Nov 2 2009Famous People in Costumes
Because everyone knows Hollywood is a godless bordello of Sodomites, it's no surprise the stars came out to celebrate Halloween/pay homage to Satan for their careers. So here's a gathering of costumed celebs In no particular order:
Jessica Lowndes as God Willing, the Future Referee of My Pants.
Mariah Carey as A Victoria's Secret Angel with Elephantitis.
Jessica Alba as Dora the Explorer: For Daddies. (WTF?)
Gwen Stefani as Gavin Rossdale's Cowpoke.
Khloe Kardashian as Catwoman with Self-Esteem Issues.
AnnaLynne McCord as Batgirl Who Still Gets Asked "Wait. They remade 90210?"
Bai Ling as... Bai Ling? I don't even know.
Brooke Shields as Flapper Mom with Tom Cruise Punching Action.
Christina Aguilera as the Cheapest Celebrity Mom Ever. (You're rich, lady!)
Heidi Klum as a Woman Who Just Gave Birth Hiding Her Body in Shame Underneath the World's Most Elaborate Bird Costume.
HAIL SATAN!
Scope Out (40) Pics of Costumed Celebs After the Jump
May 15 2008Bai Ling says 'RAWR! I'm a tiger - but in a bikini!'
Bai Ling is chilling in Hawaii this week and also did the Lord's work by partaking in several bikini shoots. This time around, she managed to keep her nipples fully secured. (Or did she??) Anyway, I'll let you guys marvel at these while I prepare my last post of the day which'll make it a Superficial Bikini Trifecta . You guys will love who's coming up next. Or hate her and get into a giant flame war. Ha, you kids!
Continue Reading "Bai Ling says 'RAWR! I'm a tiger - but in a bikini!'"
May 12 2008Bai Ling's nipples are 'bai-ling' out of her bikini (SWISH! Count it!)
Bai Ling played around on a private beach in Hawaii while taking a week off from Crank 2: Amy Smart's Nipples Fight Crime Like Batman with PMS. It looks like Bai Ling took a page from Amy's book because her nip-nips keep popping out of her bikini. Then she decides to just ditch the damn thing. I wish more women would take their tops off sporadically. You know, for the economy and stuff. But will those fat-cats in Washington listen to me? Ha. Never. They want to talk to somebody with "a degree in economics" who "doesn't get financial advice from a bottle of Jack Daniels." Hey, I'll have you know this stuff makes me all kinds of money. What's that, whiskey? Diversify my funds with nachos? ON IT!
NOTE: Pics link to uncensored versions that are NSFW on account of the aforementioned nipple escape-age.
Continue Reading "Bai Ling's nipples are 'bai-ling' out of her bikini (SWISH! Count it!)"
Mar 6 2008Bai Ling is an idiot
Bai Ling is rejoicing the plea bargain in her Valentine's Day shoplifting arrest. You know, the one where she got picked up for stealing batteries and two Star magazines for a total of $16.22 and didn't even try to pay for the shit on the spot. Well, Bai Ling is apparently pleased as hell with the outcome, according to the thumbs-up picture from her blog:
Theft dismissed and I am innocent!Yes!Yes!Yes!
I plead guilty today in court to " DISTURBING THE PEACE "
Theft dismissed! yes! This is it! All the darkness went away, the sunlight really come back to me with a huge smile right now dance in my trailer Yes! Yes! Yes!
I told you truth is going to be told and I am innocent!!!
Except Bai Ling left out the part where she's getting nailed with a $700 fine for, again, only sixteen bucks worth of crap. The AP reports:
In the plea deal requested by her attorney, she agreed Wednesday to plead guilty to disturbing the peace and to pay a fine and penalties totaling $700, city attorney spokesman Frank Mateljan said.
What an amazing legal maneuver. The next time I'm in trouble with the law, I'm getting my legal advice from Bai Ling. What's that? The cops can't prove it's me if I leave prints all over the scene? I'm on it! Put my drivers license in the victim's mouth? Makes sense. I better leave a Post-It with my correct address though. Don't want them going to the wrong house. Ha! Could you imagine?
Feb 15 2008Bai Ling arrested for stealing batteries
Airport police arrested actress Bai Ling (Lost, Revenge of the Sith) after she stole two celebrity magazines and a pack of batteries from a gift shop at Los Angeles International Airport (mugshot above), according to the AP:
The items had a total value of $16, said Sgt. Jim Holcomb of the airport's police department. The 41-year-old actress was detained by a store employee who summoned police, Holcomb said.
First rule of celebrity shoplifting: Steal something big. That way, when you get busted, people don't go, "Damn, what an idiot." If you're caught boosting a Ferrari, that's totally understandable and, also, hardcore. Stealing batteries? Everyone thinks you're crazy. Or an emotionless robot like in Star Wars. What was its name? Oh yeah; Hayden Christensen.
UPDATE: E! News reports Bai Ling blames "huge problem of breaking up [before] Valentine's Day." I guess she just needed the warm fuzzy feeling of ganking some Duracells. It all makes sense now.
Jul 11 2007Bai Ling's breast falls out...of course
Wow, it's a slow news day. Bai Ling was outside the Roosevelt last night and showed up to Teddy's with her new husband. And it's Bai Ling, so it was just a matter of time before her boob popped out. She even acts surprised when it happens, like it wasn't completely intentional. The odds of her falling out of her top this many times by accident are about as good as her joining Mensa and then piloting a cardboard box to the moon.
Jul 6 2007Bai Ling might be married
Bai Ling was spotted outside club Area in LA on the Fourth of July and told paparazzi she had gotten married in Vegas earlier that day to Damon Elliot, the son of singer Dionne Warwick. Which is just absolutely insane. I mean, really, Mr. Damon Elliot? Bai Ling? You couldn't find a circus clown to marry? Or a monkey in a silly hat? I figure the marriage will last three weeks before Damon snaps and murders Bai Ling because she refuses to stop bouncing around in the corner while chanting, "Look at me! Look at me!"
NOTE: I'm assuming she won him over with her dance moves. How could you watch her dance and not fall in love?
Jun 18 2007Bai Ling is almost too good at dancing
Bai Ling was spotted showing off her dance moves at Club Play for porn star Mary Carey's birthday party last Friday. And, really, all you other dancers should just give up. You can't compete with this. I imagine this is how God would dance. Assuming, of course, that God had no sense of rhythm and lost the use of his limbs in a horrible car accident.
