Oct 9 2008Paris Hilton really, really wants to be relevant again

I like Paris. Please do not post about the other two anymore. It's too much to look at their staged photos.

Could Heidi and Spencer use Paris as a weapon to bludgeon each other to pulp?

Give me more Paris.
Kill The douche twins.

Secrond!11

The twins make my blood boil. Kill them first.

That was fucking lame. So Funny or Die is just Die now?

How about we keep Paris and Heidi and let metrosexual ass-hat what's his name fall off the earth? At least those two are nise to look at.

But if it must be one or the other, I'll take Paris. It's like voting for the President, you have to go with the lesser of two evils.

DTs gotta go. Paris has proven herself to have a sense of humour, surprisingly enough. I like the Ads, they are self-deprecating, funny, and 'her' position makes more sense than either of your presidential candidates' in terms of NRG self-sufficiency.

If Heidi and Spencer died, I don't think anyone would attend their funerals.

People would attend Paris'

Did anyone see South Park last night? All this rape talk made me think of it! It was a great episode!

The Hills puppets look like plastic douche-bags. Especially Spenser. He's a waste of space. At least Paris is kinda sweet.

Keep Paris. At least she is a source of humour.

Tits McGee and that cocknuckle can fly the fuck out of here

Keep Paris around.

Keep Paris around.

Bill Ayers - Department of Homeland Security
Rev. Wright – Chief of Public Relations
Christopher Dodd – Chief Financial Officer
Franklin Raines – Banking Committee Chief
Raila Odinga – Ambassador to the United Nations

Yes, BO is this naive and stupid…..

I'm gonna going against the current here and vote for Heidi and Spencer, but really only because of Heidi.

This is sort of like comparing apples to apples.

They are all very annoying, but at least Heidi is fun to look at. In photos, Heidi wins the 'would i hit it' factor.

Making a decision like this is like deciding which tumor you wanna' let grow...but if push came to shove I'd choose to save Paris. The douche twins REALLY have to be stopped. Can't even stand to look at the phony shit photos anymore. I think they both need to get laid...because they claim they don't do it...which supports the fact that Spencer not only LOOKS like a meatstick licker, it makes me believe he is (skin crawling)!! Douche-Twins otta' here please.

Out with the Douche Twins!

i think my name says my opinion.

She's really good at trying to sound like she understands political issues.

Just a smidge too much eye shadow, though.

Tough question, how ' bout we use the tranny know as Man - Guns Madonna to bludegeon them all to death

Paris has become less annoying and more laughable. Those Spence and Heidi characters are just disgusting.

Heidi and Spencer, hands down. Watching Paris is a morbid fascination, but Spencer Pratt? I want to smash him in the face with a road-kill raccoon.

They say, even when you get old you still think like a tweenty year old,,,wonder if Martin Sheen secretly took some deep inhale sniff as she passes by...

I THINK #6 SAID IT BEST I 100% AGREE....KEEP THE WHORES KILL THE DOUCHE BAG..........

Pairs amuses me, seems like she could actually be funny, and is sometimes nice to look at.

The Douche Twins have absolutely no redeeming value and have this extremely warped view where they think people actually care about them. Get rid of them.

Death ti Spencer and Heidi!!!!!!!

Paris has become less annoying and more laughable. Those Spence and Heidi characters are just disgusting.

I openly wish death on all of them, but if I had to choose, I would say Heidi and Spencer. Paris will probably get AIDS soon anyways.

Please get rid of Spencer & Heidi!!
They make me want to vomit blood!!!
Paris Hilton is a worthless skank, but I would take her over the 'twins' any day

i hate the douche twins
i also hate paris, but at least she's more "real" in the sense that pics you see of her aren't staged (or, if they are, they don't look staged)
speidi should die and/or disappear into oblivion

The Douche twins should be flayed with razors and tossed in a briny sea. I'd still fuck Paris in her bony ass but only in hope of leaving her incontinent so she wins this contest by a mile.

spencer/heidi. They suck so much I refuse to put capital letters in their names.

Heidi and Spencer must go. Actually Heidi must go. Spencer,,,mehhh
But Heidi, that fucking cunt is so annoying she makes me use words like fucking and cunt.

Paris all the way.

Because:
1) She's older than the other two, hence she will probably die sooner
2) There is only one of her, so when she does die we will get a 100% reduction in asshat-ness as compared with a 50% reduction with the other two

Ya gotta punt the douche twins if for no other reason that the day is coming when they are going to release a sex tape, which would surely result in the end of humanity.

Once the Speidi sex tape hits the net, all of humankind will instantly choose to become celibate. This, however, will not be the cause of our demise as a species. Rather, God will see this tape and look down upon us and say, "That's it, I've had enough of these dumb fucks." Then he will nail the earth with his cosmic "SMITE" button to eradicate the douche twins, and the rest of the planet will be obliterated as collateral damage.

Is it really a question. Paris gave us porn. What has Hedi done for us that exposed a nipple?

I would love to shoot my load into Paris' wonkey eye.

Paris is looking for the attention Tina Fey is attracting. However, Paris has failed miserably.

DOWN WITH THE DOUCHE TWINS!!!

ohmygod I can't believe someone like #33 there would give the spencer douche a pass. It's people like that who keep these camera whores going. The douchebag spencer bitch is the enabler, can't you see that? The other one is a dumbass blonde bimbo who can't breath unless someone tells her to inhale. If you get rid of her only she'll be replaced with another vapid douchebag and the torture will continue. They both have to go. Don't swerve around one to get the other. Aim for both.

Agreed. Paris at least seems vaguely amusing, can be funny, seems like she might be intelligent. Spencer and Heidi, however, are my two least favorite people on the planet and I would eagerly await their deaths. Um.

im gonna have to go with keeping paris around longer.. shes just as fake but idk, not as staged as the ofhther 2 doofbags!

im gonna have to go with keeping paris around longer.. shes just as fake but idk, not as staged as the ofhther 2 doofbags!

I would rather have sex with Paris Hilton, sans the hazmat suit, than see another picture of the douche twins.

let paris live! at least she actually somewhat works more than those other two. they just make my skin crawl... but mostly spencer. ew.

oh god... i'd take spencer and heidi over paris anyday... just looking at her fucking face makes my brain decompose

I say away with Pratt and Montag. And I would pay money to see #22-Tina hit Pratt with a road kill raccoon. An unusual choice of weapon.

I'd much prefer Heidi and Spencer fall off the face of the earth !!!!

Heidi and Spencer.

I feel the world is a bit colder a place having them in it.

I'd wrap it three times and do her twice ...

#37 That's the kind of shit that gives people wonky-eye. What the hell? :)

God that depresses the hell out of my. Charlie is where he belongs - clubbing next to Paris in a schlub video. But Martin? Oh, Martin... from Apocalypse Now to this... how the mighty have fallen...

I would pay money to see Paris keep her 'celebrity' while the Douche Twins from Douchville are thrown in the the embassaing void of obscurity with the likes of Kathy Griffith, Vanilla Ice, Pauly Shore, and that guy from Saved by the Bell. Extra points for taking Criss Angel with them.

Heidi and Spencer come off as, amazingly, even more VAPID than Paris ever did. At least, as you mentioned before, she actually does something. Her idea of a hard day's work will never compare to any normal person's, but she has actually done some things to earn her fame. The douche twins would make the world a better place by falling into its depths.

the Douche twins must die. At least there is only one of Paris, and as far as I know, she canot reproduce asexually. The douche twins have the potential to breed a generation of super douche children.

hmmm tough choice. Time to weigh the cons (there are no pros)
-Spencer and Heidi generate a douche-radiation field proven to cause cancer.
-Spencer and Heidi ruined taco fucking bell for me.

-Paris is an idiot fame whore with a plague vagina.

The answer is clear. Kill the douches.
At least Paris is slightly (very very slightly) more real... I mean if paris goes shopping for mansions you're at least certain she'll be buying one. Sure it would probably be for her dog but still.

HEIDI AND SPENCER ARE THE BIGGEST LOSERS EVER. THEY DON'T EVEN DESERVE TO BE MADE FUN OF AT THIS POINT. IT JUST FUELS THEIR FIRE. I'M PRETTY POSITIVE THEY DON'T EVER UNDERSTAND WHEN PEOPLE ARE MAKING FUN OF THEM. ITS HONESTLY AMAZING, THEY SHOULD PROBABLY GET SOME KIND OF AWARD....BUT ACTUALLY SHOULDNT BECAUSE THEN THEYD THINK WE ACTUALLY WANNA SEE MORE OF THEM.

I really think I would rather the douchbag duo fall off the planet. At least with Paris there's just one of her.

@57...I'm sorry, not trying to be cruel but that is the lamest shit I've ever heard. Do you really think they are sitting around reading all this crap we have to say about them and that it "fuels their fire"? That truly makes me laugh. And now I'm intrigued...an award for what?

Parker-

I'm not giving him a pass. She just annoys me more. They both need to fuck off. But she is the worse of the 2 in my eyes.....

Thats all.

Definitely Heidi and Spencer. Actually, I wouldn't mind Heidi so much if that douchbag Spencer wasn't always attached to her hip. I've never watched the Hills, but something about Spencer and his "creepy flesh colored beard," as Joel McHale says, is really irritating and awful. He should die a thousand deaths and then be forced to suck Lauren Conrad's dick.

@ 59 Actually I do think they read this. I think they read everything they can find about themselves online. It's probably the only thing they read. Why else would you stage all those stupid fucking photos? They probably masturbate to each post. I doubt they are fucking.

Even though there isn't some inevitable catastrophe, can we still get rid of Douche and Douchier? Maybe throw Palin under the wagon too. We will make the world a better place.

But, why? Why do we have to choose? Can't we get rid of them all?

I agree with basically everyone, keep Paris.
As wonky and std-ridden as she may be, at least the girl makes me laugh.
The other two douches make my skin crawl, especially the boy douche's smarmy ass teeny-in-the-middle face. Although, girl douche's Guy Smiley head is nearly as bad.

Heidi and Spencer. I want them to die in a fire.

Douche twins

Wow, I can't believe you are forcing me to ask you to give me more Paris, but the douche-twins need to die a terrible death. Thank god that someday the Hills will go off the air and everyone can then forget they even exist. Here is to hoping anyways..

DEATH TO SPIEDI !!!

Keep Spencer! He's like the lovechild of William Shatner and Bob Hope. Great things to come indeed.

If this is the choice, please, please, please give me more Paris Hilton.

also - i have to say, though i have great repect for The Superficial Writer's comical prowess: i ALWAYS skip over the speidi posts and feel a little more dead inside knowing that these two are still around and someone thinks that they are relevant enough to be written about. even if it is only to make fun of them.

I would like to see no more of the dumb twins. paris stays.

I'd rather see Paris Hilton become the next Oprah than see those two fuckfaces get anymore attention. I wake up everyday sincerely hoping to read of their demise, but would settle for never having to see their smug, posed photos ever again. Ever.

They should (as well as anyone who fuels their "popularity" by caring what goes on in "The Hills") take up multiple hobbies that have a high risk of infertility......

End of rant.

I am regular for the site, I come for nipples, up skirts and the hilarity that Superficial writer offers. That said , we all know Paris has provided all those. Even though we may never want to look at the eternal darkness that is Paris' STI infested vagina, she provides. She constantly puts her self in terrible situations, whether staged or real it gives Superficial Writer funny things to say.

On the other hand I have no idea who Spency and Hector are or what they've done to deserve and front page time on the site.I scan the pictures to see if she's naked, if not i skip article so I say EFF them, I vote for Paris.

XoXo
GG

I'd push Heidi and Spencer off myself, then just walk away and find myself a delicious cold beer, and that my friends, would make the world a better place.

kill speidi. please.

Douche Twins, Be Gone! Off with their heads!!

Keep Paris, kill Spencer, tie Heidi up to a chair in a warehouse with a ball gag in her mouth.

At least Paris makes sex tapes.

NO,no, no,no,no,no,no,no,no!
You phrasing the question all wrong, Soup Or Fish Al Wry-Duh!
Marry, Fuck or Kill:
Kill the Spencer/Montag aberration with a flamethrower and eight dozen buckets of quicklime
Fuck Paris HIlton (wearing at least two dozen condoms and a NASA EVA suit)
Marry Winona Ryder AND Christina RIcci (please girls, call me - I MISS YOU BOTH!)

i would vote for paris hilton ANY DAY over the Douche Twins.

Give me Paris anyday over Speidi. I think if given the opportunity, and it would not cause them anymore fame or me any harship, I would run speidi over with my car.

I love this debate. It's like asking someone whether they'd rather have terminal nut cancer or AIDS. Fantastic debate; keep it up, people.

I vote for Paris. Heidi and I are royalty.

Wow, great debate! If I had it my way though I would build a time machine, go back in time to before Paris was famous for nothing, then kill her. If she had never became famous, neither would have Speidi (?). She opened the door for all of those losers. Oh and Nicole Ritchie. She knows why.

Is it even a contest? Paris is self-absorbed and annyoing at times, but Speidi are PESTILENCE and SOCIETAL PLAGUE wrapped up in a package of cultural irrelevance. When California finally falls into the ocean, I hope they are at the bottom of the rock pile.

Paris and relevant do NOT belong in the same sentence....

Keep Paris around, at least she's good at sucking cock but thats about all. Heidi might be good at it too but look what options she has, a plastic Ken doll with hair that never moves and the same ridiculous smile.

kill the douche twins!!

heidi and spencer only get coverage on sites like this. they will fade into oblivion soon enough. paris has more potential staying power. so get rid of her.

now, superficial, do your part to end heidi and spencer coverage.

Death to the doucheburger twins. Paris at least knows how to laugh at herself. Them other two make me wanna stab babies.

Keep Paris. Kill the douche-twins.

That's like choosing between cancer and AIDS, but I'd take Paris over the douche twins any day.

That's like choosing between cancer and AIDS, but I'd take Paris over the douche twins any day.

kill the DTs but wait long enough until thier porno comes out..... .. kinda wanna see heidi get pounded before she gets killed.

Paris stays; Douche Twins go (preferably in a very slow and very painful way -- being flayed to death by a thousand paper-thin razorblades covered in iodine and alcohol comes to mind).

Paris gave us sex tapes. She puts out and has the decency of showing it to us. If Heidi were to do a sex tape, it would probably be with her douche-ass boyfriend, and I'm pretty sure I don't have to say that NOBODY would want that. We all know even that would be staged so badly, it would ruin whatever modicum of porntainment value it could possibly have. Also, Tits McGee is kinda hot, but not anywhere nearly enough for us to even consider seeing any part of Doucher Pratt's naked body.

I just gnawed my own arm off to get away from this question.

dude WTF I'm just about to punch the jaw loose from the fucking plastic manequin couple - at least Hilton has a certain style and class surrounding her retardedness.

Sorry, I feel as if I'm going against the majority here, but I gotta say DROP PARIS.

I don't watch whatever it is the other two have gotten recognition(?) for but I see and hear enough about Paris Hilton to the point where it's gotten to be beyond ri-cock-u-lous.

Paris is hilarious at times. Spencer and Heidi just make me want to puke. I definitely choose Spencer and Heidi to fall off the face of the planet and never stage another photo shoot again!

What exactly do you mean Superficial by the word "again"?

get rid of the the cabbage patch kid and his horsie.

For the love of anything holy, do away with the Spencer Prattle and Hoe-di Mount-a-vag (a stretch, but, whatever). I cringe every time I see them. They make me want to drink some Jim Jones Kool-Aid. A whole big sloppy gallon of it.

One year ago, did anyone suspect that we'd rather get rid of someone else before Paris Hilton?

Paris should disappear, because Heidi's kind of ugly and therefore makes me feel better about myself.

Paris should "accidentally" leak a sex tape of her banging Heidi and Spencer. Then, if we keep our fingers crossed, the three will get in a huge fight on the side of a highway where they will all fall into oncoming traffic like in Cruel Intentions, but with way more dead, vapid "celebrities."

Ugg, please stop posting Paris videos... no one cares about her and rightly so.
I truly, literally, wish she would get hit by a bus. She don't have to die, just let her be terribly disfigured so the media will not feel the need to feature her on mags, internet and tv anymore.

I would rather Paris became our intergalatic ruler than have to look at one more photo of the douche twins thinking they're superior. Their smugness makes me ill.

I have never liked Paris, but I would rather have her around (can't believe I am saying that) than the vapid douche twins. I can't stand them so much I am actually taking the time to post for the first time. Seriously, they're constant ridiculous posing for photos makes me want to gag everytime I see them. They don't even look real anymore!

I'm sure: IT'S HIGH TIME FOR PRISON AGAIN, folks!!

Paris Hilton is a little bit smarter than we give her credit for, and she is funny to watch. The other two can go away. I did watch "the Hills" in my hotel room when I was traveling waiting for the MTV awards, and I regret that...

The Herpetic Paris is a much more pleasant sight to behold then the two fuktards! I can't believe I am offering a possitive positon on Paris! Oh the humanity!

I choose all three, someone said it earlier, beat the Fucktard Twins to death with Paris. I say keep swinging until Paris stops moving.

Tie them all to a woodpile... and burn it.... simple...nothing remains. If I ever see that retarded mutha-eff - Spencer - I will not hestiate to punch him in the neck, and suffocate the shit out of him..
Peace~

Keep Paris.

i CANNOT believe i'm saying that, because i used to think she was the most vapid, pathetic waste of space on the planet... until i saw the first staged photos of 'speidi' on this site (and my wife explained what it was).

since then, paris has stepped up her self-deprecation a notch to an almost william shatner-esque level, and 'speidi' have just got stupider, and ever more annoying.

if i ever see another of their staged photos on this site again, i will find the geekologie writer's mum, kidnap her, and start removing fingers until you remove the photos and bring me the charred remains of 'speidi'.

deal?

O thank God Paris won! It was sorta like chosing between herpes and gential warts.,,

Yes, definitely, Paris. None of this "spidey" stuff. They are officially the one (two) "celebrity" I never want to hear about about again.

MORE PARIS!!!!

I HATE Hedi and Spence

puking out my eyes. i'm literally puking out of my eyes.

puking out my eyes. i'm literally puking out of my eyes.

paris all the fucking way. DONE with the jetson twins.

fuck heidi & spencer! i hope they die in some freak taco accident.

Long live the Paris!

Paris all the way.

paris. down with spencer and heidi.

even i have to say fuck the little bottom feeding, deperate to make it to the top so i'll buy myself chest balloons to fly me there, fucking spiedi. i dont necessarily want to say more paris...... buuuuut MORE PARIS!

KILL THE DOUCHE TWINS!