Nov 2 2009Famous People in Costumes
Because everyone knows Hollywood is a godless bordello of Sodomites, it's no surprise the stars came out to celebrate Halloween/pay homage to Satan for their careers. So here's a gathering of costumed celebs In no particular order:
Jessica Lowndes as God Willing, the Future Referee of My Pants.
Mariah Carey as A Victoria's Secret Angel with Elephantitis.
Jessica Alba as Dora the Explorer: For Daddies. (WTF?)
Gwen Stefani as Gavin Rossdale's Cowpoke.
Khloe Kardashian as Catwoman with Self-Esteem Issues.
AnnaLynne McCord as Batgirl Who Still Gets Asked "Wait. They remade 90210?"
Bai Ling as... Bai Ling? I don't even know.
Brooke Shields as Flapper Mom with Tom Cruise Punching Action.
Christina Aguilera as the Cheapest Celebrity Mom Ever. (You're rich, lady!)
Heidi Klum as a Woman Who Just Gave Birth Hiding Her Body in Shame Underneath the World's Most Elaborate Bird Costume.
HAIL SATAN!
Scope Out (40) Pics of Costumed Celebs After the Jump
Sep 29 2009Taylor Momsen wears short skirts and other news
- Angelina Jolie apparently owns only one dress/bed sheet. [Lainey Gossip]
- Beyonce has her way with Singapore's airspace. [Drunken Stepfather: Site is NSFW]
- Scott Storch admits Brooke Hogan's music sucks. [Celebslam]
- Rihanna wears weird shit. [PopSugar]
- January Jones is trying to save the sharks? Awesome. Nothing like knowing my right to get goddamn mauled at the beach is being preserved by the woman who made Don Draper sign his soul way. Contracts are his Kryptonite, you freakin' harpie! [Just Jared]
- Brooke Shields apparently posed for naked photos at age 10 which are now being displayed at a London art museum. Uh, they already caught Roman Polanski, guys. You can stop trying to bait him. [PopEater]
- Jon Gosselin wasn't fired by TLC, he'll just appear "less often" on the newly renamed show. The sad pussy train chugs on! [Wonderwall]
- Heather Locklear's first day on the set of Melrose Place doesn't end in a DUI. -- We've been duped. Check her wallet! [ICYDK]
Scope Out (12) Pics of Taylor After the Jump
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May 26 2009Brooke Shields wishes she got laid sooner
Brooke Shields reveals she regrets not losing her virginity until she was 22 in the latest issue of Health:
"I think I would have been much more in touch with myself. I think I wouldn't have had issues with weight--I carried this protective 20 pounds [in college]. It was all connected. And to me, that's a health regret."
So, wait, did Brooke Shields just say she wishes she lost her virginity at a young age so she didn't become a fatty? Wow. She should speak at high school graduations. I'm serious, this'll save me a lot of leg work while I'm waiting out in the parking lot clothing homeless kittens.
May 11 2009Kiefer Sutherland's lawyer: 'No wrongdoing'
Kiefer Sutherland's attorney has issued a statement asserting Kiefer's innocence in the alleged headbutting of fashion designer Jack McCollough last week. People reports
"We are troubled by the untruthful and self-serving information circulating regarding Kiefer Sutherland and events of last Monday evening," lawyer Michael C. Miller said. "We are confident, however, that the investigation being conducted by the Manhattan District Attorney's Office and the NYPD will confirm that Kiefer Sutherland was neither the instigator nor a wrongdoer in this incident."
In a bizarre twist, and almost simultaneously with Kiefer's statement, Brooke Shields is now backing his story and basically claiming her reps didn't know what the hell they were talking about:
In a statement released Monday on behalf of Shields, her attorney Gerald Lefcourt, said, "A number of statements have been attributed to Ms. Shields in the media that are neither true nor authorized. These statements were obviously made by those who were not in attendance at the party and constitute their version of events."
As for what happened at the party, the statement says, "While at the party she was bumped into by Jack McCollough and Kiefer Sutherland became concerned. Kiefer has always been a gentleman in her company. Both Jack and Kiefer are friends of Ms. Shields and she regrets this unfortunate situation."
Obviously what's happening here is a massive government conspiracy. Ten bucks says there was a bomb in Jack McCollough's nose, and only Kiefer Sutherland's head full of scotch could stop it. Which is exactly why I drive drunk everywhere; I love America.
Continue Reading "Kiefer Sutherland's lawyer: 'No wrongdoing'"
May 7 2009Kiefer Sutherland charged with minor assault
Kiefer Sutherland is expected to surrender to prosecutors today where he'll be issued a desk appearance ticket for third degree assault. The charge is only a misdemeanor which means he won't be jailed and is free to drink all the way up to the arraignment where, God willing, he'll hump a bailiff. NY Daily News reports:
"Kiefer is sorry it happened. Absolutely. It's terribly regrettable," the friend said.
Still, the friend insisted Sutherland lashed out inside SubMercer because McCollough, a designer for Proenza Schouler, bumped into actress Brooke Shields and didn't apologize.
"Kiefer was provoked," the friend said.
Despite reports that Sutherland had skipped town, The News found him at his girlfriend's Greenwich Village apartment. Sutherland would not comment on the incident. "No, no," he said, before slamming the door shut.
Realizing he probably should've offered some form of comment, Kiefer Sutherland headbutted the NY Daily News building into the Hudson later that evening. This brought unspeakable joy to Post owner Rupert Murdoch who was then also headbutted because, fun fact, Jack Bauer is a Canadian socialist in real life.
I love exploding heads in the morning.
May 6 2009Kiefer Sutherland victim: 'Attack was unprovoked'
It's starting to look more and more like Kiefer Sutherland was simply in a headbutting mood Monday night thanks to his unbridled passion for Jack Daniels. Seen above in New York this morning, alleged victim Jack McCollough is claiming it was an unprovoked attack. People reports:
"Anyone who knows Jack McCollough knows that he would not hurt a fly," a rep for McCollough, of the New York-based fashion empire Proenza Schouler, tells PEOPLE exclusively. "All we can say at this point is that he was the victim of a vicious, violent, unprovoked assault and that the matter is in the hands of the authorities."
Brooke Shields already backed Jack's story earlier today, and eyewitnesses are coming forward with similar stories:
But one guest at the event tells PEOPLE that the altercation came as a surprise to bystanders. "Jack walked into the party and tried to order a drink, and then the next thing he knew, he got headbutted for no identifiable reason," the partygoer tells PEOPLE. "Jack did nothing other than walk into a party. He did not bump into Brooke. It's just puzzling."
Wait wait wait. He walked between Kiefer Sutherland and the bar and is surprised he got headbutted? Jesus. That's like stealing a mother bear's cub and blaming it for eating your face off. How about taking some responsibility, man? Seriously, find me a judge who will convict Kiefer Sutherland for this, and I'll show you a terrorist.
May 6 2009Brooke Shields denies Kiefer Sutherland's story
Brooke Shields is disputing Kiefer Sutherland's story that he headbutted fashion designer Jack McCollough because he knocked her to the ground at the Met Gala Monday Night, according to TMZ:
But Brooke's rep says "nothing happened to her," adding "Jack did nothing inappropriate. It's not clear what caused Kiefer to do what he did."
Witnesses say Kiefer went up to Jack and demanded he apologize to Brooke. Jack allegedly pushed Kiefer and Kiefer then headbutted Jack.
Brooke Shields is cooperating with police today, and TMZ confirms Kiefer Sutherland was drunk at the time of the incident. Which, in this case, is the equivalent of confirming oxygen was being inhaled by each party. You don't say?
May 5 2009Kiefer Sutherland headbutts fashion designer
While attending a Met Gala after-party Monday night, Kiefer Sutherland headbutted a fashion designer in an alleged effort to defend Brooke Shield's honor. -- And also because whiskey's delicious. TMZ reports:
We're told witnesses say the alleged victim -- Proenza Schouler designer Jack McCollough -- allegedly knocked Brooke Shields over and Kiefer saw it happen. The witnesses say Kiefer went over to the man and told him to apologize to her. At that point they say McCollough pushed Kiefer and the actor responded with a headbutt.
Complicating it for Kiefer -- he's on probation in L.A. for a DUI, and one of the terms is that he obey all laws. No word on whether L.A. prosecutors will pursue the matter.
I love how Kiefer Sutherland plays the smart, resourceful Jack Bauer on TV, but in real life, I wouldn't trust him to guard the last donut at work. Unless I wanted all the sprinkles headbutted off, then maybe.
Continue Reading "Kiefer Sutherland headbutts fashion designer"
