Apr 25 2008Jimmy Fallon to replace Conan O'Brien
I'm a tad perturbed right now. Mostly because for a couple years now I managed to forget that Jimmy Fallon even existed. Today I was smacked in the face with the fact that, not only does his unfunny ass still walk among us, but he'll be taking over for Conan O'Brien on NBC's Late Night, according to the AP:
A former regular on "Saturday Night Live," Fallon, 33, would take over sometime next year as host of the 12:30 a.m. talk show. O'Brien is to replace Jay Leno on NBC's "Tonight" show, aired at 11:30 p.m. each weeknight..... As long ago as last summer, NBC late-night boss Rick Ludwin was quoted as saying that Fallon "is at the top of our short list."
Expect violence in America to go up next year. Instead of people asking "Hey, did you see Conan last night?" they'll now ask "Hey, did you see Jimmy Fallon last night?" Which will of course be answered by a well-deserved toss out our 20th story office window. Yeah, I'm talking to you, Bill. It's not a crime if I warn you a year in advance. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go rob that bank that I warned back in '05. Free money, here I come!
UPDATE: So, I'm in jail now. Which isn't that bad, actually. I just paid Wesley Snipes a pack of smokes to say "Always bet on black." And, for two packs, he'll karate kick me in the chest! Shit, had I known prison was this much fun, I would've gotten in years ago. Oh, wow, a knife fight! Whee!
Nov 8 2007Conan O’Brien stalked by Catholic priest
A Catholic priest from Boston was arrested for stalking Conan O’ Brien in New York yesterday. The forty six year old priest David Ajemian tried to enter a filming of “Late Night with Conan O’ Brien” at NBC studios when police stopped him, according to NY Daily News:
The priest allegedly had been sending the TV host threatening e-mails, postcards and letters since September 2006 and now faces charges of aggravated harassment and stalking.
Father Ajemian is now under psychiatric evaluation. The Archdiocese of Boston says he has been placed on leave and is not permitted to minister publicly.
That’s odd. The Catholic Church hardly ever threatens people. I mean, unless you read The Da Vinci Code, use birth control, are Kevin Smith, work at an abortion clinic, insult Mel Gibson, get a divorce, press charges for stuff that may have happened when you were an altar boy, pose provocatively in a confession booth, are Madonna, totally dig gay marriage or claim the Holocaust is real. But, yeah, other than that; very calm people.
Note: If any perturbed Catholics want to personally give me some fire and brimstone, I'm a nice guy, so allow me to help: click here for my picture. Make sure you really commit my face to memory. Because I totally want to atone for my sins. Feel free to use whatever methods you feel necessary. Might I suggest a Buick to the nuts? It's what Jesus would do.
