Apr 1 2009Brad Pitt's wedding ultimatum

FIRST BITDCH~

What a weird-assed wedding this would be.
It will start with a bloodletting in Tibet follwed by 3 nights of chanting on a mountaintop in Honduras. After getting some mystical passage from The Bangladeshi Book of Doom tattooed on her ass, Angie will sacrifce a three-headed goat into a fire pit and then pee all over Brad's face.

hahah These broads who writes those "magazine" have no clue. Yeah sound like a demand from a strapping man...

Okay, both 'Fish and Jrz's comments made me laugh until I snorted.
it's gonna be a good day.

Somewhere in the distance, Jennifer Aniston laughs and rubs her front hooves together. I also enjoy the irony of her "it's a girl" bullshit update in the lower right hand corner.

why anyone would want to marry this crazy, anorexic hag is befuddling. he needs to bolt pronto!!!.
let the dumb bitch's nannies raise the kids like they always have been.

No no no - the guy pees in the girl's face. Otherwise it's just sick.

Like Brad isn't fucking anything he wants. pffffffffftttttttttttttttttttttt................

"Brad wants to marry Angelina so he can have her committed."

"Angie's dress is just like her mom's"

So, what...covered with worms?

And the happy couple is registered at...UNICEF.

@ 2 Jrz-- there has to be dragons in there somewhere. Without dragons it would be null and void. *nods head**

And when the minister says "you may kiss the bride" her brother runs up and sticks his tongue down her throat.

@12 - you know she's going to bitch slap the D.O.R.K. out of you.

#13 Yes!

First, I could give 2 shits about there sex life ughhhh, and second if they get marries or not....... really doesn't matter to me. Karma's a bitch and what comes around goes around!

Any better JRZ???? It's a slow process, but I'm trying. LOL

I hope Angelina can put our conflict aside for one day and permit me the honor of walking her down the isle. I know it would mean a lot to me, but also to Maddox, who's growing up so fast, and also...uh...Shakira...and Shahira...is it Shakira or Shahira? No, it's Shahara, right? Shahara! Anyway, they're lovely kids and Brad is a wonderful father and I just know that one day Angelina will get help for her mental problems.

Zan, you know Guy Holly thinks of Dragons the way we think of Bacon...ain't NOTHIN in this world that can't be made better with bacon.....except cheese.

Blue Eyes....getting better...now make fun of their mini UN a little and you'll be on the right track.

Ummm...girls aren't the only ones who want to get married. That's bullshit. Plenty of men want to get married.

Brad, look, it's much simpler than all that. Tell her that she needs to be a real wife and mother, not just a woman who performs those roles when the public is watching. Tell her that a relationship will always fail if the sexual part is crowded out by all the other demands of a busy life. And if she doesn't hear all that and recommit herself to a full, rich personal life with you and the kids, push her head-first into a tree.

Why's Jessica Simpson look like a canary or a parakeet>

#19 - yes. But they're mostly closeted gay men. So I hear.

Celebrity tweets

http://www.starlovr.com

Here it comes! YES!
Gisele Ripped by Bridget's Pals: Stepson Used as "Prop"

..."If Gisele loved Bridget's child like he was '100 percent her own,' then she would not talk about him in the press," a friend told the New York Post. ... "Is she so desperate for attention that she can't find anything more productive to talk about other than Bridget's child?"

I miss Jrz. :(

" too fried for sex"
NEVER!

I'm right here Mr. Minotaur.

#10- Ok, loser- that is a big time FAIL!

Making fun of someone's mother who died of cancer? Not even remotely funny.

Huh? Nevermind...your name says it all. Professional fucking idiot.

@28 - lighten up, Francis.

The wedding pictures would take hours as each tried to out-smolder each other for the camera. Zoolander would be proud.

These two I drill
and fill
with seed of demon.
Bwhaahahahahahaha

CLEAN UP ON AISLE 28!!!

What a story! Accurate news and for 50¢ less than US WEEKLY! Who the fuck is doing their marketing, anyway? All they're missing is a Bat Boy pictorial.

haha! out-smolder.
I wonder if she'll make the brown one the flower girl or pick one of the white ones.

Aniston could be best man.

Brad wants her to be home more because now ALL the nannies (even the lesbians) want him to fuck them and that's just exhausting.

Prickly Airways non-stop flight to Offendedville now departing at Gate #28

Mjnhub....

Brad: "I demand more 3rd input, thats why i left jenny in the first place,,,and some oral in the morning as soon as I pop up"

*Quotes may have been altered for realistic purposes*

I understand that Angelina Jolie isn't waiting to get married?

My horriblescope basically just told me I'm a stressed-out lunatic.

He needs to understand that she's fighting a heroic battle that she's destined to lose. She's abstaining from sex because she knows that one of these days she won't be able to resist the instinct to eat his head afterward.

I know most of the press on these two is probably bullshit, but I have read a lot of reports about the kids "running wild" and not one about how well behaved they are. And if you google Brad and Angie, the results say they are either on the verge of a split or thinking of adopting again. WTF?

My prediction: despite all the kids together, Brad is going to end up in the company of Johnny whats-his-face and Billy Bob Thorton. Angelina seems to selfish to maintain a relationship, and as hot and humanitarian and whatever else she is, there will be a point where none of that can outweigh the evil witch side of her, and Brad will have had enough and will hopefully get out with at least one of his balls intact.

Also, it doesn't matter how many nannies you have... you can't hand off everything and six kids is a lot, especially when they are young and the twins are NINE MONTHS old. If they want to stay together and not have the kids be totally fucked up, they should forget about 15-hour-a-day movie jobs and be parents for a little while.

Oh, and the "most beautiful woman in the world" looks like absolute SHIT in that fugly gray wig some idiot producer is making her wear.

The train to Pleasantville will be 28 MINUTES LATE!!!

#34 - She'll have the brown one in the kitchen and Vietcong one driving.

#38 - TSFSRT

Perhaps Brad Pitt is too old for her?

You are cordially invited to the Indignant Festival
28 Pissy Row
Insultedtowne, USA.

Maybe Maddox doesn't allow her to get married?

So, there is tons happening on this cover, yet the only thing my eyes will look at is that scary-ass evil Kathy Griffin. It's like a car accident. I know that I'm looking at something that will certainly give me nightmares for the rest of my life, yet I cannot turn away. It's like a tractor beam. Help me. There is a buzzing in my ears, and my eyes are bleeding....

May I have yo' tenchun please....would the ownuh of a blue Chev-RO-lay...license plate numbuh 321-A as in Apple, M as in Mary, K as in.......Keesha....please cawl de operatuh. thank you........dang...why peoples thank dey kin park wherever duh hale dey want anyhow?....I'm what? Oh, damn....

On the other hand,who wants to be a kindergarten cop? Maybe Brad Pitt is the only one?

Is Brad Pitty finally going against her? He wants only more kids after their marriage!

@51 Strong point!

Can someone please bitch slap 50,51,52 back into the stone age!!!

He should handcuff her and put some duct tape on her mouth! And drive her to a drive-through wedding chapel in Las Vegas! Takes 5 minutes!

Why get married when you can have sex, kids and all else without it? Jolie's marriage history isn't so great either, so why go there with her? Keep it as is, ride it til it;s rough, then bail. 3 years or less. Jolie can;t handle it any longer than that.

HAH! Brad will be ditching her soon, because she's just like every other woman who's had kids--lower libido. No more screwing in the bathroom, in the kitchen, in front of the TV, it's now "but baby...you haven't let me between your legs in over two weeks...wasup, yo? What happened since I started skanking you with Jen around? You wanted it all the time, now you're always making excuses. Baby, a man's got needs. I get tired of sneaking a Fistina when you aren't around. C'mon, how about a quick hand job for old time's sake??"

@53 - How about we slap 52 since it's obviously the same person as 52 & 51.

I am sure it is really stressful to be a father with a staff of 20 at you mansion

#49 - Hey eggplant, howzabout you get my keys out of my pocket for me. Dat's my fuckin' car mooly. I'm so fat my arms are too short to reach my pockets. Thanks darkie.

Brad got old. And suffers from the fat-face-on-older-man syndrome.

#46 I am highly indignant and grossly insulted that you chose to issue a generalized, rather than a personal, invitation to a select gathering in this discourteous and highly cavalier manner.

Furthermore, I feel you deliberately left off the zip code, further demeaning the town in question.

AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! #62!!!

#62 It has come to our attention that in your no-doubt well-meaning yet amateur attempt to promote our annual festival, you have slighted us by neglecting to provide an adequate location, or, indeed, proper GPS coordinates. We are located next to High Dudgeon, directly south of Pique.

And we consider it a gross personal insult that you chose to leave off this very pertinent information.

#44 How dare you imply that our trains run late? The train to Pleasantville is ALWAYS on time and what's more, it invariably has a very cheery attitude! We have done nothing to be the target of such idle calumny and you should know that you have now Officially Ruined Our Day.

I thought Brad stated that he wouldn't get married until gay marriage was legal...I actually respected him on this stance, but the "more kids" thing is stupid - he knows he shacked up with the Original OctoMom.....there's no escaping Angie's tentacles. A better movie than Oceans 11, 12 or 13 would be if George Clooney helped his buddy escape from this nutjob - a beautiful nutjob, but a nut none the less.

I'm DYIN'! "How dare you imply......"

Did anyone REALLY believe they were going to live happily ever after??? With all of Angies rebounds and Brad having more than one "true love?" Funny how everyone forgot about Gwenyth Paltrow 'his angel."

"Bravo Kathy Griffin bikini body at 48" ??????

Kathy Griffin is the LAST person I would show to give an example of ageing well. She does not look 48, she looks more like 58, and her face looks even older, it is covered with wrinkles. I am still traumatized by pics I saw here on Superficial months ago, of this ugly redhead.

All women here wear bikinis, there is nothing special with wearing one at 48.

nice april fools day joke but in realty they will not get married until all people get marred (ie gays) witch will not happen

#69 Very nice, Matthew. You win the "No Child Left Behind" Award.

FYI, your ride left without you.

Nobody dumps Angelina, she does the dumping. She is a sex queen and once you have sex with her you are hooked and under her spell. She is that good. If Angelina wants to adopt 15 more babies Brad will be all for it as long as he gets his dick sucked and gets to fuck....end of story.

You know the sad part about all of this is that they will eventually break up and those kids will be the ones who suffer the most.

Shanna Moakler just got dumped by Travis Barker. Shanna is about as mentally stable as Angelina Jolie, so that means Brad and Shanna should hook up and adopt 25 more kids.

http://hollywoodspotlite.com/news/2009/04/01/did-shanna-cheat-moakler-travis-barker-split/

I can't believe they broke up over Gerard Butler!

Can't believe Brad is marrying OCTO MOM

Are you sure Angelina didn't adopt Brad as one of the kids?

..............................FAGGOTS WANT TO MARRY?
(with a woman?)

damn those woman marrying homos. Trying to have all that sex with women. grrr

# 71 - And how exactly would you know that she is a sex queen? Just because she is unbelievably beautiful doesn't automatically mean that she is great in bed. She could be a cold frigid bitch in bed for all you know. And she might suck at blowjobs, too, and I do not mean that literally.

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Bleh. Brad is a sorry, spineless, whipped sack of compost, further weakened by chronic sleep deprivation, and the Voight bitch is nothing but tits and holes and ruthless ambition. They must be so sick of each other by now, but the PR machine grinds on! Let's hope they at least have enough sense to stop dragging helpless kids into their chaotic "home." The six kids they already have are going to make Lindsay Lohan look positively saintly when they get old enough to rebel. And rebel they WILL.

It is about time. Brad needed to step up and make her a honest women .

It is about time. Brad needed to step up and make her a honest women .

Much like Madonna her true colors are shining through.

I don't understand why she is still working when she has a herd of kids.
With that many kids there is no way one could put aside quality time with all of them and continue the hectic schedule of an actor.

At some point a decision should have been made, pre-set x amount of kids and it's time to be a real Mom.

Not a publicity hounding good doer for the purpose of getting even the press. If she loved these kids she would want to be able to spend time with them.

Brad is a moron if he thinks marriage actually fixes problems.

April Fool's alright but OMG he's just bloody f*ucking stupid and egotistical. Get your balls back, Brad, and dump the hag. Once a backdoor cu*nt always a back door cu*nt. Hmm, no different from you, once a cheater always a cheater. These two egotistical maniacs don't know the meaning of selfless acts such as charity and goodwill.

Bitch puhleeze,
This has to be a lame April's fools day joke,marry what, the man saw what happened to lil joe-bob or whatever his name was, bitch is bat shit crazy, that fool is a cautionary tale about being careful what you wish for, I am laughing my head off, he wanted kids, he sure got them, octomum has nothing on mad angie,what the idiot boyfriend doesn't seem to get is that bipolar wackjobs mean what they say only for that particular phase of the moon, first she didnt want any biological kids, now she has three, then she was gonna quit working , now she reportedly is working 15 hour days and has a slew of movies lined up, Heaven help those kids if the voices in her head tell her to get rid of them, he'll probably wake up to a tragic surprise,he needs to get a nanny per child, oh I forgot nutty angie is worried he'll be waving the magic wand in the wrong direction again. They totally deserve each other, the fear of child support PLUS alimony alone will keep him in the unhappily unwedded state until angelina the mad decides to become a celibate buddhist nun