Dec 23 2008Tina Fey & Alec Baldwin wish death upon each other
- Tina Fey & Alec Baldwin have started openly feuding on the set of 30 Rock. In related news, I just settled a bet with myself to see if I could post the most boring gossip item ever. I win! [Star]
- Heidi & Spencer's now admittedly fake courthouse wedding was an elaborate ploy to promote their upcoming real wedding. It's almost like somebody wrote these events down on pieces of paper and provided lines for those involved to say at the appropriate time. I think there's a word for that: Bullshit. [E! Online]
- Michael Jackson is not in dire need of a lung transplant. Unless it's at a children's hospital, then he'll take two. [Us]
- Kate Winslet's husband director Sam Mendes had a hard time watching filming her love scenes with Leonardo DiCaprio in Revolutionary Road. Apparently, the actor kept banging her head against the kitchen cabinets. So, wait there's something wrong with that? I should probably write this down. "Easy on cabinetry. Egg beater still kosher..." [Page Six]
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Oct 20 2008Sarah Palin fraternizes with liberal comedians (Jesus is gonna be pissed!)
Sarah Palin made her highly-publicized Saturday Night Live appearance and, honestly, didn't do a whole lot. I expected some pizazz, you know? She's the fucking Ron Burgundy of politics. C'mon! If it's in front of her, she'll say it in that folksy voice of hers that makes you wonder how long Alaska's been a town in Wisconsin. Instead, what do we get? Sarah Palin standing around while Alec Baldwin pretends to think she's Tina Fey. LAME. Okay, maybe, I'm overreacting a bit because I was convinced Sarah and Tina were going to make-out in Stars N' Stripes bikinis. Such imagery would've brought our divided nation together towards a common goal. I dunno what exactly that goal would be, but I guarantee there'd be nachos and strippers there. Ooh, and mini golf. Who doesn't love that shit? (Hint: Terrorists.)
Bonus Mark Wahlberg cameo after the jump.
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Apr 20 2007Alec Baldwin leaves angry messages
If you haven't already heard it, this is the message Alec Baldwin left on his 11-year-old daughter's voice mail. I don't get what everybody's making such a big deal over. This sounds like a pretty normal father daughter conversation. Although I am surprised he lets her out of the cage long enough to use a phone.
UPDATE: In the shocker of all shockers, Alec Baldwin has apologized for the message on his official site. Although it's less of an apology and more of an self-justification. He writes:
"Thank you to everyone who has posted messages of suppport and understanding. Naturally, it is not best for a parent to lose their temper with their child. Everyone who knows me privately knows that I have endured a great deal over the last several years in my custody litigation.Everyone who knows me privately knows that certain people will go to any lengths to embarass me and to disrupt my relationship with my daughter. In such public cases, your opponents attempt to take a picture of you on your worst day and insist that this is who you are as a person.
Outside the doors of divorce court, I have friends, I have respect from people I work with and I have a normal relationship with my daughter. All of that is threatened whenever one enters a court room.
Although I have been told by numerous people not to worry too much, as all parents lose their patience with their kids, I am most saddened that this was released to the media because of what it does to a child.
I'm sorry, as everyone who knows me is aware, for losing my temper with my child. I have been driven to the edge by parental alienation for many years now. You have to go through this to understand. ( Although I hope you never do.)
I am sorry for what happened. But I am equally sorry that a court order was violated, which had deliberately been put under seal in this case. Once my book is published, I'm sure more people will understand the incredible strains created by parental alienation.
In the meantime, I'm sorry to anyone who's taken offense from this episode."
Jun 13 2006The Superficial Ketchup
• The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift finally figures out how to market their movie. And the campaign is brilliant.
• Alec Baldwin called Patricia Field "a fruit-salad head" and a "wack job, 24-7" after she blamed him as the reason she quit being the stylist for his most recent movie. In future news, the writer of The Superficial will start calling people fruit-salad heads on a regular basis because it may be the greatest insult I've ever heard in my entire life.
• Daryl Hannah was arrested today after protesting the destruction of a 14-acre fruit and vegetable garden by living in one of the trees for three weeks. If that doesn't qualify as a fruit-salad head I don't know what does. Her head could literally be a melon and she still wouldn't be as fruit-salad heady.
• Heather Mills McCartney announced that she and Paul McCartney will divorce, and that she's planning on suing the paper that's claiming she used to prostitute herself and has been publishing nude photos she took when she was younger. The most shocking news of all? People actually seem to care. I can honestly say I've never even heard of Heather Mills until she and Paul decided to split.
Sep 19 2005Emmys, apparently brought to you by Helen Keller
We all learned a lot last night at the 57th Annual Emmy Awards. For example, we learned that the Emmy voters are blind, deaf, and dumb. (Not that cute Penn & Teller-dumb, either. More like that annoying Jenna Elfman-dumb.) Felicity Huffman taught us that nice girls actually finish first, especially when they portray unlikable hypocrites on TV. Jeffrey Tambor and Jessica Walter taught us that being by far the best performer in your category means nothing unless your show is in its last season. Patricia Arquette taught us that, uh, ew. And of course, S. Epatha Merkerson didn't teach us anything, but did confirm that being elbow deep in your own cleavage while half-sobbing, half-laughing is comedy gold.
Oh yeah, and Arrested Development fans have something to teach the creators and cast of the highly overrated Everybody Loves Raymond. Namely that there are dozens of us, and we're all batshit crazy. So, yeah, good luck with that.
The list of winners after the jump.
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Sep 14 2005Steve Martin has a trim, girlish figure
Normally, I'd be more than glad to ruthlessly mock even the slightest celebrity weight gain (usually while eating a whole ham with my bare hands and trying to escape the encroaching realization that no one will ever love me), but this I do not approve of:
Never mind entertainment writer Jeffrey Wells' weekend tweak that "Martin is looking older and puffier than I'd prefer" in the movie. In real life, the actor-funnyman is newly svelte and fit.
You just don't make fun of Steve Martin, Mr. Wells. Steve Martin is like everyone's Hollywood dad. Even if he were morbidly obese, to call the man who sang King Tut "fat" would be like saying Allison Janney "looks odd" or that Alec Baldwin "has a violent temper." They are still awesome and you are not. And though what you say may be true, nobody will take kindly to you saying it. Least of all me. And I have about 200 pounds of ham in my crawl space, and I'm not above pummelling you with it. And if in all the delicious confusion, I were to mistake you for a rump and take a chunk out of your thigh, you'll only have yourself to blame.
