Jul 25 2007Paris Hilton makes out with Cisco Adler
I don't know why, but Paris Hilton was spotted making out with Mischa Barton's ex, Cisco Adler, at Guy's karaoke night yesterday. TMZ reports:
A spy spotted Hilton and Mischa Barton's grungy ex-boyfriend kissing all over each other at the club last night, with Paris going so far as to give Adler a little lap dance. When she wasn't getting randy in the crowd, Paris graced the stage with a rendition of "Bette Davis Eyes," followed by a medley of her hit "Stars are Blind."
In case you've forgotten, this is what Cisco Adler looks like. Paris Hilton isn't exactly the most desirable woman, but even she could do better than Cisco. You could pour some oatmeal on a mop and end up with a better looking man. Probably more human looking genitals too.
Feb 7 2007Mischa Barton and Cisco Adler not broken up
Us Weekly reported today that Mischa Barton broke up with Cisco Adler after a nude picture of him (so NSFW it's not even funny) surfaced on the web last month, but Adler's rep insists they're still together, saying: "They are fine - very happy together." Regarding the picture, Cisco adds:
"Mischa wasn't too excited, to say the least," Adler tells the New York Observer in Wednesday's issue. "I think it was actually worse for her than for me in some ways. So yeah, I'm gonna try to keep my pants on from now on."
For the love of all that is good, yes, please, keep your pants on. Always. Even in the shower. Peeing, pooing, whatever. There's no excuse for Cisco Adler to ever be naked. I'm not up to date on the Bible but I'm pretty sure his balls break at least seven of the ten commandments. I can't even begin to comprehend how low Mischa Barton's self-esteem must be if she's seen Cisco naked and still wants to be with him. His nudity is like an insult to nature. And his balls? Well his balls look like they were crafted from evil itself.
Aug 22 2006Mischa Barton and Cisco Adler eat lunch at Cafe Med
For any single guys out there thinking there's no hope for them, Cisco Adler should stand as a shining example that no matter how poor or ugly or unhygienic you look you can still manage to bag a woman like Mischa Barton. And by "a woman like Mischa Barton" I mean a tall waifish girl who's probably legally blind and has a poor sense of smell.
More of Mischa and the always amusing Cisco after the jump.
Continue Reading "Mischa Barton and Cisco Adler eat lunch at Cafe Med"
Feb 21 2006Mischa Barton says Paris Hilton is insecure
Mischa Barton has come out and said that Paris Hilton's cruel remarks about her are due to her insecurity and hunger for publicity. Mischa fell out of Paris's circle of friends when she began dating Kimberly Stewart's ex-fiance, Cisco Adler, and recently said:
"I met her one or two times and she's making out there's this big rivalry between us and there so isn't. She seems to hate everyone around her age who is more successful."
Barton also attacked Hilton's appearance at the Brit Awards last week's, saying, "I tuned into the Brits because I like to know what's going on in British music and I saw her and I was like, 'What?' She was coming out with all this ridiculous stuff, like, 'I love London because... whatever.' Please."
Paris does seem the insecure type, like one of those people you could walk by and say something like, "You're looking a little fat today." And then it would ruin their life. She'd call you a stupid lying fuck face and then pretend she was okay, but then she'd secretly develop one or two eating disorders because she's scared of the way people view her. Then she'd over compensate and pretend to be secure by having her clothes fall off in public and making sex tape after sex tape. Which I'm totally fine with, by the way, so feel free to call her fat as often as you'd like.
Feb 7 2006Mischa Barton and Cisco Adler live the dream
Here's a fun little story about young love, and drugs, and public humiliation, and then probably more drugs. Whitestarr rocker Cisco Adler and his bandmates cruised around Los Angeles the other day in a flatbed truck, playing tunes to promote condo sales at the Hard Rock in San Diego. When Adler's girlfriend Mischa Barton pulled up behind them in her car, he serenaded her as the band members puffed on "funny-smelling" cigarettes.
Ahh yes, the great Condo Sales Tour '06. Almost as good as Songs from a Dumpster. The only way this could be worse is if the band was dressed as ballerinas. And called themselves the Penis Band. And I'm not even sure if that's worse. But hey, quite a catch there Mischa. Good for you.
Jan 5 2006Mischa Barton tanning, hopefully
Here's Mischa Barton snuggling up in Miaimi with a guy I assume is her boyfriend Cisco Adler. In the second photo (after the jump) she appears to be suntanning. At least, I hope that's what she's doing. And I really hope that's suntan lotion she's rubbing on herself. Not Cisco lotion.
Dec 25 2005Mischa engaged to dirty hippie, could've had Leo
Despite repeated phone calls to Fox, pigeon couriers and a restraining order, I've failed in my attempt to keep Mischa from getting serious with Weird Al Yankovic's bastard love child. She's going to marry Cisco Adler in February, and now all I can do is sob uncontrollably whilst watching my O.C. DVDs, fantasizing about what could have been. At least I'm not alone. Mischa's publicist Craig Schneider tried to pimp her out to Leonardo DiCaprio, but probably would have had better luck selling condoms to the Hilton sisters.
She claims when she and Craig spotted the 'Titanic' star at a photoshoot, he turned to her and said: 'For the sake of your career, go and sleep with that man.' But the sexy star said she was put off dating DiCaprio because he is ten years older than her, adding: 'Isn't Leo like, 30, or something?'
So instead Mischa goes with a dropout from the K-Fed school of suck. I don't know why I'm worried. If Kimberly Stewart couldn't bring herself to marry this guy, I'm sure Mischa will move on to a new dirtbag in a couple of weeks. And by dirtbag, I mean Nick Lachey. You'll see.
Mischa Barton set to wed in February [Monsters and Critics]
Oct 31 2005Mischa Barton likes 'em classy
I'll admit, this is the first time I've ever actually seen Mischa Barton's new boyfriend, club owner Cisco Adler. And since he used to date Kimberly Stewart, I guess it was foolish of me to expect something even vaguely human-looking. I know that Mischa's last boyfriend was a lump of grease, but at least he was a lump of grease with enough money to buy Lenin's brain. I don't know how much Cisco Adler is worth, but by the looks of it, I'd say 73 cents and a bag of Zesty Doritos. Sure, that would be more delicious than Lenin's brain, but it wouldn't be nearly as cool.
