Here's soccer superstar Cristiano Ronaldo heading out to the pool at his hotel in Beverly Hills yesterday. If you're wondering why he didn't go full Speedo, Ronaldo had sex with Paris Hilton last week which means his penis probably looks exactly like Yoda. I'm talking pointy ears, robe and Frank Oz's hand up the back.
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Reader Comments
1. uno - June 17, 2009 8:31 PM
Ewww... More Rob Pattinson please.
2. Shawna - June 17, 2009 8:32 PM
His legs look so gross.
3. garlic pow pow - June 17, 2009 8:33 PM
I didn't know you could have veins on your inner thighs. I also didn't know men get bunions.
4. hot body..............but - June 17, 2009 8:36 PM
buthisface.
5. Alli Watermelon - June 17, 2009 8:37 PM
You people are full of shit. I don't know who the hell this is, but he's SEXY! Get. Naked. Now.
6. Tanzarian - June 17, 2009 8:40 PM
Body hair, do you have it?
What?
Say 'what' again motherfucker! What ain't no kind of body hair!
WHAT?
[shoots Retarldo in the face]
7. buthisface - June 17, 2009 8:43 PM
@5 here:
http://www.topnews.in/sports/files/ronaldo_3.jpg
He's a total douchebag. In appearance (gelled hair, wtf?) and personality. He's a total buthisface-buthispersonality.
8. SoTe - June 17, 2009 8:52 PM
HOT! the legs and butt of a soccer player are THE best!
9. G&T - June 17, 2009 8:58 PM
What's up with the mini shorts?!
That kinda shit is not going to fly in Madrid Mr. Ronaldo....
10. eric - June 17, 2009 9:00 PM
I'd hit it.
Yeah, that's right.
11. Liz Casper - June 17, 2009 9:07 PM
Just 'cause he looks like that does NOT mean he can get away with such gay shoes! What a ponce!
12. phoring - June 17, 2009 9:10 PM
Wow, his legs appear out of proportion with his body. Maybe it's just the angle.
13. Derek Jeter's Penis - June 17, 2009 9:12 PM
How's the Herps? Feeeeeellllll the Buuuuurrrrrnnnnnn!
I'd switch with that dude anyday! POON Magnet!
I'd hang with him just for the pussy shrapnel.....
14. biatcho - June 17, 2009 9:23 PM
He is only hot in a Man United soccer uniform, other than that he is a box of hair.
15. so, so, ROUGH - June 17, 2009 9:50 PM
Ladies the only soccer god you need to know is Ronaldinho of brazil,,,hes nothing to look at but hes no hack like this greasy dude...
16. oMG! - June 17, 2009 10:43 PM
Man Oh Man he is HOT!!
.. IDK why he stuck in into Paris Hilton.. Gross...
Too bad he'll have the Herps for LIFE! Damn!
17. oMG! - June 17, 2009 10:43 PM
Man Oh Man he is HOT!!
.. IDK why he stuck in into Paris Hilton.. Gross...
Too bad he'll have the Herps for LIFE! Damn!
18. oMG! - June 17, 2009 10:43 PM
Man Oh Man he is HOT!!
.. IDK why he stuck in into Paris Hilton.. Gross...
Too bad he'll have the Herps for LIFE! Damn!
19. oMG! - June 17, 2009 10:43 PM
Man Oh Man he is HOT!!
.. IDK why he stuck in into Paris Hilton.. Gross...
Too bad he'll have the Herps for LIFE! Damn!
20. RaraAvis - June 17, 2009 10:44 PM
If you had said he was leaving the pool I would have said, "OK," but since he was on his way to the pool I must express my disappointment with the package.
21. alisa - June 17, 2009 11:18 PM
#1 how the hell could you like the crooked nose pale scrawny thing better than this guy................ godddamn this boy is sexy.
22. clareargent - June 17, 2009 11:40 PM
fuck thats hot!
23. clareargent - June 17, 2009 11:41 PM
Rob Pattison? Really?
24. jizzinmypants - June 17, 2009 11:45 PM
i think i'm in love, this man is HOT....i want his babies
25. Ways to save my marriage today - June 17, 2009 11:46 PM
Ronnie so glad you've gone off to Real Madrid where you can dive away until your heart's content! Football should be interesting this new season!
26. Me - June 18, 2009 12:03 AM
Anyone posting after Me sucks on Cristiano Ronaldo's veiny penis
27. yuck - June 18, 2009 12:25 AM
Those are some leg veins. They kinda detract from the hotness for me.
I can't get into having sex with a guy with Grandpa's legs.
#26- After Paris Hilton's assistance, I think it would be Cristiano Ronaldo's CRUSTY penis, and again, no thanks.
28. HA! - June 18, 2009 12:33 AM
How long before Madonna swoops in on this one?
Does anyone else smell Tobiko and desperation?
I think I hear leathery wings flapping...
29. gramps - June 18, 2009 12:37 AM
#27 You can't get into having sex with a guy with Grandpa's legs AGAIN, right?
30. RedFantaGirl - June 18, 2009 12:53 AM
Okay, first of all, all the girls and gay guys up in here have a rats ass chance in hell to even get a kiss from this guy, let alone sex. Half of you are complaining about veins on his legs, are you fucking kidding me, he's a footballer or "soccer" for the sake of Americans, and veins pop out when you are that muscular. He is gorgeous, and he's super talented...currently the highest paid football player, and on top of that he's delicious.
@27, girl please, I would love to see a picture of you. Cellulite galore, and a stomach to match, I bet. Talking as if you had any chance with a man this hott.
31. andrew - June 18, 2009 1:10 AM
You're gay for posting these photos. Stop selling out and catering to women.
32. Miles - June 18, 2009 1:42 AM
Soccer fag. Sorry, football for all you inbred British fucktards.
33. bbbingo - June 18, 2009 2:59 AM
http://www.retirementblog.co.uk/images/02-ronaldo-crying.JPG
little whiner
34. captain america - June 18, 2009 3:16 AM
To please FAGGOTS no education is required, folks!!
35. Yummy - June 18, 2009 3:42 AM
GOD bless you Christiano and Superficial for posting this
GOD bless you Christiano and Superficial for posting this
GOD bless you Christiano and Superficial for posting this
GOD bless you Christiano and Superficial for posting this
GOD bless you Christiano and Superficial for posting this
36. my my my - June 18, 2009 3:43 AM
He is so gorgeous
Damn!!!!!!!!!!!!
he's a god
37. lord have mercy - June 18, 2009 3:45 AM
I would tie him to the bed
Lock the doors
And throw away the keys
38. Courtney - June 18, 2009 3:56 AM
Why can't all men look like this
Why can't all men look like this
Why can't all men look like this
Why can't all men look like this
Why can't all men look like this
Why can't all men look like this
Why can't all men look like this
Why can't all men look like this
Why can't all men look like this
39. val - June 18, 2009 4:24 AM
@5
definitely agree
dont care if hes a douchebag since ill never get to meet him personally
hot hot hot
me want
40. Ananana - June 18, 2009 5:14 AM
#31, i bet you love the sparkles and colours of the TS logo, don't you? Can you hear Aslan roar all the back in the closet?
I wish all portuguese guys looked like the hot part of CR, not the greasy hair and overdoing of jewelery part. Would make my Summer holidays visiting the family so much easier...
41. Dave Sentra - June 18, 2009 5:18 AM
Rinaldo what? I think He's some piece of douchebag. Poor Paris.
Dave
Online Paid Surveys
42. michy - June 18, 2009 5:55 AM
thank you superficial!!!!!!!!!!!!
43. keki~ - June 18, 2009 6:06 AM
LoL~
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44. tutu - June 18, 2009 6:12 AM
http://snurl.com/kd01s
hahahaha
45. tata - June 18, 2009 8:19 AM
LOL 44.
46. big bib - June 18, 2009 8:25 AM
What the hell is he digging out of his teeth?
47. havoc - June 18, 2009 9:27 AM
#46...He's digging out one of David Beckham's pubic hairs....
.
48. angela - June 18, 2009 9:45 AM
#26 - please. can i? ***just passed out from arosal***
49. gotmilk? - June 18, 2009 9:55 AM
nah, not doing anything for me.
LOL at 47. so true.
50. Lucky Breaks - June 18, 2009 10:12 AM
Havoc- that was great lol. It it just me, or is his bulge in the wrong place?
51. want it badd - June 18, 2009 10:12 AM
he is awsome and his legs and feet turn me on
52. Nanotyrannus - June 18, 2009 10:30 AM
I'll need two of him because I'll probably break the first one...
53. Dread not - June 18, 2009 10:41 AM
@ 38. Courtney - June 18, 2009 3:56 AM
Why can't all men look like this
Why can't all men look like this
Why can't all men look like this
Why can't all men look like this
Why can't all men look like this
Why can't all men look like this
Why can't all men look like this
Why can't all men look like this
Why can't all men look like this
Dn: We do, it's just that you can't see it under all the fat and hair.
54. Brüno - June 18, 2009 10:52 AM
That white cross is -so- 2008.
55. T-Squared - June 18, 2009 12:02 PM
Later in the day, Renaldo brushed against a passing waiter, and the non-collision caused him to flail around on the ground like his leg had been shot off his body, screaming in agony for 38 seconds, then getting up like nothing happened. 'Cause that's how footballers roll. In other words, they're all a bunch of pussies.
56. Roxi - June 18, 2009 12:37 PM
He looks absolutely yummy, theres nothing wrong with his legs and with those mini shorts i think he should go naked.. his body is a perfect 10!
57. ethanol - June 18, 2009 1:36 PM
lol at all the fat chicks complaining about the leg veins
when you have very low body fat, your veins show all over the place. some of you would know that if you actually exercised and ate somewhat healthy.
58. AbsolutNico - June 18, 2009 1:42 PM
FUCKING HOOOOOOT
59. Jason - June 18, 2009 1:55 PM
Does anyone realize that his Left Leg is a lot smaller than his right leg?
60. Xanthippas - June 18, 2009 2:10 PM
Gah stop it! It's bad enough I have to read about this douche in the soccer news, but now to come to my favorite (only) celebrity humor blog and see pics of his golden half-naked ass? Jeez!
61. Michelle - June 18, 2009 3:29 PM
Spain's gain is England's loss. My God am I going to miss that stunning body!!
62. amoi - June 18, 2009 3:45 PM
Bathing suit FAIL! He needs to wear roomy trunks. Much sexier on a built man.
63. Andie - June 18, 2009 4:12 PM
@59: Wow, you're right! Weird.
I dunno, I like a guy with a nice physique, but this is pretty extreme. I also like a grown man to have a little hair on him. This guy kinda looks to me like a deformed six year old.
64. jussj - June 18, 2009 5:48 PM
omgomgomg omg!!! BEAUTIFUL!
Now I remember why I miss Europe! The guys are so sexy, dress hot and American men are all disgustingand fat and don't care about their ugly appearance. Disgusting fat people country.
I miss Europe :(
65. Darth - June 18, 2009 6:57 PM
Well developed external obliques.Since he's a prof soccerplayer,the legs don't need more further explanation.
66. adonistic - June 18, 2009 6:59 PM
he's a hot bit of eurotrash
67. Yuck - June 18, 2009 7:54 PM
Hey 30 and 57- Why do you want me to like this guy so bad? Are you his pimps? I'm entitled to find that unattractive. I like muscular guys, I'm around them frequently- and it's a sweet life- I just don't personally want to be able to see their heartbeat in their fucking legs, ok?
BTW, not every athlete's leg veins stick out like that, and don't lecture me about body fat, you simple gits- I'm a personal trainer- so you can kiss my rock hard ass and abs-
And if you want to see a sexy man that doesn't look like somebody's Grandpa, check out Australian Rules Football... then we'll talk.
Plus, shouldn't we be more concerned about what Paris Hilton has done to this poor man's dick?
68. Paris is burning - June 18, 2009 8:13 PM
OMG! He had sex with Paris Hilton and now he is trying to gnaw off his own hand because of what it touched!
69. I'm so Vapid - June 18, 2009 11:21 PM
@64 I'll agree with you about the Fat ASSES in this country, but we at least have NICE TEETH...
70. hahaha - June 19, 2009 8:24 AM
# 38.... great response to #35
fuckin hilarious shit right there. men are pathetic <3333
71. lol - June 19, 2009 3:37 PM
he's way too hot to be banging paris hilton's washed up, old ass
72. wet newspaper - June 19, 2009 8:41 PM
eeewwwww. Fag.
73. AMO - June 21, 2009 10:44 PM
All the people commenting on his legs and "bunions" are idiots. He's the most primo athlete in the world. He has a footballer's bod and I'm loving it! Bring it Cristiano... anyday of the week... over and over and over!!! He is GORGEOUS!
74. Iris - June 23, 2009 5:50 PM
47 - LOLOLOL!!!! HAHHAHAHAHHAHAHA