Jul 13 2009Jessica Simpson is single

FIRST!

=OO

...so is her career. NEXT!

*honk honk* so true... so true...

Absolutely guarantee she and Nick will have rebound sex.

Picture number four is just so classy and demure, I can't even believe it.
She is SO VERY elegant. Wow. I am just stunned that any guy would let her slip through his fingers...

Awesome... looks like it's crash diet time for Jessica, and Romo can get back to not sucking.

This is just an all around win-win situation.

This woman is in the same group with the likes of Jennifer Aniston: attractive woman that no man can stand for more than a coupla months. What do we think is the problem? Clingy? Won't do blowjobs? All-around frigid in bed? There has to be a reason.....

(I'm going with the no blowjob theory myself......)

I know what Tony was going though....

He was dating a chick with a great body/tits and probably dirty as hell in bed, but at the same time every family member/friend you have is asking you on the side:

"Seriously Tony, what do you guys actually TALK about? How long do you think this is going to last?"

You can only pull so many bullshit excuses out of your ass when the chick you're dating is dumb as a fucking rock.

no blowjob theory!!!!

no bj, no relationship. it's true ladies

got to admit if you dont think this chick is a 10/10 in looks you are gay as hell, she is ultra hot

she is annoying as fuck.

#10, you sound like my ex-boyfriend who sent me a fake cnn article that said that "semen helps reduce cancer risk in women." I didn't buy it (because I'm not retarded), but Jessica on the other hand....

Ladies, let this be a lesson:

If you get fat, you'll LOSE YOUR MAN!

There is always a thinner version of you out there!

Who?

Fat, short, hillbilly chicks with tree stump legs = not NFL quarterback material.

Romo, pay attention to Tom Brady, and stop trolling the trailer park.

Romo told her that ingesting semen helped with weight loss....50 lbs. later, she realized this was a lie, stopped sucking him off, and the relationship was over.

A strategic error on Tony's part....

Bring your veiny, gi-normous breasts my way Mrs. Simpson.

As long as she doesn't get cankles, I still find her highly sexy!!!
I should be so lucky to touch any part of her...

Put some beer on ice baby, I'm coming home. Will watch some UFC together and you can make that microwave Tai you always talk about.

@10....I'm a girl and I agree with you. Nothing keeps you guys around like a good ole' tickle of the tonsils does it?

#8 - I have to agree. Being a pretty girl does not make you a good lay. BJs are e-fucking-ssential. But her jaw probably hurt from going down on daddy for far too long.

I think we need more expertise here. Danielle, did growing up blowing your dad damage you ability to keep relationships with men, or was it really just the fat and annoying aspect of it? The world needs to hear from someone who's been there.

#14, how about if ANYONE get's fat, you are more likely to lose your partner? I wouldn't date a fat guy if my life depended on it. I wouldn't expect a guy to date me if I were a fat ass either. You state the obvious but fail the recogize that most people (both genders) generally hate fat asses. But sadly, as much as we seem to hate fat people. pretty much every couple I see over the age of 40 is fat. :-(

In fairness, Romo collapses under pressure, so he has a legit excuse for dumping a girlfriend when she blimps out.

I would love to titty fuck her. She's an idiot. Ugly girls give better blowjobs.

As long as the guy's WALLET is fat, he'll get all the hot chicks he wants.

God I love those blue, veiny tits.....

.

#22. Your fascination with dicks leads me to believe that it is YOU that would have that mind blowing expertise.

*pushes the mic towards your hideous ass*

@25
Jessman - how would you know? You've never had the pleasure of anything greater than 4/10

Who knew she had such veiny tits? They're bulging because she's choking the fuck out of those fuckers since they're already floppy and droopy at her age.

29. Hence the fact that he goes with ugly chicks. Anyway maybe hes on a downslope.

@

Just answer the question Danny... and for god's sake put the Twinkies down!

@29

He's dead on. Fat/ugly chicks (aka low esteem) are far more willing to do kinky shit than "10s" who 9 times out of 10 lay there and give you this look like it's a privlege to be fuckin them. Models are the worse though, zero personality AND zero bed skills.

Haha, no wonder Tony dumped her

"Simpson had planned to throw a Barbie and Ken-themed party for her birthday, but it fell through, according to a message she wrote on her Twitter page Saturday. "Barbie party didn't happen, but I turned 29 and feel like I am on top of the world yelling I LOVE GETTING OLDER!" she wrote."

29 years old and throwing a Barbie-Ken party? Tony, and any heterosexual male over 16, would have said FUCK THAT SHIT!

makes me thirst for warm milk

This dame is curvy in all the right spots...dumber than a post but thats insignificant if your only plans revolve around 3-4 nights locked in a closet.
The Rake
http://thefilmnest.com

#33. i don't eat twinkies, you bloated dog turd.

and for the last time, [[you're]] the expert. now go interview your dad's vienna if you don't believe me. i'm sure it has tear jerking stories to tell ya. bring lube.

Jessman - how would you know? You've never had the pleasure of anything greater than 4/10
You must be thinking of the other jessman you know.

#28/38 Ah, dumbYELL, the old "I am not, you are" routine. So 1985 of you. What's it like to be completely humorless, perpetually sulky and stuck with a face that looks like an inflamed hemorrhoid?

P.S. Thank you for not putting up a full-body shot.

I don't think those giant tits are doing her any favors

I don't think those giant tits are doing her any favors

Ok Danny, I'll take that as a "no, I just lose men because I'm obnoxiously chunky. And by chunky I mean fat. And by fat I mean morbidly obese. And by that I mean I'll be buried in a shipping crate."

That 4th photo is awful. Not only is her gut sticking out, WTF is with her toes sticking out like french fries out of a McDonalds to-go bag?

#38 We would like to repeat that our fine product, Hostess Twinkies™, has never been anywhere near this person in any way, shape or form and we cannot be held responsible for any or all actions on her part.

and while you're at it, you can take a sleeping pill or 7 and bury yourself inside your ass...same place where you found that joke.

this obsession you have with obese beings, dicks and KFC has got to be unhealthy. seek medical help. or a gun*.

* preferably a gun.

Looks like Tony Homo fumbled again in the 4th quarter.

#46 - (crickets)

What, you dropped your photo link from your name now?

#48. what, you had extra left over from your last joke? how kind of you.

@34

but models are so much easier to drug...fewer pills required too, due to lack of body mass.

@20 - fucking brilliant.

You know, I don't know much about Jessica, but I'm sure it wasn't the blow jobs. I think it was the failed career rebound, the "gunt," and the icing on this cake was the damn Barbie and Ken party. Really? Jessica, do you think Romo is gay? You do that with your hairdresser, not the damn QB of the Cowboys. He probably had to dump your ass just to save face in Texas... pretty damn big state to be saving face.

Chupacabra OUT.

Is that the Quake symbol in veins on her boobage?

she is an big breasted idiot

Her sis actually looks classy now compared to ms daisy dukes.

#46 We here at the National Insititute for Humor would like to formally disavow all knowledge of danielle, aka "the infamous danielle." It should be painfully obvious that her timing, overuse of key words and egregious use of awkward and puzzling juxtapositions do not result in any amusement whatsoever.

Our sister institute, The United Foundation of Sarcasm, also wishes to be included in this announcement and further wishes us to inform her that if she finds it hard to laugh at herself, they would be happy to do it for her.

#54: "an" big breasted idiot? If you're going to use the word "idiot" in your comment, do some proofreading before you hit the "post" button to avoid sounding like an idiot yourself.

Barbie and Ken? Yeah, what guy wouldn't be thrilled to be associated with a dickless, ball-less, smoothed-over plastic gay joke? No wonder Nick Lachey escaped. She may have huge tits, but they're attached to a twelve-year-old.

But all is not lost, it'll still be the theme of Speidi's next birthday party. Perfect fits like that are hard to find.

#56. hmmm....[[someone]] keeps a dictionary under their bed, right next to the lotion and wet naps.

lemme just go see if i care...

brb

OMG. That last pic is just too great for words. From the top of her had, to the gut, to the stance, to the flipped up toes hanging off the shoes. That's pure awesome.

#59 Only someone who actually used the word "conversate" here would a) confuse a dictionary with a thesaurus and b) think the words used actually require looking up by the average person.

@59
That's the worse comeback I think I've ever read on here!

And hyperlink your pic again, you're beautiful

Tony is a jerk for breaking up with her the night before her birthday party. But perhaps the Ken and Barbi party was too much for Tony. Ken did not have a penis.

Tony was playing cover the fumble with Witten.

She became such a fat sloppy pig. No wonder Tony Romo left her dumb ass.

poor girl. i really just dont get how someone could let themselves go so much. she used to be so cute before all the weight gain, plastic surgery, and hair extensions. remember when she looked liked this?

http://images.eonline.com/eol_images/Celebrities_Gallery/20070708/425.simpson.jessica.070807.jpg

I would bang the hell out of her. Chubby chicks need some lovin too Nothing wrong with being thick. Wait till the mid 30's come around......

#59 We here at Sucker Punch Productions are hereby informing you that you must cease and desist from using the appellation "infamous" in conjuction with your given name. This is a direct reference to our video game of the same title, wherein our protagonist Cole MacGrath defends himself with electricity-based super powers. As you have so ably demonstrated, you are clearly not electric, nor do you have super powers. Further use of this term will be seen as a willfull violation of this notification and will result in swift legal action by our parent company.

OMG!! she had plastic surgery? no wonder barbie n ken theme.. some plz pull a pic out of romo to b sure he hasnt had work done!! i really liked her, really i did.. when she was barely dating nick.. she does need to grow up a little.. by the time she realizes she is not a lil girl no more, she will be old and trying to play house like madonna!! and realize she waisted her life. when all she had to do was pop out a kid for nick & she would have been fine..!!!

Romo isn't stupid. He is going into the third year of his current phat Dallas contract which in the NFL means its put up or GTFO. With Jessica there, he'll never play well in a playoff game.

Jessica Simpson is very fortunate to have epic tittays to keep her relevant. If she was flat chested. Nobody would give a damn what was happening to her.

How long has it been since Ashlee was on here?

jessica u put on way 2 much weight going out with that douche. date me and i'll shag u back in shape in no time!!! <3

Jessica.
You should try just dating a non famous, non pretty boy jack ass and maybe just maybe you could have a real relationship and a half ass normal life.

awww poor Jess!

Jessica? if you want to keep a man sweety, you have to let him take total control. Keep Papy Joe at bay, and fire him as your manager. Its time to be your own woman. Most importantly lose the weight, it will do wonder for you career and self esteem...

Free:life changing advice from an admire

R.D.

@59 How embarrassing that you think those words aren't common every day usage vocabulary.

tony romo is ugly ...jess can do way better

#74 Jennyjenjen, danielle likes to keep it both real and simple at the same time: "lube" "ass" "next" "dick" "turds" "gun", stuff like that.

Every so often she'll bust out with a two-syllable word like "twinkies" or "extra," but then she has to go lie down for several hours to recover from the strain. Sad, really.

This picture she is fat but I think with shape she looks more beautiful. I'd like this picture.

Since when does "single" mean "fat"?

Hi fatty. Wanna fuck?

The if booby fun happy green do.

Thx 79! it was really strange not having a clone for a long time....keep it up!

Single!? How about the motorboat!?

She is going to get so fat now.

http://crzylgs.mybrute.com

fight me!

Those Tits Deserve Better..

Those Tits Deserve Better.

I was typing something witty and intelligent but then I got distracted by Jessica's veiny like boobies. GOD I'm such a sucker for milk jugs..

uuuuuumm she doesnt look bad with weight on her but than again whats her purpose for being on earth for? she thinks tuna is chicken she sings aight :
and that chin of her grrr i've always hated her chin*and now she got dumped by her man? thats what happends when you start experimenting sexually at friggin 25 so sucky = sucky sex lol

uuuuuumm she doesnt look bad with weight on her but than again whats her purpose for being on earth for? she thinks tuna is chicken she sings aight :
and that chin of her grrr i've always hated her chin*and now she got dumped by her man? thats what happends when you start experimenting sexually at friggin 25 so sucky = sucky sex lol

she doesn't look fat as much as pregnant in picture #4. hmm...weird

Are those varicose veins on the implants?