Feb 29 2008Scarlett Johannson will date you for charity (Pity sex not included)

piezz of AZZZ! daaaaoooommmm...

First you big muffin headed penises.

Boobies!!

Now here we have yet another fine cause, as was the case in the previous posting of Kim helping the needy.

I certainly believe that the ebay auction will bring in a lot of money for the charity, which only makes it a great cause.

Hopefully, more celebrities will follow suit.

date rape and restraining order coming soon.

Performace art: I win the date with Scarlett because, drug her with roofies, and sodomize her with a two inch thick wooden dowel.

Backing music? Yep, you guessed it, The Swans.

My maximum bid is $19.99

I'll do it, but only if I can punch her instead of going on a date.

Whatever, the pity sex would be on my part for this horse face. I bid
negative 1 million dollars, pay up bitch and you can take me to dinner, liquor me up and maybe get a pity boob squeeze out of me.

What a scam! Like she'd pay any attention to you at all on your "date". Pay lots of money to be ignored like toilet paper on the bottom of her shoe. But if I won, all that would change when she feels the nose of the gun up against her ribs. "Oh, yes, Scarlett? Tits are on the menu tonight after all? Wonderful! ..."

Cleavage for Jeebus!! I feel my holy rod getting ready to do some wrath of God type stuff to her. Grrr...

The only part about this that sucks is that some rich nerd (who is only rich because he saves on rent living in mommy's basement) is going to win, spend the evening staring at her love mounds, then go home and wack off furiously while watching anime porno or a buns of steel video. What a waste. After seeing my biblically proportioned holy rod she'd be more than willing to have an immaculate reception, then go all religious...oh god...oh god...oh god...

Sounds like a great deal, pay a ton of cash to look at some chick posing all night. Nah.
Now if she wants to stick on a pair of jeans and come have a few beers we may have a deal. But she's paying - cos I into equality and all that shit.

The thing is, on the night of your big date, she's going to have a giant pimple on her left breast, in the middle in the cleavage area. You'll spend the whole night trying not to look at it, but it makes it even harder to not look at her tits and she keeps catching you. But you're disgusted, not turned on, so when she says condescendingly "my eyes are up here, buddy" you blurt out "I didn't know dolphins got whiteheads" and suddenly she's back in 5th grade. What I'm saying is, it'd all be worth it.

her head looks strangely huge in those last few pics

She'd be hot if it weren't for her weird mummy-seahorse-fishface. She always looks like she tried to squeeze her head between a couple of bars, like the senator guy in X-MEN. Also, she looks like someone who suffers from anal leakage.

What a fucking ugly cow. Seriously, if this is not overrated, I don't know what is. The only thing she's got going for herself are her boobs just because they're bigger than average, they aren't even that good, she knows it, that's why she keeps pimping them out and showing them off, because she knows otherwise no one would look at her.

Throw in a donkey punch and dirty sanchez and I am so totally in. Now that would be worth a 401K clearance.

She's be hot if it wasn't for her weird mummy-seahorse-fishface and eyes that look in two directions. She always looks like she tried to squeeze her head between a couple of iron bars, like that senator guy in X-MEN. Also, she looks like somebody who would suffer from anal leakage.

Goddamn double-posting! Fuck!

Mike,
You should bid on her. If you win, leave your goat at home. It will be good for your relationship to have some distance. I also recommend trying your peanut butter trick with Scarlett.

Fish, if you dare put up a Paris post before the weekend, I'll pay Rosanne Barr large sums of money to go sit on your face.

Oh man, this chick is ugly. There's some really desperate losers out there I guess. If you find this ugly cow hot, then what would you do if you saw a girl who's actually hot and pretty? Go insane?

her makeup looks great!

WTF? She'd have to pay ME to spendt through any time at all with this pinhead. You want tits? How about pairing them with a brain and a personality - then we're talking.

By the way, what has she ever done of consequence? Besides successfully reaching, puberty and all.

Fish, you do know you're going to hell for that blasphemous passage, right? That being said, she does have some nice cans.

Ted, that Peanut butter trick is yours. I can not take credit for that. I am sure your dog jumping up and down at the door when you get home from a hard day making burritos at Taco Bell and will be looking forward to his peanut butter treat.

I may just bid on a date with Scarlett Johannson. I think she would like a little ATM.

What's up with the fish and messing with the bible lately?..........geeze lay off already!

I laugh at you.
Horse face or no, she would be sodomized.
She has that classy hotness which makes you just know she's cry as the poop chute was rammed.

Super Fish....you're hella funny when you bag on the celebs...but stop raggin on God and Christianity.....please.

Damn Ted, you missed out. You could have bid on Larry the Cable guy. I am sure he has a little peanut butter for you to lick off.

#25,
Listen you goat fucker, that is your trick, not mine. Isn't it funny, you pound one nail and nobody calls you a carpenter, yet you fuck one goat and you're a goat fucker for life.

@30 And you let your dog lick peanut butter off your dick and you are a fag for life. Well, you were a fag long before you let your dog lick your balls.

Ted, I think it is time for you to turn that $19 special chair you got from Big Lots around, give your dog a little tongue and get out of the house for a few hours. Go down to the home bar you hang out at and show them how a real man does ATM.

@30, Sorry Ted that everyone call you the goat fucker.

She's ugly. Oh well, ugly compared to other famous people, average compared to people on the streets. Definitely there's nothing pretty or hot about this chick. If I saw her in person I wouldn't notice her, less would I turn my head to look twice at her if she wasn't famous. She looks like every uglish-average boring white female you see everywhere in North America. And that tattoo on her arm is as ugly as herself and her dress. The girl's tasteless.

Now after seeing the Kim Kardashian post before this one, the more I love dark haired dark eyed exotic brunnettes and the less I like blondes. Scarlett looks like absolute shit compared to Kim Kardashian and any exotic dark eyed dark haired brunnette hottie. I think hot dark eyed exotic brunnettes are taking over the world, beware blondes, the sterotype is turning the opposite, I've yet to see a blonde chick as hot as hot dark eyed dark haired exotic brunnettes.

Hey Ted, Have a good weekend you goat fucker!! I am off to fuck you mother. She told me she wanted a little ATM tonight (Ass to Ted's Mouth). Don't stay at the homo bar to late. Your mother worries about you.

Scarlett's been looking a little rough on the red carpet lately, which is a shame because she generally cleans up nicely.

The tattoo on her arm is positively abysmal.

no sex? then why even date?

/oh i see, cause she's famous with average looks.

no sex? then why even date?

/oh i see, cause she's famous with average looks.

GOD DAMMIT!

/i guess "refresh" to check for a previous post doesn't always work as planned.

Oh shut up about her face guys, it;s good enough and look at the boobs. God please let me win the lottery tomorrow, it's for charity! When she meets me there will be pity sex, she'd have to be evil not to offer it to a sad lonely virginal looking millionaire geek like me with an abnormally massive dong! (I'm a millionaire. I''l get penis injections)

OMG, I saw her profile with photos on BillionaireFriends.com, where celebrities and wealthy singles hook up. She feels lonely, doesn't she? Is she looking for a serious relationship or just for fun? Her ID there is ...I'll check it out again and keep you posted.

Oh my god! I just realized that Lifetime Alcoholic Hair and WhoreHair are the SAME THING! Thanks, Scarlett Johannson!

Oh fuck off u spammin cunts! When I win the lotto tomorrow I'll pay u more than u earn from billionairedouches.com to not spam here.

I'd hit that. It would be the best 30 seconds of my sad miserable life, but I'd hit it.

That'd be a pretty sweet title to carry around :

The Wingman of BIBLICAL proportions.

You would be knee deep in the ugly friends of all those shepherds daughters

I'd bid if that eBay bid could be a tax write-off. Other than that I'm not paying money so I could spend a night wishing I had just bid on Tina, the only clap-free prostitute over on Delaney St.

Nice pearly yellows!

Didn't Robot Chicken do this as a sketch, with ScarJo providing her voice?

Hey #40, I saw your profile on ragingassholes.com. I bet you're lonely, and by lonely I mean stump fucking stupid to think anyone thinks your posts are real. Here's a thought: shove your hand up your asshole until you reach pancreas, then yank hard.

Hey, bible-thumpers, chill out. I don't give a fuck if somebody jokes about one fucking book. What, is that the only one you read? Fucking retard losers. And for the record, all of Nazareth knew that Mary gave the best ATM (no, not the Magdalene slut).

I would TOTALY buy here JUST TO SUCK HER large BOOBS, lol!! and I'm a straght girl, I guess Natalie Portman and I have alot in common!!! Love HER BOOBs!!

great rack......busted face. She looks like she got slapped in the face by a donkey cock. Her nose, mouth and eyes look all fucked up. I'll pass

Sorry but where did her boobs go? They dropped like 3 sizes !!

@47 [Bettie]

Indeed they done did... then the horrid teamster voice kicked in :D

If you can't touch her boobs it isn't worth it, I don't mind not having sex but the date needs to be a "hands on" affair meaning my hands on her boobs for the entire night.

Dear God! Right now there's more blood in my dick than in the rest of my entire body.

hahahahah
2 Superficialonians 5:19

youre fucking hilarious man

lol lmaof hahaha ahhh nice one

Is that an exact quote from the Superficialionian Bible?

To GOSSIPgirl you aren't that straight, a completely hetero female wouldn't be that excited by Scarlett Jo's large boobs.

No-Pants-rusalem -- not funny.

Perhaps poonrusalem?

OK, I'm gonna go sell one of my kidneys now...

She's attractive but very odd looking at the same time, like Uma Thurman. You can tell they were ugly as kids. And, like a typical actress, her head is enormous.

link to auction

Christians - grow up. You already have caused us enough problems, and we normally don't complain, so just go back into your bedrooms and pray for some calm-down pills. If not I'll have to feed Jesus to the shredder again.

^J

Fuck the bible. Jesus was a bitch. God Himself greedily laps the butt juice from the underside of my testicles. If He can do it, so can you!

nice brrrrrrrr uhuhkhkgiyyeyfyjbkbkjbcfchgyty wtf i dibtfydyfi uid vcuncumc
dresss.: )

Surprised there's no 'Buy Now' link on her page. Screw the bidding, a leather jacket and a couple of beers and she's good to go.

She is a pretty woman. There are so many fans of her. And they set up the groups related to stars. You can even check out their sexy and beautiful photos, videos and blogs at Richsoulmate.com.

kudos to the scarlettis...
you can buy her
but...

you can't buy her
and if you try, we're going to give your money away to africa or whatever...

well done everyone... thats a wrap

yo nigs shut the hell up

thank god, she has a new stylist and is waring a dress that looks good on her for a change. That Portman girl almost destroyed her with that "pay off the stylist to make her look bad" ploy.

This is hilarious. I can't believe she would do this, being a big movie star and all. Who's bidding? I'd rather hang out with Natalie Portman.

Scarlett Johannson is SO UGLY, I really don't understand why so many people think she is hot. She has an ugly face.

tez = idiot

I have no idea who this lady is but I like the color of her dress. Pehaps her movie will come out on HBO soon. I have too many kids and foster kids and no time or money to go out but I got my HBO. And I am doing what I am suppose to do, raising resposible and respectful Americans with good self esteem and good education and fit healthy bodies. Sometimes I need to remind myself this when I start forgetting what is important.

As much as it would be nice to think a "date" would be part of the final prize package, you know it's nothing more than a "meet 'n' greet" bullshit thing in a hotel lobby somewhere. Like, "Hi, how are you?" "I'm great Ms. Johannsen, can you sign this butt plug for me?" "Sure, here you go. Anything else?" "Actually, Ms. Johannsen, I was hoping you'd --" "Oh, I have to go now, thanks for bidding eighty thousand dollars to go to a good cause!" "Uh...what?" And thirty seconds after meeting her, you'd be standing alone in the hotel lobby with a signed butt plug, wondering how you're going to pay off all that credit card debt.

you can see her too in suckmyballfuckingspamguys.com for sure there are pretty pictures too!

OMG!!! did you hear theres going to be a new season of Keeping Up With The Kardashians March 9th on E!. Its going to be so much better than last season. I wonder if Reggie Bush is going to be on it. Heres the links that you asked for. Check out the tushy game. see how many you can get right. I only got 3

http://www.eonline.com/on/shows/kardashians/tushygame/index.jsp.

http://www.eonline.com/on/shows/kardashians/index.jsp?sid=nav-shows

I hate to burst everyone's bubble, but you're not actually getting a date, just a meet & greet of like 10 seconds (no predefined amount of time because of Ms. Scarlett's busy schedule) at the premier of her new movie.

Also, because they are morons you can't just bid on the auction, but you have to verify yourself with the 'Seller' first. FAIL.

suckmyballfuckingspamguys.com doesn't work you motherfucking liar

Q: How long will the meet and greet last?
A: There is no set amount of time but it is estimated to be a brief visit due to Scarlett’s schedule that evening.

Has anyone been able to find this on ebay? did it go up yesterday? or does is post next Sunday? I muat admit, I am curious to see what osmeone will pay to not get laid..

Can I just bid on one of her breast's to save a little cash?

yo nigs shut the hell up

hi

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She's fugg....

She saves the pity sex for Obama...

talentless cow is so painful to watch as an actress. and those tits look WAY smaller without her Wonder Bra tricks. I wouldn't pay a shit for her.

No. Why is she a movie star, exactly? Definitely local dinner theater, if she can act, but movie star? Why?

I wanna feed apples to this cow's orifices every time I see her horse face.

trust us...
...if it goes on ebay
all those repressed business type that imagine they're owed more
will be shoing just how big they are by bidding more, cant we arrange to coolect all the bids rather than just the wiinniing one [oops]

Scarllett

I,ll date you ...and Look under Web Advisor AlSilicaniAgency
Or Billionairefriends .com AlSilicaniAgent Hollywood Beverlyhills
American Idol.com /Billboard.com /Pollstar.com/Hcdonline.com/Eonline.com/
Hollywood.com But would Jessica simpson like that.............Look under Sites First.....

Scarllett

I,ll date you ...and Look under Web Advisor AlSilicaniAgency
Or Billionairefriends .com AlSilicaniAgent Hollywood Beverlyhills
American Idol.com /Billboard.com /Pollstar.com/Hcdonline.com/Eonline.com/
Hollywood.com But would Jessica simpson like that.............Look under Sites First.....

Scarllett

I,ll date you ...and Look under Web Advisor AlSilicaniAgency
Or Billionairefriends .com AlSilicaniAgent Hollywood Beverlyhills
American Idol.com /Billboard.com /Pollstar.com/Hcdonline.com/Eonline.com/
Hollywood.com But would Jessica simpson like that.............Look under Sites First.....

Scarlett Johansson
Needs me and I want her as well in Marriage . Is Possible and whatever
Comes up is if ,she wants me more than her lover, is okay and ,I'll work it out with her .and our love .will be the best lovers in Hollywood Beverlyhills.
AlSilicaniAgent Of The Rich and The Famous.....