Jan 18 2009Amy Winehouse: Re-devoted wife, lifeguard, group sex enthusiast
Amy Winehouse's schizophrenia has kicked back in, and she's no longer trashing husband Blake Fielder-Civil who filed for divorce after she very publicly had a relationship with "actor" Josh Bowman in St. Lucia. Amy's still on the island where The Sun caught up with her for an interview. Here's the crazy Amy spewed when she wasn't busy trying to figure out how much bourbon equals one crack rock:
On Blake filing for divorce:
“I still love my Blake. I won’t let him divorce me. He’s still in jail but the moment he comes out I’ll be there waiting for him. I love him because he’s just like me. Blake is the male version of me. We’re perfect for each other. I don’t want to go back home to England. I want to wait for Blake here.”
On Josh Bowman:
She said her recent widely publicised fling with rugby hunk holidaymaker Josh Bowman, 21, was just “having some fun” and she “wants Blake and nobody else. Josh was lovely. But it was a holiday thing. I’ve got my Blake.
On banging other dudes:
"While Blake is in jail I’m still gonna have a good time — he can’t do much about it. But once he comes out we’ll be together again. There’s some nice lads here, I am just having fun. I don’t want anybody else because I’ve got my Blake."
On quitting drugs but still drinking her face off:
“I am not doing drugs and am doing lots of fitness. I’ve started writing songs. I feel great — apart from today. I feel like s**t after a late one last night.”
On rescuing a woman on the beach:
“I thought she was going to drown. All of a sudden she just fell off the boat and was thrown by the sea on to some rocks. I ran down and grabbed her and helped her back to the beach but she was covered in scratches. I might get myself a job as a lifeguard here!”
On constantly hitting up guests for threesomes:
The male guest, who asked not to be named, told me: “As soon as we arrived at the resort Amy was all over my girlfriend. She was telling her, ‘You’re gorgeous. I’d love to **** you. Bring your boyfriend, he can watch’. She was quite clear what she wanted, she was saying, ‘You two can spend the night in my room’. If she had been at all good looking we might have done it."
Jesus. How do you not stay married to that? You know who would love this story? Children. Get me Disney on the line. Tell them this time I have winner, and it's way better than my last pitch about the stripper who stole my wallet then got eaten by a reggae-singing bear. - - Okay, almost better.
Continue Reading "Amy Winehouse: Re-devoted wife, lifeguard, group sex enthusiast"
Jan 12 2009Amy Winehouse's husband files for divorce, cites her adultery (Whoops.)
Amy Winehouse's husband Blake Fielder-Civil has started divorce proceedings today and is citing "Amy's adultery" with Joshua Bowman as the grounds, according to People:
Blake Fielder-Civil has instructed a lawyer to file papers. "I can confirm that I have been instructed to commence divorce proceedings on the grounds of Amy's adultery," Henri Brandman told PEOPLE, confirming a statement he made to a Sunday tabloid in the U.K.
Man, I wonder what would cause Blake to make such a bold move? It's not like Amy has been openly running around with a new boyfriend then giving interviews claiming Blake is terrible in bed. Except, oh wait, that's exactly what she did. Scope out this excerpt from Amy's interview with News of the World:
“When I’m with Josh I don’t need drugs to feel good because he makes me feel so amazing.” She then leans forward and whispers cheekily: “We just had sex. . . can’t you tell?”
And, in one of the rare moments she ever mentions her husband, Amy reveals: “Blake was rubbish in bed. Do you know what? Almost every time I slept with him it was like I was dead. I don’t know what’s going on with us now and for the time being I’ve just forgotten I’m even married. I’m just here on my own, happy and having a good time with Josh. I’ll deal with Blake when I get back. But our whole marriage was based on doing drugs.
"So being with someone like Josh is much better for me.”
Okay, so maybe in Amy's road to recovery, she poorly handled her divorce and will pay out the ass to get rid of Blake. A moot point since she's no longer financing London's crack market. The important thing is, Joshua Bowman's friends can laugh at him because he totally banged Amy Winehouse. And so will every single casting director alive. Now, I'm not saying using his penis as a head shot would've been the wiser career move, but yeah.
Continue Reading "Amy Winehouse's husband files for divorce, cites her adultery (Whoops.)"
Nov 23 2008Amy Winehouse to divorce: 'It's over.' 'Only together for the sex.'
Amy Winehouse, presumably in exchange for a wheelbarrow full of crack, has revealed to News of the World that her marriage to Blake-Fielder Civil is over. He's leaving her for German model Sophie Schandorff which is a significant improvement on his part. Then again, the same thing could be said about a sea turtle:
Drug-tortured star Amy dramatically confessed: "It’s over. There’s no way back for us now. It was never going to last. We were only together for SEX. I fancied him like mad, like no one else I’ve ever known. But it’s not enough, is it?”
A friend of Amy's also revealed that her sex life with Blake was as insanely excessive as their rampant drug use. She even arranged threesomes which I'm betting involved a shitload of duct tape and hush money:
"They were into threesomes. It was Blake’s idea but Amy said she’d been with women before so it wasn’t a problem. She said she’s had a string of female lovers. Whenever Blake said he wanted three-in-a-bed Amy would fix it."
“They thought they were on this sexual journey together. And the pair of them were into some real kinky stuff, not just the usual bondage and sex games but really gross stuff you couldn’t mention in a newspaper. They were bad for each other, each pushing the other to excess, whether drugs or sex. Plus he sponged off her. And she’s awake to that now."
Just imagine getting married to the only woman in the world who still wants to have crazy sex after the honeymoon, but it's Amy Winehouse. I'll give you a minute to stop crying. Okay, now, fellas, go home and hug your wives. Hug them and say "I love you, honey. Sure, we haven't been intimate since that Christmas I spiked your coffee, but at least I can look at you without vomiting on the dog. Also, thanks for not making a big deal about the masturbating, strippers or cleaning lady."
On second thought, maybe just get her some flowers.
Continue Reading "Amy Winehouse to divorce: 'It's over.' 'Only together for the sex.'"
Nov 5 2008Amy Winehouse's husband released from prison
Amy Winehouse's husband Blake Fielder-Civil earned an early release from prison today provided he immediately checks into rehab. Blake was serving a 27 month sentence for conspiring to fix a trial involving a bartender he assaulted at a pub. The Sun reports:
Amy was not present when her hubby was released this morning, she remained in her Camden home after recently checking out of a London clinic following treatment for a 'chest infection'.
Blake sported a huge grin while leaving prison, wearing a striped red and white T-shirt and trademark trilby hat.
However he did show signs of his time behind bars, with red scratches down his arms and a chipped tooth.
These are shots of Amy Winehouse leaving her house to visit Blake, but instead, shoving her hands in some guy's coat pocket. I have no clue what Amy's trying to accomplish, but I'd bet a vital organ it ended with someone getting scurvy. Twice.
Continue Reading "Amy Winehouse's husband released from prison"
Jul 21 2008Amy Winehouse's husband gets 27 months in prison, she eats a ball of crack
Amy Winehouse's husband Blake Fielder-Civil was sentenced to 27 months in prison today for bribing a pub owner he assaulted and then attempted to bribe to shut him up, according to the Daily Mail:
Judge David Radford told Fielder-Civil he had behaved in a 'gratuitous, cowardly and disgraceful' way.
Fielder-Civil has already served around nine months on remand and he could be free in four-and-a-half months if he behaves himself in prison. Miss Winehouse was not in court today to support her husband.
Earlier, Fielder-Civil appealed to a judge to let him walk free so he could become a role model for the troubled singer.
HA! Amy Winehouse's husband wants to be her role model? Jesus, I know crazy people on the street who'd be better role models. Mostly they'd teach Amy about the government listening in on our sandwiches, but you gotta admit, that'd be a huge step up.
Continue Reading "Amy Winehouse's husband gets 27 months in prison, she eats a ball of crack"
Feb 22 2008Amy Winehouse trashes hotel, is prison currency
Amy Winehouse has been staying in the ritzy Riverbank Plaza Hotel in London since exiting rehab. She's repeatedly barred housekeeping from entering the room, but management finally went in while Amy was performing at the Brits Awards and found over $6,000 in damages, according to The Sun:
Booze was spilled all over the wooden hallway and cigarette butts, countless bottles of champagne and unwashed knickers were all over the floor. The blackened bath had to be scrubbed and unclogged after she dyed and washed her famous beehive in the tub. She had even taken a large mirror off the wall and placed it on the floor. Staff were baffled why. I’m not.
If "unwashed knickers" isn't gross enough for you, the article also reveals how Amy's husband Blake Fielder-Civil is scoring his drugs which led to an OD this week:
The singer was in tears as she spoke to Blake through a pane of glass, in a room separate from other prisoners. Their marriage has been under strain since we revealed Blake has been trading signed photos of her for heroin.
Okay, wow, I understand these guys are in prison and don't get to see women very often, but Amy Winehouse? Barforama. I mean, I'd rather look at my roommate Hair-lip Bill the bearded arson. And I wouldn't trade sweet, precious prison heroin for Amy Winehouse pics. Hell no. Maybe some feathers from my pillow. But only the ones that keep sticking out and poking me in the ear. Even then, I dunno. We're talking feathers here. I don't want to overpay.
Continue Reading "Amy Winehouse trashes hotel, is prison currency"
Feb 18 2008Amy Winehouse's husband ODs, doesn't die
Amy Winehouse's incarcerated husband Blake Fielder-Civil overdosed on heroin along with several other cellmates. After guards were somehow able to distinguish he looked sicker than usual, Blake was rushed to the jail's hospital where he survived the ordeal. Showbiz Spy reports:
Just days before the overdose he was hauled in front of prison bosses for failing three random drug tests. He was locked in solitary as a punishment, but was soon back in search of a fix.
The source added: “He’s being very stupid. It’s only because everyone reacted so quickly that this dodgy gear didn’t do long-term harm.”
Somewhere in the afterlife Heath Ledger just went "C'mon!"
Feb 13 2008Amy Winehouse finds a new undead lover
Amy Winehouse has been spending a lot of time with artist/photographer Blake Wood (above). The two stayed the night in a hotel room together but Amy is telling people he's gay. Word is he might be competition for Amy's jailed husband Blake Fielder-Civil who, coincidentally, is also a zombie. The Sun reports:
A pal said: “She’s said it’s fine so share a hotel room because he is gay. But he doesn’t seem gay to me — I think he’s bisexual. Amy’s husband wouldn’t be happy if he saw how close they are.”
This new Blake character sounds like a much better influence than her jailed hubby FIELDER-CIVIL. He is a drug-free, teetotal veggie who likes reading the works of French poet CHARLES BAUDELAIRE.
I included pics of Amy out on the town last night with her new Blake. Before changing into the shirt and tie combo, she was walking around like Chesty LaRue. She seems to be showing off the goods lately. I dunno if she's just getting her money's worth or proud to have defied the laws of chemistry. Amy Winehouse did enough blow to turn her breasts into raisins but yet, magically, they survived. I bet those things could withstand a nuclear attack. Let's get Amy out in the desert and drop a bomb on her - for science, of course. Yeah, science...
