Apr 18 2008'My Beautiful Mommy' teaches kids about plastic surgery!

FIRST to say maybe they can teach little girls to sew up their foul cuntholes

You are, without a doubt, the funniest motherfucker on the internet. Your humor NEVER ceases to make me laugh out loud. LOVE your site.

Salzhauer got the idea for a book after noticing that women were coming into his office with their kids in tow."

Okay soccer moms, here's tip number one: if you can't afford a babysitter for a few hours while you have a plastic surgery consult, THEN YOU CANNOT AFFORD NEW TITS. Sorry if your husband's eye is wandering now that your assets are starting to sag, but if you wanted to keep your man, maybe you should've learned to suppress that gag reflex a little better.

Why don't you go fuck yourself on imanassholewhoneedstobekilledrightnow.com

FAT FAT FAT
ALL WOMEN ARE FAT
that seems to be the theme of this site

You have to love just how good smashing the plastic surgeon is portaryed in that book , I wonder how Salzhauer views himself

OK, nothing funny to even say this is just frightening.

If a woman has the audacity to live and love life as a small breasted female, she is mocked for having tiny tits.

If a woman takes notice of this and buys her self larger tatas to get the guys attention, she is moked for being fake.

If a woman is born with larger mammaries she is harrassed through puberty by the most cretinous of the male gender and when she is finally old enough to demand respect, she is mocked as those large breasts begin to sag.

What to men want? I am beginning to think one of those lifesize silicon sex dolls with the Double D cup and removable anal, vaginal and mouth orafices to allow cleaning and sterilization.

Poor women. We just want real men.

Oh - about the book? Me thinks this guy just got a LOT of free advertisement and will have a boon year remaking women into barbies.

Hey #8
Why dont you go post that shit on someone's page that gives a shit, like NOW's
You'll grow a mustache and sprout shoulder pads in no time!

I laughed out loud in my office when i read this. F'n hilarious. thank you superficial writer

Mommy, why do you sleep with so many different men?

Because daddy is a liberal pussy who would rather drink wine and talk about the French with other liberal pussys while they tounge each others anus. Mommy needs it from a real man.

Oh, ok. Is that why daddy is crying out in his Prius?

Yes honey.

An excerpt from my new book: Urkle's guide to not letting your daughter marry a faggot liberal.

Thats some pretty good material right there....good work

Mommy? Why is there no food or running water in the house? "Oh remember when I went to that nice doctor and got those new boobs? Well, now mommy can't afford any of her bills and we're about to lose the house. But on the plus size my tits look great don't they little Billy?"

Seriously, most people who get plastic surgery don't have the means to do so, and the family does suffer. Ridiculous.

#11. Like we're twins. Ok maybe not, but we were on the same path. lol

#11 Are you fucking serious?

Mommy, why do you not sleep with daddy anymore?

Because daddy is a stupid racist redneck hick who comes home shit-faced every night, and rapes mommy while crushing her with his massive hairy beer gut.

I wrote a Dr. Suess book about my exploits with hookers called "Horton Hears A Ho".

hopefully this will teach little girls that there's nothing wrong with want to look good your husband, and little boys that it's important to set your standards high.
Thanks to this Americans are some of the sexiest, thinnest, most attractive people on earth.
God Bless us and TCLTC

"Well baby, some people are born with small penises and others with small brains. Some people both. We call them Republican.
I am sorry your education has been compromised as we are now so in debt that, well funds had to be slashed and taxes raised to pay for the war that your Daddy died fighting. So mommy has to feed you powdered milk and artificial potatoes again sweety. Now drink your ketchup soda"

You are practically Dr. Fucking Suess....

.

#8 heyjeer, the problem is that the stupidest guys are also the loudest, so we remember the morons much better than the decent chaps who remained silent, and we get this feeling of permanent criticism
Your remark about big tits through puberty is hilarious !

Both my mommies are tight

I got way better titles:

Holy Shit, Mommy, What Happened to Your Boobies?!

Your Face Just Looks Different, Not Better, Mommy

Mom, Getting Kim Kardashian's Ass Won't Bring Dad Back

Thanks For Wiping Out My College Fund, Mom, Hope Your New Tits Are Worth It

#22 LOL at LL, especially the second one!!

I weep for this country. Not really, but we're in a boatload of trouble. Oil prices, all-time high, dollar all-time low, gold all-time high, gas prices all-time high, debt all-time high, contitutional rights all-time low, fake tits surgeries all-time high, trade deficit all-time high. I'm horney... not an all-time high, but that is more difficult to measure.

Anyone who can vote Republican after these last 7 1/2 years is either in the the top one percent of income earners of a complete dumb fuck.

Definitely a good post. This is why I come here.

So Mrs. Jones, I see we will be doing little Susie's nose in a few years, too. She looks just like you. You can take advantage of my pre-pay option and get the 2008 nose job rate in 2018.

I'm a generous guy.

I hope there is a whole chapter explaining mommy's new taters

1- You're an awful human being for talking about young girls like that. Either you are an inbred north African Muslim who is afraid of women or you have a lame, fucked up sense of humor.

As for those who promote plastic surgery, god help you. I'd rather be a crazy granny with tits down to my knees than an empty avarice who's name rhymes with heidi montag. dead serious.

That said, making fun of fat people still rocks.

"Mommy, why did Dr. Salzhauer give Hillary Clinton a penis?"

Dear M. Nipolian,

The penis I gave to Hillary was a transplant after she Bobitted Bill for the Monica Lewinsky dress incident. She wanted to make sure she knew where it was at all times. Plus it went with her two gigantic balls.

Props to #8. Enough said.

Applause sir. This is some funny ass blogging. thanks for keeping this site tasteless, dirty and vulgar. Just how i like my women.

Mr. Rackhabbit,

Please stick to reading and not posting. If you want a second opinion, just ask everyone else.

AWESOME FISH! funny shit!

When are all of these dumb bitches going to get it?

BIG FAKE TITS SUCK!

Give me small, real titties any day of the week.

Mmmmm....small, hot tits.

Why are gas prices so high? Liberals wont let us drill for our own oil. Don't want to upset the animals.
Why is food so expensive? Liberals are making us use corn for fuel instead of food.
Why are we still in Iraq? Liberals wont let us win the war the way we used to: by killing the enemy. Now we have to "understand them".
Why was my sister almost killed by a drunk driving illegal immagrant? Because liberals want to give them amnesty.

I did my time in Iraq so fuck off.

The French Quarter was not touched by Hurricane Katrina and is still beautiful. Bourban Street is a small part of the architecture, history, art and culture of the vieux carre.

I'm just sayin'...

http://nielsenhayden.com/makinglight/archives/010154.html#010154

For the first 6 years of Bush's presidency, the Republicans had the White House and majorities in the Senate, House of Representatives, Supreme Court (in terms of conservative votes on cases), and state houses (governorships) across the entire country. So how, exactly, are they not responsible for the current situation? All liberals did was complain. They've been completely ineffective. They got the majority in congress recently and did...what? Stop the war? Restore civil liberties suspended after 9/11? What? They've done NOTHING. They plan to do NOTHING because they want things as crappy as hell up to this fall's election, figuring they'll expand their majority in congress and take the White House. Then they'll be forced to do something (but...they won't).

But right now, it's all on the party that had total control for years - a majority plus no threat of vetos. Enjoy what they created.

#24

I agree Ted.

#24

I agree Ted.

holy hell, really? i read about this on celebrity prayer list and thought they were messin with me! i guess they mean well... right?

Back in my day we actually had lives with real people that weren't surgically altered for no real reason!!

# 24 I agree Ted.
But from your comments I actually thought you were more horny last month.
(....not that it matters really)

You said it so beautifuly # 8. Women in America need to be confident in who they are as a person. Fake boobs, faces and now rear ends are repulsive and phoney. Just be real!
PS I also feel the same way about men having plastic surgery which is becoming more and more common. Just say NO!

You said it so beautifuly # 8. Women in America need to be confident in who they are as a person. Fake boobs, faces and now rear ends are repulsive and phoney. Just be real!
PS I also feel the same way about men having plastic surgery which is becoming more and more common. Just say NO!

A few commenters above have suggested (or stated clearly) that a woman with small breasts will not get attention from guys.

WRONG. As an average guy, let me say that you can look terrific and have small breasts. It's that overall womanly shape that we love and you don't get that from having silly balloons bolted onto your chest. And when I have been intimate with a woman with breast implants, it was a distraction and a turn-off.

We love your bodies and your faces when they are REAL. Please do NOT get breast implants.

Admittedly, we want you to stay in shape. And be upbeat. Be nice. You will meet a good guy.

haha i wanna buy YOUR book mr superficial - it sounds fuckin awesome

#39 can u plz keep the fucking retarded posts to urself? ur supposed to post comments about the ARTICLE!

UH thanks

laughin my fuckin ass of at "my drunk as shit daddy" when does it come out?
is their a book signing?OMG!

Do you know "S e e k i n g R i c h . c o m "?On "S e e k i n g R i c h . c o m ",there are many beautiful girls and handsome,rich men,and so many video stars.All of them want to make more friends on that website,but many of them want to find their lover on "S e e k i n g R i c h . c o m ".If you are single now,you must go to that site.

#11 They White Urkle - Absolute friggin' genius.

#15 boboted - faggot liberal anus-tongueing prius-driving french-loving hippy douchebag.

Superfish are we brother and sister 'cause it sounds like we had the same Daddy.

guys, you gotta stop thinking your wife's vag will somehow be ruined by giving birth..... they usually end up figuring out how all the muscles work in there, and after birth will really be able to satisfy! (or maybe my giant-ass head baby had nothing to do with it) - either way, you are just revealing your ignorance / insecurities! come on guys, I don't mean to sound like a 'pussy', but if you'd just listen to what she wants for half a sec, I swear you can not only (easily) satisfy her, but you will also be a satisfied, happy man!
of course, it took me to 36 to figure that out!

My beautiful Mommy. My hopeless, fucked up country. 'nuff said.

They White Urkle,

Will you marry me?
Smart men are hard to find.

~Hot and Intellectual in NY

#39,
There is nothing worse than pussified, liberal, prius driving, tree hugging, envirowacko, pacifist douchebags who've no idea how economics, politics or foreign policy works.
Die, you wanna-be hippy, kumbaya singing f*&ktards. Die.

lol 56. Apparently the "heartland/right wing fringe" are unable to disagree with people in a courteous manner, and revert to juvenile grade school ad hominem attacks. wonderful! You're a credit to your party, sir or madam.

They can't be young enough!!

This is way more positive than that "Your Mommas Fucking Ugly as Sin" book that came out a while back.

Hey 56. No need to call you names. You fuckers are sooooo over. Why don't you do us all a favor and suck on the gas pipe of that big-ass SUV of yours. Dumb bitch. I'm not calling you a name, by the way. It's a simple fact.

#17,

you said: Thanks to this Americans are some of the sexiest, thinnest, most attractive people on earth.

Why then every research done says that Americans are suffering of most problems with over-weight? 65 percent of american population has a BMI over 25( is over-weighted), that means 1/3.

Thinnest indeed. For example 2000 over-weigted people were estimated to cost to the country over 117 million dollars.

That's attractive!

Stupid whore women.

Great entry... as per usual... the only thing is that the French Quarter IS NOT ugly/flooded/useless. How do I know? Cause I live there. It's awesome. Perhaps giving birth to you left your mom's vagina like California after the wildfire season? Africa in a drought? the NYC Subway? Iraq? Any of the above sound good? Great. Now I have to get back to fighting evil with nothing but my pinky finger and a rubber band.

Some of you are hilarious! It's truly amazing that you're calling people who believe the future isn't in oil stupid and dumb. Please take a mirror and stick just two little post-its there, the fact it's a pollutant (toxic, bad for your health, people get respiratory difficulties like asthma) and perhaps, for you, the most compelling argument is that it's non renewable (i.e. its going to be gone soon and you can't MAKE the stuff). Because of some idiots who preferred to wait for all the oil to be gone before looking for alternatives (and of course who got lots and lots of money from the big oil companies to prevent any swaying to better energy sources), issues WILL arise, wait till people start stealing fuel, YOUR tank (already happening in England in small towns). So all you idiots complaining about Fuel being too expensive, sell your big SUVs, get cars which consumes less, better yet get an electrical car, in the long run it'll come cheaper, because the oil prices are high? Well they're going to keep doing that till you're whole salary will go towards paying for a tank of it! Because what's rare is never going to get cheaper my friends - w a k e u p -

Plastic surgery humor http://plasticsergeant.com/home/plastic-surgery-humor