Feb 11 2008Paris Hilton is box office poison

Long neck and all, I would still eat her pooh.

Paris Hilton is poison PEROID

i hope the baby had an STD test immediately after.... cute kid.

Thta's a tasty bruise on her arm.

WHORE.

Isn't it obvious by now? You will never defeat Paris. She has no talent, never has, doesn't matter. She can't be stopped. Say whatever you want, it makes no difference. Paris will always win.

Apple pie? Check.
Baseball? Check.
Hot dogs? Check in her vagina.
Paris Hilton? Yes.
Paris Hilton holding a stranger's baby and no one thinking they ought to intervene? Check your head.
Paydirt. We're in America.

*wonk*wonk*

Not only is Paris box office poison, but she's also poison for my libido! She's like some fart flavored mushroom.

Paris is so horrid looking. Like Medusa! Except the only part of me that's not becoming stiff, is my cock.

Most people are envious of her money! She was a lost soul for a little while, and is now doing some good. Plus she's hot! Good for her... and good for her for not giving a crap if anyone went to her movie. She'll grow up eventually, and I hope she stays sexy!

That's still over 3100 people who not only showed up for this, but also paid 8 bucks for it. Although to be fair: I paid around the same price for the movies Troy and Be Cool. When we realized that Brad Pitt and Orlando Bloom weren't going to be enough to make that movie any more bareble, we pretty much got shitfaced during the break, and to this day I could not tell you what the rest of the movie looked like. With Be Cool we decided on pre-emptive booz and brought our funflasks. I can't remember anything from 20 minutes into the movie. I hope the couple in front of us weren't on their first date, because nobody in that theater was getting laid after that little fiasco...

I think she still beat out Jessica Simpson's "Major Movie Star", which opened in a handful of theaters only in Texas.

There's SOME hope for humanity.

Why does this bitch still exist? Doesn't God need to smite people this disingenuous?

I'm certified to medically punch faces. It's good work if you can find it.

The only give movie she's been in is the one where she sucks and strokes that guy to eruption. Nice work.

i forgot to add: i would totally buy those shoes.

i forgot to add: i would totally buy those shoes.

And by 'God' I mean anyone with an icepick or chainsaw; and by 'smite' I mean bludgeoning her face with previously stated objects.

paris hilton footwear??????????????????????????????????

Let me guess, they only come in size 14

I think the headline should be "Paris Hilton's Vagina is Man-meat poison". Of course her toxic vag isn't a story, but the fact that she can't carry a movie isn't one either.

Her feet - good gawd man, don't look at her feet.

I'm blind.

@9 She is trying to do some good huh? What exactly would that be? Was it the time she was pitching a new reality show under the pretense of helping out Rwandans? Perhaps it was when she wanted to drum up sales for her champagne in a can under the pretense that some of the sales would be used to bring icebergs to drought regions? Fucking whore, she's no lost soul, she has no soul to lose.

What parent would let Paris Hilton hold their child, that little girl would be safer in lion's den, with a baby bottle filled with turpentine and a blanky made of broken glass and thumb tacs.

Poor little thing she'll be in intensive care soon, I hear Paris's mutant STD's are almost always lethal to anything that weighs less than 20 pounds ( Nicole Richie barely escaped death, that extra 3 pounds saved her life). Why do you think Paris always shows up to events with a brand new dog? Those poor little critters die within minutes of being exposed to her Hepiesimplex10trillion.

Paris said on Ellen recently that she has like 30 dogs or some shit but, she failed to mention they are all buried in the back yard.

"Fluffy princess head”
RIP
Wednesday march 8 2007 4pm - wednesday March 8 2007 4:32pm

That's basically the gist of all the doggie tombstones in Paris' backyard.

good news the little girl made a full recovery. Medics flew in a saintly beautiful virgin (no one famous obviously) to hold the child and thankfully it counteracted Hilton’s Huar cooties and the little baby pulled through.

LESSON: Never let anything you care about near a Hilton. Boys, that means your penises.

What will this prostitute do when she's old?

Keep the comments short, losers. At this point, there's nothing new in any of these Paris (or Britney) rants. You're just clogging up the page, like the toilet after your girlfriend is done with it.

#24 My girlfriend can definitely shit some bricks.

i am the queen of all poo...i want those pink shoes though.

At first I thought the caption read "Paris Hilton Fed Box Poison". I got so excited I almost jizzed all over my monitor. Damned scratched up glasses.

In that first picture her big round head and huge neck make her look like the main alien from Close Encounters of the 3rd Kind.

It's a weird topic, but...I once dated this girl, great personality, great body/ok-face, pretty much as far out of my league as I could realistically shoot for. Everything's going great. After a few months, we decide to take a trip, we stay in a hotel and...oh my fucking good god. My angel of a girlfriend has shits that smell like they come from the devil. Every single fucking time. She must have been holding it in all those weeks, taking a dump only when I left her apartment or vice versa, or maybe stowing some satan-steamer in a public restroom when we were out. But in the hotel, with lots of time and no other options...the worst part was not saying anything AND trying to get romantic, while the stench clinging to the room made me feel like I was kissing a colon. Long story short, I took a lot of "sexy pictures" of her during the trip (she loved it) then broke up with her when we got home.

Wow, this comment's so long it's actually peeking out of the thread...

all i can say is ... ouch.

When are you guys going to stop running articles on Hilton? Every time you do, it gives her the attention she needs, and puts money in her pocket. So ..what's up here?

@15: I would buy those shoes to escape flood waters

She has that bruise mark because she elbowed the mother to get that kid. After hold it it a bit, she thought to herself, "yeah I think this is just enough stem cells." Unknown to the rest of the world, Paris is planning to look that way... forever.

the kid doesn't look too thrilled to be held by paris.

if by "box office" you mean "penis", then yes.

Her neck & head remind me of a lollipop. skinny little chicken neck with this big round ball bouncing around on top.

hot and famous! people that hate her are jealous.
she'll be forever lusted after. and she'll be even bigger than monroe and anna nicole after death! go paris!!

35. you should try smoking your name. At least you'd be high and a loser..... instead of just a loser.

what happened to the "Jamie Lynn spotted out of captivity" story? My system locked up & then when I refreshed it was gone. Did you pull the plug on it or is it me?

@35 Yes Paris, please die so you can be more famous than Monroe and Anna..

@36 I could not agree more..

#35 - I say you test that little theory... if you can get the restraining order lifted.

That shoe is so shiny it looks like Paris just pulled it out of her twat. She's like a keebler. Only with shoes.

the people that actually went to see the movie either just wanted to see how bad it was going to be or got it confused with another movie. Or maybe they were just REALLY bored over the weekend. I am surprised it didn't do worse.

BUT-at least her shoes look like real shoes, unlike those *shoes* from the giselle bundchen-shoe-line

#29. Thank you for sharing that story. Now you've helped many people understand why they got dumped. Now I have a question for you. What if you dated a girl and she had the face of an angel, gorgeous long hair, perfect skin, lovely lean body, toned stomach, long legs really nice ass BUT very small boobs cute but realy small and nothing to write home about.

My sister is the definition of this and she got dumped a few times in her life and it seemed very "oput of the blue". Lets assume her shits smell like perfume (actualy they do) and she's nice, generous and not annoying could it be that once the bra came off it was a big enough disappoinment for her to get dumped. She is convinced of this. I figure what can it hurt to ask the superficial crowd to answer. Really I have no idea but, I'm thinking she may be right.

Anyone can answer this. Any thoughts or simmilar experiences?

Until they make the big bird biopic her acting career is going nowhere.

#43 does she suck cock? Cause if she doesn't thats a definite deal breaker.

#45. I said she was generous, and she get attention wherever she goes. Practically gets asked out once a day. She 's that kind of everybody wants her gorgeous but, her small boobs are her achilles heel, in her opinion. I think why the fuck should it matter but I'm not a guy.

Now quit it with the cocksucking questions and give me a real answer boys. Small boobs on a VERY generous godess does it really matter? Could it be a deal breaker? Oh she wears a padded bra, so maybe the false advertsing thing?

What Hollywood needs is a revival of the Classics. Since we just lost Roy Scheider (a good actor), perhaps we can remake Jaws?

We'll have Tom Hanks play Sheriff Brody
We'll have Dennis O'Leary play Quint
Zach Branff can play Hooper
Paris Hilton can play victim #1
Lynne Spears can play victim #2
Lindsay Lohan, victim #3
Britney Spears, victim #4

And I know a way to save a TON of money on special effects...

#46, look at Kate Hudson, she has no problems getting dates, and she is flatter than bologna!!

At least the shoes are cute.

#48. I know you are right there, I mean ugly nose buddy practically killed himself over her. BUT Hudson never hid her small boobs and plus you're a girl so I expect you to have a level headed opinion. Anyway I was just curious what the uncensored opinion was. I mean buddy told us he dumped his girl cause she had smelly shits, I have always suspected this was the case with dumping people, it's over somewhat small superficial things. Lame as it may be I married my highschool boyfriend so I don't really have a clue.

Fine, boobs-symbol chick, I'll tell you: tell your sister to ditch the padded bra, make it clear that she's flat, keep that ass as close to perfection as possible, and be very uninhibited in bed. She'll get lots of guys, but they'll be real men who like to FUCK. They won't be the guys who are stuck in the 1950s and/or have mommy complexes, who want to sit and stare at big boobs. It's a market transaction, really: here are my big boobs to look at and play with, and...I'm not gonna do a whole lot of that sex stuff with you. Lacking those baubles, your sister has to play ball, figuratively and literally. But she doesn't want those breast-fixated grown-up baby-boys anyway, not unless she's afraid of sex like they are.

Gotta agree with #51. And once you have her ready to go tell her to call me.

I hope that baby shat in her lap.

News flash. She doesn't have that much money relatively speaking. Yeah enough to be jealous of if you have none but she mostly mooches off of everyone wherever she goes and tries to get everything for free. I read that her GROSS income last year was supposedly 7 mil. Since she her publicist put it out there, you can bet it was less. Ever see her photographed with anyone with REAL money? Does she have a yacht? Her own jet? Multiple homes? No, no and no. In fact, she had to sell the one she had supposedly because of the paps. Right. Like she ever minded that? Everyone knows she couldn't afford it. Could you imagine HER first row at Valentino or Balenciaga? They know who's got the money and who doesn't. They would never risk having her anywhere NEAR them. Her mother when she was engaged (read big publicity stunt) to Paris Latsis said she was going to have Valentino design her gown. Someone asked him about it and he very publically snubbed her by sniffing and saying "the Hilton's, they have nothing." He's too busy taking care of clients with REAL money, like the wedding gown of a certain shipping magnate's grandaughter. You can be SURE she's not invited to those sort of events if she can't even get IN to Louis Vuitton's show in Paris (yes, it's true, she couldn't so she's just stopped going to Paris Fashion Week because she knows she won't get in to any show that matters). She's truly a parasite and it's very amusing watching her grow old in her delusional world. I'm particularly looking forward to about five years on when her face is as stretched thin as one of those little dogs she carries and she's blathering on about how empowered she now feels blah blah blah. But money? Nope. As soon as she can't mooch anymore, she will just be another trust fund baby and believe me they're a dime a dozen.

#51. Good feedback. Alright. That's sort of what I thought. Really she's an awesome chick, crazy hot, really funny and YES very "giving" and "open" (she's dated girls butt she's no slut, she's my sis so I can't really say more) also she's very into staying in perfect shape (plus our fam has good genes, Mom's in perfect shape, a la Heather Locklear). She won't change she'll always take care of herself and having fun in bed has it's own rewards, those lazy biitches don't know what they are missing. Anyway she has a bilnd date and I was thinking she should ditch the padded bra too. Maybe it's a good thing when you're as hot as she is to be flat that way she can keep the little douche manboy babies at bay and get someone who isn't going to treat her like a posable doll. Most of her boyfriends just liked showing her off and always said "if only you had big boobs you'd be perfect'. Fuck 'em they weren't half as hot as she is, apparently beggars can be choosers.

so did this movie do worse than jessica simpson's last one? i would think those two would be about neck and neck...

She can't expect people to like her when all she's famous for is only for being lucky enough to be born the heiress of a huge fortune thanks to her grandparent's hotels, and then she pretends and attempts to be:

- An actress (in some movies/TV shows)
- A porn star (her sex tape)
- A singer (her album or albums)
- A model (all her modeling jobs)
- A shoe and fragrance designer (her shoes and fragrances)

She has no talent to be any of those, and it pisses people off that just because she was born the heiress of a big fortune she thinks she can do any of that just for the heck of it, especially when there's really talented people outta there who have to work their butts off to get the smallest thing.

pardon my spelling.

Here's the thing. She's NOT the heiress of a huge fortune! Yes she's gonna inherit a chunk of change but in the world she's trying to make a place in it's nothing. Why do you think the Greeks wanted absolutely NOTHING to do with her? Not just because she's a whore but ALSO because they have real money, the kind of money that gets you apartments on the Ile de France or Valentino designed wedding dresses. THAT she doesn't have and never will have. There are plenty of trust fund babies driving around Palm Beach who are richer than her but they don't whore themselves out. Paris will whore herself out anyway anyhow for freebies, vip attention, etc. And everyone knows she does. She lives like Ted Kennedy, never pays for anything. Funny thing tho. She's not a Kennedy, she's just a dumb whore with a fat trust fund which isn't even as fat a helluva lot of people. And people with real money treat her like a disease. Again case in point. Where's Paris during Paris Fashion Week? hahaha! Like I said, can you just SEE for instance JPG putting her in the front row of the Hermes show? She's trash and in THAT world she's nothing. And she's getting ooooollllld. hahaha! Then she will be even more nothing. Doesn't she just look so happy to be getting older? Love her wrinkled neck, don't you?

ha ha that was great!

I've always thought that 'bad' girls can turn out becoming a great mother.Imagine how Paris Hilton would be as a mother.Maybe almost as great as her candy-like shoes.

#58: hey, quit talking about your "sister". we all know it's YOU you're referring to all the time. so you got miserable As. big deal. put in silicones or get over your generous goddess-like self.

#62. Thems the jealous words of a fattie and or ugly.

#63=#58:
and u still got small As.

Let's see Paris in ANY row at a top show during Paris fashion week. If she had real money, if she was anyone, she would be there. She's not. Why? Well she literally IS a whore. She whores herself out (including in the traditional way) for press, freebies, etc. and everyone knows it. What serious person who deals with people with real money is going to insult them with her presence. She's been snubbed in a very public way and there is no going back. Sometimes someone who is just another trust fund baby CAN make into that world but she's never going to. God her birthday pics. What a pathetic, beat whore.

Hiltons new shoe line...???

I hear they are all the rave amongst the NBA drag queeens...!!!

She even has a pair that will fit Shaq...oh sorry...those ARE Paris' shoes...!

I'm actually surprised that anyone thought that people would want to see this mess

#29 & #43

you people.... are sick

you just said your sisters tits were cute and that she had a really nice ass

are you from the south?

love her. She is so gorgeous. I have seen her photo on a celebrity and millionaire dating site named searchingmillionaire.com. Many men winked at her there.

Wow. Laquered cork wedges with pink patent. Way to combine three, like, three totally yesterday trends. Truly inspiring, Paris. Where do you get your ideas?

Them be some F-ing hideous shoes. Funny write ups lately.