Jul 17 2008Helen Mirren in a bikini, by insanely large request

I gotta hand it to you guys: You don't hesitate for a second when I violate the Sacred Bikini Code of posting regardless of age, weight or breastlessness. I received no less than 78 gajillion emails asking why I haven't posted these shots of 63-year-old actress Helen Mirren (The Queen) in a bikini. You're a surprisingly more mature bunch than I thought. Time to start skewing my jokes towards an older crowd. Here's a good one:

What did the Kaiser say to Howard Hughes?
War bonds?! I thought she was a Studebaker!

Ha! Tomfoolery at its best! Don't forget to drink your Ovaltine, folks, and remember; nothing soothes what ails you like a refreshing Lucky Strike. Signing off.

Photos: Daily Mail

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ARGH MY EYES

rofl

she shows all those 20 year old skanks how it's really done!

She maybe 63, but she takes care of herself.

wow, she's in amazing shape for her age;she's an inspiration. Either that or she has a really amazing plastic surgeon. Nah, she's got to be working out and eating right too...plastic surgery can only do so much; espc at that age.

I'd bang her blue-haired butt with a fury that bordered on the insane.

at 63 shes still hotter than brooke hogan

that woman can teach you a lotta things...specially 3rd input play...still holding up congrats...

And there's no way to get her pregnant!

I'd love to bury my face in her gray wool.

What's wrong with you turds!? She looks AMAZING, straight up AMAZING,
I mean, get a clue here and stop being such dipshits. For her age, and even for like someone 15 years YOUNGER she looks wonderful. You people who can dis on 63 women who look this good can just fucking eat shit.

Naughty thoughts, very naughty thoughts, ohhh I've got to stop thinking like that.

Damn she's hotter than Madonna!!!

Say what you want; it would still be my big pleasure to delight myself fondling her nice, bulgy breasts and it would be the greatest of all honors to go medieval on her 63 year old tight ass.

Oh Mammies!

Dear god, please let me still look that hot when I'm 63. Thxbai.

12: Damn she's hotter than Madonna!!!

____My taint is hotter than Madonna

Man, she looks hot! I had the hots for her since I saw National Treasure 2, and I noticed she had big juggs. Call me, Helen. We'll do sex.

I would personally like to smack the shit out of everyone who requested these pictures. Jesus Christ!

Tom Cruise is gay, whatever. Fuck you all.

I saw Shadowboxer....I'd bang this old bag silly!

Somewhere, Mad Madge is savagely beating her ball-less hubby in a rage over the body Helen has, and that no amount of surgery and exercise has brought Madge.

Yeah.

No.


.

From now on can we just crop Britney's head onto her body - and vice versa - and call it even?

My God, I would do her. Nothing witty to add. I would just straight up do her.

She looks FUCKING AMAZING!!! I mean really HOLY SHIT. As a woman I pray to god that I age that well. See women like Jennifer Love Hewitt have NO EXCUSE. My mom is 10 years younger and in a bikini she looks just like Heather Locklear. I really hope Miren hasn't has any surgery because I want to age that well, but I refuse to opt for surgery. My Grandma is 85 and has the body of an aged Jessica Simpson (as a kid men half her age would hit on her infront of me and I was like get lost that's my nana you perve) so god willing it's in my genes.

would totally plow this lady. She just needs to dye her hair, shave her puss and put makeup on. Nice rack!! imagne the titty-fucks!!

You can post pics of Lindsay Lohan, Claire Danes, Paris Hilton, miley Cyrus, supermodel this and supermodel that all day long and while I will look, I will never pause the way I do looking at something like this. Do you have any idea the genetics, good nutrition, and general hard work someone must go through to maintain this kind of appearance?

Helen Mirren is a beautiful woman, and in the parlance of our day, to put it crudely, I would most definitely hit it.

Take a good hard look, kids. That's classic beauty right there. She was beautiful when she was but a wee ingenue, and she is beautiful now. And a hell of an actor, to boot.

I'll take these pics over 100 of your others, Superficial.

great bod for a 63 year old. She looks better than half of the 20 year olds out there.

She looks too good for being 60 something. These pixs are either Photoshopped or she never has had kids or she has been nipped and tucked by one of the world's best plastic surgeons.

You could fuck that broad, and then she'd make you cocoa, give you $5 and pat you on the head.

Yeah, but does she read a book spread eagle in a bikini?

Yeah, didn't think so.......

.

I wanna know who taught their Grandpa how to send picture requests to TheSuperficial online? Kudos to you sir because we have a hard time teaching my Grandpa the shower isn't a place to 'do his business' everyday.

I came.

Hey, if she's got false teeth, you guys are all set.

I'd go all prehistoric on her sweet ass.

Any of you losers ever seen Caligula??

"Conditions relating to the vagina and bladder are often experienced post menopause because these parts of the body require estrogen to remain healthy. Thinning of the tissue in these areas can cause incontinence, bladder infections, growths or polyps in the uterus, and vaginal dryness."

mmmm...tasty...

@28 - You're at least half right; she's never had children.

"Tomfoolery at it's best!" It's tomfoolery at its best.

Hey, when you fuck an old lady, you can always get butt sex... just tell her "she's done it before"... she won't remember.

Man, she is the ultimate MILF and cougar!

Just be careful if she's a squirter, because with her advanced age, it's gonna look like someone stepped on a baby powder container.

#35 Rick has a point. There is no substitute for the juicy prime pussy of a Hayden, Hiedi, Megyn Fox, Hiegel and all those other little fuck-tarts.

#41, those chicks are so juicy because of all the "ointments" they use.

She is a beauty. God love her.

Nice bathing suit too. Smart lady, didn't have kids.

You look ill, son. Was it very different from what you expected when I had my bikini on? I hate giving good people traumatic sexual experiences. But don’t worry about it. As soon as you step outside that door, you’ll start feeling better. You’ll remember you think my pictures are hotter than any Hollywood 20-something. Here, take a cookie. I promise when you're finished eating it, you'll feel right as rain.

She's hotter than the likes of Britney Spears, Uma Thurman, and Brooke Hogan.

63 year old pulling off wearing a bikini? Respect!

She is a GILF...Grandma I'd Like to Fuck.

I'd hit it. 2 times. If you can get through it, check out Calendar Girls. Nice boob moment for her in that one.

63 or not, she keeps herself in decent shape. I would go to town on that ass!

She looks pretty damn good for her age. She must really take good care of her body or have one hell of a surgeon. Sadly, most of the cracked out skanks on this site (Britney, Lohan, etc.) are going to look older than her by the time they hit their 40s.

Cripes! 63! Are you kidding me? Those are nice "cannons & gams" for a senior citizen! I'd bang her ass like balls in a game of snooker!

talk about things insanely large..

that selfish cunt never had kids because she didn't want to ruin her bod. Fucking ego-maniacal worthless bitch!! go suck some rich guys cock for some money you old crow!!

Now we know where Claire Dane's breasts went.

WOW !! For a mature woman, hell for any woman, she is TIGHT !!! You go girl !! :)

I'd spend an hour licking the blue-veined knot that her anus has become.

I'd rather have my stomach covered in stretch marks than to go through life childless. But not everyone wants to experience the joys and responsibilities of having a family. It must make old age awfully empty and lonely.

I want her to give me a handjob so I can see her upper arm flap-flap-flapping. It'll remind me of Sunday afternoon visits with grandma. Maybe Helen will also have some of those nice doilies to clean up afterwards (tissues are so impersonal).

Helen Mirren has been acting for decades and in her younger days was a stone cold hottie. She was better known for being hot than she was for being a fine actress. She's aged well.

She looks amazing and the reason she does is because she never had any children. You wanna look like that, dont have kids. Problem solved.

Possibly I could handle the postmenopausal nastiness that's lurking below the white lines on her bikini ('DO NOT CROSS!"), but for sure the old-lady farts would kill me.

I am jealous. I don't look that good in a bikini at 20!

well, there' s a walking advertisement for getting married later in life!

I'm glad she never had kids - she has admitted that she just doesn't have the instinct. Why should she have had kids if she didn't want them to begin with? I wish more people would be honest about things like that - if you don't want to get married and you don't want to have kids, why force yourself? There are enough people in this world with emotional problems.The theatre and films have been her children, and I'd say that we've definitely reaped the benefits. She's an amazing actress and she's always been a sultry woman as well.

to the guy who mentioned Caligula: my ex-boyfriend shattered what was left of my innocence as a college freshman when we watched the uncensored DVD of caligula. My lab professor started talking about that movie for some reason yesterday (probably trying to corrupt the rest of us). Nothing like perverted old teachers...

...a bottle of Clairol, and she'll be done!

If that dude in the red shirt remembered his Viagra that morning......He's about 3 minutes from getting the blowjob of his life in that second pic.

Too good for the pizza faced posters

I say why not? I'd put it in her pooper

(NSFW) http://revart.blogs.com/minister_of_rants/images/helen_mirren04_1.jpg

her skin looks better than Lidsay Lohan's

She has openly said that she never had children after discovering what happens to the body whilst in labour (i.e tearing, bleeding etc). She admits that she was always terrified and repulsed at the idea of giving birth so never did.

That doesn't make her selfish. If more people gave up having children just because that's what is 'normal' and expected of women of a certain age then we would have a lot less unhappy children and parents around.

You fuckers are nuttier than squirrel shit. I just googled photos of Helen, and that bitch is just plain old. You're some desperate, confused, and strange bastards.

"whilst"

you have bad teeth, don't you?

I'd slip off her Depends and lick every inch of her soiled ass.

Woooah...amazing, especially considering her age.

This is the perfect day on the Superfish. First, all the lil boys go crazy about a prepubescent girl (Claire Danes), reflecting their repressed desire for homosexual experiences, and then they go crazy for Helen Mirren, reflecting their repressed desire for mommy. Such amusing little boys!

Damn, didn't know they made Depends in a thong bikini form....

I'm 43 and I wish I had those abs! Go Helen!

#73 - Now if we could just get some pics of Kim Karfatassian..... we could reflect our repressed desires to fuck the pig back home on the farm and the trifecta would be complete.

Damn she looks good! I hope I look that good when I'm old!

Just look up the movie "Age of consent" and you can see her in her prime.

she's like 200 years old and she looks gooood

she's like 200 years old and she looks gooood

Helen is hands-down amazingly beautiful.... If anyone saw her movie "Calendar Girls" couple of years ago, you'll see that she takes good car of her body. She had a topless scene in the movie and by the looks of it, a plastic surgeon has never been anywhere near her or her body.
She's an inspiration to women everywhere. I would only pray to God that I look this good at age 50 AND 60

every old bag should look like her...

I'd love to give her the ol' choke-fuck because I'm curious to see if she would die.

JAJAJAJAJAJA, UR OLD !

JAJAJAJAJAJA

I had no idea that the Queen of England looked so slamming in a bikini. I'd love to stick my Crown Jewels in her Royal Highness Ass.

#52 and #56: In case you didn't notice, this isn't the Dark Ages....women don't have to pop out kids anymore - it's a CHOICE nowadays to not be walking wombs. Get your heads outta your asses and join this Century. And #56, what makes you think that having kids will stave off loneliness in later years? Go to any elder care home and count how many have children that actually visit more than once a year - most Mothers alienate friends and husbands while getting too wrapped up in "Bratley's life" - I bet Helen has more friends and fun than you'll ever have! It's pretty pathetic to use the excuse of having kids to fill a void in your lousy lives.

Rock on Helen!!! You're GORGEOUS!!!

Helen Mirren in her earlier days: http://actresspictures.co.uk/scansm/mirren/HelenMirren24.jpg

'nuff said.

Oops, sorry for lack of intarwebz skills.

Age that well???

God, I wish I looked that good now and she's got 25 years on me.

Crap


I am just a bit curious........................the magazine HOLLYWOOD GOSSIP reported his profile was found on the famous rich men seeking affairs site ★★★S u g a r d a d d y C o n n e c t. c o m★★★ last week and he was seeking his sugar woman there.............. wow!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I saw "2010" the other day on cable and she has gotten sexier as she's gotten older. These pics will definitely be my jack off material for tonight!

wow - go helen!

Is that her upper lip or her tongue?
If it's her upper lip, woah, stare at it, it looks weird. If it's her tongue, she almost has a cute puppy dog look. Interesting....

I'll give anyone $10 who can determine what is showing in this photograph.

@70 That was hilarious!

See what happens when women refuse to breed? No children does a body good.

#95

Can you please tell that to all the illegal aliens who are flooding this country with their anchor spawn?

Oh wait, Mexican bitches don't give a shit what their bodies look like after birthing 20 future gangbangers...

If the Lord is good to me and my karma's in line and the stars smile on me and all that, I'll look half as good as that at that age!

Yowza! I just got a girl boner!

A GILF! A GILF is a very rare sight indeed, Higgins!
I'm most impressed as this speciman is exceptionally sexible - usually a GILF's granny-sexibility is an illusion composed of fancy fabrics and heavy make-up.
No - this GILF is quite something. Quite something indeed ....


fapfapfapfapfapfapfapfapfapfapfapfapfapfapfapfap...

Wow, really impressive for someone over 60!

wow, nice bod.

I don't know who this lady is, but she's got a slamming body for being 63!

" 70. Susan - July 17, 2008 4:27 PM

"whilst"

you have bad teeth, don't you?"


Is this yet another hilarious joke about British people having bad teeth? Yes, I'm British and my teeth are perfect thanks!

@ #12. Dr. Otto VanDerWahl
You are SOOOO right!!
She IS hotter than Madonna.

Seriously!!!!

I'd hit it.

Can't believe I just said that.

But i would

I knew it!!
She WOULD still fit in that armored bikini she wore in 'Excalibur'!

Not bad at all.

BTW, that's DAME Helen Mirren to you peasants!!

This woman is 62 and looks this good?!

Fabulous, good on her!

PLEASE HELEN, a bathing=suite will do the thrick.
Give your birthdate on your passport a close look, WILL YA?
...........YOU WILL STAY ON MY "LIST"!!

This makes my penis confused.

#93...I'll tell you waht's in this photo. As I look at Helen's very nice for her age bod, I am saddened to see a SCAR right about the right side of her bikini bottom. (To MY left as I look at the screen). Take a close look folks! This is a LIFT scar, whether it be a pubic fat lift (true, women get that operation) or from a tummy lift. She has had one, but it was WELL done.
Now give me my $10.00!

1000% sure - that line above the top of her bikini bottom is a tummy tuck scar. Got one just like it. Takes one to know one - got one just like it.

This isn't new news-- Helen Mirren's always been hot, in fact she looks better older! tummy tuck, not having kids, whatever, let the haters hate... Genetics goes a long way!

I totally agree gigi #112! Whatever the case - it is pretty impressive for a woman of 63 to be that gorgeous! Look at other women who have had plastic surgery at her age - they don't look half as hot (or NATURAL)...so whatever Helen is doing...she's doing it right!

God bless her. She looks absolutely GREAT for her age.

She always dresses and acts "age-appropriate" otherwise. Which I find refreshing. (Never saw her in spandex with her legs spread open wide, never saw her in any gaudy "coffee-table" sex book). Helen is a class act.

So if she wants to go to the beach in a bikini once in a while, hell yeah, darlin'... go for it.

Let's see a show of hands of who here, commenting, thinks THEY'LL look this good at 63?

(My own hand isn't raised). I wish, though.

::raises hand as lightning strikes it down::
Oh mama no!

anybody who looks like that in a bathing suit at 63 SHOULD BE THE HAPPIEST PERSON IN THE WORLD....SHE'S FUCKING BEAUTIFUL FROM HEAD TO TOE......i've seen 22 year old sows on the subway that wouldn't look this good in a bathing suit.....

anybody who looks like that in a bathing suit at 63 SHOULD BE THE HAPPIEST PERSON IN THE WORLD....SHE'S FUCKING BEAUTIFUL FROM HEAD TO TOE......i've seen 22 year old sows on the subway that wouldn't look this good in a bathing suit.....

Dr. Rachel, Claire Danes is almost 30, so when did your puberty end?

Ha! I thought she was a Studebaker! Good one.

Helen Mirren has great breasts.

Wow. She looks amazinggggg. Better than most of them young ho's and bitches.

Folks, not all women who have children have the bodies to show for it. My body didn't change AT ALL after two kids and that is not a lie. I have always been thin, gained 25 lbs with each kid, so the weight fluctuations have been minimal and I have good genes, didn't get stretch marks nor did my mother. I also breastfed each baby and my breasts actually got perkier after I weaned my second child. They are a little smaller, but perkier, go figure! If you saw me in a bikini you would think I had no kids, so stop the generalizations about having kids = wrecked body.

She's hot.
What a babe,

And it's strange to see an overwhelming number of positive posts...
But at least everyone can recognize how remarkable her body is.

#121 Eva, thanks for the play by play on your reproductive status..LOL!

Last! oh god please let me be last....

Fabulous lady, gorgeous body, great talent. Love her to bits.

Fabulous lady, gorgeous body, great talent. Love her to bits.

Fabulous lady, gorgeous body, great talent. Love her to bits.

Wait, what did you say EAC--not quite sure we got it.

HOT HOT HOT

She looks awesome. I have to j/o know ;-)

I'M GAY FOR HER NOW.

I LOVE YOUR KAISER JOKE !!! YOU ARE HILARIOUS !!

p.S. sHE LOOKS TOTALLY GREAT !

# 56 - Dear Belle - You sound like a moron. xoxo

She rocks! been a big fan of hers for a while, she's naked in almost all her movies and is still a fox! the one and only GILF!

I'm 30 and I would so totally hit that.

this is hot? are you kidding me? who the hell would REQUEST this? its disgusting. my eyesssssssssss

you know who else looks amazing in his 73 year old body? dalai lama . you can see him walking around half-naking and put himself on the chair in lotus position in front of respectable people and politicians who look at him like to an apparition from the moon. I would like cwith fury to fuck him

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