Aug 31 2009Alessandra Ambrosio redefines MILF and other news
- Demi Moore claims she's never had plastic surgery. Right. And I've never paid a hooker to dress up like Abe Lincoln Catwoman. [PopEater]
- Hayden Panettiere is still alive. Midgety. [Lainey Gossip]
- Hilary Duff is pulling diva shit on the set of Gossip Girl. Someone should let Hilary know who's doing who who a favor in this situation. Then let Leighton Meester know I'm hung like a Sherman tank. Do that first. [Celebslam]
- Robert Pattinson allows Premiere magazine to photograph his brooding. [PopSugar]
- Audrina Patridge is leaving The Hills to pursue her film career which will be going nowhere until someone writes Wonk-Tits: The Movie. [Wonderwall]
- Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minillo are back together which is probably the greatest thing to happen to Nick's penis since Joe Simpson stopped sleeping in their bed. [The Blemish]
Continue Reading "Alessandra Ambrosio redefines MILF and other news"
Aug 7 2009Ashton Kutcher defies God's will, escapes death
Ashton Kutcher, who's apparently in Boyz II Men now, and Demi Moore's plane had to make an emergency landing yesterday in Vegas after their engine overheated, according to People:
The two were flying to New York following the Las Vegas premiere of Kutcher's latest movie, Spread, at the Palms Casino Resort. Neither actor was injured.
Moments after the sudden landing, Kutcher reported the incident on Twitter, writing, "My plane just had to do an emergency landing. Engine over heated. Fire engines everywhere good times." He later posted an update saying he was "happy to be alive" and adding that he wanted to celebrate at the Turtle Bay Bar.
Dammit. So close. Granted, Demi Moore would've been lost in the wreckage, I like to believe that after $85 billion of cosmetic surgery she'd at least be flame retardant by now. Then again, in all likelihood, she's probably the exact opposite and would light up like a Christmas tree around the tiniest of flames. "How 'bout some candles, baby? OH MY GOD YOU'RE MELTING!"
Continue Reading "Ashton Kutcher defies God's will, escapes death"
Aug 4 2009Miranda Kerr's camel toe and other news
- Demi Moore's face is worth every cent. All 8,823,983,438,736 of them. [Lainey Gossip]
- Jennifer Aniston is fine with being alone. Really, it doesn't bother her. I mean, it's not like she brings it up every goddamn interview until the end of time. She's tough. [PopEater]
- Jessica Simpson's new reality show requires $25,000 worth of hair and make-up. Per episode. Who the fuck is her stylist? Peter Jackson? [Celebslam]
- Xavier Samuel is your new Twilight obsession. Ten bucks says he loses a testicle at Starbucks within the week. Who wants in? [Just Jared]
- Ashlee Simpson has never met anyone "stronger" than Jessica. No, really. She once saw Jessica chew through a hubcap after divorcing Nick Lachey. She thought it was a cookie. [ICYDK]
- Britney Spears scored seven VMA nominations thus reminding everyone that MTV is an irrelevant conglomerate of asshats. [PopSugar]
Scope Out (12) Pics of Miranda After the Jump
Jul 9 2009Demi Moore in a bikini
These are shots of Demi Moore vacationing in the Caribbean on Monday and anyone else think her face looks like Olive Oyl from Popeye in the second shot? Don't get me wrong, she has the best body every dime she has can buy, but just something about that picture makes me want to down spinach and punch Ashton Kutcher into orbit. Although, in fairness, his face provokes the same reaction.
Scope Out More Pics of Demi on Splash News Online
May 26 2009Hayden Panettiere & Justin Long? Why not?
- Hayden Panettiere is with Justin Long now? This is what happens when midgets are in heat, folks. Also, they grow tails made of rainbows. [Just Jared]
- Demi Moore Twitters a pic of herself getting a false tooth replaced. Jesus, how many times do I have to tell her? "No gyno, no camera." Four simple words, Demi. [Allie is Wired]
- Evangeline Lilly claims she could've been the "next Angelina Jolie" but turned producers down. Which is really her way of saying Megan Fox shoved her down an elevator shaft and left her for dead. True story. [Lainey Gossip]
- Britney Spears was an "honorary bridesmaid" at her cousin's wedding over the weekend. Which means she was only required to wear a dress and wave from the pew, so grandpa didn't get a face-full of vagina during the inevitable pile-up. Then again, these people are from the South... [Pink is the New Blog]
- Zac Efron approves of Vanessa Hudgens wanting to do nudity in films to shed her Disney image. Christ, finally. If he's going to cry every time he sees her naked, at least let someone else look at her. That's just common courtesy. [Celebslam]
- Chloe Sevigny strung out on heroin in the 80s. That's the only way to describe what's happening here. [I'm Not Obsessed]
May 1 2009Anne Hathaway, Demi Moore, Jessica Biel & Kate Hudson get all fancy
After looking at these pics of Anne Hathaway, Demi Moore, Jessica Biel and Kate Hudson at the Cartier 100th Anniversary in America Celebration, I couldn't help but wonder "Who would I want to be stranded on a desert island with?" Based on the following conditions, here's how it would pan out:
Jessica Biel if I was a gambling man and willing to take the risk she wouldn't turn lesbian three days in. Then again, she could probably build a bitchin' log cabin.
Anne Hathaway if Batman was also on the island and trying to steal our coconuts. Seeing his arch-nemesis, the Joker, should keep him at bay long enough for me to touch a breast.
Demi Moore if I wanted a legitimate chance of escape. I figure she's 98% plastic and therefore technically buoyant.
And finally, Kate Hudson, in the unlikely event I never want to see another breast for the rest of my life. -- Yeah, I'm not gonna pick her.
Continue Reading "Anne Hathaway, Demi Moore, Jessica Biel & Kate Hudson get all fancy"
Apr 3 2009Demi Moore stops suicide attempt with Twitter
Demi Moore's Twitter addiction thwarted a suicide attempt after receiving a disturbing tweet last night. (God, I hate you Twitter.) E! News reports:
"I'm just wondering if anyone cares that I'm gonna kill myself now," she wrote to the star. Serious or not, her previous messages that hour--not directed at any one particular person--showed the Silicon Valley girl contemplating suicide and wavering on the decision.
Shortly thereafter, the girl messaged the Ghost star again. "Getting a knife, a big one that is sharp. Going to cut my arm down the whole arm so it doesn't waste time," she wrote.
Moore immediately replied, "Hope you are joking," sharing the scenario with her nearly 400,000 followers.
The brief exchange spurred many people to action, and the San Jose Police Department was flooded with calls on the matter.
Like any good Twittee, Demi updated her followers on the situation. And so did Ashton because they do everything together. *sigh*:
"Everyone I was very torn about responding or retweeting that woman's post but felt uncomfortable just letting it go," Moore told her followers an hour later. In another post, she wrote, "Thanks everyone for reaching out to the San Jose PD I am told they are aware and no need to call anymore. I do not know this woman."
A few hours later, the celebrity tweeted a confirmation of the events' validity. "It is my understanding that the situation was not a joke and that through the collective efforts here, action was taken to provide help."
Or, as husband Ashton Kutcher wrote on his own feed: "wifey reported a suicide attempt based on a at reply tweet she got and saved someones life. the woman is in the hospital now."
Great. So Demi Moore just validated the entire Twitter community which apparently consists of suicidal maniacs, her douche of a husband and Heidi Montag. Narcissism: It saves lives - as long as you look at me!
Continue Reading "Demi Moore stops suicide attempt with Twitter"
Mar 23 2009Bruce Willis gets married
Bruce Willis married his girlfriend model/actress Emma Hemming at his home in Turks & Caicos Saturday, according to People:
With ex-wife Demi Moore and her husband Ashton Kutcher among the guests, Bruce Willis said "I do" with model and actress Emma Heming on Saturday, PEOPLE confirms.
The small wedding ceremony took place at the actor's home in Parrot Cay, Turks & Caicos.
Also present among the small group of guests were Moore and Willis's daughters, Rumer Willis, 20, Scout, 17, and Tallullah Belle, 15.
Sadly, the ceremony didn't include a police car flying into a helicopter making it the most unromantic wedding in the history of weddings. Hands down.
