to Sesame Street.
Oct 18 2006Scary Spice is pregnant with Eddie Murphy's child
Melanie Brown (aka Scary Spice) is reportedly four months pregnant with Eddie Murphy's baby, and the two are allegedly set to marry next month. A source reveals she was spotted in Le Bra Lingerie boutique in West Hollywood talking about the impending birth, and picked up nearly $5,000 worth of Eres lingerie for herself and about $300 worth of La Perla men's undershirts and underwear for Eddie.
The only way I can picture Eddie Murphy and this thing having sex is in a cage at the carnival with some guy in a hat announcing: "Behold a sight so ghastly not even Beelzebub himself would look upon it." Then he'd lift a curtain and there'd be these two going at it and you'd hear a loud gasp from the audience, some murmers of "It's too horrible to look at," and maybe the faint sounds of sobbing in the background.
More of Scary Spice and her nipples poking through after the jump, although you should only take a look if you hate yourself.
Continue Reading "Scary Spice is pregnant with Eddie Murphy's child"
Sep 15 2006Eddie Murphy and Scary Spice get serious
Eddie Murphy brought Scary Spice and her 7-year-old daughter to his annual family vacation with his five kids in Hawaii last month, suggesting the two are getting very serious about their relationship.
During the weeklong trip in late August, the party of eight bonded while lounging poolside in private cabanas and dining out together at the island's branch of Spago. Says one onlooker: "There was a lot of togetherness between the families." At a Fourth of July BBQ Murphy hosted at his Beverly Hills home, the pair "were very loving and cute together," says a source. And Murphy recently escorted Brown to his favorite haunt, L.A.'s Laugh Factory, where "they were very cozy," says a witness. The British singer is spending more time at her L.A. house to be close to the actor. "(Eddie) seems very happy with her, and that's what's important to me," says Murphy's big brother Charlie. "He's in a good place. If she does that (for him), then that's great."
It's hard to go anywhere but up after being caught picking up a transvestite hooker but it seems Eddie Murphy has still somehow managed to screw that up. If you want to quash rumors you're into women with penises you don't go out and hook up with Scary Spice. That's like trying to convince your friends you don't like doing it with porcupines and then introducing them to your new hedgehog girlfriend. Or some other analogy that doesn't involve having sex with small rodents.
