Nov 1 2009Christina Ricci still in a bikini


Here's Christina Ricci continuing her Miami vacation yesterday and her thigh tattoo really does look like it says "Fuck" despite the fact it's "Jack." I have no idea what that's all about, but lets assume it has something to do with guarding the secret recipe for E.L. Fudges from her sworn enemies on the Rice Krispies box. Dammit, when will the tiny bloodshed end?!

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Oct 30 2009Christina Ricci in a bikini


Here's Christina Ricci in Miami today with her boyfriend ME. Yep, we decided to get a little R&R together, and if you're wondering why I keep ducking out of every shot, that's because I'm the modest type who doesn't like to rub it into everyone's face that I'm having sex with Christina Ricci, all the time. In her vagina. Nobody likes a bragger and especially one having sex with Christina Ricci like I do. Without our clothes on. What's that, Christina? Time for all that sex again? But you're still taking a bath in a coffee mug, I won't fit in there...

Christina Ricci in Miami: Day 2

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Aug 11 2009Christina Ricci has been working out


The recently unengaged Christina Ricci showed up looking smoking hot to the premiere of Inglourious Basterds last night, and I'm seriously digging those midget curves. If I had a pair of tweezers and a steady hand, I'd undress her right now. Provided she agrees not to stab me in the testicles with a cocktail sword then steal my shirt buttons.

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Photos: WENN

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Jun 4 2009Christina Ricci is single


Christina Ricci and Owen Benjamin have called off their engagement, according to People:

"Owen had a birthday party this past Sunday, and everything seemed fine. Sometime after, they got into a fight and decided to reevaluate things. [Then] the engagement was off," says a source close to the couple.
Another source close to the actress says the pair called off the engagement before last week. "They really are still close," adds the source. "They talk almost every day. It was a very mature decision and they both felt good about it. They're definitely still friends."

I'm sure they'll be fine. In the meantime, anyone notice how Christina's always carrying a can of Coke? I guess caffeine really does stunt your growth. *looks at coffee mug* So you're why my penis is so small MADE OF DIAMONDS.

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Photos: Fame

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Mar 18 2009Christina Ricci gets engaged


Christina Ricci and her boyfriend Owen Benjamin are engaged, according to People:

Ricci, 29, met Benjamin on the set of their film All's Faire in Love last year and went public with their relationship in October. Most recently, they were spotted cozying up at the Nobu West Hollywood's one-year anniversary party last week.

This marks the first time an elf will marry a giant which, of course, required the written consent of the Gingerbread Guild. Congratulations!

Photos: Fame

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Sep 3 2008Christina Ricci in a bikini


Christina Ricci hit the beach yesterday with her boyfriend Kick Gurry. Kick? Note to self: Change name to "Chop Samson." Purchase water-bed, five barrels of Cool Whip, cape. Prepare for all the sex with Christina Ricci. End note.

Addendum: Keep an eye out for The Geekologie Writer a.k.a. "Donkey-Punch Gusterson."

Photos: INFdaily.com

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Jun 3 2008Tila Tequila tries way too hard to prove she's bisexual (Because she's not)


Tila Tequila's marketing bra was on overdrive during the MTV Movie Awards this weekend. One of the main criticisms of her show A Shot at Love was that, hey, guess what, Tila's not really a bisexual. With her second season in progress, she's working her face off to trick people into believing she swings both ways. At the Movie Awards Tila offered up her advice to lesbian couple Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson, according to Us Magazine:

"I think that the fact that everyone knows about it makes it fine," she told Usmagazine.com at the MTV Movie Awards in Universal City, CA Sunday.
Her advice for the clandestine couple?
"Just go all out with it!" she said. "If you’re going to do something, do it all out."

And if that wasn't enough. Tila then did a leprechaun bounce over to the Extra reporters and professed her love for Christina Ricci:

"I love Christina Ricci," she reveals to Extra. "She’s really hot and I think she looks kind of odd like me…I fell in love with her when I saw Black Snake Moon. She was naked in that one. I kind of drooled over her naked scenes…"

You know who drools over Christina Ricci? Non-bisexuals. Holy crap, I rest my case. Once again, another decisive battle in the age-old struggle of science versus crazy non-lesbian elf stripper. Onward to victory!

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Apr 2 2008Christina Ricci wants Jessica Biel's ass (Bingo!)


Christina Ricci, like most of the civilized world, wants Jessica Biel's butt and she's shouting it from the rooftops. Or People Magazine, if you want to argue over semantics:

"I asked my trainer, 'Can you give me Jessica Biel's butt?'" the actress – who starred with Biel's beau Timberlake in last year's Black Snake Moan – tells the U.K. edition of Elle. "I want a bigger butt."
Alas, because of her tiny frame, "they said I couldn't," she laments. "Everyone wants what they can't have!"

Christina Ricci, I, too want Jessica Biel's ass. Mostly for haberdashery purposes, but we should get together sometime and compare notes. Perhaps over coffee or, oh, I dunno, my bathtub. Why not both? Just don't laugh at my shower cap and scald my nips off with French Roast.

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