Feb 12 2009Gwyneth Paltrow converts to Kabbalah. Who saw that coming?
Gwyneth Paltrow wore a Kabbalah bracelet to the premiere of her new movie Two Lovers last night, and seriously, is anyone surprised? I'm pretty sure Gwyneth will do at least one, if not all, of the following things in the coming year:
- Steal a child from an African village. Call it "adoption."
- Divorce her British husband.
- Have sex with Hispanic men regardless of age, marital status.
- Sleep for 1,000 years in a sarcophagus only to awaken and lay waste to civilization by wearing fishnet stockings on her really gross legs.
Ah, peer pressure. I knew that shit would kill us.
Photos: Splash News, WENN
Reader Comments
1. Phildo - February 12, 2009 4:39 PM
A-Roid was wearing one in his ESPN interview also.
2. jim - February 12, 2009 4:40 PM
she's HOT now. what happened.
3. jim - February 12, 2009 4:40 PM
she's HOT now. what happened.
4. Savalas - February 12, 2009 4:41 PM
I smell mothballs and tuna
5. Blah - February 12, 2009 4:43 PM
She's not as hot as she thinks she is. And all the skanky getup lately looks ridiculous on her. What happened to her classy look? Blech. I agree with fish, I smell divorce.
6. R K - February 12, 2009 4:45 PM
Wonder if the bracelet is a 'good luck' charm/gift by madonna? I'd hate to think Gyn has both no mind of her own, AND chooses sarcophagus-girl as her life inspiration...
7. pole - February 12, 2009 4:46 PM
WTF is with those shorts? Is she trying to look old? They look like momjeans but leather momshorts gross!
8. chick - February 12, 2009 4:49 PM
I can't believe that Gwyneth Paltrow is only 36! She looks so much older - I'd give her 10 years on Jennifer Aniston (and Jen is turning 40)!!
9. Ted - February 12, 2009 4:50 PM
Let's see, shorts with a waist so high the belt almost reaches her sagging boobs. Lovely.
10. nipolian - February 12, 2009 4:51 PM
The ONLY redeeming characteristic that this douchebageress has is that her mom played Liilian Meechum in The Great Santini.
11. GwynethAwesomeKaballahBad - February 12, 2009 4:52 PM
Madonna only visits with hispanic men for drugs.
12. Rick - February 12, 2009 4:52 PM
I can't stand her fucking 24/7 shit-eating grin, makes me want to chrisbrown her.
13. jrz - February 12, 2009 5:04 PM
Wow, Gwenyth...is being a mindless follower the new black? How fucking cutting edge of you to be a Madonnawannabe at age 40. So chic.
14. RichPort's Ghost - February 12, 2009 5:09 PM
That's not a Kaballah leash, it's a reminder that she's on the rag so she doesn't ruin those awesome shorts.
15. Cash - February 12, 2009 5:13 PM
A better question: Who cares?
16. Insatiable Peter - February 12, 2009 5:13 PM
Pompous bitch. Nothing like predicating your smug outlook on nepotism and leaching from Chris' charisma and achievements, right Gwyneth?
17. Sexy Techy - February 12, 2009 5:14 PM
One has to wonder about people who feel the need to wear their religion on their clothes.
18. Cindi - February 12, 2009 5:18 PM
I think she's wonderful and talented and spiritual and beautiful and those shorts are lovely and the big Louis Vuitton bag is awesome and personally I love the black outfit and she's not fat and we really don't know what happened that night between those two so who can judge and those two seem delighted to have run into him and he seems like such a nice sport and maybe he's on drugs or it's all just an act who knows but that's the fun part and an experienced host like that is so incredibly cool and unruffled even by crazy stuff and it's not bad for an attempt at a throwback to earlier pictorials and good for them they seem in love and personally I love the black outfit and she's not fat.
19. Smivey - February 12, 2009 5:28 PM
That's not a Kabbalah bracelet. My girlfriend wears one and she's a Buddhist.
20. justifiable - February 12, 2009 5:31 PM
You left out:
- Be even more condescending as she, from her Olympean, macrobiotic, Kabbalistic heights, instructs the rest of us how to live our drab little lives from her website, GOOP.com. Because true happiness is only really achieved through trying to appoximate hers.
21. Alex - February 12, 2009 5:32 PM
18: You're awesome. All we are missing is the piano organ and the pretty painted horses that go up and and down.
17: You're retarded. "One has to wonder about people who feel the need to wear their religion on their clothes." Ya mean like wearing a cross or star around your neck? That's crazy!! Who would do that? There seem to be quite a few people (at least 100, im sure) that "wear their religion on their clothes." Idiot. : )
22. devilsrain - February 12, 2009 5:33 PM
It has to be fun to play pretend for a living
23. Marius - February 12, 2009 5:37 PM
Who is this Gwyneth. Is she a priest?
24. Fati - February 12, 2009 5:37 PM
hahaha. wow, fish, you are really subtle, but i think you mean that gwyneth patrow is impersonating madonna. good job on presenting it so low-key, i almost missed the analogy.
25. p0nk - February 12, 2009 5:40 PM
cindi, meth is a bad drug, ok?
26. Marius - February 12, 2009 5:46 PM
Who is this Gwyneth. Is she a priest?
27. Marius - February 12, 2009 5:49 PM
Who is this Gwyneth. Is she a priest?
28. Marius - February 12, 2009 5:50 PM
Who is this Gwyneth. Is she a priest?
29. Marius - February 12, 2009 5:50 PM
Who is this Gwyneth. Is she a priest?
30. lola - February 12, 2009 6:02 PM
The clothing choice is a bit odd, but she is undenaibly beautiful
31. Turd Ferguson - February 12, 2009 6:14 PM
bwahahahahaaa that was the best story ive read on this site in a long while.
32. Trend - February 12, 2009 6:17 PM
What's with all of these desperate old women trying to get attention. She is under the same desperate pr agency as Jennifer Aniston, you can't trust anything that's released from them. Their clients are so phony.
33. HITLER - February 12, 2009 6:28 PM
She's a hag.
Let's stoke the fires and throw her in the oven.
p.s.
I LOVE KIDS....AND WILL CONTINUE TO DO SO.
34. kate - February 12, 2009 7:47 PM
Do u know she tries to register on ***sugarmingle. c om***, but has been refused for some reasons. I do not think it's hard to join that site. Britney has her profile there.
35. AirMail56 - February 12, 2009 7:52 PM
Long as Dennis Rodman keeps it out of her pooper, I'm O.K.
36. kels - February 12, 2009 8:31 PM
I'm sorry, but she's always been very plain looking to me...very vanilla...very boring...just another average white woman.
37. Balack Obama Fixin' America, 1 Trillion at a time - February 12, 2009 9:05 PM
Ya, next she will fuck Madonna on stage.
38. Sickitten - February 12, 2009 9:57 PM
#30? Beautiful? What must you look like then? Grace Kelly was beautiful. Gwyn is plain & not even pretty. Your standards are low because you are ugly. See how that works?
39. Sickitten - February 12, 2009 9:58 PM
#30? Beautiful? What must you look like then? Grace Kelly was beautiful. Gwyn is plain & not even pretty. Your standards are low because you are ugly. See how that works?
40. Elmo - February 12, 2009 9:59 PM
poor, poor Chris.
41. susanist - February 12, 2009 10:44 PM
You don't know what anything about the subject of Kabbalah but like too many Americans believe your negative opinions amount to something. Just stick to whatever moronic activity you are good at and leave Kabbalah and the study of Hebrew alone.
42. Julia - February 12, 2009 10:56 PM
Do you know she likes big manful guy on "PlusMeet. c0m"? She is a gold member on this site and she posts her profile&photos there. Don't know's the lucky guy!
43. gerard Vandenberg - February 12, 2009 11:30 PM
It's noo secret any longer.
Almost all celebs in america SUCK, folks!!
44. Sickitten - February 13, 2009 1:14 AM
41, Susanist, suck it. Kabbalah is for uneducated celebrities like Madonna, Paltrow and Demi Moore. Same goes for Scientology, Cruise and Travolta.
Anyone w/an education isn't going to fall for this crap because they went to school, read books, wrote papers and took exams. They learned how to think. Not knuckleheads like you!
45. lawrenec - February 13, 2009 2:59 AM
She is absolutely sexy~have you found your love at Richromances.com where I could not search you out now~~~
46. Joe - February 13, 2009 5:42 AM
Dear The Superficial Writer,
I would like to think you for taking a joke as far as it can go and having it still be funny. You rock my world and I would gladly handover my firstborn bastard to have a drop of you magical ability to create laughter at the expense of others.
47. yidl mit fidl - February 13, 2009 6:51 AM
one doesn't "convert" to Kabbalah...
idiot.
48. Kabbalah - February 13, 2009 7:51 AM
How unstimulating our lives must be when we study dead languages and then an ancient mystical philosophy that does not have anything to do with reality of logic to distract us from our aging meaningless existence.
Why not travel and read and develop hobbies that are not centered around our narcissistic realm of self?
Poor prematurly aging hag. God she's getting ugly fast. Poor genes.
Bony thighs. No hips. No ass.
49. fee - February 13, 2009 9:28 AM
my cats are looking at the squirrels outside. ^____^
50. sote - February 13, 2009 9:29 AM
insipid bitch I cant stand her.
51. Valkyrie - February 13, 2009 9:31 AM
YAH. ONE DOESNT CONVERT TO KABALLAH. OMG
THEY GET THEIR BODY SNATCHED BY IT.
DAH.
52. Wha'appen - February 13, 2009 9:54 AM
#16 ..Chris has charisma ..when did that happen , he is as big a celubutard as she is .
She did look hot in Iron Man though.
53. RichSugarDaddy - February 13, 2009 10:22 AM
I actually think she was raised Jewish and Kabahlah is a jewish genre. Maybe Madge is copying her!
54. Mr. Jones - February 13, 2009 10:27 AM
#47
So this particular cult doesn't have some sort of induction, where an initiate is exposed to a new way of thinking about the spirtual world? Y'know.. a "conversion"?
And "red" is so dead, sister. I'm willing to sell you a piece of blue string for $20,000.
55. RichPort's Ghost - February 13, 2009 10:36 AM
I'd love a pay per view event where the Scientologists and the Kaballah loons fight to the death.
56. Ranch - February 13, 2009 11:38 AM
@#54
Actually, no, this isn't a cult that has any sort of induction that is any way like a conversion ceremony. Kabbalah is a form of mysticism, a spritual way of interpreting and studying the Torah. That some people (celebrities) choose to exploit it and misinterpret it does not make Kabbalah a cult. It just makes them look stupid for pretending to follow something they clearly don't understand.
57. Grape Ape in the White House - February 13, 2009 11:40 AM
Kaballah, what a joke. It's like when porch monkeys started celebrating "Kwanzaa" as Christmas. When in fact, there was only one tribe in Africa that celebrated Kwanzaa, and it was a cultural ritual that had nothing to do with Christmas, and furthermore, no slaves were ever taken from the tribe and brought to the US. So all these ignorant jungle bunnies out there claiming to celebrate Kwanzaa are just a bunch of uninformed retards trying to further seperate themselves from Western culture. Although if they weren't brought over as slaves, all the apes would be over in Africa, starving to death and putting bones through their noses.....the ape class always makes me laugh...
58. PunkA - February 13, 2009 12:13 PM
Sweet. Looks like my chances of hitting it with Gwen just went up. She is one of my fantasy lays...
59. Aidan - February 13, 2009 12:27 PM
why are we providing exposure to this unknown person?
60. yidl mit fidl - February 13, 2009 12:34 PM
#54-
actually, no, the Kabbalah is a body of writings, not an organization, so there isn't an "induction" into it, nor is there a "conversion" to it. i suppose that, by your way of thinking, one can be "inducted" into, um, bicycles, or swiss cheese, or latex house paint? or perhaps "converted" to baseball or swimming? I'm afraid not. also, "Kabbalah" isn't a cult. Now, a specific cult or even multiple cults might STUDY the Kabbalah, but Kabbalah itself isn't a cult. the Kabbalah is just a group on writings on various mystical and metaphysical subjects relating to Judaism.
honestly, this might appear to be an issue of semantics, but it's not: you're just a dumbass...
61. Iron Man - February 13, 2009 2:07 PM
I still hit that.
Kabbalah is no match for Superior Tech!
62. jojo - February 13, 2009 3:48 PM
that bitch is so shallow! She'll probably put kaballah on her stupid site as "in" right now.
P.S.i want her clothes. all of them.
63. Insatiable Peter - February 13, 2009 5:05 PM
52,
Martin is a charismatic dude, he just is. There's no other explanation for his mediocre sound becoming a huge sensation. Coldplay certainly aren't where they are b/c of that drummer who looks like he broke out from an asylum. At the same time, I'd blast Coldplay in a truck stop at 3 am before ever listening to more than 2 seconds of what comes out of Gwyneth's mouth.
64. shakeitout - February 15, 2009 2:15 PM
apparently people could pick up those red bracelets and madonnas concert, so, to say it means shes studying the kabbalah now is a stretch.
65. ray - February 15, 2009 4:46 PM
She is WAAAY past the expiration printed on her ass.
66. jen - August 7, 2009 2:16 AM
HEY, CHICK. JENIFER LOOK OUNG BECAUSE OF COSMETIC SURGERIES, BOTOX, COLLAGEN AND JUVEDERM. WITHOUT THOSE SHE LOOK OLDER THAN JOLIE AND GWYNETH 10 TIMES
67. jen - August 7, 2009 2:16 AM
HEY, CHICK. JENIFER LOOK YOUNG BECAUSE OF COSMETIC SURGERIES, BOTOX, COLLAGEN AND JUVEDERM. WITHOUT THOSE SHE LOOK OLDER THAN JOLIE AND GWYNETH 10 TIMES
68. jen - August 7, 2009 2:16 AM
HEY, CHICK. JENIFER LOOK YOUNG BECAUSE OF COSMETIC SURGERIES, BOTOX, COLLAGEN AND JUVEDERM. WITHOUT THOSE SHE LOOK OLDER THAN JOLIE AND GWYNETH 10 TIMES