May 28 2009Madonna nude painting is... I don't even know
Here's a nude portrait of Madonna and Guy Ritchie painted in 2005 that goes up for auction on Saturday in Scotland. I'm going to go out on a limb here and assume the artist is blind, so no one had the heart to tell him: A.) He was supposed to paint Madonna not Britney Spears. And B.) Guy Ritchie isn't a 1920s caricature of a black man trying to steal "the white womens." Stop me if I'm getting warm.
NOTE: Pic links to NSFW version, so don't get fired looking at cartoon nips.
Photo: Splash News
Reader Comments
1. KVF - May 28, 2009 12:20 PM
Uglyest painting ever. Sure it´s not Madonna ? Doesn´t she look like that in the morning ?
2. whatever - May 28, 2009 12:26 PM
Is it just me, or does the "woman" in the painting actually look exactly like Sarah Jessica Parker?
3. sherry - May 28, 2009 12:28 PM
Wow. I'd have thought it was supposed to be something about cave people titled "The Dawn of Man." I would bet two things: 1) Madonna hated it. And 2) Ritchie is auctioning it off publicly just to piss her off. Both work for me.
4. CakeSnifferer - May 28, 2009 12:32 PM
It's actually a rather flattering likeness of her.
5. rq - May 28, 2009 12:32 PM
bahahahaha. #2, YES.
6. Tim - May 28, 2009 12:33 PM
Why did they pose it with Guy Ritchie lying down?
7. pete - May 28, 2009 12:35 PM
That's exactly how Dee Snider of Twisted Sister would look now, if he straightened his hair.
8. smarter.than.all.of.youse - May 28, 2009 12:36 PM
The tall building in the background is a metaphor for Madonna's penis. I am an Art Major, so I know this stuff.
9. Io - May 28, 2009 12:36 PM
I don't know fish, seems to me that painting of madonna is casting her in a very beautiful light
10. Matt - May 28, 2009 12:37 PM
Too bad the artist didn't have the courage to paint her erection.
11. Erica - May 28, 2009 12:37 PM
LOL #2. Yes, yes she does. An apt superfish description too. Hats off.
12. ROUGH Daddy - May 28, 2009 12:40 PM
I suppose the stars are for comedic relief?
13. Dar - May 28, 2009 12:43 PM
I'd like to congratulate the artist--I never thought anyone could paint anything uglier than a LeRoy Neiman painting. I freely admit I was wrong.
14. havoc - May 28, 2009 12:44 PM
Too much meat on her to be Madonna..
.
15. havoc - May 28, 2009 12:44 PM
Too much meat on her to be Madonna..
.
16. RichPort's Ghost - May 28, 2009 12:45 PM
That's Bullet Tooth Tony in a painting with a female likeness of Woody Allen...
17. Michaela - May 28, 2009 12:49 PM
@2: She DOES look like Sarah Jessica Parker! Before I read the headline I thought it was a painting of her. Maybe that man is not Guy Richie but just some random New York construction worker!
18. Joe Fonebone - May 28, 2009 12:51 PM
Why are we always told there's a NSFW version and there never is? I'm never getting fired at this rate.
19. sweet cheeks (HIV+) - May 28, 2009 12:59 PM
I think she looks just magnifico here! I have all her albums and me and the girls (with cocks) still dance into the wee hours of the night to her rhythms (I have a hard time these days with me illness).
Go Lady M!!!
Kisses (Hershey's of course darlings)
20. Fuzzy Tingle Times - May 28, 2009 1:00 PM
Guy sort of looks like a tan version of sloth.
21. jaysus - May 28, 2009 1:05 PM
looks like Streisand
22. Dubya - May 28, 2009 1:13 PM
As a Scot all I can say is........WTF!!!!!!!
23. what? - May 28, 2009 1:20 PM
A trifecta! Now, not only can't she act & sing, she can't paint either! Why oh why can't this washed up twat just GO AWAY already???
24. Deacon Jones - May 28, 2009 1:23 PM
That reminds of the women I brought home from Seacrets in OC,MD.
Not only couldnt I get a hard-on, it actually retracted, like a turtle's head
25. Sport - May 28, 2009 1:24 PM
Sadly the scary painting looks 1000% times better than the scary real thing.
26. FuzzyBean - May 28, 2009 1:24 PM
Where's Guy's dick?
27. huh? - May 28, 2009 1:39 PM
UGH....looks like Donatella Versace.
28. Andy - May 28, 2009 1:52 PM
STILL HAS STARS ON FISH !!
29. justifiable - May 28, 2009 2:48 PM
#23 You missed the artist's signature in the corner. The portrait's OF her, not BY her. And she can't act for shit, that's true.
30. mikeock - May 28, 2009 2:54 PM
I hope she didn't pay money for this. It looks like they painted Tara Reid's right tit instead.
31. Jibbly Biggins - May 28, 2009 3:09 PM
I said zombie, you stupid painter - not cave troll!
32. Beeotch - May 28, 2009 3:19 PM
Looks like Fabio with breasts
33. Feebee - May 28, 2009 3:39 PM
It's by a Scottish artist Peter Howson, who is fucking brilliant.
34. MaryJane - May 28, 2009 3:40 PM
Tutuly Sarah Jessica Parker or Donatella Versace-two good answers. I knew going into the comments they would say shit like "What? This is a perfect artist rendering!"
so funny-
but really man this is one shitty ass artist..... he's like "Presto! Your wedding portrait is done!" the bride just starts bawling and punching the groom.
35. The Detroit-Ho Cryptkeeper - May 28, 2009 4:01 PM
Nah, looks too good to be Madonnkey.
36. Matt is a riot - May 28, 2009 4:12 PM
#10- I spit out my drink on that ! The absolute best!
37. PunkA - May 28, 2009 4:54 PM
Madonna has a small cock. But, lucky for her, she is still thin and flexible enough to suck it. Plus, her boys love it when she pokes them in the ass with it.
38. Alli Watermelon - May 28, 2009 5:19 PM
#2 yes, it does resemble Sarah Jessica Parker! Hahaha, genius! And..when did Madonna get boobs?
39. Amanda - May 28, 2009 5:23 PM
It's actually a painting depicting the night that Andre the Giant was conceived.
40. Gando - May 28, 2009 5:36 PM
This is the style of the artist.Artists have their 'signature.'
41. Galtacticus - May 28, 2009 5:41 PM
To tell you all honestly.The first time when i arrived in the West,i saw all the people like this artist does.I recognize his style.
42. Voila! - May 28, 2009 5:42 PM
The artist definitely captured her muscular man arms... If it wasn't for that, my first thought would have been Linda Hogan.
43. Rhialto - May 28, 2009 5:45 PM
@41 That's why he's making his Neanderthal jokes! Something from the past. . .
44. Darth - May 28, 2009 5:49 PM
At least her belly button looks Asian!
45. Galtacticus - May 28, 2009 5:53 PM
After several succesful surgeries i've become finally a caucasian myself!
46. Nero - May 28, 2009 6:01 PM
#45 I hope you didn't have the same surgeon who did Michael Jackson?
47. Charley Kane - May 28, 2009 6:54 PM
Rubbish! Madonna has never looked that good.
48. Gems - May 28, 2009 8:14 PM
Wahey! my landlord actually has another painting by the same artist hanging in our house right now! lol
49. Gogee - May 28, 2009 9:51 PM
I'd recognize Mike Tyson anywhere, but who's the guy behind Mike with the big hand?
50. gerard vandenberg - May 29, 2009 12:51 AM
Madge is seeing herself like this?
PRETTY HONEST THOUGH!!
51. wtf - May 29, 2009 1:23 AM
WTF?!
52. callmecandy - May 29, 2009 4:34 AM
actually....that looks like brooke hogan!!
53. Fuzz - May 29, 2009 6:47 AM
The Goonies called. They want their painting of Sloth back.
54. carrie - May 29, 2009 10:10 AM
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55. Mr Semprini - May 29, 2009 10:52 PM
Hulk smash! HULK SMASH! HULK... ewww
56. fuckfuckufkcfuckfuckfuck - May 30, 2009 4:58 AM
@#8 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH
57. SUMIT LOUR - June 2, 2009 2:21 AM
THIS PAINTNG IS A JOKE..I THINK PAINTER IS BILIND..WHAT HE MAKED EVEN HE HIMSELF DOES NOT KNOW..
HE IS NOT A PAINTER.HE NEEDS LESSONS ..PLEASE SEND HIM TO PAINTING SCHOOL.
58. sam - June 7, 2009 10:52 AM
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59. jeff - June 8, 2009 3:58 PM
The artist must have had Iggy Pop in mind.