Mar 24 2008Kevin Federline turns 30, gets super-retarded
Kevin Federline is officially over the hill and celebrated this weekend at Pure in Las Vegas. He got totally K-shitfaced and made an ass out of himself in front of his friends/people who want his sweet Britney money, according to The Sun:
Swigging Jack Daniels, he partied all night to some of his favourite tunes, and was presented with a cake at midnight - which pals decided to smear all over his face.
At one point Kev grabbed a microphone and told the crowd: "I lost my voice at the craps tables and I lost all my money."
In a surprising twist to his long drawn out custody battle, Kevin actually lost both of the kids in a game of craps. Their new father is a hobo who drunkenly found $20 in a gutter outside. A true Cinderella story. Anyway, he lives in an old scrap heap so, finally, Sean and Jayden will know the joy of a safe home. *sniff* Dreams do come true...
NOTE: I included a video (after the jump) the guys and gals at the Fresno Bee whipped up to celebrate the K-Fed's birthday. Apparently, he's a native of Fresno and those people love gold diggers. Just love 'em!
Thanks to Heather who I hope one day will move up to the Denver Praying Mantis: A Fine Metropolitan Newspaper that I Just Made Up.
RELATED STORIES
Reader Comments
1. Jimbo - March 24, 2008 11:56 AM
Who gives a shit!!
2. Tammy - March 24, 2008 11:59 AM
Ew K.Fed's gross.
3. nipolian - March 24, 2008 12:01 PM
Kevin Federline gets super-retarded.........boy there's a hard one to imagine.
4. hollywood_hillbilly - March 24, 2008 12:06 PM
No wonder the reek of no-talent and the vacuum of desperation were stronger than usual around caesar's palace.
5. Sambo the Ass Pirate - March 24, 2008 12:09 PM
'gets' retarded? he was married to her for years.
6. Auntie Kryst - March 24, 2008 12:10 PM
It's a shame he's gambling his childrens' DeVry college fund.
7. Jimbo - March 24, 2008 12:18 PM
@6 Auntie, I think DeVry is a stretch for those kids. I think they will be lucky to get into the Bryman school..
8. nipolian - March 24, 2008 12:22 PM
AK - Do you really think those kids are going to be able to pass the entrance exam for DeVry........I believe that it consists of being able to print your first and last name. It's a long shot, but I wish them well.
9. Valley_Girl - March 24, 2008 12:22 PM
Umm, wow. I live in Fresno and as sad as it is to admit - that's pretty representative of the city. Wanna-be gang-bangers, snaggle tooth hookers and really bad comedians......it's a wonder Federline ever left. I guess you really never leave home.
10. Sierra - March 24, 2008 12:24 PM
that cake looks DELICIOUS
11. Harry Ballzack - March 24, 2008 12:28 PM
Impossible - He's already Super Retarded
12. Jimbo - March 24, 2008 12:28 PM
@9 The place worse than being from Fresno, is being from Sanger. That is where all of my relatives are from..
13. nipolian - March 24, 2008 12:30 PM
#9 - Since when did Fresno become part of the San Fernando Valley?
14. FRIST!!! - March 24, 2008 12:33 PM
Wow. It's only 9:30 in the morning and there's already 5 posts? Guess meth is really working out for the fish dude..
15. luna - March 24, 2008 12:34 PM
his diamond earrings are fake hahahaha what a toss bag
16. Elliot_Spitz_On_Her - March 24, 2008 12:35 PM
There's gotta be a "cream on the face/ gay haircut" joke in here somewhere...
17. Randel - March 24, 2008 12:46 PM
He has done very well for himself. His style of music is very origional and powerful. I believe he will do................ ah, fuck it. It's really hard to be a Randel troll..
18. Sambo the Ass Pirate - March 24, 2008 1:26 PM
lmfao @ 17
19. Grunion - March 24, 2008 1:28 PM
#8 Sorry but those kids are destined for Hollywood Upstairs Medical College. bet on it.
20. Betho - March 24, 2008 1:32 PM
Am I the only one that thinks that cake looks like someone bled all over it?
21. FRIST!!! - March 24, 2008 1:33 PM
#17 epecially when you don't even know how to spell his name..
22. sherry - March 24, 2008 1:52 PM
come on the best stories will be when the boys write their tell all books...
23. valley_girl - March 24, 2008 2:05 PM
#12 - You're right. If S.F. is the asshole of California - Sanger is the armpit.
#13 - Since never, dumb ass.
24. nipolian - March 24, 2008 2:45 PM
Geez #23......no need for the hostilities......I was merely making a reference to your name......you know the 1983 film with Nicholas Cage.....You stated that you live in Fresno, however your name refers to someone that lives in the San Fernando Valley, if I'm not mistaken.
25. granada - March 24, 2008 3:42 PM
I don't think the white stuff is cake...
26. Pixie - March 24, 2008 3:42 PM
I bet he's sporting one of those Captain Kirk girdles to reign in that massive gut of his.
27. Elena - March 24, 2008 3:44 PM
Believe it or not, San Fernando is not the only valley in California.
28. Randal - March 24, 2008 3:46 PM
Congratulations! 30 is considered the new 20 and KFed certainly knows how to play the part, looking as sharp as he does. Talk about styling! That suit owns.
Randal
29. NY Ted - March 24, 2008 4:03 PM
Happy 30th B-Day K-Fed you fucking leech!
We should all be so lucky if it is the fucking vampires LAST!
30. Alright! - March 24, 2008 4:37 PM
Randal...you are a douchebag.
Seriously, why would anybody try to troll crotch lice like Randal? The original is entertaining enough for a while, and then it just gets sad.
31. The Laughing God - March 24, 2008 5:20 PM
#19 Medical Collage?! The only way they are getting into ANY Medical Collage is with a tag on their big toe.
32. tiffanyyy - March 24, 2008 5:26 PM
Ok...im from fresno and NOBODY gives a shit about this loser...and yea we all want the money so we can leave this shit hole of valley life..
33. valley_girl - March 24, 2008 5:36 PM
#24 - Sorry, but the fact is I have 4 kids (not all mine) under the age of 8 in my house today and I had to take it out on someone. And since I can't hit them - I lashed out at you. So, while I don't or have I ever lived in the San Fernando Valley (they won't allow me because of my thighs) - it's for the San Joaquin Valley. That's the San Fernando Valley's ugly red headed step-sister.
34. Alright! - March 24, 2008 6:05 PM
#33.
It's all good. Take out your hostilities on Randal, though. He's an asswipe who needs a good smacking.
35. Heather - March 24, 2008 6:35 PM
Valley Girl, this apparently speaks more to the company you keep than Fresno in general:
"Umm, wow. I live in Fresno and as sad as it is to admit - that's pretty representative of the city. Wanna-be gang-bangers, snaggle tooth hookers and really bad comedians......it's a wonder Federline ever left. I guess you really never leave home."
The people who appear in this video are all performers, entrepreneurs, professionals, newscasters and good old fashioned working stiffs - the real people who make up Fresno.
However, I give you props for schooling a bunch of idiots on there being more than one Valley in our great state.
36. nipolian - March 24, 2008 6:57 PM
#35 - Everyone (except maybe Randal) knows that there is more than one valley in California. The reference was to the MOVIE that came out in the early 1980's not California's actual geography. Ehh fuck it.......nevermind.
37. nipolian - March 24, 2008 7:09 PM
BTW - Refering to California as a great state is kinda like refering to Paris Hilton as a great piece of ass.
38. Mary - March 24, 2008 10:08 PM
Everyone knows a gentleman does not match his pocket square EXACTLY with his tie pattern! Geez louise!
39. jason - March 24, 2008 10:17 PM
This guy is cute. but i want to know why someone said on yahoo that they saw him before on a celebrity onaire dating site called
WealthyLoves.c o m.
40. Valley_Girl - March 24, 2008 10:26 PM
Heather - you need to be schooled as well. Entertainers? Newscasters? I saw a woman whose job was to find out more about Federline. Wow, call up 60 minutes and let 'em know what they're missing. . I didn't see any local entertainers but it could be that I'm one of those "working class stiffs" who's just too busy supporting all of the welfare recipients in this city to know who they are.
41. Elena - March 24, 2008 10:55 PM
Valley girl, you can always pack your duffle bags and head for the hills. Noboby'd notice...not even the loads of welfare recipients. i'm sure there aren't any of THOSE in the HILLS.
YAY FRESNO! ha.
42. MonkeyMan777 - March 25, 2008 12:57 AM
Nasty skanky white trash lack of beard growth. If you can't grow it without looking like a 14 year old trying to get enough to shave don't grow facial hair.
And on another thought:
Since Kevin (K) = Shit
Shouldn't the phrase "he got K-shitfaced" just be "he got K-faced'?
43. UhOh - March 25, 2008 11:03 AM
Does he only own one damn suit?
44. Grunion - March 25, 2008 11:24 AM
#31 Dr. Nick Riviera reference. try Wiki