Lady GaGa's Vagina Says 'Adios, 2009!'
Before I leave you staring at Lady GaGa's vagina until Monday (You're welcome, by the way.), let's take a look back at the celebrity moments that defined 2009 and weren't just naked pictures. Even though those are the real news and I'll fight to the death anyone who says otherwise.
2009: A Bunch of Shit That Happened
Jessica Simpson Got Ridiculously Huge
The year started with a jiggly sonic boom when Jessica Simpson emerged in Florida looking like she either ate Tony Romo or was impregnated with no less than 29 of his babies. While the latter would've been her preferred outcome, nobody was ruling out the first part if enough BBQ sauce was involved. And cheese fries.
Chris Brown Beats the Shit Out of Rihanna
The night before the 2009 Grammys in February, Chris Brown thought'd it be an awesome idea to beat the ever-living fuck out of Rihanna and bite her repeatedly in the head. Only after finding out in December this would kill his album sales did he regret his decision. Kind of.
Britney Spears Allowed to Tour
Despite the fact she's been declared legally retarded, Britney Spears' dad managed to talk a judge into letting her parade around the globe in terrifying outfits. Naturally people bought tickets because, at this point, the human race is essentially nothing more than a bunch of meat puppets looking for something shiny to dance in front of-- Hey, that Christmas tree has lights!
The Goddamn Gosselins
Sometime around May these people decided they couldn't pretend to tolerate each other in spite of TLC spoon-feeding them barrels of cash to pimp their eight children on cable television like some sort of reality sweatshop. Their divorce consumed the entire planet until Tiger Woods' penis miraculously saved us all in November. So let this be a lesson the next time your husband bangs a hooker in Vegas, ladies: He just might save a life.
Perez Hilton Gets a Fist to the Mouth
I know I shouldn't gloat about a competitor eating a fist for ironically calling someone a "faggot," but I'm not gonna lie. This was my Christmas card.
Paris Hilton is an Abusive Relationship
This was probably the only moment in my entire life where I felt like everything was right in the world. Always dare to dream, my friends. Always, dare to dream.
Tiger Woods Had Sex with the Entire World
Like a giant pulsating cock penetrating the entire field of journalism - provided he pays its credit card bills - Tiger Woods' infidelities blessed the media with a cavalcade of whores that I'm amazed didn't bring JFK back to life just to get in on the action and maybe avenge his death. (But mostly just the whores.)
Brittany Murphy Dies at 32
And in 4-6 weeks it'll be ruled an overdose.
Well, that about wraps it up, but I want to say something else happened, too. Something about a guy that looks like Peter Pan giving little kids wine... Oh, well, must not've been important.
Happy New Year, Everybody!
Reader Comments
1. Poppa Smurf - December 31, 2009 3:42 PM
ill eat that shit out nom nom nom
2. Bastard child - December 31, 2009 3:47 PM
John Lennonface
3. pericles - December 31, 2009 3:49 PM
third !! from mexico
4. , - December 31, 2009 3:57 PM
hey fuck you MJ was the greatest talent ever alive.& innocent
5. Phil - December 31, 2009 3:58 PM
What penis?
6. gen - December 31, 2009 3:58 PM
Yup, that's a female. All you retards that jumped on the "OMFG SHE'S A MAN" bandwagon probably feel kind of stupid right now.
7. meatierthanyurmother - December 31, 2009 4:01 PM
Headline should read: Lady GaGa's Penis Says "Adios, 2009!"
8. Beautiful but bitter. - December 31, 2009 4:08 PM
Haven't we seen enough of her vagina this year already Fish? Let's move into the new year on a different note.
9. Aerialgreen - December 31, 2009 4:14 PM
Now Pigez is always accompanied by a bodyguard (pour soul with a bad employment agent) whenever he/she is not riding Lady Caca's co(ck)tails... triple pun and it stays.
Happy drinking everyone!
10. MajorIndulgence.com - December 31, 2009 4:29 PM
In the 3rd pic I think she's giving the finger to the paparazzi.
11. who dat - December 31, 2009 4:50 PM
Ewww...girls and panties are soooo yucky!
I like the big buck in the Misfits t-shirt in pic 4. Yummy!
I'd love to have him drill my little bummy until he squirts his man goo in there. Then he can pull it out and wipe it clean on my eager, waiting lips.
Big deal, so what if I'm gay? Deal with it.
Happy New Year!
12. jaime - December 31, 2009 5:24 PM
happy new year!
13. bernard - December 31, 2009 5:34 PM
I think she's hot!
14. um - December 31, 2009 6:10 PM
Really? MJ didn't make this list?
15. InsideHoops - December 31, 2009 6:11 PM
Hah. Great page of summaries. I emailed a link to this page to about 80 people
16. stu - December 31, 2009 6:16 PM
*cough*michaeljackson*cough*
17. Rough's ballz wont drop@midnight - December 31, 2009 6:17 PM
I heard its smell like pyrotechnic smoke and gaga juice...not sure if its true...
Has it really been a "happy new year" the last 2 years...stop jinxing the new decade and your mouth shut...
18. GirlsWearingMyJersey - December 31, 2009 6:24 PM
Nice wrap up... but how could you forget about the OxyClean guy?!?!
19. Cheech - December 31, 2009 6:34 PM
and to think our muzzie brothers think showing an ankle is reason to be flogged...
20. poop - December 31, 2009 6:55 PM
Why do people think it's cool to dress as if we were still living in the 1980's? I also see a lot of black folks dressing as nerds and looking straight up retarded. What happen to gangsta rap? Everyone is goddamn feminine now.
21. in the sack - December 31, 2009 7:17 PM
i would like to smell that panties.
22. Rod - December 31, 2009 7:50 PM
dont forget about that dead child spoonin chester molester michael jackson.. wasnt that the biggest story of the decade for about 2 months?
23. PEEN! - December 31, 2009 8:29 PM
say what you want but I still think there is or was a penis there...good day
24. Darth - December 31, 2009 8:32 PM
Looking back,it must have been a pretty boring year.
25. Nero - December 31, 2009 8:35 PM
Are there still primitives living in 2009 on this planet?! *Gasp*
26. Galtacticus - December 31, 2009 8:43 PM
I'm talking from the civilized future to these barbarians!
27. Rhialto - December 31, 2009 9:00 PM
That's pretty straight to business.With soaking panties calling for help.
28. Tabasco - December 31, 2009 9:14 PM
Wonder what those would go for on ebay, soiled and stinky.
29. Gando - December 31, 2009 9:42 PM
Did Lady GaGa got soaked panties from 2009? Obviously 2009 was a great year to her.Others in this post were obviously less fortunate.
30. m☼☼n....aka krazihottkuntkelli - December 31, 2009 10:14 PM
Happy New Yearz
.........2..............
da funniezt..[[mean]]
.....but da...................
funniezt fukerz in da
..........world..............
thank U 4 the hate/luv
....luv===hate.............
and thankx a million
....4 ladee gagaz.....
gorgeouz picz♥♥
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
luv all u bitchez◘◘\\
.................................
31. CMYK_Josh - December 31, 2009 10:27 PM
That bulge is grossing me out.
32. meatierthanyurmother - December 31, 2009 10:56 PM
that bulge is hiding a meat popsicle for the guy next to the hermy
33. 3xTubes.com - December 31, 2009 11:06 PM
Lady Gaga, if you need to borrow a penis for the evening, I will let you come over and use mine.
34. Nude Pics and Videos - January 1, 2010 3:58 AM
more sexy pictures click my name directly~~~
35. Me - January 1, 2010 6:48 AM
I HATE ALL COPS....lol
HAPPY NEW YEAR TO EVERYONE READING THIS!!! (EXCEPT COPS)
peace to you all
36. Shep - January 1, 2010 7:46 AM
Maybe if we keep the rumor up she'll flash some no panties vag to prove us all wrong?? That'd be sweet. Oh and lady gaga has prosthetic boobs...... just throwing that one out there Lady Gaga in case you wanna flash some tits to prove us all wrong too.
37. Boogeyman King Dong - January 1, 2010 10:17 AM
@29
With sum franchised help,it was Susan Boyle's year as well.Where're da unzipped pants pics?!
38. Nero - January 1, 2010 10:32 AM
#37
Panties with a zipper?! Are you talking about Victorian granny panties?!
39. Darth - January 1, 2010 10:42 AM
@38
Somebody threw the key away.Several decades ago.
40. Rhialto - January 1, 2010 10:48 AM
#37
If she's able and willingly to show us her soaked panties in this new year,she has our blessing.P.S. to the paps,don't forget to bring the mops along!
41. PsyKo - January 1, 2010 11:16 AM
gaga looks aight, all blurred up like that...
42. http://www.popduds.com/ - January 1, 2010 11:37 AM
What has been seen cannot be unseen.
43. http://www.popduds.com/ - January 1, 2010 11:39 AM
lame year
44. His Huge Greatness Himself - January 1, 2010 11:48 AM
Happy New Year folks! All the best of luck and blessings to all of you! Where's general Darth!?
45. yumlo - January 1, 2010 11:48 AM
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##Happy New Year 2010##
46. bimlo - January 1, 2010 11:50 AM
Book now-:
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##Happy New Year 2010##
47. Darth - January 1, 2010 11:59 AM
#44
Dark Lord of the Seven Seas,Mighty Conqueror of several All you Can Eat Ribs contests! Did you call me?!
48. His Huge Greatness Himself - January 1, 2010 12:11 PM
@47
Yes i sure did general Darth! Happy New Year to you and your men! Just take a look in front of your shed! A couple of cases of beer! I hope you all enjoy it!
49. Darth - January 1, 2010 12:19 PM
*Takes a look outside* *Gasp!* #48 Thank you Your Great Generosity Himself! I'm sure it will taste good with the bacon&beans left from yesterday! *Salutes*
50. Alli Watermelon - January 1, 2010 12:36 PM
LOL @ Michael Jackson not being on this list. Bahahaha #14 is REALLY upset. Look at it squirm!
51. NVG - January 1, 2010 12:52 PM
Well it's pretty obvious why Michael Jackson's not on the list, right?
52. Celebwatcher - January 1, 2010 1:36 PM
Awesome post. Paris and Brad should be popping babies in 3,2,1
Read it www.celebpsychic.com then weep!
53. KSHFGOS - January 1, 2010 3:08 PM
Clearly Brittany Murphy's death was way more important and newsworthy in 2009 that Michael Jackson's death. I mean, barely anyone even noticed MJ was dead. Whereas when Brittany died record sales skyrocketed, People Magazine came out with an all Brittany issue, there was a movie made in her honor, and an entire city was more or less shut down for the funeral...
Wait...
54. Americans are Morons - January 1, 2010 3:56 PM
Clearly you mental giants don't do anything but look at the pictures because Fish did mention Michael Jackson's death with his trademark wit. Granted it wasn't with large fries, flashing letters and puppets, so I could see how you'd easily miss it fingering the gumhole where your last "toof" fell out.
55. Alli Watermelon - January 1, 2010 5:10 PM
My gumhole tickles when I touch it like that... =)
56. Ortal Jan - January 1, 2010 5:38 PM
WTF? What about MJ? You need to put him on the top of the list.. STUPID!
57. Tabasco - January 1, 2010 6:10 PM
Indeed... Child molesters should always come first. Michael Jackson, what a perfect example of how messed up the USA is. Sickening Indulgence and excess. Living proof that all blacks strive to not only live like whites, but look like them also.
USA - Hell on Earth.
58. Sheena - January 1, 2010 7:37 PM
Thank you, # 54. lol
59. Swimming Pool Chemicals - January 1, 2010 7:55 PM
A pic like that actually helps Lady GaGa's image thus her career. Tiger Woods overactive woodroe didn't. Go figure....
60. Anon - January 1, 2010 8:00 PM
YO WRITER, IM VERY HAPPY FOR YOU AN IMMA LET YOU FINISH, BUT KAYNE WEST TROLLING THE VMA'S WAS THE BEST GOSSIP OF ALL THE YEAR.
61. NIVEA - January 1, 2010 8:07 PM
Hmmm... looks like early morning vagina. I'm surprised that stink hasn't attracted a swarm of flies.
62. elias - January 1, 2010 11:05 PM
i love lady gaga, thanks for the information, your website is excellent.
63. elias - January 1, 2010 11:06 PM
i love lady gaga, thanks for the information, your website is excellent.
http://fazine.co.cc
64. adam - January 1, 2010 11:30 PM
is lady gaga sacha baron cohen in disguise?
65. me again - January 2, 2010 8:44 AM
Nice panty liner
66. weight loss - January 2, 2010 11:49 AM
weightlosstip
67. Killgore - January 2, 2010 12:07 PM
"I love the smell of napalm in the morning."
68. zurfergirlz - January 2, 2010 12:54 PM
GaGa, our Queen forever.
69. Braxton Chase - January 2, 2010 4:08 PM
Lady Gaga is a NASTY chic. Like we need more over the top musicians????
70. NIVEA - January 2, 2010 6:05 PM
Well.... we know music execs are the biggest appreciators of blow jobs in America. A good indication as to why most of the latest celeb females are filthy bitches.... they give out god dam mean head jobs. She probably gets around with a buzzing dildo in her snatch 24/7. FILTH!
71. mankenler - January 2, 2010 6:59 PM
perfect :))
72. joss - January 2, 2010 10:00 PM
Roman Polanski?
73. Turd da Third - January 2, 2010 10:19 PM
That's not a huge set of mudflaps on lady goo goo, in reality she is packing 3 taliban terrorists down there. The worst thing about it is those guys are really getting off on the smell
74. Jasmin - January 2, 2010 11:25 PM
omg.. she's cute also when show upskirt:)
thank u lady gaga
75. swank - January 3, 2010 2:01 AM
Cute?? Those panties would smell worse than a small room w/4 lesbians going at it for an hour. Funny.... I'd still give em a sniff.
76. SEX_BABY - January 3, 2010 8:13 PM
a lovely dog~~~~
77. SEXY_BABY - January 3, 2010 8:13 PM
a lovely dog~~~~
78. valentines day presents - January 3, 2010 9:49 PM
This year we got to hear a lot about Tiger woods. Paris Hilton loves to stay in news always.
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86. livejasmin - January 9, 2010 12:09 PM
lady gaga is a nice girl, very cool!!!
87. Indonesia java Internationa Destination - January 9, 2010 1:12 PM
lady gaga have a sexy panties..why she should wearing panties??britney spears never ever wearing panties when she stay at home or apartement..I think lady gaga should more learn with britney, when u have to wearing panties..not at home..:))
88. Leo Bulgeboy - January 10, 2010 4:56 PM
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89. m65 field jacket - February 1, 2010 10:27 AM
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92. gagas_babygirl - March 12, 2010 8:31 AM
WOW..gagas looking sexii as ever!!! an to all u jackasses out there who says she has a dicl...WELL LOOKIE THERE IS NOTHING THERE! so go suck one!
gaga is muy hero an idol so yall nedd to leave her alone and let her live her life...!
♥gagas babi girl forever!
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i likie it ...........