Sep 16 2009Catherine Zeta-Jones' still got it and other news
- Scarlett Johannson is auctioning off a chance to be within gawking distance of her lady mountains. [PopEater]
- Jennifer Aniston singing for Ellen = the worst lesbian porn I've seen in my life. [Lainey Gossip]
- Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen want to name their unborn son Gabriel. [Just Jared]
- Jesus Luz is still bound by Madonna's sorcery. Seek holy water, son. Holy water! [PopSugar]
- Linda Hogan continues banging that Charley Hill kid but has finally found the decency to make him look like a 38 year old bartender at Applebee's. [Celebslam]
- Shia LaBeouf is a Wall Street broker who plays by his own rules. Except for helmet laws which he apparently obeys at the expense of his badass mystique. [Splash News]
- Burt Reynolds was in rehab for an addiction to awesome. And, okay, pain pills. [Wonderwall]
Continue Reading "Catherine Zeta-Jones' still got it and other news"
Nov 10 2008Catherine Zeta-Jones needs to leave Michael Douglas TODAY
Here are shots of Catherine Zeta-Jones at the 4th Annual "A Fine Romance" benefit Saturday night, and she has to be the hottest old lady on the planet. Okay, so she's only 39; I think my statement speaks for itself. (Read: I want to play nude Bingo with her.) Anyway, she really needs to ditch Michael Douglas before she hits "the change," and he strokes out watching Matlock. The guy can't be that rich for her to be holding out. Even Hugh Hefner's women are leaving him, and he's roughly the same age as Mike Douglas. In fact, didn't they fight in that war together? Which one was it... Oh, right: The Crusades.
NOTE: Wolverine knows what's up.
Continue Reading "Catherine Zeta-Jones needs to leave Michael Douglas TODAY"
Mar 10 2008Catherine Zeta-Jones is all kinds of hot
Catherine Zeta-Jones promoted her unnaturally hot ass off in Sydney this weekend. She did press for her latest movie Death Defying Acts. I don't even know what it's about, but who cares? It stars Catherine Zeta-Jones. I'd watch a five-hour documentary about the bassoon if she was in it. I included pictures of her husband Michael "I met Abe Lincoln" Douglas who stayed in LA. Probably because he has to stay on his native soil or else those around him will suffer the mummy's curse. And by curse I mean stories about that time he forgot to take his blood thinner.
Oct 22 2007Catherine Zeta-Jones still hot but married to that old guy
Catherine Zeta-Jones and Michael Douglas attended the benefit for the Motion Picture and Television Fund at Sony Studios over the weekend. It should be a crime for a woman that good looking to date a dude that old. I mean, yeah, he’ll probably die soon. (Keeping my fingers crossed for tomorrow.) But Grandpa here should let young bucks like me have a chance. Maybe, instead of feeding you oatmeal and watching the History channel, Catherine would like to feel pecs that were chiseled from marble by Zeus himself. Sure, maybe he was a bit overzealous and gave me an extra nipple or four, but just feel those pectoral muscles. You can’t? Too many nips? Goddammit, Zeus.
Jul 9 2007Catherine Zeta-Jones is out of her mind
Just in case you had any doubts that Catherine Zeta-Jones is 100% ridiculous, the Daily Mail reports she regularly ships in $400 caviar and then washes her hair with it.
The Beluga caviar is apparently flown in from Iran five days ahead of her treatments at a beauty salon in South Kensington. "Catherine discovered the caviar treatment last summer and was astounded by the difference it made to her hair," said a source. "She has an incredibly rich and vibrant natural hair colour but the creamy, almost oily nature of caviar really brings this out, making the colour even richer and making it so much more glossy." Miss Zeta-Jones's hair is washed with a truffle-based shampoo, then smeared with the caviar, which is combed through and left to set.
$400 caviar for your hair is just a really really wise investment. Because before the caviar her hair looks like regular old hair, but then after the caviar it looks like, uh, regular old hair that smells like caviar. I wonder how Michael Douglas feels when Catherine Zeta-Jones puts on her solid gold pajamas and climbs into bed. I guess he's already asleep since, you know, dead pandas are so comfortable.
