May 4 2009Jamie Lynn's boyfriend going to jail?

Jamie Lynn Spears' baby's daddy, Casey Aldridge, might be looking at jail time for his pickup truck accident which resulted in three people - including himself - being ejected from the vehicle. Surprisingly, they all survived with minor injuries. People reports:

Alridge, 19, better known as Jamie Lynn Spears's boyfriend and the father of their baby daughter, 10-month-old Maddie, was charged with careless operation of a motor vehicle, a violation of Louisiana Revised Statue 32:58 after he drove off a road into a ditch and flipped his F-250 pickup truck on April 26.
According to Louisiana criminal attorney Lester Gauthier, who is not involved with the case, Aldridge will face a fine of no more than $175 and/or imprisonment for not more than 30 days.

Of course, Casey's sentence will be commuted if he had at least two huntin' rifles in the vehicle and a "loved up" pig. Southern Law: It just done makes sense.

Apr 26 2009Jamie Lynn Spears' boyfriend in car accident

Casey Aldridge, the father of Jamie Lynn Spears' daughter Maddie, flipped his truck early this morning in Louisiana. He's currently at the University of Mississippi Medical Center and in stable condition, according to TMZ:

We've learned Casey Aldridge was charged with careless operation of a motor vehicle (a misdemeanor) after last night's crash -- and no other car was involved.
Cops tell TMZ Casey was driving on the LA 606, which is in the Tensas Parish in Louisiana, when he lost control of his F-150 at around 1:30 AM. Law enforcement sources say Casey was initially taken to the Riverland Medical Facility in Ferriday, LA -- which is right across the border from Mississippi.

People is reporting there were "several passengers inside when it went off the shoulder of the road and flipped over." Without all the facts in, I don't want to assume alcohol was the cause of the accident because that would rule out fellatio from a blood relative. But, look, accurate conjecture aside, the important thing is Casey isn't driving a baby around. .... Oh, right.

Oct 8 2008Casey Aldridge is only putting babies in Jamie Lynn Spears

Clearly before news of a potential bun in the oven hit today, Jamie Lynn Spears and her boyfriend Casey Aldridge sat down with OK! Magazine to address the rumors that he was cheating on Jamie Lynn with 28-year-old Kelli Dawson and others:

"That is just completely fabricated," adds Jamie Lynn. "He never had an intimate relationship with her, so how would that be possible? Around here, that particular girl is known to make up stories."
And then there's Whitney Seals, who supposedly romanced Casey. Says Jamie Lynn, "What happened was that one of those girls did it, and in this small town when one of them does it, they're all like, 'Good idea.' They all jumped on the bandwagon."
"In a small town, everybody knows everybody," he explains. "But when money's involved, you find out who your friends are."
As for reports he impregnated Kelli, a stunned Casey told OK!, "That's news to me."

Of course that's news to Casey Aldridge. I mean, all he did was have unprotected sex numerous times with Kelli Dawson where he ejaculated his semen into her birth canal. Sheeit, that's not how you make a baby.*

*For our readers in the South, that is, actually, how you make a baby. My apologies for telling you therefore causing Baby Jesus to cry.

Sep 22 2008Jamie Lynn Spears' boyfriend is a f*cking idiot

Casey Aldridge is a boy genius. Apparently, the father of Jamie Lynn Spears' daughter Maddie took a camera card to Wal-Mart that contained pictures of her breast-feeding. In one of the pictures, Jamie Lynn's underage breast is exposed which has sparked a federal manhunt, according to TMZ:

The pics were taken on Casey's digital camera. We're told he took the camera card to his local Wal-Mart in Louisiana for copies. Law enforcement believes someone at the Wal-Mart may have made extra copies, then tried selling them.
Because Jamie Lynn is a minor, selling the pics -- or buying them -- could constitute a violation of federal laws prohibiting child pornography. Peddling pictures of a minor's breast -- even if not taken for sexual purposes -- could land the seller and the buyer in federal prison if they are marketed across state lines for the purpose of being lurid. Also, anyone purchasing the pics could be prosecuted for the crime of receiving stolen property.

Britney's lawyers are also preparing to sue the shit out of Wal-Mart - but will no doubt settle for a lifetime supply of Cheetos. Anyway, here's some advice for Casey Aldridge:

1. Stop reproducing.

2. Don't take pictures of your paparazzi-hunted celebrity girlfriend to the one-hour photo. Remember when you tried to shoot a guy for taking photos of Jamie Lynn? Yeah, Jethro, he was doing that for money. So you basically just handed over a giant bag of cash to a dude who makes minimum wage. I'll let you pop a squat on your huntin' ATV and mull that one over.

3. Never get photos of your lady's boobs developed at Wal-Mart.. Go to Target.

Aug 14 2008Jamie Lynn Spears' boyfriend: 'I ain't cheatin' with no one not no how!'

Jamie Lynn Spears' boyfriend Casey Aldridge is claiming he never had sex with 28-year-old Kelli Dawson while Jamie Lynn was pregnant. Kelli claims her and Casey were hooking up until March of this year. While her story lacks credibility simply because they're not kin, Casey also says Kelli is looking for some easy money, according to TMZ:

As for the picture of Casey with Kelli Dawson (the Sienna Miller of the South), he claims it was taken before he even hooked up with J.L.
Casey has called the Spears clan to vent and they believe his story.... Casey says it's all about Southern Sienna trying to make a buck.

It should be noted the Spears family is extremely gullible. Here's a brief rundown of some of the bullshit they've swallowed over the past year:

Casey to Jamie Lynn: "Don't worry, baby. I'm sterile."
Jamie Lynn to Spears family: "Casey is definitely the father."
Britney to Jamie Lynn: "I'll never put your baby on a bun and try to eat her."

Aug 13 2008Jamie Lynn Spears' boyfriend done cheated on her (Gasp!)

Casey Aldridge, the father of Jamie Lynn Spears' daughter Maddie, was reportedly sleeping with another woman while Jamie Lynn was pregnant. His mistress was 28-year-old Kelli Dawson (above) and I can see the attraction. Who doesn't love a weary-looking southern belle with a scowl that could peel paint off a barn? I can almost smell her sweet Marlboro breath from here. Ahh! InTouch reports:

"The pair didn’t bother to hide their relationship.“ Kelli and Casey have been a couple on and off for a few years,” confirms Jason Alexander, Britney Spears’ first husband and a native of nearby Kentwood, La. “They were a really tight couple, but I think it was hard for Kelli, having Jamie Lynn in the picture.”
Kelli says she and Casey stopped sleeping together a few months before Jamie Lynn gave birth to their daughter, Maddie. “It just didn’t feel right,” she explains. “He had to deal with the baby coming, and it had to stop.” She says the last time the couple had sex together was in March but “even after we stopped having sex, we would still kiss occasionally.”

Fortunately, Kelli had the decency not to sell their story to a tabloid. Oh, right. Well, I'm sure she needed the money for college. Ha ha ha! No, seriously, have fun at the Toby Keith concert.

Jul 30 2008Jamie Lynn Spears & Casey Aldridge to wed this fall

Jamie Lynn Spears will wed Casey Aldridge, the father of baby Maddie Briann (open to debate), this fall and reportedly host the ceremony in her own backyard. Britney will be the maid of honor as part of her final test to prove she has the mental fortitude to not hump a cake. OK! Magazine reports:

"She loves everything about the area where she lives. She's not going to get married at some luxury resort in the Caribbean or a hotel in Beverly Hills," a friend of the bride-to-be tells OK!. "Her own backyard with just the people who matter most is more Jamie Lynn's style."
And with the wedding approaching quickly, Jamie Lynn is planning to look her best on the big day. "She's already down to her pre-pregnancy weight," says the friend. "She has the cutest figure!"

There's nothing like seeing a young couple on their way to NRA membership and NASCAR-induced domestic violence. It's like a Disney movie waiting to be made!

Jun 19 2008Jamie Lynn Spears has her baby - and it's a girl!

Jamie Lynn Spears gave birth to baby girl Maddie Briann this morning. The father is Jamie Lynn's boyfriend Cassey Aldridge (but don't quote me on that.) People reports:

"Just the family was there," says a source about the birth around 9:30 a.m. at a hospital in Mississippi, near her Louisiana hometown. "Everyone is healthy and happy."

What's awesome is the pictures above were taken last night at El Dorado Mexican restaurant. They say spicy food jump starts the labor process, so obviously she was ready to get this thing done. Either that or Britney put a gun to her head and demanded tacos now. Don't give her no lip about contractions. Ha ha, sisters.

Congratulations to Jamie Lynn and Casey. I look forward to hearing Maddie's first single next week.

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