Dec 2 2008Jessica Alba in swimwear, brandishing booze (Is this what Heaven looks like?)
Jessica Alba is featured in the 2009 Campari calendar, and God, she is so brave for posing like this after having a baby. Talk about empowering. It really gives women out there hope that they too can look awesome after child birth. (Provided they have access to a full-time physical trainer and someone who kicks ass at Photoshop.) Don't stop dreamin', ladies.
NOTE: I have no idea which pic is which month, but I do know this is Jessica Alba wearing a bathing suit. I win!
Photos: Campari
Reader Comments
1. Dlizze - December 2, 2008 4:03 PM
Bikini's are made of two pieces...
2. Jizzle - December 2, 2008 4:03 PM
Could I be first? Alba! Yes!
3. Dlizze - December 2, 2008 4:03 PM
Bikini's are made of two pieces...
4. jmg79 - December 2, 2008 4:03 PM
She's not wearing a bikini
5. jmg79 - December 2, 2008 4:03 PM
She's not wearing a bikini
6. first first - December 2, 2008 4:04 PM
First
7. Christina - December 2, 2008 4:04 PM
Umm... none of those pictures are her in a bikini. She looks great (obviously) but its either a one-piece suit or a dress...
8. Ryan the Canadian - December 2, 2008 4:07 PM
Cracked out weekend for the Superficial writer?
9. Uncle Eccoli - December 2, 2008 4:08 PM
Another schill.
10. Anna - December 2, 2008 4:10 PM
blah blah she doesn't impress me.
11. azzman - December 2, 2008 4:10 PM
dude, she is smokin! dosnt matter what she wears, I would devour that!
12. havoc - December 2, 2008 4:12 PM
Really, booze and any chick named Jessica has potential.....
What bikini? LOL!!
.
13. Turd Ferguson - December 2, 2008 4:13 PM
Uhhh....that's not Heaven.
If it were, she'd be handing ME a drink .....and sticking her hooters in my face.
and... well, you get the point.
14. Kahlee - December 2, 2008 4:16 PM
errr women can get their figure back after childbirth. Some don't even lose it. You just have to exersize. And will you stop alienating your female readers? Gossip = largely female demographic
15. <---this number! - December 2, 2008 4:18 PM
Why is she famous again?
16. B - December 2, 2008 4:18 PM
The bikini is a lie.
17. Sell Porn Make Money - December 2, 2008 4:21 PM
very hot
18. Rick - December 2, 2008 4:27 PM
She must have been incredible before that baby head destroyed her pussy.
19. that one - December 2, 2008 4:30 PM
what's up with the brooke shields style eyebrows?
20. 10pound - December 2, 2008 4:36 PM
worst bathing suit ever..............its like they tried to make it "not sexy"
21. Bill Clinton - December 2, 2008 4:40 PM
If heaven is photoshopped to the max!
And Campari tastes like rotten Artichokes!
Sad when a young beauty becomes a wrinkly MILF.
She was so hot! Now nothing!
22. B - December 2, 2008 4:40 PM
Heh, nice fish, editing the post to remove the word "bikini."
Still not so sure any of that is swimwear, but hey, close enough. Bikini posts set off a "click me" alarm, which is not something to be toyed with, or misused.
Also, if you're going to listen to us, maybe you could listen to the parts where we complain about EMBEDDED GODDAMN VIDEOS AT THE TOP OF THE SCREEN. Maybe you could stop with those? I know Oxygen pays you a lot of money to turn this site into a hideous eyesore, but really...this isn't better than the ads that play sound, or popups. I know you have to pay the bills, but still...have you actually LOOKED at your site lately? Like, maximize your browser and look at the top of the page. It's atrocious. Nothing lines up. Everything looks half-assed. Ten years ago, I had geocities pages that looked better. This is really terrible.
23. NY Ted - December 2, 2008 4:49 PM
Good Lord...I never knew her tits were so BIG! Wonderful...simply wonderful!
24. Pink - December 2, 2008 4:50 PM
OK dont get me wrong jessica alba is a beautiful woman but by the looks of these picts they let her drink the whole photo shoot...she's either drunk or stoned! look at her "u could blind-fold her with dental floss" eyes!
25. NY Ted - December 2, 2008 4:51 PM
Good Lord...I never knew her tits were so BIG! Wonderful...simply wonderful!
26. NY Ted - December 2, 2008 4:51 PM
Good Lord...I never knew her tits were so BIG! Wonderful...simply wonderful!
27. PunkA - December 2, 2008 4:53 PM
Breastfeeding suits her. That rack is spectacular right now.
Of course, since she is breastfeeding, she also is not drinking booze. And if she is, BAD BAD mother.
28. Mike Hawk - December 2, 2008 4:58 PM
Not a fan
29. Miss Libra - December 2, 2008 5:00 PM
She does look great - but notice how many of the photos have something blocking her mid section
30. Bob - December 2, 2008 5:00 PM
Yeah, she's still hot... and doable...
http://internetmiscellanea.blogspot.com/
31. Miss Libra - December 2, 2008 5:01 PM
She does look great - but notice how many of the photos have something blocking her mid section
32. p0nk - December 2, 2008 5:02 PM
i'm not a big fan of herpes.
33. lulu - December 2, 2008 5:04 PM
BRAVE? Brave enough to get pictures taken only for them to be photoshopped until she looks perfect?! fucking 200 lb fatass chic could do the same damn thing. doesn't matter if she just had a kid or not, 'shoppers erase that xtra shit.
34. ipa - December 2, 2008 5:07 PM
so sad, so by the looks of the photoshoot, her stomach must be stretchmarked like hell, otherwise, why wouldn't she wear a BIKINI??
35. Reed Richards - December 2, 2008 5:10 PM
Such an air of self-importance.....yawn, I honestly do not understand what I ever saw in her...
36. ipa - December 2, 2008 5:17 PM
btw, #22 is so totally right.
Fish, you're my idol, total hero and stuff but DAYUMN! can't you get fucking rid of these fucking annoying embedded videos?? i have this really small asus pc laptop thingy and your site is toooo damn busy for its small RAM. i don't even want to mention what utter stupid shit you have to promote with these embedded shit. good thing i always surf on mute.
37. hotty - December 2, 2008 5:18 PM
Not to be a hater but I don't get whats so hott about this chick. Her lips arent smooth, there full of small lumpy lumps of some sort (herpes?) but most important is her attitude. She is a stuck up bitch of a diva who thinks she is more important than anyone because of losers that tell her how hot she is. I am told I'm hot all the time but I cannot be a bitch if I tried. She is ugly to me inside and out.
38. Doggy Style - December 2, 2008 5:39 PM
It loves anal.
39. Rough Daddy - December 2, 2008 5:41 PM
Just D-delicious man! even with her stinky attitudes...
40. ΘρΔ⠟ŧ※ਠ - December 2, 2008 5:48 PM
Is the Fish a faggot now?
8===D - -(( |==D - -
41. Urbanspaceman - December 2, 2008 5:56 PM
Heaven apparently smells like silicone.
42. venomhed - December 2, 2008 6:10 PM
Ya, lets see that stomach after a kid or her now lightbulb shaped box. She is washed up. When a woman has a kid, the sex appeal goes down to nil.
Her stomach probably looks like a Round Table Pizza with extra cheese and she probably says "Are you in yet" to her lover when they have sex.
Ya, kids are just GREAT!
NOT!
43. Sportsdvl - December 2, 2008 6:10 PM
She's fucking retarded and can't act. Plus, she looks like crap unless she has on a ton of makeup or is photoshopped. And now, her pussy is ragged after having a baby push through it - why do we care about her again?
44. Thigh Highs - December 2, 2008 6:28 PM
The pics are just really...korny?
45. Nancy K - December 2, 2008 6:41 PM
She is my favorite. Just saw her on milllionaire personals site """" B i l l i o n a i r e p a l . c o m"""""" last week. I am wondering what kind of relationship she is looking for on that site.Is she single again now? ☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆
46. d - December 2, 2008 7:45 PM
And she wants to be taken seriously...
By the way, for those who are overwhelmed by her rack, just one word : photoshop.
47. Mal - December 2, 2008 7:52 PM
People:
1. Use Firefox.
2. Install the AdBlock Plus extension.
Voila, no ads. Site looks fine for me.
48. Duke Steele - December 2, 2008 8:14 PM
Yeah, she is hot but, every time I see her, I can't help but think shes just a high maintenance,self important, stuck up twat.
49. elizabeth - December 2, 2008 8:42 PM
Wow. She looks really good. This is a really good look for her - alot more womanly and glamorous.
50. ElectrocaineXxX - December 2, 2008 9:29 PM
She filmed a couple of movies in the city I live in and she was just rude the entire time during both. Everyone treated her with respect and was very accommodating with the filming disruptions around town. But after all was said and done she complained about the city publicly and was simply a bitch in the press.
51. nastyjay - December 2, 2008 9:42 PM
just fukin beautiful, thats what she is
52. soup - December 2, 2008 10:05 PM
Howcome I'm the only one who's posted about the idiotic use of red shutters in most of these pics. I wouldn't want to have to look at some creative director's tired solutions for a whole year...
oh yeah, and alba's just a suit.
53. fstar - December 2, 2008 10:44 PM
she looks really really good here.
her hair looks good dark.
54. jimmyboy - December 3, 2008 12:54 AM
What a lovely looking girl. Just so beautiful.
55. wizzy - December 3, 2008 1:28 AM
her head is too small for her body
this is terrible photoshopping
and her body isnt this good already
its called photoshop
56. mizzzzzzzzle - December 3, 2008 2:08 AM
Obviously not wearing a bikini because she had a c-section and doesn't want to show the scars. Duh!
57. Astrid - December 3, 2008 3:55 AM
I heart Photoshop
58. gerard Vandenberg - December 3, 2008 8:34 AM
SHE WANTS EVEN MORE RECESSION, folks?
59. Elliot_Spitz_On_Her - December 3, 2008 8:55 AM
With all the photoshopping done there, even I could have massive mams. Which would suck because I would treat every mirror like Bourbon St at Mardi Gras...
60. lindary - December 3, 2008 9:07 AM
She is my favorite. Just saw her on milllionaire personals site “”"” B i l l i o n a i r e p a l . c o m”"”"”" last week. I am wondering what kind of relationship she is looking for on that site.Is she single again now?
61. Sara - December 3, 2008 9:15 AM
Great example she's setting for her 6 month old baby. Just further proof celebs will do anything for money.
62. ur doing it rong - December 3, 2008 10:43 AM
Oh Em Gee. This is why I come here. Less words more pics!
63. ur doing it rong - December 3, 2008 10:45 AM
Anyone complaining about that being a bikini or not is a gei. A big gei!
64. Meh - December 3, 2008 11:06 AM
She looks bored.
65. CORT - December 3, 2008 11:24 AM
Her hand in the first photo is upside down her pinkey is at the top of the glass. obvious photo shop bad editing...
66. CORT - December 3, 2008 11:24 AM
Her hand in the first photo is upside down her pinkey is at the top of the glass. obvious photo shop bad editing...
67. CORT - December 3, 2008 11:25 AM
Her hand in the first photo is upside down her pinkey is at the top of the glass. obvious photo shop bad editing...
68. John Lawless - December 3, 2008 1:33 PM
Campari is nasty. It tastes like Deep Woods OFF bug spray.
69. Ripped and Ragged Vajayjay (my husband wants a divorce) - December 3, 2008 4:15 PM
15 years ago I was a Hooter's Girl. I met an older guy who was a successful contractor. He married me for sex and I he for his $$$$. I was short and petite and yes the childbirthing tore me up badly. My asshole insensitive husband let me know it was not the same and yes he divorced me for having what you assholes here would call a sloppy pussy.
Now I give up the ass to the guys I am with when I really like them.
Girls be warned. Don't have kids if you are small. Adopt.
70. herbiefrog - December 3, 2008 8:32 PM
one of our hot babes...
did you even have a comment ?
shhhh [they're mostly idiots n *ankers]
71. Gabriel - December 3, 2008 9:35 PM
She is really sexy!!! I have ever seen her hot video on the wealthy dating club (sugar baby myinterracialmatch.com) for hot guys and girls to hook up each other. She is really sexy with bikini in that video.
72. em ell oh - December 3, 2008 10:28 PM
she is pretty hot i guess... im glad she didn't keep the ugly blonde hair from fantastic 4!!
http:// freeee-stuffff . blogspot . com/
73. GHNM - December 4, 2008 2:29 AM
hohoho, I saw her profile on the celebrities/rich men seeking affairs site _ __MyInterRacialMatch.com__ last week. It said she is interested in seeking a rich man for sugar daddy on that site! what a fool woman!
74. Sissi - December 5, 2008 3:19 AM
why are people interested in talking about her even though these are fake things? you should have known the fake news about her pregnancy and her joining the famous dating place~~~ TallLoving.com~~~~.. I can not believe it, you know she has boyfriend now.
75. jeezey mic jeeze - December 6, 2008 4:13 PM
omfg her hand in the first pic lol photoshopping gone wrong
76. margaret - December 7, 2008 10:39 AM
i dont fucking see whats so wonderful about her
shes just like every other person
there are way more beautiful ppl than her man
77. Amandafoster - December 7, 2008 8:42 PM
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78. mec - December 8, 2008 9:13 PM
79. Paul - December 10, 2008 6:44 AM
HAHA she's got stretchmarks thats why!
80. mavruda - December 10, 2008 4:51 PM
She is fine. She looks like a good girl - I love brunettes. But what I dont like is seeing movies with many boys and one girl. It sounds like a gangbang and lots of juice on her face. Well I dont like that. Not at all.
Maybe it sounds cliche but I prefer seeing two pretty girls kissing each other with innocent look than two smiling gay dudes trying to drunk her , just to make her sleep so they could grab each other.
One offtopic question :
When you guys see two sexy hot girls boxing - the basic sexual analogy is lesbians, right ??!?
But why dont we think the same when we see boxers on the ring ?
Now to the topic: Jessica looks hot., she looks so perfect that all I can afford is to touch myself and nothing more. Untouchable cold beauty.
81. Mandi - December 12, 2008 5:02 PM
She fantastic. Alba FTW!
82. Mandi - December 12, 2008 5:03 PM
Shes fantastic. Alba FTW!
83. Don't Be Jealous - December 24, 2008 8:39 PM
When were these photos taken? Believe it or not, but yes, some women can snap their bodies right back into place after having a baby (naturally, NOT with Photoshop) and others -- those horrible bitches -- stay in shape and just lose the 10-pound potato sack that their 230-pound sacks of shit helped them make. (Sorry, but dudes piss me off when they act like they had no part in the breeding process). In Jessica's case, I'm sure not having a nine-to-five to worry about and being able to work with a trainer 6 days a week for 3 hours helped tremendously ... and Photoshop was used on just a weensy little portion. Although I'm kinda thinking there's a reason she's wearing one-piece outfits (NOT bikinis) ... she probably did lose her weight naturally and just doesn't want to show off what she couldn't drop (or erase) before these shots. Good job, Jessica!
84. dickspitz - March 8, 2009 3:18 PM
My idea of heaven with this nasty, conceited bitch? Plunge my cock in her asshole with no lube 'til Jess is screaming,"ow,ow, easy baby! ow,ow,OW!,that hurt! ow,Owwww!, Please,slow down,baby! ow,Owww,OWWWWW! That's it you dirty fuckin' bastard! ah,Ahh,AHHHH!, KEEP FUCKING MY SHITHOLE, SHITHOLE FUCKER!!! AHH! AHH! AHHHHHHH! THAT FEELS SO FUCKING GOOD!! AHH! AHHH! OH MY GOD, I LUV IT IN THE ASS! Now THAT is heaven with Jessica!