Apr 23 2009Jessica Biel is nothing more than a pawn
In case you guys haven't heard the most pressing news of the day, Justin Timberlake totally kissed Jessica Biel at the Lakers game the other night. No, really, Jenny Slater told me in science class and I wrote it on my Trapper Keeper. OK! Magazine reports:
On last night's Jimmy Kimmel Live!, JT admits his reasoning behind his huge display of PDA at the Lakers game Tuesday night was more about pride than romance.
"I have to clarify that one. We're not that much of exhibitionists in front of 18,000 people," he says. "They do the 'kiss me' cam, and they were playing Sonny and Cher's "I Got You Babe," and we were watching all these kind of elderly people kiss, and it got kind of weird there for awhile, I'm not gonna lie; but it was endearing. And then they cut to Dustin Hoffman and his wife, and he planted an open-mouth kiss on her and it was kind of award-winning in its own way. And then they cut to us and I was not to be outdone. So, yeah. So I mounted my girlfriend in front of 18,000 people."
Oh, I get it. You mount Jessica Biel to show off in front of a basketball stadium full of people, not for romantic reasons like you're bombed out on Budweiser and it's your birthday. See, ladies? All the money in the world can't teach you how to love. Which is exactly why I let you pay when we go out on dates. I'm broke because I care. *tear*
Photos: Getty
Reader Comments
1. confused - April 23, 2009 2:46 PM
A beautiful woman on The Superficial? There must be some mistake!
2. Dr. Nappy - April 23, 2009 2:47 PM
Who cares?
3. Deacon Jones - April 23, 2009 2:50 PM
.....Trapper Keeper
MEMORIES, in the corner of my miiiiind.....
4. FRIST!!! - April 23, 2009 2:51 PM
@1 Where????
5. Grafikman - April 23, 2009 2:52 PM
So who's that tasty blonde piece that got cut off in the second pic?
6. RichPort's Ghost - April 23, 2009 2:56 PM
Justin is hot. He could do way better if he played for the other team
7. ye - April 23, 2009 3:08 PM
FUG. both of them.
8. BoOm BOom - April 23, 2009 3:09 PM
@5 Sarah Jessica Parker.
9. J.D. - April 23, 2009 3:15 PM
@8->5 no it's not.
And did anyone else catch the Grosse Pointe Blank reference with "Jenny Slater"?
10. So Sad - April 23, 2009 3:20 PM
They are both beautiful people.....good luck to them both!!!! No matter what the future holds.
11. The Real anthonyOA - April 23, 2009 3:25 PM
i'd hit them both with my wang. that's right.
12. e-rock - April 23, 2009 3:29 PM
Wow, she makes me feel better about myself when she is not wearing makeup. hahahaha. she needs some mascara, pronto!! but then again, he's not so hot either, so I guess they are a great match! as long as she stays away from Gerard Butler, all is cool. Jennifer Aniston on the other hand... she better sleep with one eye open. ;o*
13. SoTe - April 23, 2009 3:30 PM
I love justin but pic 6 it's soooo geeky! hahah He looks like a dork.
He turned red after he kissed her, is he seriously sooo shy? C'mon! I'll slap the shyness out of him in two seconds.
14. ph7 - April 23, 2009 3:45 PM
I bet her snatch is tighter than a snare drum. She looks good and works hard on keeping her body tight. Her devotion to crafting her body to be the perfect sperm receptacle should serve as an inspiration to all young women.
15. hacksaw - April 23, 2009 3:47 PM
Go back to sleep dude.
16. Andy - April 23, 2009 4:13 PM
It was a lovely bearded moment for both of them.
17. Men on Film - April 23, 2009 4:15 PM
He was able to do it only by visualizing all the sweaty muscular mens.
18. mafme - April 23, 2009 4:22 PM
Hey, Jenny Slater.
Hey, Jenny Slater.
Hey, Jenny Slater.
19. IRON TWAT - April 23, 2009 4:37 PM
She's a pawn and he totally kinged her.
20. Paul Spericki - April 23, 2009 4:38 PM
It;s me... Paul. Paul Spericki? We had like 11 classes together...
21. PunkA - April 23, 2009 4:54 PM
She is hands down 100% grissle free HOTNESS. I love her. And JT is the man for mounting her in front of 18,000 and/or in private. Can you blame him? Biel is gorgeous.
22. Sammy Davis Jr. - April 23, 2009 4:58 PM
what in the hell? TImba is like trying to bust on my groove man. Except he is white and has a foxier lady. But homey has the same nose and glasses as me baby, his riff is sweet. Bet ge tries t osing like me nexy to.
23. Randal - April 23, 2009 5:12 PM
This is what happens when two giant stars collide, the whole universe wants to know about it! Justin made the right move to help spark up his career and Jessica is just the right woman to help him do it too. Congratulations on the warmth you feel for each other.
Randal
24. Shawn - April 23, 2009 5:25 PM
Any man who needs a reason to mount Jessica Biel should turn in his penis.
25. gobo - April 23, 2009 5:54 PM
She has a reputation of being a social climber. She's using him.
26. mikeock - April 23, 2009 5:57 PM
When did she start dating Woody Allen?
27. Jenny Slater - April 23, 2009 6:11 PM
I thought I was the only one who noticed the Grosse Pointe Blank reference! I immediately lost my shit and decided to beg the Superficial Writer for his hand in marriage. And by "hand" I mean "laser-shooting dong".
28. Galtacticus - April 23, 2009 6:30 PM
When they pose like this then there must be something terribly wrong!
29. Darth - April 23, 2009 6:35 PM
Yeah,we know he even doesn't like beer.
30. Gando - April 23, 2009 6:42 PM
Maybe he's drinking a Cincinnati?
31. Rhialto - April 23, 2009 6:48 PM
Oh well,i'm going to send one of my Master Spies to find out whether he likes beer or cincinnati.
32. Pablo Rodriguez - April 23, 2009 7:40 PM
Has anyone noticed the cross eyed fence hopper in the last pic? Funny shit.
33. Britney's Weave - April 23, 2009 7:51 PM
^^^ FENCE HOPPER? omg youre such a racist. haha
34. Miss Brown Eyes - April 23, 2009 7:55 PM
Fish, I like yas n all, but can tell you're a post 80s kid.
"I wrote it on my Trapper Keeper. "
Dude, you write in the TK, not ON it.
Get your facts straight... Quit trying to change history with your irresponsible media reporting...
35. 1moreidiotintheworld - April 23, 2009 8:52 PM
She will fuck just about anything......
36. Susan Smirn - April 23, 2009 9:26 PM
I like her because she doesn't wear makeup & dresses like I do.
37. Charley Kane - April 23, 2009 10:26 PM
"Justin Timberlake totally kissed Jessica Biel "
She has my condolences.
38. gerard Vandenberg - April 24, 2009 12:03 AM
It's his goal to ACT, LOOK & BEHAVE LIKE A FAGGOT, folks?
39. mikeock - April 24, 2009 6:29 AM
Whenever I feel bad about myself, I just close my eyes and imagine hot female celebrities with a palate of my sticky, gooey manlove all over their lips and it brings a smile to my face. Works every time.
Jessica Biel? Right now, her face looks like a glazed donut.
40. jOcko - April 24, 2009 12:26 PM
Luckiest. Gay. Dude. Ever.
41. trapper keeper - April 24, 2009 12:37 PM
trapper keeper... lol
42. smarg - April 24, 2009 1:40 PM
He is one ugly motherfucking white boy to have made it so far.
I mean, WTF??? HOW??
43. Blah Girls - April 24, 2009 1:59 PM
All I'm saying is that she is one lucky woman.
44. Scott - April 26, 2009 2:39 AM
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