Nov 19 2009Donald Trump to Carrie Prejean: 'Do porn.'
After throwing a hissy fit on Larry King Live and getting caught in several lies about her solo vaginal adventures, Carrie Prejean has turned to Donald Trump in a last ditch plea for advice. He responded with nothing less than pure wisdom. Via Page Six:
"Maybe," Mr. Trump said only half-jokingly, "she should become a major porn star, make millions of dollars, and give it to worthy causes."
If there's truly a God in Heaven, there's no way he didn't hear that and go, "Yeah, all that stuff. Make that stuff happen. Why'd I let this guy go bald again?"
Nov 11 2009Donald Trump: 'Carrie Prejean leaked sex tape for publicity'
Donald Trump threw Carrie Prejean under the bus yesterday by commenting on the convenience of her sex tape being revealed just in time for the release of her book. Via Extra:
"She's trying to act like she's a nun... so maybe she should release the sex tape and people would see whether or not she is a nun," Donald tells "Extra."
At the end of the day, Trump chalks up Carrie's revelations to self-promotion.
"She's trying to sell a book," Trump explains. "She's doing the best she can... I can't imagine too many people would be interested in it, but you never know what sells these days."
Of course, I should point out Donald's Miss USA Organization gets a cut of Carrie's book, so he basically played both sides and cashed in like the savvy bastard is. He's probably enjoying the last laugh right now, or watching an HD copy of her sex tape while masturbating into a bucket of diamonds. Let's assume both.
Continue Reading "Donald Trump: 'Carrie Prejean leaked sex tape for publicity'"
Aug 31 2009Carrie Prejean sues for 'religious discrimination.' Christ...
Carrie Prejean filed a lawsuit today claiming Shanna Moakler and Keith Lewis, but strangely not the Donald, subjected her to "religious discrimination, defamation, public disclosure of private facts, intentional infliction of emotional distress, and negligent infliction of emotional distress." Carrie had teased a lawsuit a month ago only to use the opportunity to push her upcoming book, and Miss California Pageant officials are calling her out for the same tactic, according to TMZ:
TMZ just received the following statement from Miss California USA honcho Keith Lewis, lashing back at the lawsuit Carrie Prejean filed against him this morning for religious discrimination:
"It appears that suits from both sides are now inevitable against the other. I would guess Carrie sees it as a chance to get publicity for her upcoming book because in the interviews I have seen, she talks about the suit and the book in the same breath.
We have no problem with her selling lots of books - considering in the current situation we could stand to profit from every copy she sells.
For us, it has never been about her beliefs and we have always just wanted to move on.
But it seems like Carrie really has nothing new to talk about or anything new in her life so the impression is she just keeps looking for ways to rehash her position as a victim because of her onstage answer."
How do I explain this to Carrie Prejean without hand puppets? The Miss California Organization invested in you, particularly in the chest region, to be the face and again, chest, of their Company. You were an Employee. But should an Employee decide to publicly latch onto divisive political causes in violation of its contract, whether it be bigoted anti-gay marriage legislation or retarded hippie protests with Move-On.org, the Company has every right to protect its investment. So, basically, you're still free to say whatever you want, but your employer is still free to fire you. That's not censorship, that's CAPITALISM. And in case you inexplicably missed the memo while subbing at FOX News, Jesus wants to dip his balls in it. It's his favorite.
Continue Reading "Carrie Prejean sues for 'religious discrimination.' Christ..."
Jun 11 2009Carrie Prejean found out she was fired from the media
Carrie Prejean apparently learned she was stripped of her crown through the media and immediately went on the offensive. She claims the Miss California Organization wanted her to pose in Playboy and appear on I'm a Celebrity... Get Me Out of Here! TMZ reports:
Prejean claims pageant honcho Keith Lewis actually asked her last month if she would take two gigs -- appearing on "I'm a Celebrity ... Get Me Out of Here!" and Playboy. Prejean says Lewis told her Playboy offered $140,000 for her to pose semi-nude. She rejected both offers.
A few minutes ago we talked to Lewis who said he was not pushing her to take either gig -- but merely passing the offers along. Lewis said Prejean had insisted they not turn anything down without running it by her.
In the meantime, she's surprisingly not pissed at Donald Trump who made the decision and claimed she treated people like shit, according to Access Hollywood:
When asked if she planned to contact Trump following the news, Prejean answered by saying she believes he is acting with her best interest in mind.
"I think that he definitely is a businessman and I know that he's looking out for my best interest and right now, I think that that maybe he [thinks this decision is in the] best interest for me," she said.
OR maybe Donald's a smart businessman because he saved your ass in May preventing a martyr situation while giving you enough rope to inevitably hang yourself with once the media shitstorm died down. But that's just me. For all we know, you looked at his toupee wrong.
Jun 10 2009Carrie Prejean no longer Miss California
Due to continual breaches of her contract, Carrie Prejean was stripped of her crown as Miss California today. She'll be replaced by Miss Malibu Tami Farrell. FOX News reports:
"This was a business decision, based solely on contract violations," Keith Lewis, executive director of K2 Productions, said in the documents. "After our press conference in New York we had hoped we would be able to forge a better working relationship. However, since that time it has become abundantly clear that Carrie has no desire to fulfill her obligations under our contract and work together."
While Donald Trump initially defended Carrie last month after it was revealed she lied about taking topless photos, he gave the final OK to fire her, according to TMZ:
Trump told us Carrie refused to appear at around 30 events on behalf of Miss California USA. He says Prejean was contractually bound to appear and she just wouldn't do it. He doesn't think her attitude has anything to do with her politics.
Trump said: "To me she was the sweetest thing. Everyone else -- she treated like s**t."
Hey, don't blame Carrie for not being nice to anyone. Jesus clearly states in the Bible: "Getteth thou fake tits and fucketh those who do not recognize thine excrement smells as sweet as roses. -- Also, never turn down a chance to co-host Fox and Friends. Amen."
May 14 2009Shanna Moakler to Miss California: 'Stop lying.'
Instead of letting sleeping fake breasts lie, Shanna Moakler went on the offensive this morning against Carrie Prejean. Shanna called into Ryan Seacrest to explain why she resigned from the Miss California USA organization and stated she has no ill will towards Donald Trump. Via Sawf News:
Moakler says she was in agreement with Donald Trump at the press conference on Tuesday, during which he announced that Prejean would continue as Miss California, but seeing how things were playing out afterwards she decided to quit.
"The turning point for me was watching the Today show," Moakler told Ryan Seacrest during a phone in to his Morning Show on KISS FM on Thursday.
"She [Prejean] was sitting there continuing to lie...it is obvious to everybody that the lying is still going on. I just couldn't stand behind her," Moakler added.
Okay, this situation is getting way out of hand. Fortunately, I've come up with a solution that should satisfy all parties involved. Long, story short: Shanna, Carrie and I have a crazy three-way while Donald Trump cuts me a check for $1 million. Our nation needs to heal, dammit! (I'll be in the hot tub.)
Video of Carrie Prejean on Today After the Jump.
Continue Reading "Shanna Moakler to Miss California: 'Stop lying.'"
May 13 2009Miss Nevada vs. Miss California: To the ThunderDome! (Bring pudding.)
Former Miss Nevada Katie Rees is effin' pissed that Carrie Prejean was allowed to keep her crown as Miss California even after it was revealed she lied to pageant organizers about posing topless. Katie was in a similar situation in 2006, but Donald Trump wasn't so benevolent and stripped her of the Miss Nevada title. Now she's calling the current situation with Prejean a "huge double standard." E! News reports:
Rees said today that she and Prejean both signed contracts swearing that there were no nude or semi-nude photographs of them in existence.
And they both broke the contract, Rees added, but she is the only one who had to pay so harshly for her mistake. She asked for a chance to reclaim her title, but was denied.
"I don't know why I am the only one who was punished for their behavior," she said. "I was only 19 when those photos were taken of me, and it was me in my personal life, far before I was crowned Miss Nevada. Carrie actually posed for these professional semi-nude photos.
"I think that's worse."
Dear Katie,
Hopefully, I can provide a satisfactory answer to your dilemma. You see, Carrie Prejean attached herself to a controversial topic making it virtually impossible to strip her of her crown without turning her into a martyr for religious nutjobs everywhere. Clearly, this is something you forgot to do, so I've gotta ask, was this your first pageant or something? I mean, Jesus, lady.
Best Wishes,
The Superficial Writer
Continue Reading "Miss Nevada vs. Miss California: To the ThunderDome! (Bring pudding.)"
May 12 2009Miss California keeps her crown
Donald Trump held a news conference today to announce Carrie Prejean will retain her title of Miss California. In a response to The Donald, she claims the topless photos leaked online, which he found "beautiful and lovely," were taken on a windy day causing her breasts to be exposed. .... Excuse me, folks, I need to strap a giant wind machine to my back because, apparently, I've been going about this all wrong. See, kids, lying can make a difference. Thanks, Miss California!
Video after the jump.
