Feb 24 2009The Superficial presents Stars Gone to Shit

More: awesome, captions, gallery, WTF

Welcome to our latest caption gallery featuring a cavalcade of celebrities who decided why look beautiful when you can stuff your face, smoke a mountain of crack or stop paying for routine plastic surgery maintenance? Fortunately for them, natural talent is all you need to survive. - - Ha ha ha! Just kidding, they're screwed.

Comments (157)

Reader Comments

1. first - February 24, 2009 8:03 AM

yum

2. Maggie From Buffalo - February 24, 2009 8:06 AM

Im sorry, people were saying that the outfit did nothing for her and that was the reason she looked so big, BUT, how do you explain that her arms doubled in size as well?

3. Brandi - February 24, 2009 8:06 AM

Woody Harrelson is still sweet.

4. Ryan Seawave - February 24, 2009 8:16 AM

You should do a with and without make-up special too.

I think it's good for today's kids to see why you wake up with an ugly bird when the night before you went to bed with a stunner.

Its not always about the beer goggles. This should be a warning to all men who are about to get married. Be very aware that if you dont keep an eye on the twinkies in the fridge then you too could end up marrying Paris Hilton only to find her turn into Paris Motel 8

5. Sissy - February 24, 2009 8:20 AM

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6. linda - February 24, 2009 8:22 AM

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Do you love traveling and have some experience? Just find me out.

7. beefytee - February 24, 2009 8:24 AM

I think Lara Flynn Boyle may have cancer. That kind of moon face is indicative of a steroid that is often administered to try and shrink cancer cells.

I could be wrong, and for her sake I hope I am...maybe she's got really bad asthma, but she's definitely on some kind of steroid.

8. Ted Kennedy's Tumor - February 24, 2009 8:24 AM

Brittney will always be hot. You know who is hot, it's that girl from "The Big Bang Theory". WAY HOT!

9. Meh - February 24, 2009 8:26 AM

I still prefer the new Jessica..

10. Savalas - February 24, 2009 8:32 AM

With some of these older clowns...the fact that they're still alive after a couple decades of hard-living should count for something good.

11. Dooly_J - February 24, 2009 8:35 AM

Sorry, but If that picture of Woody is indicative of how he looks now, he's aging VERY well.

12. Lionel Mandrake - February 24, 2009 8:37 AM

Alright - I laughed out loud at the "chimney sweep" line.

P.S. I had no idea Helena Bonham Carter had transformed into a bag lady. My word.

13. RichPort's Ghost - February 24, 2009 8:42 AM

My before and after pictures from 10 years ago and now are identical. Because I am the Highlander.

14. myself - February 24, 2009 8:42 AM

Your captions, even if I don't agree with all of them, were really laugh-out-loud funny today. Great job!

15. sam - February 24, 2009 8:51 AM

I'd totally still hit that and be happy to have the privilege. If you dont think shes hot anymore you need to re-attach your balls or grow a new pair.

16. Ed - February 24, 2009 8:54 AM

Superficial Writer,

I can't believe I wasted three minutes of my time reading this.

Thanks,

17. Chuck - February 24, 2009 8:59 AM

Not sure who the previous poster is referring to (although clearly it can't be Britney Spears who really needs to fall down an elevator shaft) but I agree with Woody. He doesn't belong on this list at all. He actually looks better now, despite his male pattern baldness.

18. CakeSniffer - February 24, 2009 9:01 AM

The before and after really isn't that different except for some arm wattles...

19. shalita - February 24, 2009 9:02 AM

Ed,

I can't believe you wasted 45 more seconds of your time writing that post.

Thanks,

Shalita

on another note, these were hilarious...

20. CakeSniffer - February 24, 2009 9:04 AM

And Winehouse was always a hound, but it became more obvious when she stopped bathing.

21. bubba - February 24, 2009 9:07 AM

#8 ur right! but she was kinda heavy in the first season. fat isn't incurable!!

22. milfs - February 24, 2009 9:11 AM

Like girls with cute butt!!!
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23. sliskdi - February 24, 2009 9:11 AM

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24. milfs - February 24, 2009 9:12 AM

25. Rae. - February 24, 2009 9:13 AM

um, K Fed is a star? What the feck.

26. milfs - February 24, 2009 9:16 AM

27. robert - February 24, 2009 9:16 AM

Is that really Whitney Houston? Holy crap!

28. CandyO Poetess and Artist - February 24, 2009 9:22 AM

Poor Jessica is now a fat dumb blimp!

This is my pic ,-''`-.
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/ ,' ,' _,-' (,,-\ -==*'/ ) ( ) \
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| / / \ ,' \ )- ) | --' )
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' \ / )/ `.
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I made of Amy Winehouse:

29. Johnnygoodtimes - February 24, 2009 9:30 AM

I liked this post better when it was on nothingRelevant.com 2 weeks ago!

(http://www.nothingrelevant.com/monkey-clown/2009-fashion-prediction-fat-is-still-the-new-black/)

30. tobox - February 24, 2009 9:31 AM

Yeah, I HATE IT when 20 years of time passes! Yuck!

31. havoc - February 24, 2009 9:32 AM

I would pound Jessica's ass in both those photos.

Any hetero male would....

32. Fluffy Butt - February 24, 2009 9:34 AM

@ 3

AGREED! And fish .. you could have pulled out a "better" worse pic of Crackhouse.

33. Fluffy Butt - February 24, 2009 9:34 AM

@ 3

AGREED! And fish .. you could have pulled out a "better" worse pic of Crackhouse.

34. RichPort's Ghost - February 24, 2009 9:35 AM

Candy O, I have a sneaky suspicion you are the seventh sign...

35. Deacon Jones - February 24, 2009 9:41 AM

Holy shit, Whitney looks like she belongs in a Natural History museum on display....

@7 I was thinking the same thing, it looks like someone punched her in the jaw.

36. Jrz - February 24, 2009 9:55 AM

FUCK!!!!!
*furiously brews gallon of green tea, jumps onto treadmill and stairmaster at the same time while speed dialing AA*

37. James - February 24, 2009 9:56 AM

I'm going to have to disagree with you on your choices of Jennifer Love Hewitt, Jessica Simpson, and Woody Harrelson.

38. ROUGH DADDY - February 24, 2009 9:56 AM

Lara flynn's face looks like its been boiled and falling apart,,,wow, no wonder she couldnt keep a 70 year old dude...thats sad!

39. schwartzhausen - February 24, 2009 10:07 AM

Alright. Perhaps this "gallery" could be relevant -- if it wasn't for the fact that many of these stars have already recovered and are nowadays as healthy as they were in their heyday. I mean, how many years old is that Whitney picture? And what about Britney, she sure looks fine today.

40. Dee - February 24, 2009 10:07 AM

I agree with every one but Woody, he still looks good. At least he's growing old gracefully. Damn Vince has some serious beer bloat. And WTF happened to Russell Crowe??

41. tweedle dee - February 24, 2009 10:11 AM

i hope i get to grow old and smoke a lot of pot. and have a guy that looks as good as woody at that age.

42. RichPort's Ghost - February 24, 2009 10:16 AM

They should change his name to Russell Growe.

43. shakeitout - February 24, 2009 10:17 AM

the good picture of whitney is from this month at the grammys...

44. Jrz - February 24, 2009 10:21 AM

hee hee, Rich.
Lara Flynn Gargoyle

I never knew that Mischa Barton was the kid ghost in The Sixth Sense...the one whose mother killed her and she gave Haley Joel Osment the videotape to play at the funeral.

45. observant.as.hell - February 24, 2009 10:24 AM

I feel ya on all these except Woody and Mrs. "I married Xenu's bitch" Cruise...

46. ROUGH DADDY - February 24, 2009 10:27 AM

Romo is doing the right thing, id still rummage through those juicy thighs, as long as the belly doesnt look disgusting...

47. Bay - February 24, 2009 10:29 AM

At first glance, I thought Katie Holmes was Johnny Depp.

48. Suzanne Denneen - February 24, 2009 10:35 AM

How dare these human beings do human things like age, gain weight, succumb to illness, physical or psychological. How lucky we are to watch other humans lose their battle with decline so we may feel better about our own depressingly human condition.

49. Ummm...yeah... - February 24, 2009 10:37 AM

What the fuck is that on Katie Holmes mouth?...herpes?
God, these celebs suck!

50. missywissy - February 24, 2009 10:43 AM

yeah, woody looks good. Amy Winehouse? I didn't know she ever looked good! Lindsay Lohan looks the same, smiling in one photo and not in the other. Seriously, what happened to Lara Flynn?

What a SUPERFICIAL way to start the day! Now everyone is paranoid about doing their drugs and eating their donuts. Shame on you Superficial.

51. ROUGH DADDY - February 24, 2009 10:45 AM

#48 can kill a wet dream cant she? im perfect

52. RichPort's Ghost - February 24, 2009 10:48 AM

Lara Flynn Gargoyle? HAHAHAHAHA

Mickey Pork?

53. cavy - February 24, 2009 10:59 AM

I disagree with Kate Moss, Lindsay Lohan and Woody Harrelson - those 3 still look very hot. Kate and Lilo are beautiful and Woody is very handsome and getting better with age. The others, I'll give ya! LOL

PS: oops....one more - I will always be a fan of Pammy - she's for animal rights and will always be beautiful inside and out.

54. Jrz - February 24, 2009 10:59 AM

Mickey Pork!!!
Woody Barrelsome

55. I Love Paul Newman - February 24, 2009 11:08 AM

The only star that ever got better looking was Paul Newman, and this is due to the fact that he was NOT a money hungry little shit, like all the nutcases above.

56. kip - February 24, 2009 11:16 AM

The right pic of Courtney Love is totally Mary Kate Olsen in 20 years.

57. i'd do him still. - February 24, 2009 11:18 AM

i think Woody Harrelson is looking more than excellent still.

58. Klandorn - February 24, 2009 11:24 AM

Woody Harrelson looks normal Come on!

59. superstar - February 24, 2009 11:26 AM

Jessica Simpson doesn't even look fat in pic no.1

60. Happy Hiker - February 24, 2009 11:34 AM

Woody still looks good! The photos are like 30 years apart. Come on...

61. RichPort's Ghost - February 24, 2009 11:35 AM

#54 - Joaquin Fuckit

62. billy - February 24, 2009 11:37 AM

Someone said she is not a beauty, why?? Are you a beauty? Can you show us your photo before posting such a stupid message? Go to " C e l e b M i n g l e. C 0 M " and have a search for young ladies, you will know how ugly you are!!

63. Tinfoil Raccoon - February 24, 2009 11:39 AM

Woody Harrelson's improved with age. Love the facial hair, and the lower half of his face is a ringer for Matthew McConoughey. He doesn't belong on your list.

Jennifer Love doesn't belong on your list either. That pic was from last year. She's lost the extra weight again. Having an extra temporary 15-20 pounds shouldn't qualify somebody to be on this list. You just recently had a pic of her on her 30th dressed up like Audrey Hepburn and going to Tiffany's. A little crazy, yes, but, she looked great now.

Pretty much any pic of a celebrity you can find on that one website, www.awfulplasticsurgery.com is a good example of celebs who've gone to shit. (not being a troll trying to pimp out a site.)

And there are so many even worse pics floating around out there of Courtney and Amy. These ones don't do any justice in showing just how far they've fallen.....

64. Fyrepup - February 24, 2009 11:42 AM

Jessica Simpson?

I'd still hit it like the fist of an angry god.

65. Fyrepup - February 24, 2009 11:42 AM

Jessica Simpson?

I'd still hit it like the fist of an angry god.

66. Fyrepup - February 24, 2009 11:42 AM

Jessica Simpson?

I'd still hit it like the fist of an angry god.

67. Tinfoil Raccoon - February 24, 2009 11:49 AM

Top prize winners on the list (even if the "shit" picture isn't the best example) and in no particular order:

Amy
Helena
Courtney
Joaquin
Britney
Mickey
Russell
Whitney

____

Vince and Kevin are pudgy, but they still look good.

68. Tinfoil Raccoon - February 24, 2009 11:50 AM

Top prize winners on the list (even if the "shit" picture isn't the best example) and in no particular order:

Amy
Helena
Courtney
Joaquin
Britney
Mickey
Russell
Whitney

____

Vince and Kevin are pudgy, but they still look good.

69. Jrz - February 24, 2009 11:53 AM

Jenniver Love Huge-it

70. PPW - February 24, 2009 11:53 AM

Next time you have to include Chris Tucker. They showed him at one of the Lakers games. OMFG! I did not know whether to laugh or cry. He's HUGE!

71. Jackson - February 24, 2009 11:57 AM

Notice how Kim Kardaskank is not in these pics. This is because Kim is fat and has always been fat since she got famous for doing porn.

72. lola - February 24, 2009 12:03 PM

I'd totally give it up to Woody... Joaquin, on the other hand, looks like he got tarred and feathered with pubic hairs.

73. april hoffmann - February 24, 2009 12:07 PM

This is probably one of the best posts! I can't BELIEVE the changes in these people. WOW.

74. Danklin24 - February 24, 2009 12:15 PM

Fish did you look up pictures of all these dudes to say they were once hot?

errr..

Fag

75. CJG - February 24, 2009 12:19 PM

Is that a Dirty Sanchez that Pamela is sportin' under her nose?

76. cavy - February 24, 2009 12:49 PM

Until you can prove that you look better than any of these stars...you really have no right to call them out. Yeah, they're stars and it's their job to stay relevant, but seriously....I'd love to see some of you guys and gals.

77. Jennyjenjen - February 24, 2009 12:49 PM

Welcome back Jackson.

78. kitty - February 24, 2009 1:03 PM

woody should not be on the list all he did was age.

79. Pickens - February 24, 2009 1:34 PM

Just adding to the thread that has declared Woody Harrelson shouldn't be anywhere near this list. The guy is still adorable.

80. sunydater - February 24, 2009 1:36 PM

Just heard that he is ho-oking up with a nice gi-rl on the inter-esting cl-ub called: ____Tallmi gle Co M____, really ? Sounds it is a famoaus on-line service.

81. Misty - February 24, 2009 1:59 PM

I agree completely with @79. I'll bet he's an absolute animal in the sack (or anywhere else) too. You know, like he was in Natural Born Killers. HOT movie!

82. ML3935 - February 24, 2009 2:19 PM

I'm sure tons of girls would love to look like the "new" Jessica and tons of guys would like to bang a chick who looks like her. So what if sometimes celebrities can't keep up with their arbitrary and ridiculous diets and 4 hours of daily exercise so they can enjoy life? Tony Romo can have his pick of women and he seems satisfied...

83. jaime - February 24, 2009 2:21 PM

to be fair, some like mickey rourke or woody harrelson just got older. you can't expect them to look perfect.
and amy winehouse looks the same before and after.

but the rest do look like shit.

84. PapaJo - February 24, 2009 2:24 PM

Jessica Simpson is fat and talentless.
Jessica Simpson is fat and talentless.
Jessica Simpson is fat and talentless.
Jessica Simpson is fat and talentless.
Jessica Simpson is fat and talentless.
Jessica Simpson is fat and talentless.
Jessica Simpson is fat and talentless.
Jessica Simpson is fat and talentless.
Jessica Simpson is fat and talentless.
Jessica Simpson is fat and talentless.

85. boo - February 24, 2009 2:48 PM

OMG, I had forgotten how cute Micky Rourke used to be!

86. Where's Darkwing Duck? - February 24, 2009 2:52 PM

Come on Fish, these are the best bad pics you could find?

@85
Yeah, wow. Totally had forgotten what he used to look like as well.

87. Dan - February 24, 2009 3:07 PM

Sorry, but I'd take #2 Jessica over #1 Jessica any day, bigger ass and bigger chest.. God bless. Besides who knows how photoshopped that #1 pic is anyway.

88. JuliaJolie - February 24, 2009 3:13 PM

I'll give you a few of these (Winehouse, Rourke etc), but most of these are comparing airbrushed, blurred, soft-focused pics of stars with heaps of makeup on with a candid photo of someone either just after they've given birth (Helena Bonham Carter), or being a mum to a creepy husband for a few years (Katie Holmes). Never mind the fact that every single one of these is comparing a young pic to an old pic. Why don't you just post a pic of Paul Newman in his heyday with a picture of his corpse? This is lazy writing at its worst.

Clearly you created this post just to generate pageviews/comments, which is the blog equivalent of a message board troll.

89. Obtuser - February 24, 2009 3:18 PM

Where is Val Kilmer? He went from Batman to Fatman. Val definitely would have been a better choice than Woody.

90. okay25 - February 24, 2009 3:23 PM

damn, Mickey!!

91. nick - February 24, 2009 3:26 PM

how did Madonna not make this list? chin hair, ok gross.

92. pooman - February 24, 2009 3:44 PM

where's rhianna?

93. emmaleigh - February 24, 2009 4:10 PM

That Dukes of Hazzard promotion photo just shows how fake her ass is. it looks nice, but its a butt pad. jessica simpson actually has quite a flat ass. just look at fat jess. if that was her real butt, it would be bigger and nice in the fat photo, but it just looks a little less flat.

94. charlie - February 24, 2009 4:48 PM

In all fairness to Courtney Love, she looked like shit to begin with.

95. pete - February 24, 2009 5:07 PM

I think Mr.Superficial Writer added Woody Harrelson as a counter example how people can age without any plastic surgery and still look good. Hell, he looks even better now. One can only hope to age like that.

96. yuristache - February 24, 2009 5:08 PM

You forgot to include the photos of Rihanna. She looks like shit lately. Not sure why ...

97. foraz - February 24, 2009 6:48 PM

Woody looks better in the "now" photo... He looks like a doof in the younger one.

HURRRRFF!

98. foraz - February 24, 2009 6:52 PM

Woody looks better in the "now" photo... He looks like a doof in the younger one.

HURRRRFF!

99. foraz - February 24, 2009 6:56 PM

Woody looks better in the "now" photo... He looks like a doof in the younger one.

HURRRRFF!

100. SEELS - February 24, 2009 7:09 PM

Whatever! She still looks gorgeous even tho she gained A WHOPPING 10LBS. Give me a break! She is being compared to a picture taken like 4 or 5 years ago!

101. Joline - February 24, 2009 7:30 PM

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102. name - February 24, 2009 7:43 PM

fuck off kate moss is always amazing

103. name - February 24, 2009 7:43 PM

fuck off kate moss is always amazing

104. name - February 24, 2009 7:43 PM

fuck off kate moss is always amazing

105. name - February 24, 2009 7:53 PM

the superficial writer is always funny and on point.. the only thing he has never understood is cool kids dont make fun of kate moss.. you just don't. get it.

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107. rodrigo - February 24, 2009 8:47 PM

Amy Winehouse is actually a Psychlo. She looks ok for a Psychlo.

108. BIRD WHISPERER - February 24, 2009 9:57 PM

PEOPLE GET FUCKING OLD................