Aug 21 2009Paris Hilton is fishy and other news
- Criss Angel is such a master of magic, he has a woman's haircut. Ta-da! [PopEater]
- Billy Ray Cyrus approves of Miley's pole-dancing at the Teen Choice Awards. Is anyone really surprised by this? Honestly. [The Blemish]
- Cameron Diaz and Keanu Reeves are dating. [Lainey Gossip]
- Leighton Meester sounds like an amazing person to take to dinner. [Celebslam]
- Renee Zellweger needs to be stopped. Seriously. This is getting ridiculous. [PopSugar]
- Megan Fox is hosting the season premiere of Saturday Night Live. [Just Jared]
- Brad Pitt calls Tom Cruise's Valkyrie "ridiculous." Ha! Midgets can't kill Hitler.[Splash News]
Aug 12 2009Gary Coleman must be broke as shit and other news
- Chris Brown is truly suffering for beating the shit out of Rihanna. I mean, he went to the club last night without an entourage. I thought we were done torturing as a nation? [Got your back, Lainey.]
- Heidi Montag still hasn't told her dad she's posing in Playboy so she can maintain her "Christian values." My brain just folded in on itself after typing that sentence. I drool now. [Socialite Life]
- Jack Nicholson's decrepit body has sex with women. Yet somehow I find this less improbable than Jon Gosselin's neverending poon train. [Celebslam]
- Alessandra Ambrosio licking an ice cream cone. There is a God. [The Blemish]
- Gwyneth Paltrow's cooking videos are like "watching paint dry," according to Real Housewives of New York star Bethenny Frankel. Which is ironic considering that show is like watching middle-aged women's vaginas dry. Too real? [Just Jared]
- Shia LaBeouf's masturbation problem is solved! [PopSugar]
- Criss Angel is still alive despite Internet rumors to the contrary and this voodoo doll I told Britney Spears was a hot dog. [PopEater]
Thanks to Katrina for the photo submission except now I'm hungry for French fries with a side of sadness sauce.
Jul 17 2009Criss Angel slums it in Mexico
Here's Criss Angel and his new "girlfriend" in Mexico yesterday, and I love how Criss, who's typically dressed to the nines as some form of magic goth/emo douche, lounges around with his gut hanging out while texting on his BlackBerry. In daylight. Quick, someone confiscate his black nail polish. He's not sad and tortured inside.
NOTE: When I said "girlfriend" earlier obviously I meant prostitute. Just so we're clear.
Scope Out (16) Pics of Criss After the Jump
May 15 2009Criss Angel will steal your pets
Criss Angel is on the verge of getting sued for allegedly stealing the cat of Vegas showman Jeff Beacher, according to Page Six:
Beacher's lawyer, Robert Reynolds, wrote to Angel: "After both of Mr. Beacher's parents passed away due to cancer [two years ago], his family's cat ("Hamlet") was bequeathed to him by will. At the time, Mr. Beacher was residing at the Hard Rock Hotel [in Las Vegas]. Accordingly, he allowed his friend Jennifer Madden to temporarily care for the cat until he moved out of the hotel.
"Soon thereafter, while still grieving over the recent loss of his father, my client received a phone call from you stating, 'I took your cat. He lives with me now' . . . This action was against the will of Ms. Madden and Mr. Beacher. I also understand that you made further bizarre allegations, including, 'The cat no longer likes you' and 'The cat and I have become close friends.' "
This is usually never the case, but I absolutely, 100% believe this story. There's no doubt in my mind that Criss Angel steals animals then calls up their owners to say "Hey, your pet loves me now." Talk about the douchiest thing anyone could do which is what makes it so believable. In fact, I'm surprised this didn't end with pics of Criss using his necklace to handcuff kittens. You'd think that'd be the next logical step.
Feb 26 2009Holly Madison makes smartest decision of her life
Seen here on Valentine's Day, Holly Madison and Criss Angel have officially broken up, according to Us Magazine:
"All she's doing is following Criss Angel around to all of his magic shows, with no legitimate job to speak of," said an insider. "She's still heartbroken and regretful about how things went down with Hef.
"Then she ran into the arms of Criss Angel," the source told Us. "But then it's like, 'This is not everything I thought it would be.'"
Criss Angel's rep claims the two are still "very close friends" which everyone knows is showbiz talk for "the roofies wore off and who knew she'd tie sheets together and climb down the balcony?"
Continue Reading "Holly Madison makes smartest decision of her life"
Jan 4 2009Holly Madison introduces Criss Angel to her parents
Holly Madison had a milestone on New Year's Day when she introduced her parents to Criss Angel. It's the first time her folks have ever met one of her boyfriends, according to E! Online:
The couple was spotted with Madison's parents, Steve and Patsy Madison, having dessert at Fix Restaurant & Bar at the Bellagio in Las Vegas, according to a source.
They enjoyed warm brownie cake, a cappuccino milk shake and chocolate coffee cake. Angel also requested a hot chocolate from the Bellagio's hotel bar.
The Mindfreak illusionist picked up the tab.
Things, however, turned sour when Steve Madison realized his daughter wasn't playing a joke and was seriously going to marry "Charm Necklace Houdini over here." When Holly refused to go back to "a respectable life juggling old man balls for cash," he disowned her that night at Starbucks over cafe lattes, soy, no whip. Criss was also there sipping a Frappucino until Steve kicked his ass in the parking lot then promised to do this again "real soon" over Easter.
Continue Reading "Holly Madison introduces Criss Angel to her parents"
Dec 22 2008Barack Obama shows off his presidential pecs
- Barack Obama hit the beach in Hawaii with his family for the holidays. Anyone else concerned that the paparazzi were able to get a shot of him? Jesus, after the Bush/shoe incident, remind me never to run for president. Because I'd win!
[Full set of nearly 40 photos of Barack and family in Hawaii at Celebuzz]
- Kendra Wilkinson has become "more conservative" and doesn't "flash anymore" since getting engaged. Wait. Then why am I even writing about her? Quick, what's Screech up to? [People]
- Russell Crowe is trying to get Gladiator director Ridley Scott fired from their latest movie Nottingham because he wants the actor to lose weight and show up for work on time. Here's a compromise: Shut down the omelet bar promptly before shooting. He'll either be on time - or thinner. [Page Six]
- Holly Madison plans on proposing to Criss Angel who says "what Holly and I have is really something that money can’t buy. She is enough for me." Read: I'm not paying for the ring unless it's from Hot Topic. [Us Magazine]
Continue Reading "Barack Obama shows off his presidential pecs"
Nov 7 2008Criss Angel & Holly Madison starting to remind me of another couple I know...
Criss Angel and Holly Madison attended the Vegas premiere of Repo! The Genetic Opera last night, and wait a goddamn minute. Ha! It all makes sense now:
Blonde with plastic tits? Check.
Walking bag of douche? Check.
Retarded poses? Check.
Anyone else see what's going on here? I've said some horrible shit on this site, but nothing will prepare you for this:
Criss Angel and Holly Madison are the new Heidi & Spencer.
*KABOOM!*
Seriously, there's no coming back from an insult like that. If someone called me and my significant other the Ass Twins, I'd jump in a woodchipper and hope to God migrant workers lit my remains on fire. (Hint, hint, nudge, nudge, get your ass to Home Depot, Criss Angel.)
Continue Reading "Criss Angel & Holly Madison starting to remind me of another couple I know..."
