Feb 13 2009Scarlett Johansson could sell nails to Jesus

average

she looks like e.t.

gorgeous

This reminds me - PEOPLE, PLEASE *DO NOT* EAT TUNA FISH! unless the can says "dolphin safe".

lmao
yea like her eyes are too far apart
NAH SHE prettier than others
and theyre selling foundation not eyeshadow

She's got nice cans. That. Is. All.

She's got nice cans. That. Is. All.

ugh, I WANT to dislike her but this isn't making it easy.

saying she looks "average" here is hilarious

www.lowbrowsophisticate.com/category/grady-ocorn

ugh, I WANT to dislike her but this isn't making it easy.

saying she looks "average" here is hilarious

www.lowbrowsophisticate.com/category/grady-ocorn

no one is as sexy as Ms. Johansson thinks she is

I believe the second picture is an ad for their new "ass to mouth" perfume.

She has nice breasts. (pretty much the only relevant comment for any picture of her)

Life needs passion.
http://www.millionairecupids.zoomshare.com is a private exclusive dating club to meet millionaires, rich and beautiful men and women worldwide. Find your perfect match easier and more effective!

She could sell generosity to Jews.

She could sell a work ethic to blacks.

Nice tits, everything else - a tad above average. Plus, she seems to be so boring whenever they interview her.

She could sell a salad to Jessica Simpson.

She could sell an umbrella to Rihanna.

Didn't Lindsay Lohan do a Marilyn Monroe thing last year? Didn't Lindsay Lohan write something really nasty about Scarlett on a bathroom wall not too long ago?

Has anyone checked in with Linds to see if this has pushed her into an epic drinking binge?

Gorg!

Bah! She couldn't sell free liposuction to Usher's wife.

Well, Jesus was a CARPENTER, so that title's not saying much, fish.

Probably anyone who had nails and lived in Nazareth could've sold them to him.

She could sell granny porn to a pedophile.

So, it's kind of funny that already two people don't understand the title. Yeah, the point is SJ is so pretty that she could sell nails to a carpenter. duh.

She could sell vaginal-scented lip balm to Tom Cruise.

She could sell tickets for Continental commuter flights to people (still) living in Clarence, N.Y.

I believe Jesus will be feeling a resurrection

In his loincloth.

#8 foghat -- me too, ughh!

i DO fucking hate her, and i swear she's overrated... this is the power of makeup and airbrushing, as always. she looks like garbage in those pictures with her 'dark hair'.

A) IS IT PHYSICALLY POSSIBLE FOR HER TO CLOSE HER MOUTH EVER? Seriously she is such a mouth breather

B) I am sick of her pretending to be Marilyn Monroe

C) where did they put her torso?

awww, Fish, now you're just being cute.

#29 - c) in a girdle.

Average from the cans down. Average from the cans up.

You're crazy. She couldn't sell a 6' hoagie to Oprah.

I recommend you a very interesting place ___MillionaireLoving co m_____ It 's where you have the opportunity dreaming about dating a millionaire and make it true!

She could sell your mom.

#31 - So, to be clear, only her cans can?

She could sell humor to bootlips. OK, fine, she ain't a miracle worker.

Hey, #33....I recommendyou a very intersting place.......the red box with the white X in it at the top right of your screen....yeah...click on that......and then go fuck yourself.

She couldn't sell Spanx to Jessica Simpson.

None of your posts made me laugh.

The title of this story made me do laugh poos.

Also Scarlett is fuckin hot and anyone that says otherwise is a swamp rapist.

This woman is not even close to being anything above average looking with a voice that makes her sound like she's got a permanent cold.

Cue the cat calls! ScarJo is lookin' mighty fine! Ladies, take notes!

Why, once a week, is there a Jesus reference that is highly irreverant? Are there that many people out there that are chuckling at shit like that? Thought this site was up on what's funny. Why is it necessary to include a historical figure that died for the sake of humanity? Is it possible to stick to celebs and leave out digging on people's convictions????? Christ was tortured and nailed onto a cross in the name of love for everyone, and you think it's cute that Scarlet Johanssen is so beautiful she could make him do it all over because he should be impressed with her beauty? That's the stupidest uneducated remark I've read, ever on this site. Enough already with all the "baby Jesus" remarks and Jesus this and that mixed with celebrity gossip.

@42

Jesus is sucking my cock right now. He says, "Hi." Actually, he said, "Mmrphm," but I'm pretty sure that's Aramaic-with-a-cock-in-my-mouth for hi.

The title you gave this article was incredibly offensive!!

You rock scarlett. What happened to the brown hair? You are the stimulus plan, forget obama!

mmm, I love bitches with BIG heads. I'm not talking like big as in ego, I'm talking like big as in colossal (inches etc etc)

mmm, I love bitches with BIG heads. I'm not talking like big as in ego, I'm talking like big as in colossal (inches etc etc)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4IrvkOlRqYA

She is absolutely gorgeous, and I'm a girl but I don't mind admiting when another girl is ubber hot. She is super sexy, her voice, her body, everything about her, even her hubby... oh ryan, I would do you in the kitchen, on top of your bike, wherever you want it!

omg, everybody shut the fuck up!
She's GORGEOUS!!
Like you've seen a girl on the street
who looked as good as her.
She's beautiful!

Its amazing to me that any "true Christian" holier than thou's would be on this site at all! Shouldn't you be off beating your bibles?

she is sooooooooooooooooooooooooo photoshopped trust me scar jo's thighs are not that thin LOL please and she isn't like paper white people . The whole pic is airbrushed beyond belief shesh what she isn't adequate the way she is naturally...

yea your right!! where the heck is her torso it's like chest and then hips LOL come on photoshop much

Looks like they also air-brushed what was left of her mind away.

They did a good job on her in the first ad. If I hadn't seen her in person, I might have been convinced that she's a sexy bombshell. In the second, she looks like retarded. Not a good look. If you've ever seen her in person in NY, you'd know that she doesn’t exude any sexuality. none. She dressed like a slumpy grandma, and her voice makes you want to put a sock in her mouth. instantly. After seeing her like that, I just can't be attracted to her, 'cause in fact, this image really isn't her, it’s a fabrication of stylists who know what sexy looks like. One thing she does have is nice skin...which I like, I wish for once, that these women would actually take care of themselves when they're on their own, and not at a photo shoot, or opening. Fuck it's a turn off! The only person whom I can think of that actually does that is Eva Longoria...she's always hot and dresses the part. Now that, I like.

S.J. looks great, as always. I dig rat-faced girls with wide-set eyes; what can i say? =D

Wow~~~~~ she is fucking gorgeous and sexy~~she is the hottest lady at richromances.com. You guys can check more photos and information of her over there

that title is A-W-F-U-L

she is the ugliest girl... i see cuter girls on a daily basis walking around. plus, she's fat.

ohh the title is hilarious ha!

Same exact body type as Jessica Simpson. Giant head, big cans, short stubby legs, and thick all over.

She could sell a tiny white penis to Kim Kardashian.

Yo, "Christians", give us a break with all the "you must have reverence for the Three Day Zombie" drivel. We're grownups. We don't need crutches in life. Keep your comforting fairy tales to yourself. Jesus Fucking Christ.

JESUS DIDN'T LIKE FAGGOTS NOR TRANS-SEXUALS & CHEATERS!!

She is stunning, one of the few actress out there I can say that about..

Boring fish lips pigeon-toed Hollywood sellout.
Next.

I'm not looking at her eyes. I'm looking at her tits!

Yeah why not leave Jesus out the next time and try tearing down some nasty Jew shit. Why not crack on Moses? You know, the mouth piece for the genocidal storm god, yahweh the murderer.
It's fun now that the jews own tv and most of the ugly pigs on it are jews that they now use Jesus as something to mock on their filthy dirty cartoons. Notice that?
Merry X-Mas! (X was less offensive to them than Christ and the cowardly Christians allowed this to happen)
Happy Holidays! (How about Merry Christmas for the christians and whatever else for the other people?)

P.S. Scarfacelet wishes she was Marylin Monroe. Try harder butterface!

By the way, I am not a Christian, I'm just saying.

I always find it sort of amusing when people call Christianity a crutch. Jesus gives you life, forgiveness and true freedom unlike the true crutches in life: addiction to drugs, alchoholism, etc.

Be glad that Jesus taught love your enemies, turn the other cheek and pray for those that persecute you. I guess that is part of the reason you can laugh about Jesus, the horrid price he paid for your sins and those of us that follow him. If you put muslim jokes in your writings you just might get your head handed to you.

Aaaah.... anti-Christians (not just non-believers) and the racists that visit this site...... makes me feel smarter, and smarter, and smarter and smarter......

@43- If you're trying to offend me, good try. The apostle Paul used to imprison and KILL people for being Christians before God called on him. Paul became the second most important person in the Holy Bible. In other words, God calls on people like you (although, I doubt you ever took a person's life). Keep your heart and your mind open.

what a bunch of jealous hags on this site!

ScarJo is one of the most beautiful women to come around in a long time.

She has a beautiful body, great skin and knows how to work a camera.

Maybe if you spent more time being kind to other women and less time being mean and spiteful someone would find you beautiful too.

SOOOOO FUG! not a damn thing attractive on that woman. dead eyes, shapeless lips. FUG i tell you! FUG!

She's got a nice rack.

that's all I can ever think to say about her.

She looks like she's fresh out of an Alabama trailer park,she has teh acting ability of a log,and she can't to save her life.

She's fugly and needs to keep her mouth closed when she "poses" for camera....soooo annoying to see this EVERY shot!!

#19 who the hell cares about Lindsey Lohan?? She's fucking ugly and nasty and those freckles are disgusting...what a color body and skin she has...ewwwwww!!

@ 62. gerard Vandenberg - so you met jesus? Did he himself told you he didnt like such and such people? What a retard. I'm not a christian, I'm not anything but if jesus is the person you say he is... I dont think he really did not like somebody. Wasn't he the one who saved Mary Magdalene from being stoned to death? Wasn't she a whore? Hummm... Even though I seriously dislike church and all of it's hypocracy and pedofile members, I still think that it is possible that this jesus person did in fact lived, but I do think that he was this kind and forgiving person who did not hate or discriminate like christians do most of the time. Tolerance is a word most christian know nothing about.

what a horrible color skin and nasty body she has....missed a few words :P

If I were her I'd

I met Jesus he is real! Of course the meeting happened after I took twelve hits of acid. I don't remember what I said to him because I was too busy watching the wood paneling on the wall come alive.

This girl is nothing. Just a dumb Barbie doll with big jugs. She is not even pretty enough to be a Barbie doll actually. Stupid hen.

Did someone already mentioned she could sell ice cubes to an esquimal?

She could sell snot on ebay....oh wait..

Really white skin and really dark skin is sooo beautiful, like porcelain and midnight. Anything in between is nice too but those really stand out.

This is one hurtin' broad...seriously.
Not even photoshop made her pretty.

Scarlett has a wonderful body. I wish she would reveal her wonderful boobs. That would be heavenly.

Too much airbrush. Its so f-cking overused.

Oh, she is so cute, it is not strange that many wealthy men on .......m i l l i o n a i r e l o v e s. c o m........... are attracted by her and talked about her.

If she was my girlfriend I would penetrate her anus on a nightly basis. That would be followed by a massive facial and be washed off with my piss. Oh how I would love her.

I hate this whore. She is the one who proclaimed that she didn't believe in monogany right?
This is the slut that adores Woody Allen (child molester) and said "I would hem that man's pants". Why? She would worship a pervert? Oh he has lots of money and power in Pervowood that's why.
She is on the right team too.
Dirty photoshopped bitch wishes she was Monroe.

The "sell nails to Jesus" comment is tasteless! Yeah Go Superficial writer!

i'm a girl and have never been with another woman.. but those tits are perfect and look so edible. i could handle a faceful of them for a night. delicious.

Helllloooo boobiessss lol

This woman has something missing to me, she is cute in my personal taste at best. She is alright, and OBVERRATED. thats it. next.

"By the time I leave work I hope to see Scarlett serving me coffee, ringing up my groceries and dancing to pay for law school."

superfish, scarlett got that restraining order against you for a reason. she said she's sick of your coffee and grocery fantasies already and to leave her be!

love seeing the idiots salivating at the chance to say 'fugly'. is it some sort of gratification because you'll never have a woman that looks like this? are you a complete fatass tool that simply says these things to make yourself feel better because know you'll never have her?

she's absolutely gorgeous. head to toe.

Okay, wow, photoshop should never be underestimated. A girl who is normally fugly as hell (sorry #94) looks really amazing in these pics, and this is probably the first time I've ever thought she was attractive.

No, not saying that because I'm "jealous", the first time I saw Lost In Translation and before she had much star power I thought it was neat that a plain, goofy looking girl with a little extra meat on her bones was the star. Fast forward a few years and now she's a sex symbol... I guess if Ringo Starr could be one anyone can.

Then again, if Scarlett always looked this good, I wouldn't be so confused all the time. Her photographer deserves a bag of money.