Sep 26 2008Chris Kattan's ex-wife saw him coming a mile away

Ha Ronnie and Aimee...first

This sucker just got owned. FAIL

Sunshine (Tutt) on my shoulders took my money! Oh John Denver, you're timeless.

Aside from saying "he has six figures to spare?", I want to smack this bitch around! REALLY? You need a hundred grand to 'rebuild' your life after two months of marriage?

Spare me. I hate stupid people.

"Women and Men are equal, blah blah blah"

Go fuck yourself gold digging whore

And Kattan, go fuck yourself for hiring a worthless lawyer.

And while Im at it, everyone can go fuck themselves

That boy was rob! Two months of marriage? geez us!

Those Vampires/Lawyers can get around any contract...

Don't get married you fucking idiots. EVER.

I thought he was gay.

That's one expensive hooker!

"My client is very relieved that she can leave this two month marriage with some resources that will allow her to rebuild her life."

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HA

My pussy smells like the monkeyhouse at the zoo.

@11 - Michelle Obama

That is a troublesome problem you have there. Thanks for sharing, not only on this post but on every post for the last couple days. There are a myriad of different feminine products aimed at covering up stench, maybe you should think about looking into that. Sure as shit that smell ain't going away just by posting on the superficial.

And just when you thought that he had found true happiness,

Chris - make this your new "motto"
If it Flies, Floats or Fucks - its cheaper to rent......

woah, woah, woah, woah. chris kattan isn't gay?

*hugs #5*

Hook, line and fucking sinker.

Dumbass. Kattan got pwned. Should have seen that one coming.

Don't ever, ever, never, ever get married.

Thus endeth the lesson....

.

#12 - LMFAO!!! My thoughts exactly!

Anyway, what kind of an idiot is he marrying this obvious gold digger in the first place?!

He's totally gay. She threatened to out him to the press, that's why she's getting more cash out of him.

She caught him jerking off in his chair to gay porn with his legs over his head like that monkey skit he did.

Michelle,

Cutting garlic from your diet may aid you in dealing with your problem.

But it doesn't really sound like you're looking for a solution, just making a general statement.

now if I could only find where he lives and get his number.

Ive always though he was a little hottie, especially when he was dressed as a girl scout in Corky Romano.

Oh Hell Yes Chris..I want some cookies!!

I also thought he was/is gay.

She is also, taller than him and way hotter than him. Yes 2, the 7 is really interested in you because you were Mango.

Who the hell is Chris Kattan?

Money my ASS!!! Women seem to believe that money makes men more attractive but all we see are examples of ugly rich guys with hot wives who end up leaving them (Hugh Hefner and his 3 girls, and now Chris Monkey)

At the end of the day, the only thing that makes relationships works is how interested and attracted the person is in YOU, and not your cash.

Currently I am banging a HOT Russian chick who is married to a rich douche bag. She is 15 yrs younger than him and he is fucking ugly and WAY out of her league. Somehow he thinks it will work....I guess more poon for me.

...young lovely girls...hahahah

...i for one feel bad for him, he probably has a hard time getting laid without paying for it...

i would never ever get married again never and i have kept my word!!!

The only difference between this woman and a streetwalker is the price.

Lucky for Chris, Hollywood will continue to churn out crappy movies, so he'll recover.

#13 is spot on.

That is one creepy looking dude. Icky!

Now let's pray to God that he guides us through these times of turmoil. Especially pray for BritBrit.

can't he get an annulment or something? two months of marriage & the whore should get zilch.

and the rebuilding of her life it the most ridiculous thing i've ever heard.

poor Mango, he got pwned

www.cafepress.com/angryrobotwear

.... so gold-digging money-grubbing whoredom is the real Neverending Story. People whine about young girls looking and acting whorish at too early of an age... but with constant example after example of whores cashing in for nothing more than having a working vag how could they not end up going in that direction?

Further proof that when your fianceé cites Heather Mills as one of her biggest role models, you need to bail STAT!

Given that Chris Kattan isn't funny and can't earn shit at the box office, I don't think Little Miss Sunshine will see a penny.

If the pre nup said she was only to get ten grand, and now she's getting six figures, it seems obvious to me that she has something on him that he does not want revealed. In other words, Chris Kattan is gay. But no one cares if he gay. He should tell her: 'go ahead, tell everybody--you ain't taking my money'. Then she tells a tabloid. Only nobody cares, because nobody gives a fucking shit about Chris Kattan anymore.

i HATE those bloodsucking women who marry "famous" men just for the money!

what a bitch!
and her lawyer, boy, he has some nerve!
"My client is very relieved that she can leave this two month marriage with some resources that will allow her to rebuild her life."

MEANING

"My fuckface of a client is very relieved she got more than 10 grand after being married for 2 months with that closeted semi-celebrity. For a second there she thought her scheme hadn't worked out!"

WHY do men still get married?

Please, tell me what advantage does a man who makes decent money need a wife for? Just date, or if you're really ugly or horny get a hooker from time to time.

Marriage is for loser guys that can't get chicks, ever.

Fuck marriage.

I've said it before and I'll keep on saying it: there is no reason for a man to get married, unless he is a loser like Kevin Federline.

A man walks into a toy store to buy a Barbie doll for his daughter. "How much is that Barbie in the window?", he asks the shop assistant.

The assisiant responds, "Which Barbie? We have Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Ball for $19.95, Barbie Goes Shopping for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Beach for $19.95, Barbie Goes Nightclubbing for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $395.00."

The guy asks, "Why does Divorced Barbie cost so much more?"

"That's obvious," the assistant states, "Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, Ken's boat, Ken's furniture, and Ken's balls in her purse."

That Kattan is no Rob Schneider--"you put your weed in there."

Well, she figured $10,000 wasn't enough, the going rate for beards is at least in the low six figures.

As a woman I have to say that bitch is a fucking gold digging WHORE. 6 figures for two months of marriage. She planned this all along she was NEVER going to stay with him. I hate women like this. Why would you sell yourself like that for money or want money from an ex unless you had dependant children or were disabled and needed the support to live in basic comfort? She's just a lazy slut. Rebuild her life? Yeah right more like upgrade it completely as was the PLAN. I bet she got one of her friends(or should I say her partner in crime) to come on to Chris and he took the bait. Fuck this makes me sick. Not that Chris Khattan or anyone should have that kind of money in this world where so many have nothing and american families are loosing their homes, but it's his fucking money and she hasn't earned one cent, she's a con artist.

hmm..assuming low six figures = $100,000 (it's more)

8 weeks = 56 days = $1785 per day. Chance that sex was daily and awesome? Slim. Chance that she was always around, even when he wanted time to do his own shit? High.

High End Hooker. $1000 a day? Chance of sex? 100%. Chance it's good? Pretty high considering the quality and experience. Chance she gets the fuck out when you say, "Get the fuck out of here." ? 100%

Rent it!

#39 Thank god, i thought you were going to defend her! haha

#40 nice calculations. really puts marriage in perspective...

WOOOHOOOO!!!!

You go grrl!!! Loot that monkey-lookin' fuckwad. You deserve every penny you get!!!

#38, I was going to make that exact same joke. Fuck you!

#36. Tom that was hilarious, well played.

Now look 90% of people are idiots men and women but there are exceptions. I'm a woman and marriage was never a big plan I had been dreaming about since I was a kid. Yet I was proposed to over a dozen times. Even by a stranger in a huge US airport. I met the man who is now my husband 9he's gorgeous 6'2' a former athlete turned business man). When I married him he was penniless. He brought up marriage, on our first date. I did'nt discuss it , he planned the proposal. We talk about everything so he asked if I wanted a ring and I said that I hated diamonds they area rip off and it is disgusting to me that the woman get some big huge rock for something that should be a celebration for both people. I didn't want my husband to waste his money on some hideously overpriced trinket and I fully meant it not like stupid women who say they don't want something but really do (why play those games)> so we talked about it and both thought the best way to celebrate our engagement was to travel and go somewhere we both really wanted to go, something that was equally nice for both of us a nice trip and nice hotel and lots of sex.
We eloped a few months later and a beautiful sex filled tropical honey moon, we had zero interest in bridesmaids and china patterns and all that wasted money.
My husband is my best friend and we hate people and find them horribly annoying so it''s nice to have someone you can count on who supports you it's us against the world. We are deeply in love but you don't want to hear about that. After many years of marriage are sex life is still amazing (better in fact because you learn more and more how to please each other). We take care of each other, I love to cook for him and I support him 100%. I am not a materialistic person since I work with third world poverty so he doesn't have to worry about all that typical shit that most men do. I don't whine and bitch and moan I support my husband and love him and encourage him and tell him every day what an amazing person he is and how proud I am to be his wife.

I don't care about anniversaries since every day is special. We have the same humor except mine is even raunchier I love great sex jokes so I don't get offended like many women. I enjoy watching sports and I give my husband his shape and time after a long hard day. I'm a lady so go into too much detail about how much I love sex and pleasing my man but words cannot describe what Amazing pleasure we have in that area.
It DISGUSTS me when women let themselves go and don't go blaming it on kids my mother and grandmother are both tiny and most women get fat long before they even consider having children. It's just nowonder a mariage starts sucking when women turn into whining bitching whales. Plus I am the same tiny size I was as a model and in high school 36/23/34 (all natural) and have long beautiful hair that I will never cut. I have an 18BMI and that only sounds too little to people who are used to having unnecessary fat on their body (I'm certainly not lacking curves in the right places) but I am lean and sleek.. When strangers propose to you you can bet you look like a walking angel oh and being called the most beautiful woman in the world on a regular basis by not only my husband but strangers friends and family too doesn't hurt. I'm also successful in my work and have scored higher on intelligence test than Harvard Professors. So I'm no bimbo.
Oh and the biggest bonus we don't want children EVER. Happy to help children's charities never interested in having our own. So I guess there are some pretty good reasons why a man would ask me to marry them and we renew our vows every year in quiet simple way that doesn't cost any money.
Oh and I have distant parents who just do their own thing and thy love my husband and treat him like a golden son and send us presents all the time (they just aren't around very often) so he never has to deal with in-law bullshit because I don't like that codependant parent crap I need my space. No one is ever welcome to crash at our house and since most of my friends turned into cows who demanded their engagement ring cost a certain amount and only want to talk about home decorating and berber carpets I dont have any annoying bitchy female friends and I learnt long ago that guys don't want to be my friend (they want something entirely different) so my husband doesn''t have to deal with any idiot male friends or exes since I have neither in my life.

My husband calls me several times(a day i work from home), when he's pissed off adn has and something has gone to shit at workd he cals me to vent. Just this morning he left me a beautfiul love note saying that I was the most gorgeous woman of all time and that everything he does in his life is for me and thanked me for being the best wife in the universe. I'm sick at the monet so since I knew I would be resting when he left for work this morning I stayed up and made him a big delicios breakfast and left it in the fridge for him with a note telling him what an amazing husband and man he is (the sexiest man ever) and how proud I am of him and wishing him a wonderful day. This is the kind of stuff we do on a regular basis not becuase of any obligation but becasue we like to and again we've been married for a long time.

I could go on, but this has gotten so long and i won't bothr re-reading or correcting it. Ive often seen your posts and wanted to respond so this was a little pent up. The fact is there are good women out there and good men (not meny of either sex) but they exist and a small percentage of people are right for marriage but most aren't and shouldn't waste their time with it and that 's all good. I just hate to see people get taken advantage of. The fact is people do want love and devotion, but all the idiots out there make them feel like it's impossible.

You get waht you give when you find the right person I take care of myself and so does my husband,he's in amazing sahpe and he is the same age as me so I didn;t go marrying some old rich man(although I had offers) I treat him loke a King and he treats me like a Queen. it works both ways.

Anyway i hope you'll find a good woman who treats you well someday or if your happier as a bachelor than that'sgreat too. I understand the people who think marriage is stupid and I don't blame them in most cases it certainly seems that way but it's really not marriage or governement or religion that stupid it's most people that are stupid and that's why most things in the world suck becuase everything human being stouch turns to crap. you can't trust a lot of people in this world adn the only person I trust is my husband adn the only person he trusts is me.

44, i stopped at "proposed to over a dozen times" because i knew the rest of your rant would be even more total bullshit.

Oh shit maybe I should have re-read that it sounds like english is my second language. Gawd it look like Heidi Montag wrote that(*blushes*).
Oh well and I'm #39 too i just changed my name to suit my crazy long post. And if anyone wonders no I wasn't rich when I married my husband I didn't have two cents to rub together neither of us did. Now he is very successful (well he always was to me) at one point after he finished school he had trouble finding work even though her graduated at the top of his class with honors so I worked and paid all the bills until he got an amazing job upon which he has built a brilliant career. When I got seriously sick he took care of me (as he alwasy does) so we support each other and if he ever wanted to leave I wouldn't ask for a cent becaus I respect myself and our marriage too much to make it about money. But we have a good feeling we will be married for life.

#45 I know it sounds too weird to be true, but that's okay I don't blame you for not believing it. They were unsolicisited, but what can you do.

*unsolicited

Chris Kattan had a wife? Who was a woman?

I just looked at the pictures in more detail. Unless she comes with six identical sisters who are willing to do anything and everything he wants and each other she is SO not worth even a grand. Come one Kattan you could go to any Hooters in Canada, where even the biggest D list looser is treated like a huge celebrity, and get a younger hotter piece of tail for free (well the price of chicken wigs and a beer).

That ugly douch Brody Jenner comes to Canada on booty call tours and groopie banging expeditions like once a month so I suspect anyone can do it.

gold digging whore - what a bitch

and "long like my legs" for the few word of psycho babble I read - seriously - use friggin spell check - dumb ass.

# 51,

you took the words right out of my mouth!

#51. See post #46 dumb ass.

that goes for #52. Awe are you guys in love like Chris and I? Or like we used to be until he gave up a million bucks to this whore when he was supposed to be saving for penis enlargement surgery. Poor little man he really can't pleasure me with what God has given him.

What is love
Oh baby, don't hurt me
Don't hurt me no more
Oh, baby don't hurt me
Don't hurt me no more

#44, I took one look at that novel and skipped right past it. I doubt one person on this site read more than the first two lines.

44, that crap was so boring I fell asleep during the second line of your horseshit spew and now know better than to subject myself or anyone else to anything you write. Ever.

Now go impale yourself in the ass with a catholic cross.

Her eyes don't even match. not you #44, I'm referring to the woman who married that fag Kattan. She's ok, if she's all that's available at closing time. But $1700 a day? hahahahahahahahahahahhaahaha she's likely a lesbian anyway.

As for Kattan, if I never see or hear of him again my telepathic prayers have been answered!

Chris Kattan Loves the Cock
Spencer Pratt Loves the Cock
David Beckham Loves the Cock

talk about a pozza face! Kattan is one fugly fag!

talk about a pizza face! Kattan is one fugly fag!

Marriage is for poor folks like us. Rich dudes should never marry since they get play from pretty much any chick they want without the strings and nagging, and it is way cheaper. Unless you knock her up. Same goes for rich chicks. Dudes just want to access your cash and your twat.

If I were famous, I'd get a vasectomy, bang the world, and stay single forever, until I was wrinkly and old. Then I;d get a trophy wife and die.

Yea, she's a gold digging whore, no doubt. But some guys just can't seem to cut the umbilical cord and every time you turn arouns his mommy is there keeping an eye on you or his daddy is jealous, or his kids are asses screaming "you're not my mother!". Or, she caught him impaling himself with giant dildos looking at Miley Cyrus's boyfriends stuffed underwear pics. The ones that made it appear as though he were packing. *snicker*

Listen, in life, being able to see reality is the key issue. There are women who are in Chris Kattan's playing field. This girl is not one of them.

That being said, I've been there, I know what Chris is dealing with. Luckily I'm poor and only had to pay out 1,000. It pisses me off that this tramp is now going to have enough cash to make herself look successful, land another rich guy and move farther up the ladder. Unless she blows it on crack which she will, judging by the look in her eyes.

Oh please! Like he seriously could not see this coming. She's young and beautiful. He was lucky to even call her his albeit for a short time. She's still a babe in a sense and probably still maturing.

As for the money, I blame the lawyer. What kinda cut would he make for a measly 10K? Bloodsucking vultures that they are by nature.

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Wasn't Cheri Oteri's dad murdered a few months ago? I don't know how appropriate it is to joke about her being dead...

Dude you should have prenupped that bitch.

She's a vicious, gold-digging whore.

I feel bad for him, BUT that said, I also think he needs to be accountable.

Although marriage is not for everybody ( not for most people!), it should not be condemned outright. He should have chosen waaay better. Why couldn't he see through the obvious 'fakery' and why would he believe that this tall, young blond model is truly interested in him? So, it's not just poor him. Wise up!! Look at her expression in the second picture.Most can see froma few pictures alone that she's a lie.

He should have seen it and how does she sleep at night?

She's really pretty

Sorry man, just scrape that shit off of your shoes. Go buy yourself a couple of Acres up by Lake Tahoe, go camping for a few days with Rob Schinder. Relax and have a few beers, and plot on giving her a case of Necrotizing fasciitis.

If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life
Never make a pretty women your wife
Go for my personal point of view
Get an ugly girl to marry you

fucking gold digging bitch.. id fucking shoot her in the face.. rebuild her life gimme a fucking break.. like she was out that money or something.. fuck..

This chic is as white bread plain as they get. Not ugly, just nothing to rave about. Decent make-up and highlights, not fat but not a hot body either. Being tall, blonde or having large breast does not give you an automatic ticket to hot.. There are other factors to consider.

Also I am not so sure she is blonde. More of a mouse color hair with highlights.

"SMELLING THIS FAGGOT", was another signal, folks!!

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Poor Kattan. I wonder if he's one of those super depressed comedians. I didn't know he was in that Aqua Teen Hunger Force movie.

She's just 6 years younger, not a staggering difference. Was she in Monkey Bone?

#44. Cool story.

I have always admired his form of energy unto his works but must say...for the most part...he really acted like a Queen of sorts. I was very surprised to hear that he was marrying a woman. No matter what his preference is, he brings laughter to this world and I totally thank him for this gift! He and his commrades totally rocked SNL-- I really needed that , seeing SNL repeats with this war going on and my sons in the middle east enduring it all . NIght at the Rox..taken the edge of the PAIN for me, I am very appreciative. Don't care what his preferences are, YOU STILL ROCK! Thanx for the miles of smiles shared from here to the middle east. xo

I have always admired his form of energy unto his works but must say...for the most part...he really acted like a Queen of sorts. I was very surprised to hear that he was marrying a woman. No matter what his preference is, he brings laughter to this world and I totally thank him for this gift! He and his commrades totally rocked SNL-- I really needed that , seeing SNL repeats with this war going on and my sons in the middle east enduring it all . NIght at the Rox..taken the edge of the PAIN for me, I am very appreciative. Don't care what his preferences are, YOU STILL ROCK! Thanx for the miles of smiles shared from here to the middle east. xo