Oct 8 2008UPDATE: Jamie Lynn Spears done knocked herself up again
Here's some news that's so retarded it has to be true: Jamie Lynn Spears is reportedly pregnant again. Turns out no one told her breastfeeding isn't a form of a birth control. Surprise! In the meantime, I can only assume Lynne Spears is waiting until Jamie Lynn is a mother of three to give her the sex talk. But, hey, that's between them, God and an army of future rednecks pouring out of a teenage vagina. The National Enquirer reports:
“Jamie Lynn is about eight weeks pregnant, and she and her mom Lynne are hysterical,” revealed a close source. “Neither of them knows what to do, but for now they’re trying to keep the news from getting out.”
“Jamie Lynn believed she couldn’t get pregnant while she was breast-feeding,” said the close source. “She’d expected to have her period by early September.” A home pregnancy test came back positive and Jamie Lynn cried her eyes out, said the source.
Her mother Lynne was livid when she found out, divulged an insider.
Okay, in all fairness, something similar happened to a friend of mine, so I'm going to tell Jamie Lynn the same thing I told her: "If I stole your car, drove to Mexico and changed my name to Juan Testiculos so I wouldn't have to pay child support, how mad would you be? On a scale of 1 to - how do you start this thing?"
May these words provide comfort in your time of need,
The Superficial.
UPDATE: TMZ claims to have an "unimpeachable source" within the Spears camp that says Jamie Lynn is not pregnant. That said, The National Enquirer broke the news of her first pregnancy, and they were right. Time will tell, unless Lynne Spears "took care of it." (Read: Sold the photo rights to OK!)
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Reader Comments
1. Haha - October 8, 2008 11:08 AM
Haha, BIG suprise there...
2. Ha! - October 8, 2008 11:09 AM
Haha slut
3. Geebus - October 8, 2008 11:09 AM
BIG suprise there....
4. blp - October 8, 2008 11:12 AM
She's finally beaten her sister's score on the slutometer
5. Anexio - October 8, 2008 11:13 AM
OMgf that great news because now she have as many as brit and thats really good. when brit get haer stolan boys back they can sleep overs and stuff and get starb uscks to gether and things that are fun cause they deserve it and all that. I like her shoe flap th9ings and the cow plate on theyre car.
6. lolwutlol - October 8, 2008 11:15 AM
moron.
7. Josh - October 8, 2008 11:15 AM
Wow, what a freakin' whore!
8. Hexum2600 - October 8, 2008 11:16 AM
*stroke*
Sew. That. Shit. Closed.
9. Knowledge - October 8, 2008 11:16 AM
Actually, breast feeding can be a form of birth control. However, not the way that Western women tend to do it. Basically, if the baby is allowed to drink whenever it wants (usually a little bit every half hour or so), hormones will be produced that prevent a second pregnancy while the first baby is still nursing. The irregular nursing that occurs in most cultures does not provide the same hormonal stimulus and therefore is not an effective means of birth control.
In other words - nice job, dummy.
10. daffy - October 8, 2008 11:21 AM
That is both sad and fuckin' hillarious.
When my daughter has her first sex -ed class at school they can use Jamie Lynn as the perfect example of "dumb people who have sex "
11. Nikky Raney - October 8, 2008 11:22 AM
you are most fertile after you have a baby.
shes worse than her sis.
12. evan - October 8, 2008 11:24 AM
I'm pretty sure I remember learning in Health Class that a breastfeeding woman can't get pregnant. Now that I think about it, that's probably not true, but at least it's not something that she made up entirely on her own. "I heard you can't get pregnant if you pray *really hard*"
13. Deacon Jones - October 8, 2008 11:24 AM
Looks like the Bush administration's "Abstinence Only" approach is really working, good job guys.
14. Arnold Schwartzpoontackle - October 8, 2008 11:24 AM
Here is a picture of Jamie Lynn, unretouched:
http://img243.imageshack.us/img243/6614/jamielynnunretouchedjn0.jpg
15. Rough Daddy - October 8, 2008 11:26 AM
Why not? if I was whats his face, and didnt have to work, id keep her bare feet and pregnant too...
16. myhusbandcallsmesquirt - October 8, 2008 11:26 AM
I cannot believe people can be so stupid. Holy Shit. How sad.
#9 That is the most retarded thing I've ever heard. No wonder our world is so fucked up. It's filled with people like you.
17. Joan - October 8, 2008 11:27 AM
Man! im from the dominican republic and i just visit this blog because of the way this guy put the celebrity issues.... "Juan Testiculos"....that was great!!! lol
18. myhusbandcallsmesquirt - October 8, 2008 11:28 AM
#14. LMAO!!!! That was great. Thanks for the laugh!
19. John McCain - October 8, 2008 11:31 AM
The only mom worse than Lynne Spears is Sarah Palin.
20. Brydie - October 8, 2008 11:39 AM
If your baby is solely breastfed (that means NO formula) and eats whenever he/she wants (not when you want) day and night, then you have about a 2% chance of getting pregnant. However, this only works for about the first 6 months postpartum. Seriously, ask an ob/gyn.
And because I'm sure ya'll will love this slogan: "Breast is best!"
21. gotmilk? - October 8, 2008 11:44 AM
no. just no.
22. whatever, yo - October 8, 2008 11:46 AM
#2, you can't be a slut if you are sleeping with the same person.
Jackass!
23. Sport - October 8, 2008 11:51 AM
white trash with cash.
24. alex - October 8, 2008 11:57 AM
lol @ pic #4... did they forgot something in wal-mart?
25. Hunter - October 8, 2008 12:00 PM
TOO MANY BABIES!!!!
26. Scrotum - October 8, 2008 12:02 PM
The National Enquirer?
seriously?
27. Paragon - October 8, 2008 12:17 PM
Awesome, babe. Keep those milk jugs in business full time.
It's dumb cows like this that make me believe in a future where we will have human milk farms.
28. Gera - October 8, 2008 12:17 PM
Yo no sé quien es más estúpido, si la tarada hermana de Britney o quien escribió la nota diciendo lo de "Juan testiculos", nada que ver el ejemplo que mencionas, solo denotas ignorancia con aires de "chico malo". CHTM.
29. OUCH - October 8, 2008 12:20 PM
#26 - exactly.
Since when are the tabloid rags sources?
30. Lipper - October 8, 2008 12:21 PM
TMZ just posted that she is not preggers. But who knows for sure.
31. Tom - October 8, 2008 12:22 PM
Did I miss when The National Enquirer became a quotable news source? Not that I'm doubting this story...
@[everyone calling her a slut] - like #22 said, you're not a slut if you're sleeping with the same person. She is, however, irresponsible. Both of those kids have 0 chance at a normal, healthy life. No chance. It's a little sad.
32. mommaof2 - October 8, 2008 12:26 PM
Can't blame the kids.....there's not much to do in the country.
33. GG - October 8, 2008 12:33 PM
She sure does love the cock.
34. Superevil - October 8, 2008 12:33 PM
c'mon, RU-486s are cheap if you buy in bulk.
35. Alli - October 8, 2008 12:40 PM
Britney did the same thing, wouldn't surprise me one bit... but really I don't think this is true.... yet.
36. Parker - October 8, 2008 12:45 PM
oh I would dearly love to fuck Jamie Lynn's tight little butt. If she wants to call me I promise will never knock her up!
37. Parker - October 8, 2008 12:48 PM
oh I would dearly love to fuck Jamie Lynn's tight little butt. If she wants to call me I promise will never knock her up!
38. michelle - October 8, 2008 12:51 PM
haha, gotta love that sex education class she had in school... oh, wait, you mean she skipped it to fuck her boyfriend in the bathroom? oh, damn...
39. fgds - October 8, 2008 12:52 PM
Some shut the baby factory down!
40. Jammy - October 8, 2008 12:57 PM
That picture is exquisite!
41. mamadough - October 8, 2008 12:59 PM
i thought him sticking his dick in my vagina and cumming without protection wouldn't get me pregnant. what the fuck? really? if you happen to be a retard, you should just stick to anal sex.
42. PunkA - October 8, 2008 1:08 PM
#22, how do you know she is just sleeping with 1 person. Plus, she is 16, already has 1 bastard child and is about to have a 2nd. Explain to me, please, how that is not being a slut.
Problem is, teens today think they are mature enough to have sex. But they are not smart enough to realize that getting knocked up happens, having a baby changes EVERYTHING, and are not mature enough to deal with all of that shit. So no, they are not mature enough to have sex because they are not mature enough to deal with the consequences.. Be smart teens and stay moral. Go oral.
43. Zoid Elpertclam - October 8, 2008 1:10 PM
I'm starting to suspect that Jamie Lynne is sexually abused by her dad. Who knows, rednecks are capable of doing stupid things.
44. Mia - October 8, 2008 1:38 PM
I think it is a cute look to wear a tank top under a strapless sundress. I'm not sure if I would wear such an outfit, but it works for Jamie.
45. freejose - October 8, 2008 1:39 PM
Holy crap. Birth control, dummy.
46. Me - October 8, 2008 1:45 PM
@16, #9 is right.
However, it should be noted that whenever your baby starts sleeping through the night, you'll probably start ovulating again. Even if you're still technically feeding your baby whenever he/she wants.
The bottom line is, even if you're staying at home and have nothing better to do than feed your newborn, you probably won't do it every half-hour without fail sooo - unless you're feeling good about a set of irish twins - get yourself some b.c.
47. Needledick The Bug Fucker - October 8, 2008 1:48 PM
I thought about saying ....Howz about making sure of what you're hating on before spouting your bullshit people. Nobody here even knows for sure, but you are all so fucking fast to spread your hatred, it's {{creepy}}.
But I quickly came to my senses when I realized the fun that can come out of this .... Don't get me wrong .... I think that first picture says it all for the
'Coon-Ass-Spears-Clan' ..... "Duhh ..."
Also .... I wonder why her mom or sister never told her to put a condom on that nipple or else you could get pregnant from nursing ...
I guess nobody's read her that chapter in her momma's book yet.
48. norton - October 8, 2008 1:53 PM
This is truly a family with class and pinache.
49. will - October 8, 2008 2:00 PM
My god, that face in the first picture....she's like the poster child for dumb hillbillies.
50. Jessica - October 8, 2008 2:36 PM
Wow what a slut, Those poor babies
51. sb - October 8, 2008 2:48 PM
#9 and #46 are absolutely right. My ob gave me the same lecture after I delivered. Hers probably did, too, but I'm guessing she was too busy chomping her gum and twirling her hair to pay attention to the relevant bits. Moron. I mean, couldn't Britney have passed on the same advice? Wait, I'm sorry, I'm being far too logical here...
As for the Enquirer, I would also doubt its accuracy, but superfish was right--they called the first one long before it was admitted. Dang...
52. Slut - October 8, 2008 2:57 PM
WTF!! See Lynn Spears, your situation really does NOT compare to Sarah Palin's daughter. The media made a bigger deal of your situation knowing you were the bigger idiot.
53. Obama will lose to Palin - October 8, 2008 3:07 PM
Say what you want and call her: a slut, hillbillie retard and what ever else, but she still has a better car than you and never has to work a day in her life again. But, I imagine that is why you all hate her so much. While you have to keep working at 7-11 and listen to Habib your manager, she will sit back and still rake in more cash because while you work 2-3 jobs to pay for obama's health plan, your kids are at home watching her TV show.
Ha! You are all f-ing retarded.
54. Condom Man - October 8, 2008 3:57 PM
CONDOM MAN DOES NOT APPROVE ... AGAIN
55. Bristol Palin - October 8, 2008 4:01 PM
"Oh shit, breastfeeding doesn't prevent pregnancy!??!"
"Mom, we gotta talk! I know you're on the campaign trail, but, trust me, you need to hear this!!"
56. PunkA - October 8, 2008 4:08 PM
#53, yeah, driving a nice car sure makes up for being dumber than a bag of hammers and having no future to speak of now in showbiz. Which means all of her money, which wasn't all that much--she was on Nick after all--will be gone when she hits 21. She will be the one working at 7-11 dumbass.
57. Catt - October 8, 2008 4:14 PM
@Anexio -- Seriously?! Learn to spell! And "the cow plate on theyre car" First, it's their not they're. Your usage would make it, "the cow plate on they are car." Sound correct? Didn't think so. Second The Superficial blurred out her license plate number. They're not cows. Moron.
Now as for Jamie Lynn -- leave her alone. None of you know her or the situation she's in. How about you hold your judgment until you know the truth.
58. pick up the slack - October 8, 2008 4:18 PM
dear thesuperficial writer,
you guys have been slacking lately! I love your website but please post more than 3 post a day...it's lame!!!
59. q - October 8, 2008 4:21 PM
woah, it's the grammar police. Chill the fuck out......
60. ramona putz - October 8, 2008 4:22 PM
"Bacon gooood.."
61. peterman - October 8, 2008 4:23 PM
wassup cracka?
62. i'm me - October 8, 2008 4:26 PM
What a lame day. blah blah blah.......*yawn*
63. i'm me - October 8, 2008 4:26 PM
What a lame day. blah blah blah.......*yawn*
64. Thighhighs - October 8, 2008 4:48 PM
TMZ confirmed the story's not true. Sorry, kids, no more babies for Jamie!
65. Fernando Narcos - October 8, 2008 5:13 PM
The new queen of the vast trailer park that is America....
66. sunshine - October 8, 2008 5:36 PM
The cover article of the October 2008 issue of National Geographic is entitled "The Other Humans - Neanderthals Revealed" and seriously, Lynn Spears pushing the baby stroller is a dead ringer for the female Neanderthal the archeologists recreated. Could this be long sought after missing link?
67. Condom Man - October 8, 2008 5:41 PM
CONDOM MAN DOES NOT APPROVE - AGAIN
68. Rube - October 8, 2008 5:42 PM
#5- Dumbass.
69. Bitchaholic - October 8, 2008 6:01 PM
I know its been said already, but yeah... breastfeeding is a damn good form of birth control. If you breastfeed exclusively, you don't get periods until around the same time the baby starts on solid foods (around 6 months). When I had my daughter, I didn't get a period until she was 8 months.
70. Obammy Mammy the slut - October 8, 2008 6:09 PM
Stupid bitches like her and Obammy's mammy should keep their legs CLOSED
71. Obama's Mama - October 8, 2008 6:17 PM
I wiped from back to front and gave birth to Barack
72. Louisaaana - October 8, 2008 7:16 PM
Her mom had 2, Britney had 2 so it's obvious that Jaime Lynn is gonna have 2.
73. Louisaaana - October 8, 2008 7:18 PM
Oh that equals 6, which is a bad number according to the ancient Chinese. Brit and Jaime both need to push out one more baby each. 8-8-08-8:08 BEIIJING WOO HOO!
74. HorribleJudgment - October 8, 2008 7:34 PM
The whole Spears family could occupy a whole trailer park on their own. Britney and Jamie Lynn are aging Jamie already looks 30. What fat, disgusting trash this family is. They need to stop reproducing immediately.
75. I love a mad Republican - October 8, 2008 7:41 PM
#70 & 71 - Congrats on YOUR mammy for making the cover of Crack Whore Daily...but please tell her, next time don't gap her legs open so wide for the photo shoot, I mean, you can see everything...you can almost smell it too, and trust me, it ain't good...just a note for next time...also, I want to extend my heartfelt well wishes to your dad who single-handedly impregnated both Sarah AND Bristol Palin...now I have to admit, Sarah's littlest one does look a lot like your dad...,
76. Mutton Chop - October 8, 2008 8:05 PM
Jamie Lynn: Dayum, they's lookin' at us.............y'all???? Y'alllll???!!!
Cheap polka dot dress over stupid pink tank top: 1 dollar
Dirty, stinking nasty flats: 25 cents
Hideous Grinch Hairdo: 1 cent
Both mom and daughter having the same
stupid-ass look on their faces: Priceless
77. grosssssssssss - October 8, 2008 8:30 PM
She must like being pooed on, fertile as the day is long.
78. vito - October 8, 2008 9:52 PM
What did Jamie Lynn Spears say right after losing her virginity...???
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"Get up, Pa, you're crushin' my smokes!"
79. Jimmy Fedoosha - October 8, 2008 10:31 PM
Clay Aiken is the baby daddy!
80. LiLo for V-Prez 2008 - October 9, 2008 7:04 AM
Great pic of her. I was cutting Jamie some slack for accepting consequences of her actions, but I think I'll retract it now.
81. LiLo for V-Prez 2008 - October 9, 2008 7:11 AM
Also, who makes those dumb ballerina shoes, and why do women wear them?
82. gerard Vandenberg - October 9, 2008 7:33 AM
...........LET'S MILK THE COW, folks!!
83. kk - October 9, 2008 9:36 AM
#78, THAT IS FRICKIN HILARIOUS!!!!!!
84. kk - October 9, 2008 9:36 AM
#78, THAT IS FRICKIN HILARIOUS!!!!!!
85. kk - October 9, 2008 9:37 AM
#78, THAT IS FRICKIN HILARIOUS!!!!!!
86. Powerofpeace69 - October 9, 2008 2:17 PM
Great just what we need, more republitards. too bad obama's going to sterilize you all.
87. meh - October 9, 2008 4:01 PM
Another of the countless examples of why Southerners are degenerate trash and unworthy of their Bible Belt title. Why is it that the "Bible Belt" happens to have the highest rates of all things un-Christian- having children and sex out of wedlock, domestic abuse, divorce and racism?
88. jillian - October 10, 2008 1:47 PM
having kids is not being a whore or a slut.
sleeping around with mutltiple guys and having more than one baby daddy is being a slut ot a whore. dumb.
89. HolisticWisdomcom - October 10, 2008 4:00 PM
This is a sex education wake up call isn't it?!? Running a sexual health company I constantly speak out about this very issue and it just goes to show how ignorant our society is about sex. So she says that she did not know you could get pregnant because she was breast feeding. This is the perfect example of why we must insist that the abstinence only teachings be put to an end. As I always like to say- "Today's Sexual Culture Is Like Showing One Commercial After Another Of Hot Cars And Never Teaching Anyone How To Drive!"
90. redsonja1313 - October 10, 2008 4:38 PM
Goooollly-Geeeee those Spears girls are fertile turtles !!!! I am guessing TMZ and the Enquirer are both correct. My guess is Lynn marched he lil ass down to the clinic and had this mistake taken care of before it could ruin the book tour or season whatever of Jamie's Nick show
91. maya - October 22, 2008 11:06 PM
I really can't blame her I think it's her mom's fault because I think she didn't raise her right and with everything going on in her family she can't help BUT to feel pressured!!!!!!!!