Nov 20 2009The 2009 Victoria's Secret Fashion Show
If you don't like looking at insanely hot women in lingerie, now would be a good time to go see New Moon and/or become a People subscriber. These are shots from last night's 2009 Victoria's Secret Fashion Show, and I started things off with Alessandra Ambrosio and Marisa Miller who seem to be engaged in some sort of epic ab battle where the only real loser is all of us who will never get to touch them. -- Wow, I honestly didn't set out to drive people to suicide, yet here we are. My bad.
- Added Miranda Kerr whose ass should've been the top pic. I've failed you.
- Added Selita Ebanks because I hope Nick Cannon is reading and sobbing in his butler outfit. This isn't how you make Mariah's sandwich.
- Added Doutzen Kroes. Do I really have to explain why?
Scope Out (40) Pics of the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show After the Jump
Nov 10 2009Alessandra Ambrosio & Ana Beatriz Barros in bikinis
Here are stupidly gorgeous Victoria's Secret models Alessandra Ambrosio and Ana Beatriz Barros posing for the December issue of GQ UK">GQ UK proving once again the British have the technology to infiltrate my brain and ferret out what I want for Christmas. Of course, we can't be sure until these two arrive on my doorstep gift-wrapped with a stocking full of action figures handguns and meat.
Continue Reading "Alessandra Ambrosio & Ana Beatriz Barros in bikinis"
Oct 29 2009Alessandra Ambrosio in a bikini
Here's Alessandra Ambrosio on a Victoria's Secret photo shoot in St. Barth's yesterday and it's almost impossible to believe a baby was once in there. Now, I'm not saying every woman in America should stop ordering ranch with everything they eat and start looking exactly like a Victoria's Secret model because that's how eating disorders happen. I'm mostly just saying they should stop getting pregnant. See? That wasn't so bad.
Scope Out (36) Pics of Alessandra After the Jump
Oct 16 2009Alessandra Ambrosio drunken ass shot
Ever wonder what it would look like to stare up Alessandra Ambrosio's skirt while she's drunk off her ass? SHAZAM! It's like I read your mind. Also, I saw some other shit up there and, dude, that's your cousin. Though she is kind of hot so try not to make any deaf/mutes. High five!
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Oct 8 2009Alessandra Ambrosio makes me want to buy bras even though I have a penis and other news
- Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minillo are back together. [PopEater]
- Daniel Craig photobombs Taylor Swift. [Lainey Gossip]
- Shauna Sand wears clear stripper heels to the supermarket. Of course. [Drunken Stepfather: Site is NSFW]
- Suri Cruise drinks Pellegrino already? [Just Jared]
- Mariah Carey should just hire Blackwater. [Celebslam]
- Naomi Watts is somehow the "Most Bankable Actress in Hollywood." [PopSugar]
- Zac Efron hates his own movies. [Wonderwall]
- Penelope Cruz > Kim Kardashian. (In regards to asses.) [ICYDK]
Scope Out (16) Pics of Alessandra After the Jump
Aug 31 2009Alessandra Ambrosio redefines MILF and other news
- Demi Moore claims she's never had plastic surgery. Right. And I've never paid a hooker to dress up like Abe Lincoln Catwoman. [PopEater]
- Hayden Panettiere is still alive. Midgety. [Lainey Gossip]
- Hilary Duff is pulling diva shit on the set of Gossip Girl. Someone should let Hilary know who's doing who who a favor in this situation. Then let Leighton Meester know I'm hung like a Sherman tank. Do that first. [Celebslam]
- Robert Pattinson allows Premiere magazine to photograph his brooding. [PopSugar]
- Audrina Patridge is leaving The Hills to pursue her film career which will be going nowhere until someone writes Wonk-Tits: The Movie. [Wonderwall]
- Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minillo are back together which is probably the greatest thing to happen to Nick's penis since Joe Simpson stopped sleeping in their bed. [The Blemish]
Continue Reading "Alessandra Ambrosio redefines MILF and other news"
Aug 12 2009Gary Coleman must be broke as shit and other news
- Chris Brown is truly suffering for beating the shit out of Rihanna. I mean, he went to the club last night without an entourage. I thought we were done torturing as a nation? [Got your back, Lainey.]
- Heidi Montag still hasn't told her dad she's posing in Playboy so she can maintain her "Christian values." My brain just folded in on itself after typing that sentence. I drool now. [Socialite Life]
- Jack Nicholson's decrepit body has sex with women. Yet somehow I find this less improbable than Jon Gosselin's neverending poon train. [Celebslam]
- Alessandra Ambrosio licking an ice cream cone. There is a God. [The Blemish]
- Gwyneth Paltrow's cooking videos are like "watching paint dry," according to Real Housewives of New York star Bethenny Frankel. Which is ironic considering that show is like watching middle-aged women's vaginas dry. Too real? [Just Jared]
- Shia LaBeouf's masturbation problem is solved! [PopSugar]
- Criss Angel is still alive despite Internet rumors to the contrary and this voodoo doll I told Britney Spears was a hot dog. [PopEater]
Thanks to Katrina for the photo submission except now I'm hungry for French fries with a side of sadness sauce.
Jul 17 2009Alessandra Ambrosio in a bikini
These are shots of Victoria's Secret model Alessandra Ambrosio spending Thurdsay at a beach in Malibu with her 11-month-old daughter Anja Louise. Normally, I'd say Alessandra is dead to me since giving birth, but I'm trying to turn over a new, more sensitive leaf. So let's just say she's only partially maimed which means we can still make out. On that note, don't be afraid to feel empowered by my example. It's what I'm here for.
