Mar 3 2008Jennifer Lopez blesses us lowly mortals with her children's names
One week after her children's birth, Jennifer Lopez has decided that we, the little people, are worthy to know the names of her progeny. If you haven't heard them yet, then you are in for a rare treat. Brace and humble thyself. The children's names are: Max and Emme! *gasp* And, even better, TMZ points out they're totally ripped from a PBS show about kids who hang out with dragons! Yay! And, also, WTF!?:
The show is made to help children learn life lessons through the sibling's adventures, and mixes in Spanish language to promote a bilingual experience for the audience.
Being the intrepid reporter that I am, I scoped out Dragon Tales. All I have to say is Jesus, what are they teaching kids these days? In a nutshell, Emmy and Max have the worst documented case of ADD ever and constantly jet off to "Dragon Land" to kill time. I mean, whatever happened to huffing aerosol? I guess it's not "cool" for today's three to eight-year-old demographic. Stupid elitists; they don't know what they're missing. *huffs can of Axe* Yeah, that's the molasses. Now I see dragons and reek of desperation. If I were PBS, I wouldn't even get out of bed today. You just got P double owned, son!
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Reader Comments
1. samuel - March 3, 2008 1:10 AM
I hate JLo the First!!
2. mediokra - March 3, 2008 1:13 AM
Yeeeaaaaah! Dragon babiezzz
3. Father of Dos - March 3, 2008 1:17 AM
I won't let me kids watch Dragon Tails. For one, the dragons IQ's seem like they are in the single digits and the "siblings" in the show act a lot like that brother and sister you knew growing up that you assumed fooled around with each other.
Oh yeah.. because there are spells involved on the show... probably satanic.
4. Courtney - March 3, 2008 1:17 AM
what is up with all of the celebrity's naming their sons MAX???
5. shimmy - March 3, 2008 1:24 AM
shes tryin to pull off the sexy, flirty-eyed mouth-half-open look. aaaand she fails.
6. SaraDevil - March 3, 2008 1:29 AM
Too bad it wasn't Mad Max from beyond the ThunderDome. She could pull of Tina Turner with that hair.
7. SaraDevil - March 3, 2008 1:30 AM
Too bad it wasn't Mad Max from beyond the ThunderDome. She could pull of Tina Turner with that hair.
8. cookie monsta - March 3, 2008 1:38 AM
can\'t believe she's not going with "DUMB" and "DUMBER" for her kids names....
9. Osko - March 3, 2008 1:39 AM
She looks like she's about to sneeze.
10. sharpeidude - March 3, 2008 1:46 AM
From the looks of the space alien Dad they should named them "Zoldod" and "Rimnon".
11. 23apples - March 3, 2008 2:24 AM
Why did these two adults even know about Dragon Tales? That, to me, is the creepiest part. Unless you already have kids watching PBS, you shouldn't be.
12. Alicef - March 3, 2008 2:31 AM
she was said to be found by her fans on a celebrity and millionaire dating site named "Marry Millionaire DOT com".. but it's not confirmed by her yet
13. bbw_becky - March 3, 2008 2:45 AM
Many photos about her was posted on http://plusmingle.com - the famous big people online club
14. bbw_becky - March 3, 2008 2:46 AM
Many photos about her was posted on http://plusmingle.com - the famous big people online club
15. khe0ps - March 3, 2008 3:09 AM
J'Lo? I think u mean Miss Piggy ...
16. sweet - March 3, 2008 3:24 AM
could have been more creative
17. shane - March 3, 2008 4:52 AM
What is it with pregnant Latinas and their noses spreading? It happened to Lopez, Aguilera, and now Alba.
18. Feed It Fast - March 3, 2008 5:33 AM
It looks hungry and mean.
19. Arguman - March 3, 2008 6:06 AM
Fat, greedy JLo and her whoring of her few days old kids is all you have for us aver three days?? come on now! :(
20. Abdo - March 3, 2008 6:23 AM
really..superfish sucks so as his comments..
respect people..have some respect for the woman and her children.
21. jennifer lopez' ugly kid on the right - March 3, 2008 6:41 AM
Shane, that's where babies come out of.
22. sidv - March 3, 2008 6:47 AM
What a beauty! I haven't seen a look this natural and fresh faced since RuPaul.
23. absolute - March 3, 2008 7:09 AM
Mmmm, good for them. I saw her husband's profile on millionaire&celeb dating site "WealthyRomance.com" last week. I am wondering what kind of relationship he is looking for on that site.
24. Amber Dextrose - March 3, 2008 7:13 AM
She ruvvery lady.
I not often see her profile on celebricky dating website smallminge.com any more. I can't fin why, they love her lawn time there. Apparently.
25. Amber Dextrose - March 3, 2008 7:16 AM
Has anyone else noticed that "Vintage Inspired" cat wallet ad pic looks like a big black cock when you scroll down quickly? Bit NSFW!
26. Racer X - March 3, 2008 8:04 AM
I would've went with Xamot & Tomax.
/too obscured?
27. Johnny - March 3, 2008 8:12 AM
She should've named them Oscar & Emmy because that's the only way she'll get either.
28. ReggiefukinBUSH - March 3, 2008 8:17 AM
She had a nose job?
29. downthere - March 3, 2008 8:33 AM
WTF IS UP WITH HER NOSE?? its like all her pregnancy fat went all there into her nose. lol she must feel really ugly. i wonder how you lose the fat off your nose................
30. fatso - March 3, 2008 8:37 AM
um, she looks like a cow. i get the feeling her career is kind of over.
31. 3o'm - March 3, 2008 8:44 AM
Heh, nice originality on their part. I'm sure the kids will love the fact that their parents have predestined them to become dragon nerds!
32. CelebritySurgery.net - March 3, 2008 8:49 AM
Oh my god JLO's nose is getting bigger and bigger and bigger. She's turning into a lockness monster!
http://CelebritySurgery.net
33. juniper - March 3, 2008 8:52 AM
My kid used to tortur.. I mean.. watch that show with me. Suicide never looked so appealing...
34. RichPort - March 3, 2008 8:53 AM
I hear she was gonna name them rice and beans, but then got hungry and forgot.
35. Chauncey Gardner - March 3, 2008 9:05 AM
How about "Speedy" and "Slow-Poke"? Oh, wait - that's "Rodriguez"!
36. sb - March 3, 2008 9:12 AM
Doing makeup on a nose like that takes an extra 20 minutes of shading and contouring and highlighting. And you still look like you've got a big flat nose , but now it's 3 different shades as well.
37. RichPort - March 3, 2008 9:15 AM
She has that sexy "do I smell pork chops?" look in her eyes again...
38. yoli - March 3, 2008 9:20 AM
Great now I can sleep again !!!! WTF is wrong with this biotch? Is this supposed to be a mini series produced by Jlo productions. every week the Ego machine is spitting out more info on these kids. GO AWAY ALREADY LIKE YOU PROMISED. PLEEEEAASE !!!!
39. Auntie Kryst - March 3, 2008 9:21 AM
I wonder if they will hire an anglo nanny?
40. Sex Nuts & Retard Strong - March 3, 2008 9:24 AM
I'm a little disappointed this site hasn't covered the more important news on JLo, and that is that the titty fairy arrived. For too many years her CTAR was way off (for you non-physicians, that's Chest To Ass Ratio). Hopefully now her boobs are bigger, which means better. Granted, to be proportional to her ass they'd have to be the size of Humvee, but still, any improvement is good. Betcha she bitch-slaps that skinny wimp of a husband of hers every time he tries to touch them. She looks angry. Then again, angry sex is good. Very good.
41. mw - March 3, 2008 9:31 AM
@38
Making fun of celebrities is one thing, but accusing J-Lo of cannibalism is going too far. Have you no sense of decency?
42. D. Richards (Grip.) - March 3, 2008 9:31 AM
Many people aren't aware but the name Max, in Spanish, is a literal translantion for a dog's bowel movement.
43. Son-of D. Richards - March 3, 2008 9:32 AM
Translation*
44. boo - March 3, 2008 10:15 AM
Other than the stupid spammers, just about every comment has cracked me up. I have to get off this site so I can drink my coffee without choking every 10 seconds.
45. bonner - March 3, 2008 10:42 AM
JBlo? cant someone ship'er back to portorico or whatevr the fuck shes from? she's beyond nauseating. shes gross, gross, gross. a rat with a wig on, bleahhhhhhhhhhhhh
46. ice dragon - March 3, 2008 10:53 AM
She looks like the classic crack whore.
47. Pfftt - March 3, 2008 11:27 AM
What is it with pregnant Latinas and their noses spreading? It happened to Lopez, Aguilera, and now Alba.
LMFAO!!! ^5
48. Pfftt - March 3, 2008 11:27 AM
What is it with pregnant Latinas and their noses spreading? It happened to Lopez, Aguilera, and now Alba.
LMFAO!!! ^5
49. Pfftt - March 3, 2008 11:27 AM
What is it with pregnant Latinas and their noses spreading? It happened to Lopez, Aguilera, and now Alba.
LMFAO!!! ^5
50. Zanna - March 3, 2008 11:49 AM
@38 - see, now I thought that look kind of said, "My chancletas are too fucking tight"
51. ApacheRose - March 3, 2008 11:50 AM
#3,
"There are spells, probably satanic"
Thanks for informing the world that you are, in fact, an idiot. Do a little research before you make such moronic statements.
Dragon Tales is annoying, yes, but hardly satanic.
52. adoe - March 3, 2008 2:14 PM
Dragon Tales don't teach Spanish!!!! That's Dora...get it straight, dammit
53. New York City Puerto Ricans - March 3, 2008 3:25 PM
Let's have a parade!
54. Jamie's Uterus - March 3, 2008 4:27 PM
I'm surprised she didn't name one of they Jay, and the other one Lo?
Her ego is so huge, it would not surprise me. I was also expecting her to name them Jose and Maria, after THE Joseph and Mary.
Next we'll see this vile disgusting bitch on the cover of Parents Magazine, and Ladies Home Journal, talking about how great it is to be a mother.
55. Loranus - March 3, 2008 4:33 PM
BOOOOOORRRRRRRIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNGGGGG!!!!
Come on JLo.
Ahhh geeez all this wait for yet another Max and Emme.
Thanks I'm thrilled!
:-(
56. extracheeseplease - March 3, 2008 6:13 PM
A more fitting set of names would have been Selena and Abraham-QUINTANILLA. Without either of those two people she'd still be "the fat flygirl" and not some self-important Bride of Skeletor. But maybe I'm just jealous because she oozes talent and beauty...
57. Jamie's Uterus - March 3, 2008 6:19 PM
You know #57...you are right, and I have said that so many time over the years. If that crazy woman didn' t shoot Selena in the back and kill her, J-Lo would of never had a career.
Damn her!
58. byme - March 3, 2008 9:01 PM
omg!!! gorda desormada con cara de intento sexy ascoooo
59. Genx - March 4, 2008 1:30 AM
TO ALL THE HATERS.....AND LOOSER’S........................ All you people are sick, you need to get a life and stop all these negative comments about Jennifer Lopez. The women is pregnant with TWINS and still manages to look BEAUTIFUL. And by the way she is very BRAVE, since most actresses in her condition will go in hiding afraid of what others might say. SHE IS BEAUTIFUL….AND YOUR WORDS WONT BREAK HER DOWN ...YOU CANT HURT HER CAUSE SHE IS BEATIFUL NO MATTER WHAT YOU SAY ...and her babies will be beautiful too.
60. herpesdating - March 4, 2008 2:10 AM
She is a cute woman. Many fans of her created a galler of her on a site ~~~ stdpal.com~~~~. She helped 5 herpes girls on this site last year. And she said she will helped more users in this year on this site
61. moses - March 4, 2008 3:40 AM
To be a rich actress... SHE NEVER KNOWS HOW TO DRESS!!!
But I just saw her profiles on a celebrity and millionaire dating site called myrichmatch.com. Don't know if it is her.
62. Laura - March 4, 2008 5:09 AM
I believe Emma is one of the top baby names in the US right now. Very creative of them.
63. Marlene - March 4, 2008 11:58 AM
In Estonian Emme means mommy :)
64. Night - March 5, 2008 2:33 AM
Too bad she was not watching Sponge Bob rather than Dragon Tales!! Wouldn't it be super cute to name the kids Squidward and Patrick!! ..or even Mr Krabs for the boy...and Plankton for the girl..
65. kel - March 6, 2008 12:37 AM
Whatthefuckever.Who really gives a damn about these hollywood bitches and their spawn
66. angie f baby - March 7, 2008 12:37 AM
wow !
i wonder what their babies are gonna look like.
with marc being so grotesquely "handsome" with his reptilic face and all..
67. U-Know-It! - March 20, 2008 7:03 PM
Man, I hope those critters don't get the daddy's dark circles around their eyes, or his swollen nostril...YUUUUCK-O!!!! Homeboy is Fuuuug-LY!!! Fu fu fu fu fu fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuGly! He must have a massive tweety bird or his wallet is what does it for J.Ho, I mean...JLO!