Feb 7 2008Paris Hilton kills at comedy
Paris Hilton received the Harvard Lampoon magazine's "Woman of the Year" award yesterday. Paris visited the prestigious school and greeted the crowd by saying "Harvard is hot!" She gave a brief speech then decided to show off her comedy chops. The AP reports:
Hilton, who arrived an hour late for the festivities, told the crowd of about 100 people who greeted her that her "Simple Life" co-star Nicole Ritchie was with her, then added: "Just kidding."
Ha! Did you see what she just did there? She said Nicole Richie was there. But then she really wasn't! ROFLMAONKOTB! *wipes tear from eye* Phew, I haven't laughed that hard in ages. But, really, tell the campus police to open fire now. Watch out for her knees though. They shoot acid.
Photos: Splash News
RELATED STORIES
Reader Comments
1. The Office Whore - February 7, 2008 12:03 PM
FIRST you stinking cunts
2. RichPort - February 7, 2008 12:04 PM
Herpes can kill? That's new.
3. my comment - February 7, 2008 12:04 PM
She's starting to look like Martha Stewart.
And that's not a good thing.
4. Doomhammer - February 7, 2008 12:05 PM
Look Mommy, there is that bird again. Why cant we shoot it?
5. M@RiVeLLe - February 7, 2008 12:05 PM
NKOTB...
6. The Office Whore - February 7, 2008 12:05 PM
1- good one fuckpot.
7. kirsten dunst - February 7, 2008 12:07 PM
now someone just needs to kill her. or at least cut that asymmetrical shit off her head. its not working for her.
8. Anal Fistula - February 7, 2008 12:07 PM
what a shame...the closest this vapid cunt should ever get to Harvard is taking the Redline from central square to porter...
9. notapc - February 7, 2008 12:08 PM
And her eye shoots out wonk. Deadly, deadly wonk.
10. Ang - February 7, 2008 12:08 PM
She would have deserved the award if it was from the Lamepoon.
11. Auntie Kryst - February 7, 2008 12:09 PM
Harvard, the University of CA Irvine of the East.
PS, not first because Whore is. Still it's true your cunts do stink.
12. whatever - February 7, 2008 12:09 PM
Now, now Paris . . . don't go putting that trophy up your .... oh dear god, that looks painful.
13. Salesman Terry - February 7, 2008 12:12 PM
Paris, you're great, girl! Beautiful, sexy, funny - you've got it all. I'd love to give you a big hug!
14. j-sin - February 7, 2008 12:12 PM
And i thought Harvard was a SMART school...
15. RichPort - February 7, 2008 12:14 PM
#8 - Isn't "Red Line" technically two words? I only mention this because you're generally a nitpicking prick. Good job on getting the rest of the T stations correct. Other than that reasonably funny. You get one finger up.
16. Perry - February 7, 2008 12:15 PM
OK.. who is the guy in the background with the with gold mask on? You can see him in a couple of the pictures where she's holding the cup.
Afraid to admit he was there?
17. Bob from Accounting - February 7, 2008 12:15 PM
As you may have heard expenses were WAY up this last quarter and it is everyone’s fault. We don’t have a choice but to tighten our belts until we can turn this ship around. Our biggest problem is with long distance charges. Effective IMMEDIATELY each employee will be issued a personnel code to input prior to making calls. The code is simply your 9 digit employee number reversed. After that you will be prompted to input the 5 digit client number. Any personal calls need to be recorded on the attached worksheet along with a brief comment about the nature of the call. Email the worksheet back to accounting. This all may sound severe, and I don’t want to be “the jerk” but we have to bring these costs into line. Thanks.
18. Josh - February 7, 2008 12:17 PM
Some one out there please tell me what
ROFLMAONKOTB
means.
Please. It will bother me all day.
19. Tapeworm - February 7, 2008 12:20 PM
HOLY SHIT. She has become her mother. Look at the pics, it's the same fucking person.
That bird nose, those beady eyes (Paris out-wonks Mommy however), that round face, Paris is a fucking 25 year old soccer mom.
Hilarious.
20. Holy Moses - February 7, 2008 12:20 PM
#18 - ROFLMAO + NKOTB
21. D. Richards (Grip.) - February 7, 2008 12:21 PM
Do you see that?! Paris has become a walking, talking parody of herself. She is the joke.
Genius.
22. Proud Mom - February 7, 2008 12:24 PM
I DON'T GET IT. PARIS HAS NO TALENT AND PLAYS DAY AND NIGHT AND GETS AN AWARD FOR BEING BORN WITH A SILVER SPOON IN HER MOUTH. SHE is A HORRIBLE ROLE MODEL. MY INDEPENDENT 11 YEAR OLD THINKS SHE IS AN EMBARASSMENT TO HER FAMILY.
23. Wino - February 7, 2008 12:29 PM
I get it. I get a lot of it.
24. lipper - February 7, 2008 12:33 PM
Ok, a whopping 100 people showed up? Isn't that a bit embarrassing especially since they were all paid 5 bucks to show up.
I mean, aren't they just cracking on her and she's not getting the "real" joke?
25. daveq - February 7, 2008 12:34 PM
This explains how dimwitted Natalie Herschlag - better known as Portman - got into Harvard.
26. Gerald_Tarrant - February 7, 2008 12:37 PM
Damn, I was hoping this headline was wrong and it was supposed to say "Paris Hilton Killed at Comedy Club"
Oh well, I guess I'll just have to keep cutting heads off of chickens.
27. secybirch - February 7, 2008 12:38 PM
This bitch is uglier every day. And wtf #17?????
28. Don - February 7, 2008 12:42 PM
those Harvard guys are so zany.
29. FRIST!!! - February 7, 2008 12:45 PM
Then what is nkotb??
30. LadyJane - February 7, 2008 12:48 PM
I would give my left labial lip for a chance to kick this cunt in the wonk eye.
31. lillisa - February 7, 2008 12:50 PM
she actually looks pretty good here. her skin is flawless.... wow
32. FRIST!!! - February 7, 2008 12:53 PM
#30, I would not. That one is my favorite..
33. Chunks - February 7, 2008 12:56 PM
haha ha NKOTB.... New Kids on the Block, let's rock!
34. Snarf - February 7, 2008 12:56 PM
Wow, and Harvard is supposed to be an Ivy League School? I don't know what this award is for, but I hope It isn't for anything positive.
35. kathy - February 7, 2008 12:57 PM
# 29 nkotb = new kids on the block
and yes, i am ashamed that i know that.
36. duh der doye - February 7, 2008 12:57 PM
The Lampoon's award is satirical, fools. At Harvard, the Hasty Pudding Club (how gay is that) is the major theatrical student association and gives out a seriously-intended annual award (this year its woman of the year is Charlize Theron). There's a long tradition of people being good sports and showing up to accept the Lampoon's award. Quite possibly Paris was 100% ignorant of that, and thought it was some type of actual honor, which must have made it extra fun this year for the dweebs, good for several "mirthful glances."
37. Auntie Kryst - February 7, 2008 12:57 PM
@29 I'm with Frist, what does it mean? Now Kindly Open The Bottle? I'm sort of hoping that's it.
38. sidv - February 7, 2008 12:58 PM
They should have crossed out "LAM" and left "POON" to make Paris feel welcome.
39. Auntie Kryst - February 7, 2008 1:00 PM
Nevermind I see now. I still like mine better.
40. sam - February 7, 2008 1:05 PM
#36 -
The Hasty Pudding Club gave the "seriously-intended annual award " to Halle Berry in 2006. I'm assuming Jessica Alba wasn't available.
41. Auto-Erotic-Asphixiation - February 7, 2008 1:08 PM
@3 She's starting to look like Martha Stewart
Phew !! I thought it was just ME
Ugly little skank ani't she ... far from ~hawt~
42. duh der doye - February 7, 2008 1:13 PM
#40 - true. She had won a Oscar for Best Actress by then. You point was...?
43. FCS - February 7, 2008 1:21 PM
The article failed to mention that the 100 people who showed up were promptly explelled from Harvard and escorted off the grounds by security.
44. Fuckzilla - February 7, 2008 1:22 PM
The article failed to mention that the 100 people who showed up were promptly explelled from Harvard and escorted off the grounds by security.
45. Famous Plastic - February 7, 2008 1:30 PM
Paris Hilton + Women of the Year = 7th sign of the apocalypse.
RUN!!!!
46. jason - February 7, 2008 1:40 PM
try the site SugarMommaMatch.c..... more exciting than this. i am sure you will love it.
your dream can come true here.
47. digdug - February 7, 2008 2:00 PM
I wonder if they hit her up for a donation....they only have 26 BILLION dollars in endowments...yes...BILLION.....
48. mvs - February 7, 2008 2:49 PM
First she said "You guys are so hot" and then added "Harvard's hot." See how much funnier it is when you hear the whole joke. And totally worth waiting in the cold rain because Paris was an hour late.
#36 - We understand that she's not getting an honorary degree from Harvard, but if you can stop playing with your Catwoman action figure and consider the past Lampoon honorees, I think you'll agree that she doesn't belong there.
49. Melanie Endsley - February 7, 2008 3:36 PM
With each passing day, Paris Hilton is beginning to look more and more like Martha Stewart. Wouldn't you agree?
50. Melanie Endsley - February 7, 2008 3:36 PM
With each passing day, Paris Hilton is beginning to look more and more like Martha Stewart. Wouldn't you agree?
51. Melanie Endsley - February 7, 2008 3:37 PM
With each passing day, Paris Hilton is beginning to look more and more like Martha Stewart. Wouldn't you agree?
52. duh der doye - February 7, 2008 3:56 PM
#48 - actually I was playing with my Mr. T action figure (he's a previous Man of the Year award winner).
53. Kat - February 7, 2008 3:59 PM
Maybe they were trying to be ironic? I don't know much about Harvard University's traditions and student organizations, but my guess is that most of its student populations holds her in at least mild contempt. They're not brain dead, after all. I think I know a crack whore on the corner that deserves an award more than Paris. What? Shantay is a funny bitch. Keeps on trying to skin my cat. Good times.
54. Alex - February 7, 2008 4:05 PM
I wonder what's harder for Paris to cope with emotionally: The fact that she will never be able to accomplish anything in her life that will not be mercilessly ridiculed, or the fact that all of the merciless ridicule will be deserved.
55. Violet - February 7, 2008 5:45 PM
What I don't understand is how someone managed to establish "that's hot" as their signature catch phrase.
56. elena perng - February 7, 2008 5:46 PM
i have that coat she's wearing. it is from h&m - no joke.
57. Sauron - February 7, 2008 6:33 PM
This Harvard Lampoon magazine looks like a colouring-book for kids to me.What makes it pretty obvious that Paris Hilton got the award...Just kidding.
58. lidiya - February 7, 2008 6:48 PM
no need to fellate the microphone, paris; the awarders are already aware of where your principal talent lies.
59. Violet - February 7, 2008 7:55 PM
"the awarders are already aware of where your principal talent lies."
You've apparently never seen the Paris Hilton sex tape.
60. theIguana - February 7, 2008 10:10 PM
HA ! The last 3 shots of Paris holding up the magazine are comedic genius! We all know Paris can't read.
61. Jayla - February 7, 2008 10:51 PM
LOL...
62. Plobes - February 7, 2008 11:59 PM
National Lampoon, responsible for Vacation, Van Wilder, Animal House, etc. is basically an extension of Harvard Lampoon
it is a satiric organization. giving her this award is ridiculing her.
its like winning a razzie
but she's too dumb to know that and thinks its an honor
63. KDOLLARSIGN - February 8, 2008 12:14 AM
paris, you are so beautiful. you don't understand, but you are trying to. someday, you'll be funny.
64. beks - February 8, 2008 5:21 AM
Is it me or does she look like a young Martha Stewart lol!
65. HughJorgan - February 8, 2008 8:36 AM
#56 your kidding right?
66. BeaverLuver - February 8, 2008 8:38 AM
If they ever make a live action sesame street I know who's playing big bird...
67. Cleo - February 8, 2008 11:12 PM
Paris Hilton has no talent besides repeating the same word "thats hot" because she knows she's another skinny ass white rich bitch who hasnt got anything..lol
68. PauvreLola - February 12, 2008 12:08 AM
The Harvard Lampoon is a satirical publication, so for all you idiots who can't put two and two together they are MOCKING her. She's probably too dumb to realize that though.
I'm disappointed at the fact that the MIT mad scientists didn't build a Paris Hilton destroying robot for the occasion. Oh man that would have been a fantastic hack. Come on guys, step it up!