Sep 10 2009John Mayer is not diddling Kristin Cavallari
John Mayer took to his Twitter last night to deny rumors he's sleeping with Kristin Cavallari (above) of The Hills:
Rumor control: How do I put this like a gentleman...I have never high fived Kristin Cavalari with my penis.
A fitting response, but just as was I starting to think John Mayer is only 95% douche, he kept going. Because why have one clever quip when you can make a bunch of lame ones and hope they reel in some Internet trim?
I have never Bensoned her Hedges, nor have I attempted to Bartle her James.
My Milli has never slam danced with her Vanilli.
I'm sure she's a wonderful gal but we have never tasted the Skittles Rainbow together.
In hindsight, John Mayer could've probably saved himself a lot of time by simply tweeting "I need everyone to think I'm super hip, and in return, I'll pay off your credit bills after you touch my penis."
Photos: Splash News
Reader Comments
1. Particle)Man - September 10, 2009 11:00 AM
R-FIST!
John needs to be looking up Audrina if he wants to go The Hills route. I'd god vengeance that shit.
2. austinjames - September 10, 2009 11:00 AM
...i find him funny
3. KIKI - September 10, 2009 11:00 AM
That is the dumbest denial of dating I have ever heard. Milli Vanilli? What?
4. 7up - September 10, 2009 11:05 AM
I would like to high five him with a sledge hammer.
5. Mr. Notadouche - September 10, 2009 11:08 AM
Oh, Thank God John Mayer let us know what he has to say about something!
6. Mayer - September 10, 2009 11:13 AM
I have never oodled her caboodle with my noodle.
7. colored - September 10, 2009 11:14 AM
Y'all are sippin' the hater-ade
8. Rhymin with John - September 10, 2009 11:16 AM
I have never toodled in her toilet.
9. Kristin C. - September 10, 2009 11:19 AM
I have never shagged this super fag.
10. Anyone? - September 10, 2009 11:24 AM
How about this John,
I have never sang a different sounding song.
11. ROUGH daddy - September 10, 2009 11:25 AM
Who care about this floater, except some broads whose self esteem are on life support.
12. Gee - September 10, 2009 11:27 AM
This fellow is supposed to be a songwriter? Dr. Seuss would beat him to a pulp.
13. KIKI - September 10, 2009 11:30 AM
Aw Rough, I was waiting for your simile! Don't let me down.
14. Aust Outback - September 10, 2009 11:44 AM
John meyer is that one mexican bus boy with attitude.
15. Peter Pumpkin Eater - September 10, 2009 12:26 PM
What a Twitterfag!
16. Infected - September 10, 2009 1:20 PM
Old Johnny understand sthat to "HI V" someone is give them AIDS, right?
17. Oliver Chester The Molester Lester - September 10, 2009 1:25 PM
If it weren't for the fact he plays a mean guitar, I would've taken a crap in that thing he calls a mouth.
18. Strange Botwin - September 10, 2009 1:56 PM
John Mayer is funny. This blogger is not. That simple. Oh wait, it's a tad more complex. John Mayer is talented. This blogger is not. There, that nails it.
19. Alex - September 10, 2009 3:11 PM
He doesn't have a hair on his ass if he didn't say, "She's never Heckler'd my Koch."
20. Taylor - September 10, 2009 4:51 PM
Hey John...youbetter marry SOMEBODY soon, buddy, cuz you are getting uglier every day.....I never believed Kristin would have dated you, so don't worry......
21. Beastman AIDS - September 10, 2009 5:00 PM
"I have never high fived Kristin Cavalari with my penis." - is hilarious and something i'd expect fish to write himself.
The rest of the tweet is kinda lame.
22. haloo - September 10, 2009 5:45 PM
There's a whole lotta gay in that little queer's twitters
23. Martina - September 10, 2009 8:17 PM
Sorry Kristin, Audrina's the only one who's seen his wienahh ...
24. carmen - September 10, 2009 9:23 PM
beautiful woman her combat index to 3200.. is she still stay with her husband.. someone posted on yahoo answers that she has an profile on an online site ~~~~Sugarloves.Com~~~~ you know it is a bad site for rich men to seek sexy girls.！！！！！！！！！！！！！
25. ETphonehome - September 10, 2009 9:41 PM
Tweating..Twitter...Bunch of fags
26. Marie - September 11, 2009 12:23 AM
What a pathetic douche bag. Pathetic desperate women date this piece of shit. Enough pathetic women put this jerk in Hollywood.
27. estetik - September 11, 2009 5:44 AM
she looks lovely..
28. Rhialto - September 11, 2009 9:00 AM
I've no idea what's going on and no i'm also not going to google it.
29. Galtacticus - September 11, 2009 9:03 AM
#28
Why don't you try Yahoo or Bing this time?
30. Darth - September 11, 2009 9:10 AM
Why isn't he diddling her? What's wrong with her?
31. Çene Estetiği - October 16, 2009 4:08 AM
Do not some big glasses?