Feb 3 2009Ricky Gervais petitions Obama for a Paris Hilton/Victoria Beckham exchange

More: Paris Hilton, ricky gervais, victoria beckham

British comedian Ricky Gervais took to his blog today after finding out Paris Hilton bought a house in London. He's written the following open letter to President Barack Obama in hopes of negotiating a trade:

Dear Mr President,
Firstly, congratulations on your historic win. I have never been so behind a candidate for what must be considered the boss of the world.
You seem to be a man of grace and integrity, who would never shirk responsibility in any way.
I'll get to the point.
As I'm sure you are aware, one of your flock has strayed. A Miss Paris Hilton, who is, I believe, a resident of Beverley Hills, is in England doing a reality game show for ITV2 called Paris Hilton's British Best Friend. Fine. I have no problem with that. I don't have to watch. But now it has come to my attention that she has bought a house in North London a few miles from me, and is out and about ingratiating herself with the Great British public.
Mr President. We are not stupid. This is clearly a retaliatory strike for Posh Spice moving to LA. I know it, and you know it, so let's cut the "it's a free country" nonsense and come to some agreement.
I propose an exchange.
This is how it would work. We call them both and tell them that we've found a giant "paparazzi nest", in New York say. (half way home for both of them already)
At first they may be confused that they'd never heard of such a thing before, but the thought of that many photographers in one place will be irresistible.
Once we get them there, while they are having their photos taken (we will have hire a few guys with cameras to make it look good) we will swap their limos around. It's fool proof.
This is a covert operation of which Mr Gordon Brown knows nothing. (I've got him working on finding a synthetic fur for The Queen's guards' bearskin hats.)
Have your people call my people. They may have to call a few times as my people are useless to be honest.
Thank you,
Ricky Gervais

I'm not even going to attempt to follow that slice of awesome except to say, Suck it, England, she's all yours now. But thanks for Falcor with tits. U-S-A!

Photos: Splash News, WENN

Comments (95)

Reader Comments

1. darksecret - February 3, 2009 3:32 PM

first fuckers

2. nipolian - February 3, 2009 3:34 PM

Ironic?......The most successful black man in US history is living in government housing.

3. hmmmm - February 3, 2009 3:43 PM

wow...posh actually looks good.

4. Turbo Tax Huh ? - February 3, 2009 3:44 PM

The following quotes actually bring humor to this article.
"You seem to be a man of grace and integrity" *apparently the farthest from
"boss of the world" *a real legend in his own mind
Ricky obviously hasn't paid much attention to the cabinet picks, ha ha.

Even Mr. Bo has to appreciate a good street whore periodically.....

5. cavy - February 3, 2009 3:49 PM

Team Pegg

6. Guest - February 3, 2009 3:53 PM

This site is getting really
boring...why can't you post
anything more interesting?

7. Danielle - February 3, 2009 3:55 PM

Honestly I don't like either of them but I'd rather have Victoria in the US than Paris...god she's annoying.

8. Autumn - February 3, 2009 4:00 PM

Falcor - hahaha....who is this masked Superficial writer. I must know.

9. Jrz - February 3, 2009 4:00 PM

YO! Fish Man! What up?! I just told you this on the Jenifer Aniston post and you didn't give me no props? Damn.....that ain't right.

10. wow - February 3, 2009 4:02 PM

I know conservative Republicans are Father Knows Best nostalgia addicts (for a time that never existed), but I didn't know the depth of the racism and bitterness. Luckily their party has been crushed and they'll be forced to regroup as something less atavistic if they ever want to be heard from again (other than as the "minority party" ironically enough).

11. Valerie - February 3, 2009 4:03 PM

Posh, please remember that if you fake and bake that much, apply bronzer to your face!

12. Randal - February 3, 2009 4:08 PM

Two very beautiful women to post about late in the afternoon will certainly make the evening that much more enjoyable. Posh with her stunning beauty and Paris with her soft spoken words. A perfect match!

Randal

13. meknow - February 3, 2009 4:14 PM

What a butt kissing butthole. He sure isn't funny, either.

14. havoc - February 3, 2009 4:17 PM

OMFG!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
LMFAO!!
LMFAO!

Just kidding. Who the fuck is Rick Gervais?

He's not that fag from the MTV awards is he?

15. Kim K, is this you? - February 3, 2009 4:18 PM

"In what is being heralded as a "first-ever procedure," surgeons removed a healthy kidney through a donor's vagina, the Johns Hopkins Medical Center has announced."

16. I BELIEVE FOX NEWS - February 3, 2009 4:22 PM

Ain't funny. The ONLY funny person in the WORLD is Jeff Foxworthy.

17. Reido - February 3, 2009 4:23 PM

Falcor! Time to go hunt down the Neverending Story.

18. STFUP - February 3, 2009 4:24 PM

Screw that. England can have both of 'em!

19. Nick - February 3, 2009 4:25 PM

#15 - that's Kim if she insisted that the contents be sprayed on her face.

20. Rough Daddy - February 3, 2009 4:33 PM

I will be back!!!

21. authorego - February 3, 2009 4:39 PM

"The sun never sets on the British Empire" ----Bwahahahahaha They have been eclipsed by giant STDs that fear no radiation nor dank of night.

22. Alex - February 3, 2009 4:41 PM

Ricky is awesome hahaha I love him, he is a great comedian! hahaha He really cracked me up with this one.

23. ORLY? - February 3, 2009 4:52 PM

Obama doesn't care.

24. Andy - February 3, 2009 6:00 PM

oh god please take her back

i will show you a nipple or 3 if you do

xXx

25. Fernando Narcos - February 3, 2009 6:26 PM

#4-Get back to your usual boy-stalking and bathroom peter puffing,you moronic winger.

26. ghost - February 3, 2009 7:04 PM

Why would that guy think we want that disease bag Paris back? At least Victoria Beckham isn't breeding VD.

27. anthonyOA - February 3, 2009 7:40 PM

post looks good. time away from beckham has done her the world of good. looks like she's been laid....

...wait.

28. SDK - February 3, 2009 7:50 PM

No way man! Paris is SO much worse than Posh. No one pays attention to Posh here in LA. No one cares. Please don't send Paris back. Send her to Belarus where she can be sold on the black market.

29. SDK - February 3, 2009 7:53 PM

No way man! Paris is SO much worse than Posh. No one pays attention to Posh here in LA. No one cares. Please don't send Paris back. Send her to Belarus where she can be sold on the black market.

30. britney's weave - February 3, 2009 8:02 PM

um, yeah, we'll keep victoria. enjoy the herpes, brits.

31. Jeff W. - February 3, 2009 8:37 PM

I've never seen a single picture of Posh that didn't make me want to smash her.

32. Jeff W. - February 3, 2009 8:37 PM

I've never seen a single picture of Posh that didn't make me want to smash her.

33. daleile555 - February 3, 2009 9:14 PM

She is my dream girl!! she's just the type I like most!
you may wanna check this out, guys, ^^^^^^^^ AgelessMate.com ^^^^^^^^^, hot cougars and milfs there may just suit you the best!! who knows?

34. Yikes - February 3, 2009 9:45 PM

When did Skeletor get boobs?

35. humpinfrog - February 3, 2009 9:59 PM

I say we throw in a few eel pies (stimulus package?) and call it even, if they take both of them.

36. amy - February 3, 2009 10:04 PM

COME ON RICKY!!!!!!!!!!!
can you say score?!

37. David Beckham Loves the Cock! - February 3, 2009 10:19 PM

Lets all hope Victoria the Spice Girl and David Beckham spend many, many years married and making eachother miserable!

David Beckham Loves the Cock!

38. Conky - February 3, 2009 10:24 PM

Nope, they get to keep Paris. The Herpes is a bonus so keep the change.

Thanks

39. lucy - February 3, 2009 10:34 PM

I just found a great club---blackwhitefriends . c ^o^m. . it is a site for hot women to date charming and rich men. some of famous business men and female celebrities are hanging out there.

40. gerard Vandenberg - February 3, 2009 10:39 PM

Vicky is "EVICTED" out of england.
Paris will be "EVICTED" out of the united states.
LET THE "FIREWORKS" BEGIN, folks!!

41. anna - February 3, 2009 11:13 PM

I always thought that she wears clothes that are too fucking tight to create that cleavage, but all along just a bad boob job?

42. TRUTH - February 3, 2009 11:46 PM

PARIS HILTON IS CURRENTLY EVADING FEDERAL PROSECUTION FOR HEINOUS FEDERAL CRIMES AGAINST BRITNEY SPEARS AND BRANDON M. WITTE.

43. TRUTH - February 3, 2009 11:46 PM

PARIS HILTON IS CURRENTLY EVADING FEDERAL PROSECUTION FOR HEINOUS FEDERAL CRIMES AGAINST BRITNEY SPEARS AND BRANDON M. WITTE.

44. TRUTH - February 3, 2009 11:46 PM

PARIS HILTON IS CURRENTLY EVADING FEDERAL PROSECUTION FOR HEINOUS FEDERAL CRIMES AGAINST BRITNEY SPEARS AND BRANDON M. WITTE.

45. TRUTH - February 3, 2009 11:46 PM

PARIS HILTON IS CURRENTLY EVADING FEDERAL PROSECUTION FOR HEINOUS FEDERAL CRIMES AGAINST BRITNEY SPEARS AND BRANDON M. WITTE.

46. TRUTH - February 3, 2009 11:46 PM

PARIS HILTON IS CURRENTLY EVADING FEDERAL PROSECUTION FOR HEINOUS FEDERAL CRIMES AGAINST BRITNEY SPEARS AND BRANDON M. WITTE.

47. TRUTH - February 3, 2009 11:46 PM

PARIS HILTON IS CURRENTLY EVADING FEDERAL PROSECUTION FOR HEINOUS FEDERAL CRIMES AGAINST BRITNEY SPEARS AND BRANDON M. WITTE.

48. TRUTH - February 3, 2009 11:46 PM

PARIS HILTON IS CURRENTLY EVADING FEDERAL PROSECUTION FOR HEINOUS FEDERAL CRIMES AGAINST BRITNEY SPEARS AND BRANDON M. WITTE.

49. TRUTH - February 3, 2009 11:46 PM

PARIS HILTON IS CURRENTLY EVADING FEDERAL PROSECUTION FOR HEINOUS FEDERAL CRIMES AGAINST BRITNEY SPEARS AND BRANDON M. WITTE.

50. TRUTH - February 3, 2009 11:46 PM

PARIS HILTON IS CURRENTLY EVADING FEDERAL PROSECUTION FOR HEINOUS FEDERAL CRIMES AGAINST BRITNEY SPEARS AND BRANDON M. WITTE.

51. Conky - February 4, 2009 1:27 AM

Brandon M. Witte is a stalker and a half! LOL

Thanks

52. Yank and wank they rhyme for a reason - February 4, 2009 5:37 AM

Ugh I am gutted, I don't want Beckham back, but I certainly don't want your diseased trash living in my city. I hope someone pushes her under a train.

53. English Bob - February 4, 2009 6:02 AM

It won't be long before were sending her back to you Americans, we can't be doing with your over inflated egoistical stupid bitches (Madonna for one) So just wait and see how long it takes for us to fuck Paris back from whence she came.

54. KatieP - February 4, 2009 9:20 AM

*Clap* LOL Ricky Gervais is hilarious! Love his style and humor.

Hahahaha, um... but seriously, England can keep Paris Hilton.

55. BRANDON M. WITTE - February 5, 2009 11:12 PM