May 15 2008Christina Aguilera has super-MILF powers unlike those of mere mortal MILFs
After a morning of heated political discussion punctuated with my undying love of Jessica Simpson's breasts, I find it only fitting that I post something we all can agree on: Christina Aguilera and her ability to rule Planet MILF with an iron fist. Here she is getting ready to hit the club last night with her husband Jordan Bratsquatch. I also included shots of X-tina attending the Christian Dior event in NYC over the weekend. Just to emphasize the MILFy-ness that scientists are pretty sure can cure cancer. Or, at the very least, small pox.
NOTE: Does anyone know what egregious sin Christina Aguilera committed to get stuck with Bilbo Baggins as a mate? Did she pee on the Bible or, even worse, not do the laundry? Please, I can't sleep at night until I know.
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Reader Comments
1. President Bill Clinton - May 15, 2008 12:32 PM
Ewww...... purple veiny things in her tits....
2. kingofbeer - May 15, 2008 12:32 PM
mmmmmm melons
3. edamame - May 15, 2008 12:34 PM
Ah, back to the 70s!
4. nick - May 15, 2008 12:39 PM
is she made of plastic? 100 percent sillicone? is she even real? damn...she used to look somewhat natural, now she looks like a barbie doll..an orange barbie doll with baloons attached..
5. Jimbo - May 15, 2008 12:39 PM
Nope. No way will I let my cock get covered in spic.
6. Racer X - May 15, 2008 12:39 PM
Nice rack..
7. Ben Dover - May 15, 2008 12:40 PM
I will still so hit that! Why oh why did she marry a troll?
8. veggi - May 15, 2008 12:43 PM
"Does anyone know what egregious sin Christina Aguilera committed to get stuck with Bilbo Baggins as a mate?"
Sin? He's successful and has tons of money, unlike the lazy dumb fat hairy beer bellied/titted guys on this site, who are the only ones who'd ask "why?" when the answer is obvious to anybody with a real life.
9. Oprah's Gorilla Butthole - May 15, 2008 12:43 PM
it's cuz she's in the Occult and that fugly troll she married is her little handler.
10. Vince Lombardi - May 15, 2008 12:43 PM
Wimmen help me out here.... sorta a pearl white jacket/skirt combo, turquoise/ ice blue purse, black nails, electric pink heels???
Did my dead wife Marie miss the memo that says that's a fucked up combo? I mean, that's nearly as bad as that namby-pamby drunk Namath wearing panty hose back in the 70s.... wait 'til I see him after he dies....
I'm done. She ain't all that anyway.
11. FRIST!!! - May 15, 2008 12:43 PM
I think it's pretty sad when FRIST!!! needs to give Christina Fucking Aguilera fashion tips..
12. nick - May 15, 2008 12:44 PM
ahhhh Ben, the Troll looks good, at least she hasnt barbie-fied him yet
13. FRIST!!! - May 15, 2008 12:45 PM
What am I saying? Even Jimbo could dress her better than THAT!!
14. Will - May 15, 2008 12:47 PM
She looks like a man in drag with the heavy make up and platnium blonde hair. I hate her horrible implant gap cleavage. She's a mess.
15. Maelstrom - May 15, 2008 12:49 PM
#8....so that proves that you can look like shit but if you have money you can land the "hotties". I thought women married for love, not the money....at least that is what all the golddiggers, I mean "women" say.
16. lola - May 15, 2008 12:52 PM
eeeeek... so not a fan of displaying those big blue veins.
17. Yo - May 15, 2008 12:53 PM
Moron, those "purple veiny things in her tits" are probably, um veins. Most humans have them, for future reference. Are you one of the geniuses that thinks magazine photos aren't airbrushed or photoshopped?
18. Beavis - May 15, 2008 12:53 PM
BOOBIES!!! heh-heh heh-heh...uhh, wait...no...um, heh-heh, I thought boobies were supposed to GIVE you a blue-veiner, not HAVE blue-veiners, heh-heh heh-heh...
19. pistola - May 15, 2008 12:55 PM
she DOES have heavy make-up, but she did it well! she looks like an oldtime movie star... even if it took her 3 hours to do so.
20. Rat - May 15, 2008 12:56 PM
She still has SKANK legs, must be part African American.
21. President Bill Clinton - May 15, 2008 12:57 PM
#17
Veins in tits? No shit, dumbass.
But the last time I saw a blue vein that big, I was looking at the big throbbing one between my legs, just before your momma hopped on it.
22. Elliot_Spitz_On_Her - May 15, 2008 12:58 PM
Wow... I'm lubing up a couple of large tupperware tubs and milking the cow as we speak... or read, as it were...
23. Golddiggers - May 15, 2008 12:58 PM
Something tells me that Christina didn't exactly go into that relationship a pauper, dear. Is it golddigging when a millionaire marries a millionaire?
24. Rick - May 15, 2008 1:00 PM
I wouldn't call INS if she tried to crawl under the fence...hold on, I just got a good look at her face. Make that, crawl under the fence backwards.
25. Yo - May 15, 2008 1:00 PM
Yeah, I'm sure yours is HUGE too. Idiot.
26. Titties Galore - May 15, 2008 1:01 PM
Her tits are SO fake. We all thought she was breastfeeding.
She must have opted for the C-section/breast enhancement combo surgery.
27. jazzhands - May 15, 2008 1:02 PM
Fish, did your mom used to piss on your laundry?
28. Fugulera Ratman - May 15, 2008 1:06 PM
Her boobs are probably so veiny because they're breastfeeding boobies. That and because her naturally flat chestedness has been stretched to extremes to accomadate those implants.
But the LEGS!!!! UGGGGHHHHH EWWWWW! Why don't more people mention her hideous legs? She and Mischa Barton have, HANDS DOWN, the worst legs in Hollywood. Bowl legged, calves-less, funky kneed, disgusting.
29. General Tao - May 15, 2008 1:10 PM
The electric pink heels go perfectly with that pure white outfit - it breaks it up so she doesn't look like a bride. Just for the record.
Also, she is wearing a ton of makeup, as usual, but I'd hardly say she was orange....she looks excessively pale to me, actually.
30. Jumpin_ - May 15, 2008 1:13 PM
OMG, YAY BOOOOBZ!!!!
31. missywissy - May 15, 2008 1:13 PM
Come on. She's a mother. I'm a mother of two and I would never be walking around in public with my titties hanging out of my shirt. Besides, isn't it the child that's supposed to beg for attention? What a class act wanna-be.
32. Ruby - May 15, 2008 1:16 PM
I think her husband looks adorable. He may not be a Brad Pitt, but at least he isn't one of those metrosexuals who steal your conditioner.
33. havoc - May 15, 2008 1:17 PM
Damn. All kinds of juicy goodness.
.
34. britney's weave - May 15, 2008 1:17 PM
perhaps she should have opted for calf implants over the tits...
35. Solaera - May 15, 2008 1:18 PM
Wow. She's really bow-legged.
36. Yuck - May 15, 2008 1:20 PM
I can't stand her. She has the hugest ego. I think she is talented but no talent is ever enough for anyone to think you're above other people. Her ego needs it's own zip code it's so large.
37. jazzhands - May 15, 2008 1:29 PM
This is neither here nor there.................... but you know how funny it would be to hear Tom Cruise say "I'm way above that."
38. ph7 - May 15, 2008 1:35 PM
She's a Sex Machine!
39. hot mess - May 15, 2008 1:39 PM
she is freaking amazing. i am getting a hard on just looking at these pics - and i'm a chick for chrissakes. i love the dude in the last pic...he's alll "uhhhhhh cannot...move...boobies...coming at me...boooobies""
40. ineedyou - May 15, 2008 1:39 PM
Anyone that tattoos their husbands name above their ass is a GOD. I will honestly kill an innocent person to be married to her.
41. Ted Mosby - May 15, 2008 1:55 PM
Let's just say her vocals aren't good in just the record studio.
42. shibuya_jones - May 15, 2008 2:03 PM
nectar pie,the white dress and those shoes effin rool!
43. Alex - May 15, 2008 2:05 PM
I can't get over the fact that Bratman always looks like he is on the verge of a huge bowel movement. Dude always has that confused, painful look on his face, with just a hint of a smile.
44. bakinmycake - May 15, 2008 2:08 PM
got Milk?
45. Jimbo - May 15, 2008 2:13 PM
Ok, that's been more than long enough. Get the fucking spic and the fucking jew off the fucking page.
46. deacon jones - May 15, 2008 2:21 PM
God, i would fuck this chick forever
47. deacon jones - May 15, 2008 2:23 PM
Jimbo, don't say shit about her like that just because you have a small penis. I partied with her one night in vegas. Shes hot man. And she gave me fuck me eyes all night. Don't haaaaaaate bro.
48. shae - May 15, 2008 2:24 PM
maybe i'm an idiot but what does MILF mean?
49. Akare - May 15, 2008 2:25 PM
EASY!!!!!!! Have you seen her without make up????????
50. Texas Tranny - May 15, 2008 2:29 PM
Mother I'd Like to Fuck........
I LOVE the dress and I think the pink heels are a perfect match for the white outfit......as long as she's wearing pretty pink panties to match.
51. ph7 - May 15, 2008 2:29 PM
@#48 Men: Illiterate Lifetime Fucks
52. robert doosh - May 15, 2008 2:39 PM
Those are sure some great WEXFORD BOOBS.
53. Anon - May 15, 2008 2:40 PM
looks like #51 got dumped recently
54. Abby - May 15, 2008 2:42 PM
I hope she dresses down for her mommy and me groups!
55. Kim Lard-ass-ian - May 15, 2008 2:44 PM
orange legs? she never did quite get it right with the fake tan, all that money and so fucked up. At least her face doesnt look as bad as it did.
56. hot mess - May 15, 2008 2:50 PM
that kabbalah van behind her is really fucking with my subconcious...all of a sudden i have a heated desire to lick a tetragrammaton.
57. deacon jones - May 15, 2008 2:50 PM
@47
Not me Jimbo. I have a feeling it was that closet queen Mike
58. FAIL. - May 15, 2008 2:56 PM
@51....that was such a reach. Sorry you fail.
59. lisa - May 15, 2008 2:57 PM
oh cut her some slack she looks great.
60. scooby - May 15, 2008 2:57 PM
Man ever since she got some meat on her she is just freaking irresistable.
61. ldsqtbea - May 15, 2008 3:11 PM
love her shoes !!! my gosh ... they are gorgeous ... and yeah, her boobies (lol) have blue veins ... im a mom and yeah ... dont know if that happens to everyone or what ... but yeah ... okay lol
62. andie - May 15, 2008 3:12 PM
I hate what she does to her eyebrows. Looks like a tranny or something. Why would she want to make her nice feminine eyebrows look like she's trying to channel Rob Zombie or something? I hate them. Other than that, I think she looks good in these photos.
63. Monty83 - May 15, 2008 3:24 PM
That blue thing on her boob is actually a straw... Mommy num num!!
64. toolboy - May 15, 2008 3:29 PM
Cheesa Cheesa!! You sure got a lot of pepperoni on those pizza's lady!!
#62- careful throwing stones at trannies on this site....they can be most vicious when offended.
65. BunnyButt - May 15, 2008 3:30 PM
Much as I hate to admit it, Sasquatch cleans up better than I would've expected him to. To quote Ruby (32), "He may not be a Brad Pitt"; however, with his hair a bit longer and wearing a suit (and I don't even like suits), he doesn't inspire me to scream "Yeti" as he usually does.
P.S. Would like the pink shoes better if the toes were pointed. Square toes just kill the sexy.
66. sameshitdifferentyear - May 15, 2008 3:38 PM
First of all anyone deriding her in these pics because she has a vein or two has been raised on Playboy airbrushing too much.
Dudes, big tits up close got veins. Big ones. Light skin makes them pop out even more. Irish chicks' arms look blue you can see the veins so much, well guess what same thing with titties (yes CA is not Irish not my fucking point).
That said her fake tits are way too big, personally get rid of all implants hate them with a passion, but when there is an actual crease-line at the chest-bone (sternum) you know it's way too much of a not-so-good thing.
This creature is a beauty though, look at that face and fresh skin. Hips coming in very nicely, and that bitchy look behind sunglasses is okay in small doses.
Speaking of creatures, every guy deserves a shot at a hot girl, I'm not saying that, but, seriously, what, the, fuck.
And finally, looks like Spiderman used the van behind her to crawl up a building or some shit. Nice arbitrary made up bullshit.
67. lumiére - May 15, 2008 3:46 PM
Is it wrong for a young men to feel excited at the sight of huge, milk-dripping mamaries on a young beautiful woman? I say no *jerks off a huge load*
68. lumiére - May 15, 2008 3:47 PM
Is it wrong for a young men to feel excited at the sight of huge, milk-dripping mammaries on a young beautiful woman? I say no *jerks off a huge load*
69. Randal - May 15, 2008 4:02 PM
Well, real or not, it does not take away from the fact this girl can sing and dance with the best of them. Christina has been hitting the charts since her first album of Genie in a Bottle and has rubbed everyone the right way with her lyrical skills.
She's looking great here, especially after becoming a mother to a beautiful and healthy child, she deserves to get out and paint the town in Christina Red Lipstick color.
Work it girl.
Randal
70. Scarlett - May 15, 2008 4:20 PM
Jimbo- you are a pathetic individual who probably couldn't get a chick if your life depended on it. What does race/ethnicity have to do with anything and why should it matter? People like you being alive is one of the reasons the human species isn't evolving to their full potential.
I think Christina is beautiful, her fashion sense needs fixing though...
71. Mal Gusto - May 15, 2008 4:20 PM
I love the veins!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
72. Auntie Kryst - May 15, 2008 4:41 PM
@10 Coach what makes you think Broadway Joe is going upstairs when he kicks the bucket??
73. dan - May 15, 2008 4:56 PM
ewww her boobs are gross. the veins are busting out
74. kay - May 15, 2008 5:03 PM
@10Vince Lombardi
As a "WOMEN" learn how to spell it honey, I think its very chic. Not everything now a days need to match. The color of her choice blends well together. Are you sure you have a wife because only a HOMOsexual would notice that kind of thing on a women.
75. FFS - May 15, 2008 5:18 PM
I always thought this chick was average looking at best. I've seen much more beautiful women on the streets. I don't get it.
And why the fuck does she wear so much God damn make-up? At her age she should be able to roll out of bed and still look decent.
She looks tranny. Too blonde. Too much make-up. Implants too big for her frame. Trashy clothes. She looks like something you would find at a trailer park. (Except for the money thing).
# 10-- People don't "match" anymore. It's passe'.
76. snarky - May 15, 2008 5:21 PM
what, is she trying to morph into an anna nicole smith clone now? sorry, but anna was naturally prettier and could pull off the whole cheap skank thing better. This cheap and tacky look is not flattering on Christina; she doesn't have the bone structure, etc, to pull it off. And she's trying way too hard to be some sexy icon. I admit, the girl can sing. But she just looks ridiculous with her bleached out hair, square toed (!!?) heels, too tight outfit, clown makeup, and big, fake, purple barney veined boobs. bleeeech
77. hollywood_hillbilly - May 15, 2008 6:30 PM
I used to try creative spots to shoot up in, seeing those vascular mammarian globes of doom makes me think... oh wait, the bruising. Ah well, at least Bratsquatch would go to jail for battery maybe.
78. NATALIE - May 15, 2008 6:51 PM
GORGEOUS. FLIRTY, BLONDE, BOOBS, PINK, PETITE. JUST GORGEOUS.
79. my comment - May 15, 2008 8:13 PM
She's adorable. Even with her cankles.
80. Sasha - May 15, 2008 8:15 PM
@75 - I personally find the outfits she's wearing very classy and in style. There isn't anything "trashy" about unless you are referring to what she wore before in her "Stripped" days.
@76- As a fashion student "Square" toes pumps are actually in this season then again someone who is up to date with fashion would know. Her outfit isn't tight at all, it flatters her body and hey if I had a baby just 2 1/2 months ago I'd squeeze my ass back into the clothes I used to wear before I was pregnant too.
I do agree however, that she needs to lay off the makeup. But, its good to see her in a different shade then red!
81. foolass - May 15, 2008 8:18 PM
Absolute fucking goddess--y'all are jealous--I know I am--of her ridiculously fugly husband.
82. T.J. - May 15, 2008 8:50 PM
Don't get me wrong, I like Christina. BUT, she F*CKED-UP her tits. TOOOOO big for her little frame. Looks weird.
83. tunaskroodle - May 15, 2008 9:44 PM
blazoy!!!
84. Drod - May 15, 2008 9:57 PM
I would love to motorboat those milk and silicone sweater puppies
85. temp - May 15, 2008 10:17 PM
LOVE the white outfit.
she looks hot.
86. David - May 16, 2008 3:04 AM
jesus... really, jesus..
87. BitchyBlonde - May 16, 2008 7:03 AM
@ 80
Say what you want, but there is NOTHING, I mean NOTHING classy about CA.
Other words that do not apply to her: refined, elegant, ladylike, graceful, cultivated
She is many things, but a lady she aint.
88. bogdanadana - May 16, 2008 8:19 AM
aw, i think he's cute!
89. sick - May 16, 2008 9:36 AM
what an ugly, large rat -faced, bowlegged, veiny fake boobed, transexual looking mess.
90. jsscstm - May 16, 2008 9:41 AM
Mister The Superficial Writer!
Nuthing really, I didn't notice it until my sister pointed it out, but...
I hope Xtina's wearing stockings with the white suit because her legs are way, waayyyy off-color with her complexion starting from boobs and up.
Really looks weird.:D
Heh, heh. :D
91. cenovis - May 17, 2008 9:16 AM
@80 Please shut up and go back to your trailer home. Just because something is "in" or "trendy" doesn't mean it looks good. Case in point, Christina Aguilera. FFS, put down the fashion magazine and learn to form your own opinion.
The things that are wrong with Christina Aguilera, let me count the ways:
1) Makeup that only a tranny could love.
2) Horrifying boob job w/freakish cleavage gap included.
3) Bowlegged (although, I never noticed this until a poster in this thread pointed it out, thanks TheSuperficial!)
4) Terrible f*cking fashion sense. Jesus Christ, we know you have tits! If your implants got any bigger I'd fully expect to see silicone shoot out of your nipples. And put on something YOUR SIZE. You are like a sausage goth but in reverse, (preppy sausage?) and you're not even fat!
92. Lana - May 17, 2008 3:27 PM
For those who comments on her.. "blue vein breast"....either
1) Your not human
2) You've never seen boobs before
3) You probably never had a large chest
As a natural and well endowed women .. I too have "blue vein breast"...even if your flat chest or a guy hate to break it to ya .. YOU DO HAVE VEINS!
93. B - May 17, 2008 8:25 PM
I do believe the plural of Milf should be MILVES.
Thank you.
94. qwerty - May 17, 2008 8:54 PM
She look's great, all though the lip-stick...meh. She needs to lay-off from it a little.
She has "Flawless" skin.
I love how people point out her less-significant flaws.
Like her kneecaps, or something is wrong with her shoulders? They look fine to me, but then again most people here believe that a perfect woman is from "playboy" who is photoshopped to death.
Comparing her to most other celebs, she looks like glamour any time she steps out of the house.
Plus she has that thing called "talent" which is pretty rare in Hollywood.
She is gorgeous, anyone who actually calls out on her "minimal" so-called flaws.
Needs to get their head out of their ass. And see that she's human.
95. Lola1 - May 17, 2008 10:29 PM
"she looks like an oldtime movie star... even if it took her 3 hours to do so."
Dude, watch oldtime movies, then look at that....
96. Lola1 - May 17, 2008 10:35 PM
"Well, real or not, it does not take away from the fact this girl can sing and dance with the best of them. "
No, not with the best of them, maybe the best of our time, but who is really really good ? Her music is generic and her voice can get on ones wick.
97. Lola1 - May 17, 2008 10:39 PM
"I think its very chic."
Do you wear Juicy Couture ?
98. Lola1 - May 17, 2008 10:47 PM
"Comparing her to most other celebs, she looks like glamour any time she steps out of the house."
The Hot Topic version ?
99. jess - May 18, 2008 7:53 AM
she looks absolutely stunning... as always.
100. Kate - May 21, 2008 1:23 AM
Why can't you guys just see that she decides what she wants to wear, when she wants to. How many on here actually have amazing legs? Seriously just because you look good doesn't mean you don't have any flaws. Everyone does, and if you say your perfect then your just a liar. Plus, her breasts were much larger when she was pregnant, is it a sin to have large breasts after a baby? Or does it automaticly mean you had a boob job? I have some really close girl friends of mine that breast feed their little ones and their breasts are huge. Anyway would it really matter if she did infact get a boob job? it's her body and i don't see why everyone gets so bent about it. And to point out if you have read her interviews from a year back or so. It states that the only body piercings she left in where her nipple rings. You can breast feed with them, it's actually pretty easy to do, from what i am told. But doctors frown apon giving breast implants to women who have them.
101. KDJ - May 23, 2008 12:45 PM
I think she is so nice, and I agree with #100 my missus best friend had b-cup before she got a baby, now she has a d-cup, she breast feed for 6 months tho.. Without implants she still got her d-cup and her child is now 3yrs, obvously not breast feeding now.
102. lil ole me - May 24, 2008 5:44 PM
I was a B before my son was born. While I nursed I went all the way up to a DD. After he stopped the breast I went down to a C. Christina definitely had work done, but breastfeedng will definitely pump up the "girls" temporarily. Give her a break. She seems happy.
103. HONEYLICIOUS - May 24, 2008 6:25 PM
Ewww! Gross! You can see big blue veins all over her breasts. That is sooo unnatural.
104. HONEYLICIOUS - May 24, 2008 6:25 PM
Ewww! Gross! You can see big blue veins all over her breasts. That is sooo unnatural.
105. amanda - May 25, 2008 5:03 PM
I love how all the jealous women on here----who know they could never look HALF as good as her ---- are putting her down. Jealousy really doesn't look good on you ladies!
And the men, okay I get that you hate you aren't f*cking her----
but her Husband, ugly as he may be, has more money then ALL of you guys put together.
106. amanda - May 25, 2008 5:03 PM
I love how all the jealous women on here----who know they could never look HALF as good as her ---- are putting her down. Jealousy really doesn't look good on you ladies!
And the men, okay I get that you hate you aren't f*cking her----
but her Husband, ugly as he may be, has more money then ALL of you guys put together.
107. Mary - June 8, 2008 8:31 PM
What brand are here sunglasses? I love them! Pucci maybe??
108. Mary - June 8, 2008 8:31 PM
What brand are her sunglasses? I love them! Pucci maybe??