Nov 7 2008Britney Spears & Madonna. Whee.
Dear Ryan Seacrest,
Last night, Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake performed in LA with Madonna - but not together as you had promised. Instead, Ms. Spears stood painfully still singing "Human Nature," while afterward, Master Timberlake appeared looking like the Artful Dodger's gay cousin Skippy. My only response to you, Mr. Seacrest, is "What in the hell?"
Like most of the civilized world, I had hoped the former lovers would reunite on stage reminding us of sweet innocence, and that time I masturbated to my roommate's Britney poster in college (Sorry, Kevin!). It would be a joyous celebration. Only to be interrupted by Madonna devouring their souls and proclaiming herself "Justney Spearserlake." "Justney" would then spend the remainder of the evening eating puppies and small children in the downtown area to the beat of "Lucky Star." In hindsight, perhaps my expectations were too high, but then again, I'm a music lover.
As a man of honor, I cannot let this travesty go unanswered. Therefore, I've retaliated in a way that will haunt even the darkest of your dreams, Mr. Seacrest:
I canceled your 10:15 tanning appointment - and seaweed wrap.
May God have mercy on us all,
The Superficial Writer
EDIT: Added video after the jump. You're welcome?
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Reader Comments
1. mimi - November 7, 2008 10:48 AM
GO BRITNEY!
2. Sean Penn - November 7, 2008 10:49 AM
Smart move...put someone on stage with you half your age. That can only make you look younger, you sinewy old hag. Blech.
3. mimi - November 7, 2008 10:49 AM
FIRST!
BRITNEY ROCKS!
FISH SUKS!
AMY IS A B!TCH!
4. Love - November 7, 2008 10:58 AM
Some guys jerk off to anything. I prefer guys that jerk off to old memories of past experiences.
5. dork - November 7, 2008 11:02 AM
Is it just me or does Justin look like he's having a hard time pushing that turd out?
6. Lucy - November 7, 2008 11:03 AM
man I just lost my appetite...Madonna is creepier looking usual.
7. eb - November 7, 2008 11:03 AM
Only to be interrupted by Madonna devouring their souls and proclaiming herself "Justney Spearserlake." "Justney" would then spend the remainder of the evening eating puppies and small children in the downtown area to the beat of "Lucky Star."
BEST MOVIE IDEA. EVER.
8. Common Since - November 7, 2008 11:04 AM
Washed up or played out?
Take your pick because they both fit......
9. havoc - November 7, 2008 11:05 AM
Britney looks like they loaded her up with Xanax just to get her out there....
Justin is still gay.
Madonna playing guitar is funny.
.
10. Rough Daddy - November 7, 2008 11:07 AM
How does a muff get tight when a woman havent had sex in a while? or does it even occur, any gyno in the house?
11. Note - November 7, 2008 11:10 AM
I was listening to the radio last night when he announce that. I don't know why I need to write that here.
12. pelps - November 7, 2008 11:13 AM
Trust me, they two will make the hottest cougar on " Agelessmate.com "; Sexy and wild!! hot and sincere Ageless people like the kind!!LOL
13. Wendy - November 7, 2008 11:17 AM
Madonna has ugly manly looking bicep arms. Ladies never ever bulk up your biceps.
14. Vince Lombardi - November 7, 2008 11:18 AM
*yawn....*
15. Lola - November 7, 2008 11:20 AM
Oh my God this is hideaous... I fucking hate that bitch Madonna. She's just repulsive and I'm amazed that poor Guy stayed with her for as long as he did. Just stop it you disgusting 50 year old whore.
Then parading around with these 2 that could be her grand-kids????? Just freaking gross!!!!
16. lala - November 7, 2008 11:21 AM
Nice scarf Justina......
What team does Madonna play for now? Anyone.......anyone??
17. Humpin frog - November 7, 2008 11:21 AM
Ryan and Justin still get their thigh and asscheek peel, correct? Because, man, that would just be mean.
18. Sport - November 7, 2008 11:22 AM
Is that Slash with Brit on stage?
WTF, the sea hag gets worse every picture.
19. Alex - November 7, 2008 11:26 AM
Britney looks pretty good, except that outfit makes her body look weird. Madonna looks like shit as usual.
20. Balls McCoy - November 7, 2008 11:28 AM
Madonna should cover John Lennon's last hit. You know, the ground outside the Dakota building.
21. pewpewpew - November 7, 2008 11:28 AM
I puke alittle in my mouth everytime I see that gross singing skeleton named Madonna
22. The Crow - November 7, 2008 11:29 AM
@10
I have had the same partner for 26 years and haven't "staid out of it" long enough to see if it will tighten up or not, abstinence is not one of my virtues. Its like wine - just gets better with age.
I do know, after our second child, that an extra stitch or two following the apesiotomy does wonders.
Wet and loose is always better for me - the landing strip is clear and pee wees playhouse is open....
23. GiggityGoo - November 7, 2008 11:33 AM
Madonna looks like Slash's skeleton
24. Max Planck - November 7, 2008 11:34 AM
80's meets 90's. Trying much too hard.
25. TUBBO - November 7, 2008 11:39 AM
It's amazing how well Madonna is able to tuck his penis.
26. TUBBO - November 7, 2008 11:40 AM
It's amazing how well Madonna is able to tuck his penis.
27. Thigh Highs - November 7, 2008 11:56 AM
I think Britney looks gorgeous!
28. Alex - November 7, 2008 11:57 AM
Britney is on her way up and you douche bags can do nothing about it! HAHAHA!
29. Cliff Clavin - November 7, 2008 12:05 PM
Britney sucks.
Mimi sucks.
Cheers!
30. Fernando Narcos - November 7, 2008 12:08 PM
29-But only Britney swallows too.Mimi's one of those bitches that'll spit it in your underwear.
31. gotmilk? - November 7, 2008 12:10 PM
20, that was awesome.
32. Rebecca - November 7, 2008 12:13 PM
Is that really Britney Spears? Her head looks... different.
33. PADDY - November 7, 2008 12:14 PM
That is clearly a wig britney is wearing, and her forehead looks really high. Has she shaved her head again?! cos that would definitely be a step back! The wig is slipping off her freshly waxed scalp, that's why she didn't move so much. I'm a genius.
34. The Palinator - November 7, 2008 12:21 PM
Britney looks great. In fact, next to Madonna, Britney looks hot.
BTW, pic #7 is giving me nightmares and I'm not even asleep.
35. gotmilk? - November 7, 2008 12:25 PM
her forehead has alway been huge, so no, you're not a genius.
36. B - November 7, 2008 12:31 PM
Madonna scares me.
37. Hefe - November 7, 2008 12:46 PM
madonna dresses so fucking lame for these concerts.
38. lj9283 - November 7, 2008 12:55 PM
Would have at least been newsworthy if Justin had made out with Ryan, and Madonna with Brittany. Then they could have switched.......oh......... but who would Ryan have any interest in............
39. hudy - November 7, 2008 12:58 PM
I enjoy Britney's music. It's a big surprise that she has joined ^^^^^^MillionaireLoving. C O M^^ ^^^^and start her journey to new love. I believe ^^^^^^MillionaireLoving. C O M^^ ^^^is the right place
for this talent girl.
40. Welcome to Jungle - November 7, 2008 1:05 PM
WOW BRITNEY!!!! She looks amazing!!
41. mimi - November 7, 2008 1:14 PM
Cliff... go jump off one... like the lemming you are.
Fernando Narcos... are you a real person or a cartoon?
Alex... let's go celebrate!
GO BRITNEY!
42. fancy - November 7, 2008 1:18 PM
What the Hell is Madonna wearing?!?
it looks like those halloween costumes they make for dogs
when did madonna get so fugly - just creepy fugly ewwness
and even more shocking is brittany looking good WTF
baffling
aaaaand why would JT have anything to do with either of these has beens
hey justin just cause you popped her cherry don't mean you gotta let her ass rape you - train is wrecked jump off!
43. fancy - November 7, 2008 1:19 PM
What the Hell is Madonna wearing?!?
it looks like those halloween costumes they make for dogs
when did madonna get so fugly - just creepy fugly ewwness
and even more shocking is brittany looking good WTF
baffling
aaaaand why would JT have anything to do with either of these has beens
hey justin just cause you popped her cherry don't mean you gotta let her ass rape you - train is wrecked jump off!
44. Jammy - November 7, 2008 1:21 PM
Quick! Switch outfits!
45. Katherine - November 7, 2008 1:35 PM
First of all, why is Britney picking items from MC Hammer's 80's wardrobe. Second, Justin looks like a gay samurai (no reference to Tom Cruise I must add), and that is NOT Madonna, that is Mum Ra, arch enemy of the Thundercats, and he is plotting his evil plan to live another hundred years by stealing the youth from Britney and Justin...although if he takes anything from Britney, he might end up aging instead. I must say that all those extensions are working for Britney, nobody can work fake, hooker hair like her. That said, I have always had a soft spot for the bald Britney that used to beat the shit out of cars with Burberry umbrellas.
46. timmy the dying boy - November 7, 2008 1:56 PM
What's with the arms, Grandma?
47. KYgentleman - November 7, 2008 1:59 PM
Why does they always say "video after the jump???"
I don't see any video.
Where is it?
48. lazy troll - November 7, 2008 2:01 PM
first
bitchez
49. Jennifer - November 7, 2008 2:33 PM
Madonna's legs remind me of frog legs. LIke what we dissected in biology.
50. Jennifer - November 7, 2008 2:33 PM
Madonna's legs remind me of frog legs. LIke what we dissected in biology.
51. Jennifer - November 7, 2008 2:33 PM
Madonna's legs remind me of frog legs. LIke what we dissected in biology.
52. sunshine - November 7, 2008 3:02 PM
#49 - Jennifer you hit the nail on the head.
But seriously, is Britney a server at Olive Garden now, or just dresses like one? How do you go from no underwear to Mormon Missionary in a few months time? Her cuffs even cover 1/2 her hands.
53. TH - November 7, 2008 3:04 PM
And the winner of the Slash air guitar contest is....Madonna.
54. Marypoppins - November 7, 2008 3:13 PM
Ugh...die, Madonna, die...please.
55. sunnyRain - November 7, 2008 3:20 PM
britney sos lo massssssssss de la vida!!! me emociono ver el video.
vamos britney!!!!!!!!!!
56. Racer X - November 7, 2008 3:37 PM
FAIL.
57. Piss Lips - November 7, 2008 3:59 PM
Where does Madonna tuck her penis?
58. Skeletor - November 7, 2008 4:18 PM
#55 - Suicidio por favor.
#57 - Justin, he looks like he really enjoys it too.
59. Teenbeat - November 7, 2008 4:20 PM
If she weren't so repulsive, and if she didn't do it to herself, you'd almost have to feel sorry for Madonna. She is Baby Jane gone thermonuclear.
60. You can't always get what you want - November 7, 2008 5:15 PM
All you young transvestites, look carefully at these pictures. Even when you get old, you have to keep taking your estrogen shots or else you'll look like the guy with the guitar.
Somewhere, Keith Richard is pointing to these pictures and saying to Mick Jagger, "But I never look like THAT, right?"
61. Stiles - November 7, 2008 5:18 PM
Could someone please already put Madonna away in a crate into long-term storage? Like in 'Lost Ark'? A movie that tanks, music that's irrelevant and limbs that terrify small children...
62. Me 2 - November 7, 2008 5:34 PM
Its funny how no one has anything bad to say about Britney when she's standing next to Madonna.
Britney looks washed out in those pics but overall she looks good. Weird pants but I'll take that over Madonna's titanium quads... She must be on steroids, thighs like that are not natural, she really looks weird.
63. TUBBO - November 7, 2008 5:51 PM
Justin Timberlake loves to be tea bagged with Madonnas scrotum.
64. Jamie's Uterus - November 7, 2008 7:02 PM
Madonna playing a guitar, like she's a real musician? Funny.
You're so right #59 - so Baby Jane Hudson gone Mad Max.
65. Pukebag - November 7, 2008 7:34 PM
OMG why does Hagdonna continue to wear fishnet stockings and lingerie??? Does she actually think she is sexy? Is there ANYONE left on this planet that can look at a pic of her and not mini-puke in their mouth?? How in the hell did guy ever have sex with this crypt keeper? It seems to me we all think she sucks and hate her - so who the fuck is going to these concerts?
66. Kat - November 7, 2008 8:25 PM
I think it's sweet that Madonna gave Britney a little chance to be on stage. She seems pretty protective of her. Even though Madonna, being such a strong woman, has never lost her shit the way Britney did, she definitely understands the pressures of being famous for so long. She can definitely afford to extend some good will to her, since she seems to keep winning the game.
67. USYAY! - November 7, 2008 8:27 PM
GO MADONNA!
68. joop - November 7, 2008 10:15 PM
are there even strings on that guitar?
69. anna - November 7, 2008 10:20 PM
Justin Timberlake she is nice . and i have found her profile on www.bigbisexual.com yeah there re some moe hot videoes and sexual pics about her . she is seeking someone one on that site .is she still single ?
70. Ted - November 7, 2008 10:31 PM
Madonna is about the grossest thing imaginable! I think I would bang JT before I would bang her!
71. Michael from WA - November 7, 2008 11:18 PM
COVER YOUR SHAME, SKELETOR!!!
72. Jackson'shole - November 8, 2008 12:21 AM
Britney's outfit is horrifically ugly. I'm tired of both of these hags.
73. gerard Vandenberg - November 8, 2008 3:46 AM
They both wanna get on top again but the only way is DOWN, folks!!
74. Inx - November 8, 2008 5:21 AM
in the video the man says spears '94 album Bedtime Stories..amm..he ment madonnas, right..
75. TommyP - November 8, 2008 5:44 AM
So.. Britney still seems to have a thing for Madonna, as evidenced by the serious case of RT she had in that white shirt.
Or they keep the stage REALLY cold for Madonna so the lights don't melt that spackle she wears for makeup these days.
76. dave ain't here, man - November 8, 2008 1:10 PM
Look! Madonna learned an "A" chord! Her guitar teacher must be so proud. Too bad the song is in B flat.
77. eastcoastgirl - November 8, 2008 1:41 PM
This Isn't 1983. Madonna, please put some fucking clothes on. Don't you own a mirror? Have you no Shame? Gross.
78. torin - November 8, 2008 6:17 PM
madonna =demon
79. patricia - November 8, 2008 8:16 PM
madonna only knows one cord? it cant be plugged in.
80. ishi-san - November 10, 2008 10:50 AM
Next to Madonna even Britney looks really good!
81. CJ - November 11, 2008 3:32 AM
Madonna totally rocks! I loved the concert!
82. Gene Geter - November 16, 2008 10:28 PM
Life is about living and these people are living it no matter what we think.